Sam was learning loads of new stuff today!

Firstly, he learned that zombies apparently had a super weird digestive system so he could eat as much as he wanted and not get fat in any way or even need to get rid of waste! Secondly, unicorns tasted like skittles and blueberry muffins and that was a taste that made him sick if he had too much of it. Thirdly, some men just want to watch the world burn, but that was another matter entirely.

He looked down at the remains of Twilight Sparkle. Her lower half and some of her upper half, except the bones, were completely gone. She’d tried running away but he’d just caught her and started eating her lower end first. She’d been yelling for help, of course, but no one really cared apparently. Something must have made her dead too, because she stopped screaming after like two minutes.

Maybe it was the zombie virus infecting her like it does in those movies and stuff…

“Are you gonna be a zombie now too?” he asked her. She didn’t even look at him. How rude. “Fine, be that way. Not my fault I ate you.” Yes, it was. “Wait. Yes, it is. Sorry about that.”

“Okay I’m back with my guard buddy so we can take your dead thing to your evil lair,” said someone behind Sam. He turned to see that there was a pair of guards pulling a golden chariot along behind them. “Oh, it’s not dead after all. Do you still wanna dissect it for cruel misdoings?”

“She’s not talking to people anymore,” Sam explained, turning to face them properly. “I ate her.” He waved at them. “Hi. I’m a zombie apparently.”

“I told her to try not to die…” one guard muttered angrily. “I specifically told her. Does no one listen to me anymore?”

“That’s not important right now,” said the other guard. “Do we have to make the undead real-dead now?”

“Nah, I prefer being not dead,” Sam said. “I mean, being alive was cool and undead kinda sucks, but I don’t wanna be dead for real.”

“So what the heck do we do now?” asked guard number one. “I mean, yeah, we kinda are supposed to kill the undead, but this one seems nice. What do we do, guard buddy?”

“Hold on, are you gonna try eating us?” asked guard number two. “We’d really prefer it if you didn’t do that.”

“Nah, I’m kinda full,” said Sam, shaking his head. “Oh hey, what happened to Twilight’s wings? Is she not a princess anymore?”

“She hasn’t been a princess ever. Why’d you ask?”

“Because, where I’m from, she’s a princess. Maybe this is some kind of alternate dimension…”

“Oh yeah! What are we supposed to do about the Summer Sun Celebration?” guard number two asked conveniently. “That was the supervisor that just got eaten and we’re late already!”

Wow, that sure made things make sense more.

“I must have travelled back in time!” Sam exclaimed in realisation. “Has Nightmare Moon returned to plunge Equestria into eternal night yet?”

“No, not yet. That crazy pony we were transporting was ranting something about that before we said she had to be quiet or we would have to put her in jail for something though.”

Oh no! That must mean that Sam had just eaten Equestria’s last hope of no eternal night! What was Equestria going to do now?

Well, the other ones were still alive, so there was that. Maybe they’d… do something. And he’d just eaten half of the element of magic, so maybe he was half of the element of magic now! He would just have to make friends with the other five and save Equestria!

“I know what I need to do now!” he yelled, standing in a heroic pose. “I must help save Equestria from eternal night by making friends! I am Twilight Sparkle now!”

“Look, if you wanna be something you’re not, that’s fine with us,” said guard number one. “We won’t judge you for it. Just don’t expect others to be so accepting of what you identify as. That’s the world we live in, I’m afraid.”

“Quick! Take me to Ponyville so I can do stuff!”

“Yeah, okay.”

Sam got onto the chariot and held on tight because that thing was a freaking health hazard and it was dangerous to not hold on. The guard ponies took off, taking the chariot with them and disobeying the laws of physics.

They were up in the air for a little bit before Sam actually decided to start speaking. “So how are you guys today?” he asked. “Must be boring, being a guard. What’d you do all day?”

“Not much really,” said guard number one. “But you’re right; it is boring. I shoulda been a fireman. I wouldn’t have to stand around so much if I was a fireman.”

“Oh look, we’re here,” said guard number two as the chariot landed.

Wow, that was fast.

Sam got off the chariot and walked up to beside the guards. He tried remembering what Twilight did for a short time before he came to the right conclusion.

“Thank you, sirs,” he said.

Guard number one nickered happily and said nothing else. Things seemed to be going right so far! Sam wandered away as he thought of what was supposed to happen next. He knew Applejack was first to go talk to, but there was something he was missing…

“What happened to Twilight?” asked Spike the dragon.

Oh yeah.

“Oh hi, Spike,” Sam greeted, spinning around to face the baby dragon. “Twilight got eaten. I’m Twilight now. Also hi. I’m a zombie.”

“Are you that dead thing that hit Twilight in the face?”

“I probably am, yes.”

“Did she die?”

“Yes. I ate her.”

“Oh yeah. Zombie.” He pointed at the hole in Sam’s face. “You got something in your teeth.”

“Thanks,” Sam replied, pulling the bit of Twilight’s tail out of his teeth. He looked at it for a moment before he decided to stuff it into his pocket. “I’m keeping that. Twilight’s tail wold be nice to use for something.”

“So what do we do now that Twilight’s been eaten?” Spike asked.

“You’re taking this remarkably well. Did I tell you I ate Twilight?”

“You mentioned it, yeah.”

“Do you really care?”

“I’ll have some emotional meltdown later. I’m not really feeling it right now.”

“Fair enough. I guess the plot doesn’t demand it just yet.”

“Huh?”

“What?”

“Back to my original question; what do we do now that Twilight’s been eaten?” Spike asked again. “She was supposed to do stuff that Princess Celestia told her.”

“I am Twilight Sparkle now!” Sam exclaimed triumphantly, taking that bit of hair out of his pocket and tying it into his own hair. He looked magical now! “Let’s go save Equestria by making friends and supervising stuff!”

“That kinda makes sense,” Spike agreed. “Where to first?”

“I think it was Applejack. I don’t like her too much.”

“You’ve never met her, Twilight.”

“Well, Sam has! Let’s go get fat on pie and meet like a thousand people!”

“Ponies,” Spike corrected.

“Shut up and get your Summer Sun Celebration Official Overseer checklist out.”

“Oh yeah, I have one of those.”

How did he remember Spike had one of those? He’d watched that episode yesterday just for the heck of it and the nostalgia.

“Oh, wait wait wait!” Sam yelled, stopping in his tracks. “I forgot one thing!”

“What did you forget, Twilight? We’ve only just got here.”

“HEY, PINKIE PIE!!” Sam screamed at the top of his voice.

“Yes?” Pinkie Pie replied from literally right beside him.

“Ah, perfect!” Sam exclaimed before leaning down to whisper his failsafe plan to her.

She nodded in agreement when he’d finished and trotted back the way she’d materialised from. When she was far away enough, she turned around and waved at him to signal she was ready. Sam then leaned down to Spike to whisper the next phase of his plan.

“Why, exactly?” Spike asked. “She was literally right here. You could have done it then.”

“I’m going by the script of the show, okay?”

“What show? We’ve never even had a TV.”

“Just go with it, okay?”

Spike sighed in resignation. “Fine…” He stood up straight again. “Maybe the ponies in Ponyville have interesting things to talk about!” Sam gave Pinkie Pie a thumbs up and she started trotting towards them both. When she was right beside them again, Spike continued. “Come on, Twilight! Just try!”

Sam looked up at Pinkie Pie and smiled anxiously. “Uh, hello?” he said unsurely.

As soon as he was done, Pinkie gasped melodramatically as she jumped up in the air and then pretty much flew away.

“Well, that was interesting alright…” Sam muttered, stomping away disappointedly.

Spike sighed again and followed him.

“There’s a cut here so let’s just walk to right outside Applejack’s house in complete silence. Just get your checklist out and get ready to do some checking.”

Spike got his checklist out and they walked on in complete silence. Somehow, Sam knew the way to get to Sweet Apple Acres from where they had interacted with Pinkie Pie, so he led the way. When they got to about six feet from the entrance, Sam gave Spike a little kick to signal him to do something.

“Number one,” Spike read drearily. “Banquet preparations; Sweet Apple Acres.”

“You missed a part!” Sam snapped angrily. “You’re supposed to say the name of the checklist!”

Before Spike could redo his error, somepony interrupted him.

“YEE-HAW!!” yelled Applejack as she raced along towards a tree surrounded by buckets.

She spun around to kick it hard, and then like fifty billion apples fell out of the tree and landed perfectly in all the buckets. Not even one fell out. Sam sighed and marched towards her.

“Let’s get this over with…” he said. When he got close enough to Applejack, he smiled and closed his eyes. “Good afternoon. My name is Twilight Sparkle.” When nothing really happened, he opened his eyes and offered his hand to her forcefully. “You’re supposed to shake my hand with way too much enthusiasm.”

“You look a little worse for wear,” Applejack replied. “Is your face supposed to have a hole in it?”

“Of course it is. How’d you think I breathe and see and hear stuff?”

“Ah meant that other hole that looks like it was burned into your face.”

“Yeah, that one’s not supposed to be there. But it does add to my zombie aesthetic!”

“You’re a zombie?” Applejack asked blankly. “Ah didn’t think zombies were supposed to exist.”

“No, neither did I.”

“Then how come you exist now?”

“Look, are you going to say hi to me or not?” Sam asked angrily, offering her his hand to shake again. “Now shake my hand and do it violently.”

Spike sniggered to himself, earning a cruel glare from Sam. Applejack stood still for another moment before she grabbed Sam’s outstretched hand with both hooves and shook it vigorously.

“Well howdy-do, Miss Twilight!” she greeted happily. She froze up for half a second. “Uh, Mister Twilight! Don’t know why ah thought you were a Miss! A pleasure makin’ your acquaintance! Ah’m Applejack! We here at Sweet Apple Acres sure do like makin’ new friends!”

“Okay, let go so my arm can keep shaking and Spike can stop it,” Sam explained. “And can I just say, you did that perfectly. Good job, you!”

“Ah don’t really understand what ah’m doin’. Can ah get some information here?”

“No. Let go.”

She let go of his arm and he shook it up and down as if she was still shaking it. When Spike finally got the message that he needed to stop it, he moved forwards and grabbed Sam’s arm. Sam waited for a moment before clearing his throat loudly.

“Oh, uh… Guess we know who to get for hammering stuff now!”

“Eh, close enough.” He turned back to Applejack and smiled anxiously again. “Friends? Actually, I…” She blinked in confusion at him waiting for something. “So, what can ah do for you?” he said in the best impression of her that he could manage. His voice went back to normal again. “Well, I’m here to supervise preparations for the Summer Sun Celebration. Are you in charge of the food?”

“We sure as sugar are!” Applejack replied proudly. “Ah’d ask if you wanted to sample some, but ah’m not sure zombies actually like apple stuff.”

“No, you’re supposed to offer me one. God, are you always this bad at following scripts?”

“Ah still don’t get it.”

“You know what? You suck anyway. Come on, Spike. We’ve got other things to be doing.”

He turned and stormed away. After about a minute of Spike just standing there and watching him, Spike leaned up to Applejack’s ear.

“That’s not really Twilight,” he whispered. “He ate her earlier and now he’s pretending to be her.”

“That’s, uh… kinda serious, little fellah,” she replied sternly. “Have you told the ponies that deal with that kind of thing?”

“They all got locked up for being crazy zombie hunters. Joke’s on the guys that locked ‘em up now, huh?”

“Ah really don’t think you’re takin’ this as seriously as you should. By what you’re sayin’, ah can gather that he just ate somepony. As in, properly ate.”

“Yeah, he said something like that earlier too.”

“Spike, I said we have other stupid stuff to be doing!” Sam yelled back when he finally realised that Spike wasn’t following. “Come on! Rainbow Dash is next!”

“Oh yeah!” Spike said in realisation. “We got a job to do! She’s supposed to be making friends, but I think she really just wants to prove that the Mare in the Moon is gonna return at the Summer Sun Celebration. Uh… He is. Not she. I gotta go.”

He hurried after his zombie buddy, leaving Applejack alone to wonder exactly what the heck had just happened. Well, whatever it was, the important ponies in charge needed to know about a potential zombie outbreak that may or may not be caused by an alien species that had suddenly turned up in Equestria very near to the time of the Summer Sun Celebration.

Of course, Princess Celestia would probably deal with it because the Summer Sun Celebration was at risk and she always liked doing stuff to save the Summer Sun Celebration for some reason.

Probably because she was a stuck-up, egotistical cow or something…

Author's Note

Okay, the first half of this was written before you made that comment, Hoppa_21. I swear I did not look at your comment and just think 'Hmm, maybe I can work with this...' Either you're psychic or I just make it that predictable.