The Pony Movie (A Muppet Parody)

The sun rose over the Canterlot river lazily. The world was moving as scheduled. The humans were doing their jobs, the pegasi were arranging the weather, and a single unicorn was by the river’s edge. Having read every book in town, she had taken up the banjo as a hobby.

The unicorn was as smart as they come, probably smarter. She had lived her whole life in Canterlot and, despite being the intellectual and magical center of the world-wide pony community, she found it a little boring. Yet she lacked the courage or money to travel  anywhere beyond her hometown for a vacation. As Twilight sparkle's  hooves strung her banjo strings, she started to sing a song.

Why are there so many songs about rainbows

And what's on the other side?

Rainbows are visions, but only reflections,

And rainbows have nothing to hide.

Some have entrapped it and try to contain it,

I know they're wrong, wait and see.

Someday we'll find it, the rainbow connection,

The wizards, the dreamers, and me.

Twilight Sparkle looked up at the sky, hoping to see...something other than clouds. Something more colorful.

Who said that every wish would be heard and answered

When wished on the morning star?

Somebody thought of that, and someone believed it

And look what it's done so far.

What's so amazing that keeps us stargazing

And what are we trying to see?

Someday we'll find it, the rainbow connection

The wizards, the dreamers, and me.

All of us under its spell, we know that it's some kind of magic.

She looked back at the river, watching as ripples from a nearby frog distorted her reflection and her voice.

Have you been half asleep? And have you heard voices?

I've heard them calling my name.

Is this the sweet sound that made even Starswirl

Think all magic’s one and the same.

I've heard it too many times to ignore it.

I don’t know what it’s supposed to be.

But someday we'll find it, the rainbow connection

The wizards, the dreamers and me.

La da da di da da dum da duh da da dum di da ohhh.

As the last notes of Twilight’s solo drifted off into the horizon, nearly ruining the paint job, a series of splashes was heard from up the river. The unicorn turned to find a blond woman struggling to paddle up the river. Thankfully, Twilight had never even heard a blond joke before.

“Excuse me,” the woman said as she pulled up to Twilight, “Could you give me a hand, well, a hoof? I’m afraid I’ve lost my sense of direction.”

“Maybe you should try Hare Krishna.”

The human looked at Twilight with a deadpan expression. “That’s a joke.” Twilight said, “I’ve been testing out the theories of my book, ‘Joke-Telling 101.’”

“Well listen, as much as I appreciate a sense of humor, I’ve got a plane to catch.”

“I don’t think I have a book on that.”

“Oh, ha ha. Look, can you just point me in the direction of the Canterlot Airport?”

“Sure. Just paddle the way you were going for about fifteen minutes, and you should come to a bus-stop that will take you directly to the airport.”

“Okay, thanks.”

“And watch out for the alligators.”

“oka-ALLIGATORS?”

“Yep.”

“Did you say...alligators?”

“Read my lips: ALL-I-GA-TORS.”

“Why are alligators swimming in a public river?”

“This is the pony suburb. If not alligators, we’d have cows and bunnies running every-which way.”

“I...guess that’s true. I’m from Hollywood, you see, and I’m not used to-”

“Wait. Hollywood?”

“Yep.”

“Did you say...Hollywood?”

“Read my lips: HOLL-Y-WOOD. You know, the big town! The movie mecca! The place where careers are made fast, and ended even faster!” The woman had a realization and looked at Twilight closer. “Say...you look like you’re Hollywood material!”

“Who, me? A simple scholar from Canterlot? Hollywood?”

“Believe me, I’ve been in this business a long time, I know what I’m talking about! With that banjo, and those jokes, you’re a natural performer! Here, look at this.” She pulled out a newspaper and turned to the classifieds. “See, right here! Lauren Faust of Hasbro Studios is holding auditions for unicorns next week!”

“Gee, I don’t know. I like it here in the suburbs.”

“You could makes lots of money...you could be rich and famous...not to mention make millions of people happy!”

“...Millions of people happy?”

“Millions!” Twilight thought for a moment. “Listen, I’ll tell you what. If you’re ever in Hollywood, look me up.” The human pulled out a business card. “The name’s Strong. Tara Strong.”

“Well Tara Strong, I’d like you to meet Gummy the Alligator.”

“Wha-ALLIGATOR!!!”

Tara panicked and started to paddle away because an alligator had crawled into her canoe. As she went downstream, Twilight tried to call after her and explain that he was called Gummy because he had no teeth.

After a while, Twilight was left alone with her thoughts and her banjo. She strummed the instrument  absent-mindedly, as she turned her thought to the possibility of Hollywood.

“Millions of people happy..."