Chapters The following contains spoilers for The Last Pony on Earth, Chapter 45: August 9. Do not read unless you have read up to that chapter.
Seriously. You are missing out if you spoil it for yourself. Go and read the story from the beginning!
I entered into a long and dark Corinthian hallway, illuminated only by dim lanterns held aloft by magic. The eerie silence in the room was the last reminder that there was no turning back.
"Hello," greeted Celestia. If raw power roiling off her wasn't enough indication, the fact that she was an alabaster winged unicorn was another hint that this was Luna's illusive sister. I wasn't exactly an expert in ponies, but the two looked nothing alike... Were they even genetically related? That was one question I immediately quashed before my rapidly fleeting courage could insert my hoof into mouth.
"Luna has informed me you are committed to the survival of your species at any cost." Celestia slowly walked towards me, and I felt my knees shaking. I was amazed at how I was able to keep standing without betraying my fear. Good job me!
"Ye- Yes," I gulped. "Yes." I said again, a little more firmly.
"Alex," said Celestia gently. "You needn't do this. You have already done so much toward the survival of your species. This was a tragedy, but it is not solely your burden to bear." Celestia paused and licked her lips, as if questioning whether to continue.
I felt an angry flame burn hotly inside of me, and I burst out, "There is nothing I wouldn't do if it meant I could bring back humankind."
Celestia looked to her sister, and Luna nodded— something unspoken flowed between them. Finally Celestia broke eye contact and looked away.
"Very well, Alex. If that is your decision."
Luna nodded and nudged me forward from behind. Even now, I was a bit surprised at her motion. The feeling of someone's face on your backside— I shuddered— I'm not sure that's something I will ever get used to.
"Alexander Haggard," began Luna. "As you know, we are Princess of Equestria. With this title, comes a great power; and with this great power, comes a great responsibility."
My ears swiveled toward the sound of her voice. The runic circle I stepped onto lit the room with a radiant red, and it was suddenly difficult to focus on whatever Luna was saying. Was it just my imagination or had the wind picked up inside this windowless room?
"What we are about to do, is not something we do lightly," said Luna gravely. This thing is not something which we can give freely without consequence. This is something that will greatly upset forces beyond even our control."
"We cannot see what the future holds for you Alex, but we hope that with this gift— You will rise to shape your own destiny and the destiny of many more."
"It is not too late Alex. Are you sure you wish to continue?" inquired Luna. "You shall be changed in ways you cannot yet understand. Ponies across the land will look to you to guide them."
By now, I could hardly hear her words. The wind was loud, and I could just barely see through my own mane whipping against me. Out of the corner of my eye, I saw Celestia stand silently in concentration with a dull glow around her horn. Many unicorns gathered around me with similar light illuminating their horns. Were they hiding behind the stone pillars? When had they appeared?
My legs trembled and I swear if I were still a human, I probably would have ran out of the room screaming like a child.
But I wasn't a human.
It had been many months since I had been one, and that short time had already left me forever changed. I knew in that moment, that there would be no second chances, and no alternatives for humanity. It was possible that even with what gift the princesses were prepared to give me, that humanity would still not survive the upcoming gauntlet for survival.
I swallowed my fears. Surely my brief ~~terror~~ unease was a small price to pay for the certain fate of those families whom found themselves lost in spacetime? The child who would never see their mother or father, the parent who will never again see their children. In that moment, everything coalesced into a bright light— no wait, those were just my eyelids.
"Do it." I screamed. The winds whipped furiously against me and I nearly lost my balance.
But there was no ground to embrace me. Whatever spell had captured me, it lifted me above the marble floor and for a split second, I thought I imagined the expression Luna directed at me. It was one that held great sadness, but also great pride. I meant to reach out to her, ask her what she meant, but that's when the brightness from the whites of her eyes nearly blinded me and agony struck.
I'll save you from the details (and for the sake of what little is left of my tattered pride) but I can honestly say that it was the most excruciating pain I have ever felt, would probably ever feel, and could possibly ever imagine. It felt as if I were ripped apart and stitched back together again, and as if my innards turned themselves inside out. The spell kept me awake and for that reason alone, I didn't black out.
When it was all over, the pain ended. My mouth felt dry, and my voice hoarse. Had I been screaming?
Luna joined her sister and I struggled to stand and meet them. What was that? I felt a new appendage against my... what's the words these horsebeasts use? Waist... No. Barrel?
I looked down and saw a penis bobbling against me.
The End .
~~Dear Princess Celestia~~ ~~Luna~~,
Be careful what you wish for.
-A
Epilogue:
Luna: "I do not understand Alex. Was this not what you wished for? We thought you wished to take your species' survival into your own hoof and shape its destiny! Look! We even left your your mare bits so that you may know the joy of motherhood even as you produce for others!"
Celestia: "Luna! I thought you discussed this with her? I told you we should have made her a princess instead!"
Author's Note
Here's some background to this story. This originally started out as a response to Starscribe's response to another reader.
Hey, Alex is trying! She's as dedicated as she can be. But she is known to omit important details when they bother her.
Soon the comment sections were inundated with speculation and eager waiting for the next chapter. This would be normal for a LPoE comment section if it weren't for the fact that it seemed everyone caught the Larson bug.
OMG Alex is going to become an alicorn isn't she?
Celestia and Luna are going to make Alex an Alicorn!
OMG plez mekk alexx a alicon plleeeas!
Can't. Wait. For. Tomorrow!
The following was crafted late at night, early in the morning on the 5th of July and after a few glasses of whiskey. The story was originally posted as a comment, but I've decided to save it for posterity as a reminder to kids not to drink and write.
I regret nothing!
“And Oliver, the guns are loaded?”
He didn’t look upset. Adrian wasn’t either, no matter if Moriah and Joseph might find this ritual boring. He’d much rather learn by the car that they weren’t prepared than right before being run down by a pack of wild animals or something. In some ways he was very like Moriah. Neither of them had much control over the magic being a pony had given them.
“Absolutely. Two full clips in each vest, one in each rifle.”
“Remember, they’re a—”
A bright flash blinded the eyes of everypony there and the group raised their forehooves to lessen the glare.
"Whuh?"
When the brightness finally abated, there stood none other than Twilight Sparkle.
Alex was the first to respond. "Princess what are you doin—".
Her question was broken by the loud repeating cracks of lead sent from Moriah's P90 as she emptied her sub-machinegun into the Purple Invader standing in the clearing. Moriah paused only to fumble with another magazine up until Oliver and Cloudy Skies pony-piled on top of her.
Twilight was none the worse for wear and she brushed at the streaks of lead on her coat with her wings and kneaded her velvet ears.
"Ouch, those things are quite loud aren't they," She giggled nervously.
Alex continued to gape at Twilight.
Twilight made a beeline for Alex and adopted a serious look. "Alex." she intoned gravely, as if the world had ended. "They're not called clips, they're called magazines."
There was silence, save the chirps of birds and flowing water in the distance.
"What?" said Alex, unsure whether or not she heard correctly.
"They're not called clips, what you have are loaded magazines." Twilight gestured toward the ground where Moriah's wayward P90 lay by its lonesome.
Silence again met Twilight's claim.
Twilight frowned just slightly. "They're not called clips, they're called magazines." She tentatively repeated, this time a little more slowly as if speaking to a foal. "Clips are used to feed magazines, whereas magazines are used to feed the firearm itself."
Alex brought her hoof to her head. "No, I understood you fine the first time."
"Oh good!" Twilight said cheerfully and clapped her hooves together.
"How— no wait, that's not the question... Princess, why are you even here?"
"Oh! Well you see, I felt this great disturbance in the thaumic fields, as if millions of voices were calling out in pain..."
Alex stared at Twilight flatly.
"Alex!" Twilight cried and grasped Alex's face with her hooves. "Your species is on the precipice of extinction, the last thing you need is to propagate misinformation."
"It's a magazine, not a clip." repeated Twilight.
Alex bat Twilight's hooves away from her. "I get it already! Wait. How would you even know that? Do you even know what a gun is?"
"We have an entire archive of your world's media. When we contacted your world with information about how to shield yourselves from the effects of magic, we agreed to provide them technology in exchange for items of cultural significance from your world."
"At first, we were appalled by the level of violence your media displayed, but once we realized ALL of the media provided pertained to violence and war and about humans defending themselves from hostile alien invaders..." Twilight found something interesting on her hoof. "Anyways, we quickly realized this was just a symbolic expression of friendship!" Twilight smiled.
"Right..." replied Alex, trying to piece together the new information, similar to one might adhere two pieces of rubbing felt against a cat.
One of Alex's ears swiveled to hear the ongoing struggle as Cloudy Sky and Oliver grappled with Moriah on the ground. Oliver had disarmed Moriah and was busy unloading the magazine from her SMG. She could hear Cloudy Sky and Moriah panting as Cloudy Sky straddled the struggling unicorn. For a brief moment, Moriah's resistance increased, but was eventually silenced by gurgling gasps and soft shushes.
Cloudy Sky looked intently at Alex. "She's sleeping now," she said.
Alex slowly turned back toward Twilight.
"Is there uh... anything we can help you with Princess?"
"Oh Alex! You know you don't have to call me that. Just call me Twilight, like you did in Equestria," Twilight percolated, smiling brightly, until the look on her face faltered.
"Err— Well that's that, I suppose. I really wish I could stay longer but this page in the history books needs to come to a close and I should be on my way now. You know, lot's of princess-y things to do after all."
"Wait, that's it?" replied a stunned Alex. "You came all this way- How did you even get here? I thought our world's were drifting apart?"
"Yes, well..." Twilight tittered, and then paused. She beamed. "That's not important."
Alex's right eye spasmed violently. "You mean to tell me, you came ALL this way to tell me that this gun clip- ".
"Magazine."
"Twilight?" Rarity called out. "Are you there? It's time for our weekly spa visit with Fluttershy, dear."
Her calls were answered only by the soft echoes of her voice. Other than that, there was nothing but silence.
"Oh there you are!" Rarity exclaimed, moving into the library. "I suppose I should have checked here first, but-"
Rarity brought her hoof up in dread. Twilight laid in a pool of red liquid, mane singed with burn marks dotting her coat as far as she could see.
Rarity galloped over to Twilight and looked her over, hesitant to touch her. "Dear Celestia! Twilight please be alright."
Twilight shifted in the wooden tub and opened her eyes, looking up. She smiled as soon as she recognized her guest.
"HELLO RARITY, I DIDN'T HEAR YOU COME IN! IS IT ALREADY TIME FOR OUR WEEKLY SPA VISIT? I COULDN'T GET THE SMELL OUT AND I NOTICED WE HAD SO MANY BOTTLES OF LEFTOVER TOMATO SAUCE... RARITY WHAT'S WRONG?
The End.
Alternate Ending :
"Dear Celestia Twilight, are you alright?"
A frazzled lead and smoke-smeared Twilight looked back towards Rarity tiredly and smiled.
"OH HELLO RARITY! I DIDN'T SEE YOU COME IN."
Rarity hid her wince and rotated her ears away from the source of pain. "Err yes, Twilight are you sure you're quite alright?"
Twilight clapped her hooves together. "I AM DOING WONDERFUL, RARITY. I SUPPOSE THE TRIP COULD HAVE ENDED ON A BETTER NOTE, BUT I DID LEARN SO MUCH WHILE I WAS THERE."
There was no more hiding of the wince, Rarity brought her hooves up to her poor abused ears. "Twilight, dear could you lower your voice... oh what's the word Fluttershy likes to use nowadays— just a scosche?"
"SORRY RARITY, WHAT DID YOU SAY, I COULDN'T HEAR YOU."
Rarity took a deep breath.
And then they kissed.
The End.
Dance of the Sugar Plum Fairy
Author's Note
[12/28] Happy Birthday Apple Bot!
Appropriate Holiday Background Music
Dance of the Sugar Plum Fairy
Alex had been shot before by long-bore rifles. The shock shut the organs down, tore through everything. The pain was almost beyond description, a single white-hot knife in her insides. He aimed a little higher, towards her head. “G-Go… Go to–” Blood choked out as she spoke, right along with the words.
He pulled the trigger.
--
Scribble Shine pushed along his mop bucket and mopped the floor. Before the cataclysm, he had been one of the up and coming astrophysicists at a well known aerospace company, but now... Now he mopped the floor and cleaned up after other ponies. Here, no one appreciated his expansive intellect or true capabilities. Here, no one--
"Shut yer flapping meat, or I'll shut it fer ya."
--
Scribble Shine made his way into the Director's office and surveyed the damage.
Leftover scraps of food on the table, a new layer of dust on the bookshelf, a dead filly in the corner of the room...
A DEAD FILLY.
Scribble Shine shrieked in panic and threw his mop into the air and back peddled into his mop bucket. Unfortunately for him, the mop only remained in the air for a short while before smacking him on the head and obscuring his vision. Now, with a mop on his head and a bucket around his rear hoof, Scribble lost all remaining purchase on the hardwood floor and flopped painfully to the ground next to the very dead, green filly.
"Oww," he said and looked up.
In front of him, the green filly laid unmoving, her tail spread at an awkward angle and showing herself off to the entire world. Crimson soaked her otherwise untouched coat, marred by the exit wounds that only a high-powered rifle could have caused.
Scribble Shine heard himself gulp as he felt a growing heat inside of him. He scrambled to the hallway and looked outside. No one.
He gulped again and unbuckled his metaphorical pants. He need not be a virgin forever...
--
It took a while for Alex to compose herself this time and she remembered Sunset's warning. 'This is the last time, ' she told herself. 'At least until next time. '
Alex's wounds sealed, and she slowly regained vision in her bad eye as it sucked itself back into her eye socket. Upon her first breath, the smell of newly decomposing flesh mixed with the musky scent of a stallion almost overpowered her. She looked around and saw that a young cleaning pony shuddering against the far side of the wall, a new puddle forming beneath him.
"Whoops," Alex said and grabbed some wayward brain tissue in the path of the oncoming wave of urine. "Wouldn't want that to get dirty now, would we," she chuckled to herself and put it back where it belong.
"He- Help! Intruder!" The cleaning pony shrieked and two guards rushed into the room and leveled their weapons at the little green pone.
"Uhh, sorry guys I just got told off. I'm already over budget, can we not?" she rubbed her hoof against the back of her head bashfully.
The right side of Alex's head exploded in a shower of gore and pony brains. She slumped to the ground and the two guards approached cautiously.
Scribble Shine took this as his cue to rush out of the room warbling inconsolably, leaving behind a trail of urine.
"Intruder is neutralized. It was that green mare from before, guess she wasn't really dea-."
The "dead" green mare gripped the ballsack of the nearest guard and squeezed. The wet sound of soggy paper bag exploding filled the room, followed by a high-pitched shriek and the sound of a large stallion tipping over to the ground. Alex wiped across her muzzle, smearing the juices in a friendly grin.
"Guys really, I'm already in really deep trouble. Do you know what she might do if I keep dying?" she asked.
"And after that dream, I won't be able to ever go camping again..." she mumbled morosely.
The second guard wasted no time in re-centering his frontsight on her profile and pulled the trigger. The rounds blew a hole where the mare had just been standing a split second ago. He recovered from the recoil and looked around.
"You are already dead," Alex whispered, and the stallion exploded. Chunks of meat rained around and against her, showering her with juice much like how a dead, decomposing whale might, if detonated with dynamite.
She turned around to survey her handiwork-- Pieces of a stallion on one side (more like every side), and a high-pitched very un -stallion whine on the other.
She brushed her shoulders off with her hooves when suddenly she was struck in the face by a flacid--
--
"Scoots, move over!" Applebloom groused. "You can't keep hogging the new chromebook!"
Scootaloo shoved back against the sturdy filly. "No fair! You spent your fifteen minutes reading dirty stories and getting the keyboard wet. It took me nearly all morning cleaning it after you!"
"Girls, can we stop fighting," Sweetie Belle said and try to place herself between her two friends, but received only a hoof on each side of her face for her troubles.
As the young fillies continued to argue, the camera panned up and slowly zoomed in on a section of the sky. A star twinkled, and a petite green mare laid in the background, watching and biding her time.
She was also flanked by Sunset Shimmer and Discord on either side... because, you know. Reasons.
