Today had been a very boring day.

Nothing productive had happened at all, everything non-productive hadn’t been entertaining enough, and no stuff had exploded.

That was all Sam could think about as he wandered home. He was wandering because his mind was wandering onto subjects of great stupidity and whatnot. So he wasn’t actually thinking of just how boring today had been, he was actually thinking of stupid stuff too.

As he wandered along the street, he noticed that his clothes, hair and pretty much everything else were suddenly getting wet. Soaked, in fact. As he took one earphone out of his ear, a loud boom of thunder suddenly rumbled, making him jump and yelp in fear.

Thunder was scary.

And with thunder came lightning, which was even scarier because lightning could zap you to death faster than you could say something witty about it.

Deciding that it would be a better idea to put his earphone back in and blare music as loud as possible, he did exactly that. Deafness could be worried about later. Right now, thunder and lightning were more worrying than becoming deaf because they were scarier than a giant spider with a shotgun, and that was super scary.

He shuddered thinking about all of them. While a giant spider carrying a shotgun would be terrifying and possibly murderous in many different ways, thunder and lightning had killed so many people for definite before, and that meant it must be more dangerous.

He’d never even heard of someone getting murdered by a giant spider with a shotgun.

He picked up the pace a little, zipping up his jacket to keep himself warm. Home wasn’t too far away now, so he would be there in five minutes tops. Why hadn’t he just called his parents and asked them to pick him up from town?

A flash of bright pink lightning in the distance made him squeal and cover his head with his hands. He started to run home, a very dangerous thing to do on slippery surfaces, which the floor was right now. Some risks had to be taken for the greater good though.

Wait… Bright pink lightning? That couldn’t be right.

While it had the potential to be pink at certain times, the right circumstances were not met for it to be pink right now. He had googled it one time to learn more about his phobia of it.

Pushing that thought of strange and probably mystical lightning to the back of his mind, he hurried on. Home was safety and safety was absolutely required right now.

But that risk he had taken proved to be a wrong choice to make.

He slipped up on a slippery drain cover and fell to the ground, landing with a splash in the puddle that hid the drain cover.

As he groaned from the pain in his back, he suddenly became aware of a strange scent in the air. It smelled like chocolate ice cream for some reason, but there was no ice cream anywhere nearby! What could it mean?

Then there was a blinding flash of bright pink and he felt a sudden electric shock all through his body.

Then everything went black and he went numb.

What the heck just happened?

-=-=-=-=-

Twilight Sparkle was not a happy bunny.

Mainly because she wasn’t a bunny, but that was beside the point.

“My dear Twilight,” Spike said, repeating what he had said earlier for some reason. “There is more to a young pony’s life than studying! So I’m sending you to supervise the preparations for the Summer Sun Celebration in this year’s location: Ponyville! And I have an even more important task for you to complete: make some friends!”

She sighed and looked down dejectedly. Spike didn’t seem fazed at all. He seemed like he was having fun torturing her with that stupid letter he had read to her earlier.

Honestly, who wants to make friends when the fate of all Equestria is at risk?

“Look on the bright side, Twilight!” Spike continued happily. “The princess arranged for you to stay in a library! Doesn’t that make you happy?”

“Yes,” said Twilight, standing up straight in the chariot that had no back. Seriously, that was a major health risk in a flying chariot. Who the heck designed these things? “Yes, it does. You know why?” she asked smugly. “Because I’m right! I’ll check on the preparations as fast as I can, then get to the library to find some proof of Nightmare Moon’s return.”

Spike looked like he was about to say something, but before he could, the chariot was struck by bright pink lightning. That wasn’t really surprising, considering that it was made of metal and the guards were wearing metal too.

But there wasn’t even a raincloud in the sky so where did it come from?

As she was wondering where the heck that bolt of lightning came from and why it was pink, Twilight was suddenly hit in the face by a corpse of something she’d never even seen before. It was kinda like a minotaur but with a flatter face and less horns. And it had no fur, so it looked like an ugly, hairless monkey. Why she picked monkey to describe it, she had no idea.

Wait, why was she thinking about this when she had been knocked off the chariot and was falling to her death?

Screaming seemed like a better option.

So she screamed very loudly.

Luckily, the guards pulling the chariot were trained for this kind of thing and one of them caught her before she turned into a purple pancake on the ground while the other one used his muscles of steel to keep the chariot moving.

“Sorry about that, miss,” said the guard, flapping down to the ground. “We should’ve taken evasive manoeuvres to avoid that dead thing falling out of the sky.”

“You bet your butt you should have!” Twilight shouted at him. “I nearly died! Aren’t you guys supposed to be trained to avoid debris hurled at you?”

“Yeah, we did something to do with that at one point,” he said simply, nodding in agreement. “We were just recovering from that lightning strike and the mysterious, dark feeling it brought with it.”

Oh, so that’s what that feeling was.

“Who even drops a corpse on moving transport?” she asked. “Does Ponyville have its own criminal organisation or something?”

“I don’t think so.”

“Did you see where that corpse landed anyway? I need to study it for science because I’ve never even seen one of those things in Equestria before. Maybe I’ll get to dissect it before it decomposes completely.”

“You’re a sick, twisted individual, miss,” the guard said bluntly before turning to lead the way to something. “Follow me though. I know where it is.”

Maybe something good was going to come out of this trip after all!

Nah, something would’ve come out of it anyway. She was going to find proof of Nightmare Moon’s return to give to Princess Celestia!

She followed the guard to where he’d seen that corpse land excitedly. Dissecting stuff was exciting! Especially a new species! She liked dissecting stuff. Last time, she’d dissected a dead rat and that was no fun at all, but she had a good feeling about this one!

“There’s your corpse, you monster,” said the guard, pointing at a heap of clothes on the floor in front of them. “Would you like help carrying it to your evil lab?”

“Yes please, sir,” she replied with a smug nod. “And make sure you don’t damage it at all! I want it in as good condition as I can get!”

“I’ll need to go get my guard buddy and the chariot so we can lift it because I can’t lift stuff on my own apparently.”

“Ugh, fine! Go get your buddy and your health hazard!” She looked down at the corpse. “I guess I’ll be fine waiting for you with this dead thing. It’s not like there’s anything here that could hurt me.”

“Try not to die then. It’s bad for our record and reputation.”

The guard turned and marched away from Twilight, leaving her alone with the corpse of the thing that no one had ever seen before ever. This was like a whole new level of discovery! Yeah, rocks and trees being discovered for the first time was cool and all, but this was an actual species discovery! It was like going to the cupboard for some peanut butter and finding out you still had some ice cream left!

Although you’d have to be a diabolical menace to put ice cream in a cupboard instead of a freezer but that wasn’t the point!

She looked down at the corpse and rolled it over to see what it looked like. Surprisingly, it hadn’t suffered much damage at all from falling that far. Maybe this race was immune to fall damage!

What other things about this thing could she figure out? Well, for starters, they seemed to be carnivorous judging by all the really really sharp teeth she could see through the hole in its face that looked like it shouldn’t be there if the charred area around it was anything to go by. That could be a problem if this species decided to invade all Equestria one day; there was only a finite amount of meat products in Equestria that wasn’t actual ponies.

The other races of Equestria too, but mainly ponies.

Hold on, why was that corpse moving now? That shouldn’t be happening. It was supposed to be dead. Dead stuff couldn’t move! Then why was it blinking? Deciding that this was a matter that needed to be addressed, Twilight started speaking to it.

“Uh… hello?” she greeted, looking down at its face. Maybe it wasn’t really dead at all and it was just a cunning ruse. “Are you alive? You seem like you’re alive.”

“Ow,” said the ‘corpse’. It looked up at Twilight. “Oh, hi Twilight. Am I dead? I feel as if I should be dead. Is this the afterlife?”

Curses! It was alive! Now Twilight couldn’t legally dissect it without paying oodles of cash to a hospital to use their operating room and surgical equipment! She wasn’t even sure that was legal!

“It seems to me that you are alive, mysterious thing,” she replied dejectedly, frowning at the denial of a real treat. “Let me just check your pulse to make sure. You guys have a pulse when you’re alive, right?”

“Last I checked, we did.”

Twilight leaned down to put a hoof against its neck to check for a pulse. After a minute of absolutely no pulse whatsoever, she frowned and moved over to put an ear to its chest. Before she did, she looked up at it to ask another question.

“You guys have hearts in your chest, right?” she asked.

“Of course we do. What happened to your wings?”

Maybe it was delirious.

She listened to where its heart was for a minute, but there was still no sound of a pulse. Had it been lying just to make her look stupid? Because she wasn’t stupid! She was super smart according to Princess Celestia and Princess Celestia never lied about stuff!

Well, that’s what Princess Celestia always said anyway.

“I’m hungry,” said the not-dead thing. “Can I have some ice cream? I feel like ice cream right now.”

“How can you feel like ice cream?” Twilight asked. “You don’t even know what it feels like to be ice cream! Wait, can your kind turn into ice cream?” Another ingenious plan came to her. “Can you do that now? I haven’t had ice cream in a while.”

“I meant I feel like having some ice cream, you stupid.” It sat up and rubbed its face. When it got to that teeth hole with scorch marks around it, it stopped and frowned. “When did that get there?” It poked its teeth through the hole. “Whoa, when did my teeth turn into sharp things?!”

“I assumed they were always sharp. Weren’t they always sharp? Oh yeah, please don’t eat me.”

“Why not? If I wanna eat someone, I can eat ‘em. I don’t know why that would even be a good idea, I just felt like making that statement.”

“Well I read somewhere that if stuff comes back to life then it could be a flesh devouring zombie or something. You’re not one of those, are you?”

“I don’t know. I feel like I should be dead and I am kinda getting hungrier now.” He licked his lips, not an easy feat to do with those sharp teeth. “Actually, I might be. Don’t shoot me in the head please. I kinda like being alive. Or, you know, undead.”

That guard was taking his time, Twilight noticed. Maybe he was in on this and it was all some kind of prank to make her look less super smart. She gave the potential zombie a cold and accusing glare.

“Is this a prank to make me look stupid?” she asked. It was a serious thing, being stupid. If you were stupid, you couldn’t be a genius. “I really hope it’s not. If it is, tell me now and I promise I won’t get mad.”

“I wasn’t aware of any pranks.” It looked like it was getting a little closer to her. “You know, you look really nice for some reason.”

Oh dear, it was flirting with her.

“I’ve never even met you before,” she said. “Who are you anyway?”

“Hi, I’m Sam.” It offered her a limb that she assumed was supposed to be a hand. “Nice to meet you.”

“Well, Sam, I’d really like it if you didn’t flirt with me. I’m not comfortable being flirted with by a thing I never even knew existed. What are you exactly?”

“Oh, that wasn’t me flirting. You really do look nice for some reason. I just meant nice to eat.” Sam nodded at her to confirm her suspicions. “As to what I am, I think I might be a zombie.”

She realised the zombie had grabbed her leg a while ago, so she couldn’t run away. It was all that guard’s fault. He left her on her own with a corpse, for crying out loud! Who does that?

“Yeah, I’m gonna eat you now. Sorry.”

And then he ate her.

Author's Note

This is badly written on purpose. Do not look at this story and think that I’m going to be even trying to write it seriously.
Proofread by me. Expect mistakes and stuff.
Cover art drawn by me. Yes, I know that's bad too.