Nona

Okay, well, here I am; your nameless, faceless, generic, organic, plain ordinary character type person. (No, I’m not that nasty green prick, Anonymous. Fuck him! The guy writing this really needs to give me a name!) I’m back to tell you yet another tale from my - sometimes horrifying - life in the weird little town of Ponyville.

Ever wonder what Ponyville’s really like? You don’t want to know! Really! You don’t! Shhhh! I didn’t tell you and you never heard it from me! Lets just say they have really good press agents!

Anyway, The sexual relationship between Twilight and me had run it’s course. She’d learned and experienced everything  that I could teach her and I’d showed her and enjoyed with her everything I could think of or was willing to show her without totally freaking her. Turns out there wasn’t a lot that freaked her out.

She drew the line at BDSM, water sports and gore, which was fine with me since I wasn’t into any of that anyway but, other than that, she very enthusiastically tried pretty much everything else at some point. She gave a whole new definition to the term “Headmaster”. Ironic for somepony planning on becoming a teacher.

Still, after a while things started getting a little monotonous, almost routine and, after about three years we just decided to end that part of our relationship.

Still, we went on being really close, tight friends. You can’t get that close to someone and not stay close and intimate with them afterwords unless it ends really badly - which it thankfully didn’t - so we were both happy about that. ‘Nuff said.

So! I’m sitting on the back porch of Golden Oaks one evening (Yes, Golden Oaks has a back porch and really nice back yard, too!)

So, I’m out there enjoying the colors of the sunset. Yeah, sunsets in Equestria are always really pretty, thanks to the excellent work of the Weather Management Teams.

I’m sitting out there sipping nice, cold, tall glass of some kind of weird berry juice Twi’d made earlier that day when I noticed something out of the corner of my eye.

It was already dusk. Things in the shadows were hard to see, especially if they were dark, too, so it was the motion that got my attention.

I looked off toward the bushes on the far side of the yard and noticed... Something... rummaging around in the dirt like a dog snuffling for bones. I had no idea what it was.

Curious, (Fuck me!) I got up, stepped off the porch and took a couple of steps closer to it to get a better look. It never occurred to me that it could’ve been something dangerous. I gotta watch out for that.

Well, wouldn’t you know that dark something suddenly whipped around, hissed and glared at me with these horrifying blue-green glowing eyes. It crouched down, shook it’s ass back and forth like a cat ready to pounce on a mouse.

Yep! You guessed it! It was one of those changeling hoard things although I had no idea what it was doing in the back yard of the Golden Oaks.

No, I was not about to wait and ask that thing why it was there. No way! I was so shocked and horrified by that thing that I crapped myself before turning and running for the house.

No sooner had I slammed the door behind me then I heard a very loud thunk and a cracking noise behind me like wood snapping.

I turned to see about six inches of scraggly, nasty  looking black horn full of holes poking through the wood of the door. I, of course, jumped back startled.

A moment later screams and the sound of scrabbling hooves. Ack! Those screeching screams! Like nails on a blackboard. That made me want to whip the door open and punch the thing, which I almost did.

Just then I wondered where Twi was. She should have been running down the hallway about now, screaming and shouting about changeling invasions or something.  Nope! Nothing! That’s when I figured out that she really wasn’t home for once. Bad timing. If she were here she could have blasted the thing.

Yeah, whatever. It was my situation, I had to deal with it.

Too curious for my own good (Fuck me!) I opened the door to find that nasty little changeling hanging by its horn and struggling with all it’s might to get free. It was about two thirds the size of a normal pony and it seemed like an adult but how was I to know? I had no idea. I was guessing.

“Well, well, well!”, I smirked, crossing my arms, confident now, “Funny to find you hanging out, here.”

“Get me out of here you... Piece of food!”, it screamed at me, intensifying its struggles until it was flopping about uselessly.

Just to be clear I’m the kind of guy who doesn’t like to see things suffer. Anything. Yeah, I’m funny that way.

So, here’s this crazy changeling thing threatening to snap it’s own neck trying to escape and me, being a bigger softie than even Fluttershy, starting to feel sorry for it!

“Hold still! You’re going to break your neck!”, I ordered firmly as I reached out and tried to grab the crazily flopping thing.

“What?! Fuck you! Why do you care if I break my neck?!”, it shouted, still struggling. “You all hate us! And you’re food to us anyway and if I get loose I’m going to rip your soul from your body and munch on it like a Snickers bar!”

Wait... How did this thing know about Snickers bars? Had it met - and possibly eaten the soul of - some other human who, for whatever stupid reason, happily  told it about Snickers bars as they died? I shuddered at the thought.

“I.. I don’t want to see you hurt yourself, okay?”, I blurted, really worried for the thing, now.

It stopped fighting, just hung there looking at me sideways. It was obviously totally confused by what I’d just said.

“Wait here! Don’t go anywhere!”, I said, sarcastically before stepping back into the house and closing the door.

“You fucker!”, it screamed, fighting again to get free, “Get back here and get me loose so I can swallow your soul! Bastard! Sonofabitch! Fucker! Prick!”

Yes, I was willing to help the beastie but not while I was carrying a full load in my drawers.

I ran upstairs, took a quick shower, put on clean clothes and headed back downstairs.

Yep! There was that horn still sticking through the wood of the door just like I’d left it.

That very expensive door. Built expensively into a very expensive house. Twi would have a shit fit when she saw it. I cringed imagining that her high-pitched, angry screeching would make my ears bleed. Yeah, we’d had a few screaming arguments like that. It wasn’t pretty and no friendship’s perfect.  Oh, did I mention Golden Oaks was really expensive?

It was then I noticed another weird, screeching noise for the first time. It was real. I wasn’t imagining it. Or hallucinating as I’d been prone to do from time to time since I came to Equestria. Maybe it was the water?

Crying?! Since when did crying sound like someone dragging a big sheet of aluminum over a field of rocks?

I opened the door to find this thing with its face buried in its... Hands? Hooves? What the fuck?! Gah!

Anyway, there it was, doing whatever changelings do when they’re all bent out of shape.

Yeah, okay, I’m really stupid when it comes to some things. This was one of them.

Feeling bad for the thing I reached up and tried to stroke a spot that I thought had fur or hair or something on it. I was just trying to comfort the poor, miserable creepy soul eating demon-from-Tartarus thing.

Well, wouldn’t you know it? This thing reacted like I’d bit it on the ass or something!

It started screeching again, flopping around crazily and calling me every name in the book.

I had a thought. (Oh, fuck me!)

“Don’t you dare say anything bad about my mother or I’ll rip your fucking head off, tear your eyeballs out of the sockets and skull fuck you then stuff it up your ass!”, I barked. Yeah, I really didn’t want this thing insulting my mother. That would have been too much.

So, anyway, it stopped screeching and flopping long enough to glare at me before it sighed and hung limp from its horn.

“Fine!”, it grumbled. Damn! It took me serious? I was impressed with myself!

“Okay, I’m glad you stopped moving”, I said, “now I’m going to grab you so don’t go ballistic, okay? I’m going to try to get you loose from the door.”

“What the fuck do you care?”, it growled at me, “You should just let me die! I don’t want to live anymore, anyway.”

“What? Why?”, I asked. Yeah, I was surprised. Really. It then dawned on my slow, tired brain.

“You got thrown out of your hive, didn’t you?”, I asked. Don’t ask me how I knew that. Don’t ever ask me how I know anything. It’s safer that way.

“Fuck you in the ass with a cattle prod!”, it screamed, struggling more violently than before. How did this thing know so much about stuff from Earth? I was really beginning to wonder.

“Welcome to your new home stuck in a door! Enjoy!”, I shrugged before starting to close the door on this weird thing.

I wondered if I should just call animal control? Wait, was there one? I didn’t know!

“No! Wait! No! I’m... I’m... Sorry! Don’t leave me here!”, it screamed. It was getting to the point where that nails-on-blackboard screeching was really starting to get to me and I didn’t want to have to endure hours of that while it died  so I opened the door, again, looked at it.

“Did you just say..?”, I sneered, mustering all possible sarcasm from every cell in my body.

“Yes! Yes! Fuck you! I’m sorry! I’m sorry!”, it screeched, again.

“Um, really? You’re really sorry?”, I smirked, “Sure doesn’t sound like you’re sorry to me!” This thing was getting on my nerves and payback’s a bitch.

“Oh, you mean-ass sonovabitch dogfucker, you! I said I was sorry! Now get me loose!”, it screeched in a seemingly impossibly high pitch that made my teeth hurt.

“Okay, well”, I shrugged, as I cracked my knuckles and stepped up cautiously behind it, “don’t you dare zap me or do any of the freaky things you changelings do or you’re dead meat and I mean slowly and in as agonizing a way as I can think of!”

“Ooh, I love it when you talk dirty to me”, it said more sarcastically then I thought was possible from anything living or dead.

“I’m gonna smack your shit!”, I said. I really was getting annoyed.

“Yeah, yeah, okay”, it said, relaxing as much as it could. That’s when it hit me.

“First, a Pinkie Promise”, I said. It didn’t say anything but I was guessing it was listening, “You have to Pinkie Promise me that if you get lose you won’t bite me, attack me or try to eat my soul like you’re sucking on a juice box!”

Yeah, I knew about Pinkie Promises. Who didn’t? Everyone accepted Pinkie Promises like they were some kind of binding, written legal contract. I was hoping it’d be the same way with the changelings, too.

“Fuck you!”, it said, talking instead of screeching for once, “I’m not making a Pinkie Promise! What kind of fool do you think I am?”

“The kind of fool that gets itself stuck head-first in a door. Now, Pinkie Promise!”, I repeated more firmly this time.

The thing visibly winced. Yeah, it walked right into that one!

“Okay! Fine! It growled, I... I... Pinkie Promise!”

I was surprised as hell to discover that Pinkie Promises seemed just as binding with changeling freaks as they were with anyone else. Pinkamina Diane Pie had some serious power!

“Great! Thanks!”, I said as I stepped around behind... It? I grabbed its back legs with the intention of trying to pull it loose from the door.

“What the fuck are you doing?!”, it shouted, “you can’t get me out that way!”

I was holding this thing by its back legs, those legs spread apart by the space between my hands, it’s tail swinging and flopping around. It was just then that I noticed the very pink slit of it’s very female... You get the idea.

Okay, so, it’d been a while since I’d had sex and, still suffering from the onslaught of post-pubescent hormonal rage and being a sick, kinky fucker anyway... Okay, maybe not that bad? Don’t judge me! (Yeah, you’re reading this. You know who you are!)

Yeah, okay! I don’t know what it was... Maybe this thing threw off some incredibly powerful sex hormones... Maybe,  but I caught a whiff of it’s scent. Wham! Instant boner!

Being young and stupid I wasn’t about to pass up a chance to get free and easy pussy, even if it was a changeling. Pussy’s pussy and I really didn’t care at that point, I just wanted to get my dick wet. In that second my mind shot south at light speed in a very sick and twisted way. You were expecting something else?

I let go of her legs, stepped through the door, returned a moment later with a step ladder. I knew I’d need it for what I was about to do, next.

“How the fuck are you going to get me out of this door with that?”, she said.

“Oh, I’m not going to use it to get you out of the door”, Total smarminess incarnate.

I opened the step ladder and set it down directly behind her, whipped my cock out and stepped up until I was in the right position. I grabbed her back legs, spread them apart.

“Uh, what are you doing?”, she asked nervous now. I’m sure she heard my zipper go down so I guessed she had to know what I was planning. How could she not?

“Oh, no! You’re really not going to do what I think you’re going to do, are you?”

“Yep!”, I said gleefully.

“Oh, no way! Uh uh! I don’t even know you’re name and you ain’t getting shit without dinner and a movie, first!”, she shouted.

Hmm... A changeling whore? Who knew?

“Guess again, Sweetheart!”, I said in my best Humphry Bogart voice. Bad. I sounded like Rodney Dangerfield.

“No! Please! Don’t!”, she said, struggling, trying to get her legs free, “Please! Don’t do that! Stop it! Stop!”

I centered the head of my cock on her slit, began rubbing it against her hoping it’d get her wet.

“Noooooooooooooooo!”, she shouted, “No! No! No! Please! No! Stop!” I had no idea changelings could plead like that.

Her body started to respond so I continued rubbing my cock head against her. She was getting wetter and wetter.

“It feels too good!” She was breathing hard now. “I... I love it too much! If you start I’ll just want to keep going! Please stop, now!”

“Oh, so you love it, huh?”, I said, starting to push into her.

Just then she let out a loud, screeching moan.

“You fucker!”, she gasped, “You found my one weakness!”

“Your one weakness?”, I asked. I stopped.

“Yeah”, she gasped, “I love to fuck humans more than anything, you sick, twisted bastard!”

“Fuck yeah!”, I said, delighted, as I started pushing into her, again. She was wet! And damn tight!

“No! Fuck you!” she growled, “You got me all horny and I’m still stuck in this door!”

She had a point! What fun would it be fucking her if I ran the risk of breaking her neck and she died in the middle of it? No, necrophilia was definitely not my thing.

I stepped down off the ladder, opened the door and headed back into Golden Oaks.

“What the fuck?! What’re you doing now? Don’t leave me like this! Get back here and fuck me!”, she shouted as I walked off toward the basement. Yes, Golden Oaks has a basement, too! Deal with it! Oh, did I mention the attic?

“I’ll be back with something to get you out of the door with”, I shouted back.

“Pinkie Promise me, you fucker!”, she shouted back at me.

I froze, shocked. I really wasn’t expecting that.

“I said Pinkie Promise!”, she shouted again.

“Yeah, yeah, okay”, I said, “I Pinkie Promise.”

All was quiet as I headed off to the basement.

I returned a moment later with a chainsaw.

I was pulling the start cord as I approached the door.

“What the fuck is that?!”, she screamed, totally freaked when she saw the terrifying thirty six inch bar and well toothed blade on that thing.

She started struggling frantically when I pulled the cord one last time and it roared to life. She screeched louder than ever, started fighting that door like it was her worst nightmare. Maybe it was? Hell, I’ve known people that were scared shitless of dust bunnies!

“Hold still! I don’t want to cut you!”, I shouted over the roar of the saw.

It took her a minute to calm herself but she did, holding perfectly still a moment later.

Using only the very tip of the saw, I carefully cut a circle around the horn until I’d cut an almost complete circle, leaving only an inch or so of intact wood in place.

Stepping outside, I grabbed the top of the cut round, began to carefully pull until the circle broke away from the door with a loud crunching crack.

I then grabbed the changeling before she could fall, cradled her in the crook of my arm while I hit the saws cut-off switch.

I set her down on the porch, headed back downstairs to put the chainsaw away, returned a moment later with a small wood saw.

My boner long gone, I was kind of half hoping that she’d take off while I was gone so I wouldn’t have to deal with all this weird shit, anymore. No pussy was worth all this!

Nope! My luck! I stepped out on the porch to see her sitting there  with that jagged circle of wood still stuck to her head.

Worse than anything so far, even worse than that evil screeching, she was now looking up at me with huge puppy dog eyes! Holy fuck! On anyone else it would have been adorable. Nope! Not on this thing! There’s nothing more blood curdling than a changeling making puppy dog eyes at you.

I was momentarily horrified by the sight but a pinkie promise is a pinkie promise. She kept hers so I’d keep mine!

Still holding the saw, I crouched down in front of her, grabbed the piece of wood.

“Hold still, now. I don’t want to cut you”, I said.

Amazing! She’d gone from being this terrifying whirlwind of rage and death to something as docile as a kitten. She even leaned her head forward to help me get to the wood better as I began cutting.

“You got a name?”, I asked

“Nona”, she said quietly.

“Nona?! What the fuck kind of a name is that for a changeling?”, I asked.

“Fuck you!”, she muttered.

“Hey! I’m just sayin’. I thought you’d have a name like Black Wings Of Death or Hell Fang Soulfucker or something. Not Nona.”

“Fuck you! It’s my name! Get over it!”, she grumbled as I kept cutting.

I was getting close to the horn so I slowed down, cutting more slowly until I’d managed to cut all the way through the wood panel without touching her horn with the saw teeth.

“So, did you get thrown out of your hive?”, I asked. She paused. I was beginning to think she wasn’t going to answer.

“Yes.” She said it so quietly I almost didn’t hear her.

“Why?”, I asked.

“Because... Reasons.”

“That’s got to suck! What’re you gonna do now?”

She didn’t say anything more, just stood there looking like she’d lost everything, which she had, which really sucked.

I then started cutting on the opposite side of the panel. Again I was careful not to cut her horn when I got close to the other side of that cut. It took me a while to finish but it finally fell in two halves on the deck of the porch. Nona looked up at me and gave me one of those creepy smiles of hers.

“Thanks”, she said quietly.

“For what?”, I asked as I kept cutting.

“For being careful not to hurt me.”

Was I imagining things? Did she just smile? I didn’t know whether to be relieved or creeped out.  I began studying her. As I studied her details I started having regrets about what I’d planned on doing, earlier.

“You don’t have to fuck me in this form”, she said, quietly.

I dropped the saw, jumped back and fell on my ass.

“You... You can read my mind?!”, I shouted.

“Surprise!”, she smirked sarcastically, then more calmly, “but only when I’m not emotional. I was too upset to do it, earlier.”

Scrambling mentally I started thinking of anything, everything, other than the sick and twisted sexual fantasies I’d been having.

Bicycles! Yeah, think of bicycles! Nope. Didn’t work.

Did she giggle? I got chills.

She suddenly lunged at me faster than I could react. I fell back on my ass shouting. I guess Pinkie Promises didn’t count to changelings after all? I shut my eyes and grit my teeth waiting for the end. I hoped it would be quick.

Nothing! No feeling like I was having my soul or whatever sucked out of me like a spider sucks the guts out of a fly. That’s what I thought it’d be like, anyway.

I looked down to see she had her arms wrapped around me. Her head was laying against my stomach Her eyes were closed and she was smiling. The bitch was hugging me! Well, okay! That was better than her sucking my soul out or whatever.

She looked up at me with that creepy, green-eyed, fanged smile.

“Thank you”, was all she said.

I just sat there staring down at her relieved that I wasn’t about to die in some weird, horrible changeling way. I guess Pinkie Promises meant something to changelings after all.

“Now, let’s get down to business”, she said a moment later, looking at me like she couldn’t wait another second to get my clothes off.

She stood up, closed her eyes. A second later the surface of her body began to flow in waves as her shape began to change. Something was wrong, though. she seemed stuck as she shut her eyes tight and concentrated harder. She still looked stuck. She wouldn’t change.

“Damn fuck damn!”, she growled a moment later, “I’m too weak and hungry to change!”

Then she looked at me again with those huge, watery - and very creepy - puppy dog eyes.

“I’m really really hungry!” she hissed. She started looking at me like a dog looks at a raw steak. I scooted back a couple of feet.

“Hey, you made a fucking Pinkie Promise!”, I shouted, scared now.

“Yeah, yeah, okay. I did”, she said.

She started crying again in that weird, raspy, squeaky semi-growling crying voice of hers. It really creeped me out.

“I’m reallyreallyreallyreallyreallyreally hungry!”, she whined again.

“You can eat normal food, right?”, I asked. I hoped more than anything right then she’d say yes.

“Yes”, she said. She looked disgusted, “but do I have to?”

I got up and started walking back in the house,, stopped long enough to look back at her. Shit! Those freaky puppy eyes, again!

So there we were in the kitchen. Nona was sitting at the table staring at her plate of food like it was rancid cow shit.

She picked up a piece, sniffed it. Made a face like she’d just smelled dirty gym socks. I mean really dirty gym socks!

She took a bite. I had to work hard to keep from laughing. Ever see a dogs face when it’s eating peanut butter? Of course you have! Everybody has! What rock have you been living under? Anyway, that’s the face she was making.

That was bad enough. Watching her swallow was a journey into the dark side of freakiness.

She gulped. Loudly. That huge bite of food slid down her throat like a slow motion scene from a vore video! That was the first time I was ever horrified, fascinated and turned on all at the same time. Boner, no!

What a time to discover a new fetish?

She stared at me. Her eyes were begging.

“Do I have to do that again? It’s gross! I don’t want to do it anymore!”

“What, you don’t like the way it tastes or what?”, I asked.

“D’uh!”, she said, “changelings don’t have taste buds! Everything tastes like shit to us!”

“Oh”, I said. I really didn’t want this thing getting too tempted to Snicker snack on my soul so I had an idea.

I took her plate, threw the stuff in a blender, clicked it to high, threw in some water and made a soup out of it.

I went back to the basement, came back a moment later with a chunk of garden hose. I washed it then stuck a funnel on the end of it.

I grabbed the soup and walked back to her. I held up the funnel hose.

“Take a deep breath and open wide!”, I said. She stared at me.

“No! You’re not really going to... Are you?”

“You wanna starve to death?”, I asked.

She didn’t say another word, just took a deep breath, held it, shut her eyes tight and opened wide. Damn! Them fangs! And that mouth! It looked like the pits of hell in there! Just then I wondered if she’d ever seen a dentist.

She winced when I shoved the hose down her throat. I poured the soup into the funnel until it was all gone.

She coughed and gagged when I pulled the hose out.

“Fuck! Shit! Fuck!”, she spluttered, gasping for air.

“I bet you’re not hungry any more”, I grinned, looking down at her now swollen stomach.

She looked down at her now swollen stomach, patted it, smiled.

“Nope! Not hungry anymore but are we going to have to do this every day? It’s gross. Kind of a turn on but still gross.”

Hmm... Turned on by a hose down her throat? A kinky changeling? Equestria was definitely a weird place. But, hey! That’s why I liked it. Bondage ponies? Bondage ponies!

A second later she made a face like a cat hocking up a fur ball and cut loose with a belch that rattled the walls!

“Yeah, definitely better”, she said.

Oh, man! That freaky, fanged smile! Was I losing my mind or was I starting to like it? I scratched my head and considered therapy.

It was then that I noticed something. The holes in Nona’s horn and limbs were almost gone. She looked... Healthier? How does a zombie looking thing look healthier? Damn! She almost looked like a smaller version of any other pony! Almost. I found myself considering therapy again.

Suddenly Twilight! Ack!

“Hey! I’m back! Where are you?”, came Twi’s shout from the other end of the house.

Holy shit! This was bad! Really bad! I knew it’d be bad enough when she saw the busted up very expensive back door but if she saw a changeling sitting in her kitchen?! I feared for my life.

Just then Nona jumped up on the table and turned herself into a dinner plate just as Twi stepped in. I stared.

“Oh, hey, baby! What’s up?”, she said, walking into the kitchen smiling. She kissed me on the cheek.

Oh, nothing, nothing!”, I grinned nervously. She eyed me.

“Are you okay?”, she asked, “you seem... Weirder than usual.”

“Yeah! Yeah! I’m fine! Just finishing dinner.” I grit my teeth while trying to keep that grin on my face.

I picked up the plate that was Nona, went to the sink and  washed it. Tiny sounds of coughing and spluttering. I grabbed a dish towel, dried Nona off and stuck her in the dish rack.

“Okay if you say so”, said Twi. She walked to the cupboard, got a glass. Over to the fridge. She got juice out, poured some, headed for the back door.

Shit, no!

Not knowing what else to do I raced over to her, wrapped my arms around her, started kissing her passionately. She almost dropped her glass. Yeah, she was startled. She wasn’t expecting that but a second later she melted into the kiss.

“Ooh! Aren’t you in a mood!” She gave me a ‘fuck me’ smile.

“Um, yeah. I guess”, I said. What the fuck? She eyed me again.

“Hey, it’s fine with me if you want to”, she said, “but give me a little while to unwind, first.”

She headed for the back door. I grit my teeth, facepalmed, waited for what I knew would come.

“What the fu... What did you do to my very expensive back door?!”

Yep! There it was. I winced, waited for what I knew would come next.

Twilight stormed back into the kitchen, her horn glowing in anger, her wings twitching. She looked like she could have killed me without even thinking about it.

She strode up to me, started jamming a forefinger in my chest. Yeah, she was pissed!

“That very expensive door cost over twenty five hundred bits! What’d you do to it? It looks like you hacked a hole in it with the chainsaw!”

I hung my head then explained to her what had happened, being careful to leave out the changeling rape parts. She definitely wouldn’t understand that.

“Oh, well, then I guess it was for a good reason”, she said. She was definitely calming down. “You’re still going to have to pay for that very expensive door!”

I winced but, at least, I’d dodged a bullet. Sort of. Wait, what?! Gah! I began calculating in my head how many years I’d have to work at the Apple farm in order to pay that door off. Fuck!

Calmer now Twi took her glass and headed for the back porch.

“Shit! Daddy’s gonna kill me when he sees this!”, I heard her mutter as she reached the door.

A moment later, silence. Okay, this was my chance to.. Well, not make things any worse than they already were.

I went to the sink. Shit! There were three plates in the strainer! Which one was Nona? I couldn’t remember.

“I’m over here, fucktard!”, muttered a very nice piece of gold trimmed china. I picked it up, set it on the floor. A moment later Nona was standing where the plate had been. She was soaking wet! She glared at me. Guess I hadn’t done such a good job with the dish towel after all.

“C’mon! I have to get you out of here! If Twi sees you it’ll be bad. Really bad!”, I said, grabbing her arm. Yeah, I was really nervous.

Still holding Nona’s arm, we ran for the front door.

“Wait!”, she shouted, “We can’t go out there! If people see me they’ll freak out and kill me!”

Yeah, good point. Still holding her arm I ran for the stairs. A moment later we were in my room.

We stood there catching our breath. What now? Had I walked us into a trap? Oh, shit! Twi was going to be coming up here expecting to... That would take hours! Shit! Shit! Shit!

I stared at Nona for a minute, thinking.

“Hey, can you just turn yourself into a bird and fly out a window or something?”, I asked.

She looked at me like I’d just cut a really foul fart.

“Are you retarded or something?”, she asked, “Of course I can’t change myself into no fucking bird!”

“But you changed yourself into a dish!”

“That was different.”

“How the fuck is that different?!”

“Because... Reasons!”

“Hey, baby! Get ready! Momma’s on her way!”

Shit! Twilight was coming up the stairs! She’d be here in a second! My thoughts raced frantically. What to do? What to do? Fuck!

Just then Twi walked in. Fuck! I’d forgotten to close my door, again! She stared for a moment then smiled.

“Well, hi there!”, she was smiling, then she raised an eyebrow at me, “So, what’s this, baby?”

I whipped my head around to see what was going on, almost shit myself. Again.

Standing behind me was the most drop dead gorgeous green-eyed, strawberry blonde mare I’d ever seen!

“Hi! I’m Nona.”

Twi looked at me. Yeah, she was definitely wondering what was going on. She took me by the arm, led me back out into the hallway.

“Um, baby... I thought we agreed no threesomes?” she said,” You know I don’t like those.”

“Well, um... Uh... You know... Uh”, I spluttered, “She was... Here and... I forgot!”

“You... Forgot?” No, it was obvious she wasn’t falling for it.

Twilight was not stupid by a long shot. She eyed me suspiciously then headed off down the hall. She returned a moment later with a changeling detector lamp. Damn that too-smart brain of hers! She’d figured it out!

I jumped frantically in front of the door, blocking it.

“Wait! I can explain!”, I shouted. The contents in my ass pushed hard against my clenched and straining anus!

Looking past me, Twilight shined the lamp on the now very nervous blonde. Areas of changeling showed through where the light hit her.

“What... Have... You... Done?!” Twilight was furious. Her ears lay flat on her head, her horn glowed brightly, her wings twitched fiercely She glared at me, fire in her eyes.

I felt myself shrink three sizes while trying to avoid her eyes.

“Well?!”, she shouted.

“Okay I was out on the porch and she was out there and she saw me and jumped at me so I ducked inside just in time for her to get her horn stuck in the door and then I cut her out with the chainsaw and another saw and then she was hungry and I made her make a Pinkie Promise not to eat my soul so I brought her into the house to give her some normal food but she couldn’t eat it so I put it in the blender and stuffed a hose down her throat with a funnel on it and poured the stuff in the blender down her throat she wasn’t hungry anymore and then you came home so she turned into a dish and hid in the strainer until you went out to the back yard but I didn’t want you to see the door so I kissed you in the kitchen but I was just trying to be a nice guy, which I am and I didn’t like seeing the thing suffering because you know I’m worse than Fluttershy when it comes to that stuff and I didn’t want it hurt, okay?”

I blurted all that out in one frantic breath.

Twilight stared at me, her eyes bugging. She was having a hard time taking it all in.

She dropped the lamp and doubled over laughing. I let myself smile a little, relaxing. I looked back to see Nona relaxing a little, too. Maybe it was going to be all right after all?

“Uh, so, we’re cool?”, I asked, testing the waters.

It took less than a second for Twilight to go from laughing back to furious, again.

“Get out of my house!”, she growled.