Jeff in Equestria

Jeff woke to having purple hooves around his waist, he took the hooves off around his waist. He looked at Twilight and poked her to wake her up. I'm usually never the one to wake people, or in this case ponies up. Twilight looked at him.

"Do you mind showing me where the shower is? I also need your help around town later."

"The bathroom's down the hall second door on the right. I talk to you again after I have some coffee." Twilight yawned.

Jeff gathered his stuff from the floor and headed to the bathroom, He closed the door behind him and hopped in the bathtub. "This is better than nothing, and technically she didn't lie. Twilight said bathroom not shower." Jeff lathered himself up and his clothes. "You know what, Splish, Splash, I be taken a bath. Dun, dun, dun, dun." Jeff was enjoying himself for the first time, and it didn't involve killing someone. Jeff spotted a rubber ducky and grabbed it squeaking it as well. "Hahahahahahaha."

There was a knock on the door. "Jeff are you alright?" It was Twilight.

"I'm doing just fine Twily, I'm just a splishing and a' splashing."

"Do you mind if I use the bathroom?"

"Can it wait?"

"Not really, I'm doing the potty dance."

Jeff rolled his eyes, "Fine, but no peaking I mean it!"

"Okay I won't peak, I promise." Twilight opened the door and trotted over to the toilet. She then heard a squeak from Mr. Quackers and saw Jeff squeaking away like an instrument. She also noted the scars all along his body. She was almost done tinkling, note to self, no more liquids before bed.

Jeff was lathering his black hair with the lavender shampoo on hand. He saw Twilight looking at him. "Like what you see Twinkie?"

She blushed and turned away. "Sorry I didn't mean to peak. I-it's just that you were playing with Mr. Quackers, you were having fun."

"I was having fun. I'm a monster, who says monsters can't have fun?" Jeff dived under the water and came back up. He looked around and saw that there were no towels. "Could you hand me a towel?"

Twilight looked at Jeff who was hanging over the edge. "I beg your pardon?"

"Could you please give me a towel? I need to dry off." Twilight gulped and gave Jeff a towel. She had already stopped tinkling but was too enamored by Jeff in the tub, in fact it kind of turned her on.  Jeff looked at her, "Thank you, if you're done I need some space to dry off."

"Oh sorry." She hopped off the toilet, flushed it, and left Jeff to dry himself off.

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Jeff walked down to the smell of coffee. When was the last time that Jeff had a decent cup of coffee? He couldn't remember anyways, he avoided sleep so he really had no need for coffee. Now that he could sleep it would be best to at least try a cup of it. He walked down to see Spike cooking away and Twilight nursing her own cup of coffee.

"Morning Spike." Jeff noted to the dragon.

"Good morning Jeff, how'd you sleep?"

Jeff grabbed a mug and the pot of coffee. "Surprisingly well, I didn't have any nightmares if that's what you're asking." His sipped his coffee, and liked the taste of the liquid roasted beans sliding down his throat. "Hey, Twi?"

She looked up at Jeff. "Yes?"

"If you don't mind, could you show me around town? I need some clothes as well."

"Sure thing Jeff."

"Thanks."

The odd-ball group ate breakfast, after the most important meal of the day Jeff and Twilight headed into town.

"So, Jeff what do to get done first?" Twilight had asked.

"Clothing is a must, let's head there." He replied while walking along side the unicorn, he started to whistle. Then he stopped,isn't that what got me here in the first place? It's a tune I just can't think of, it's on the tip of my tongue. he just shrugged and continued until he saw Twilight stop in front of a building that looked like it was made out of a carousel. "What is this place?" Jeff asked.

"This is Carousel Boutique, Rarity owns it where she makes some of the best clothing available. Why do you ask?"

Jeff just burst out laughing. "Oh, I'm sorry Twi. It's just the name, ahahahahahahahahahaha."

"Why is that so funny?" Twilight stomped her hoof.

"It's just back on earth there was a ride that kids could go on and it was called a carousel it looked exactly like this building." Jeff stopped his laughing and looked at Twilight. "It's a human thing."

Twilight and Jeff went inside, Jeff whistled when they went in. He may be insane but he knows a good house when he sees one.

"Welcome to Carousel Boutique where everything is chic, unique, and magnifique." Rarity said before she noticed Jeff and Twilight. "Oh hello Twilight, and you." She said to Jeff with narrowed eyes.

"Yeah the same to you marshmallow." He said back to the fashionista.

Twilight coughed in her hoof and interrupted the stand-off. "What Jeff means to say is that he needs clothing. Rarity would you please take his measurements and make clothing for him."

"Why should I Rarity Belle have to make clothing for such an uncouth barbarian? He wouldn't even know chivalry if it bit him in the flanks." She flipped her mane and turned away.

Jeff was confused. "Okay, I just don't get you." he said to the white mare.

"Whatever could that mean?" She asked with her back still turned.

Jeff continued with his observation. "First when you met me, I saved your life and your friends lives from those wooden wolves."

"I am appreciative of the, yes. Then afterwords you chided my friends and I for calling you a hero which made me rethink my opinions of you Jeffery. I have a little sister and she gets into enough trouble as is, what would she think if you could slay timberwolves left and right without even a second though. I'll tell you she and her friends will probably kill themselves trying to defeat one of them, it will then be on my hooves. I don't like getting dirty much but you obviously enjoy it, and if I make you clothing it will cause bad publicity for me and my store." She finished.

Jeff pinched the bridge of his nose and closed his eyes. "First off please don't call me Jeffery. Second I can understand where you're coming from with the whole clothing and family thing. I get it, but what I also see is a pony that cares more about herself and her image that her family. If you ever sit down and talk to your family members, and I mean a meaningful conversation not only would that bring you closer to your sister but it will also show that you care about her wellbeing." Rarity was looking at Jeff while he continued. "The fact that you also rely on the word of your store being so famous is complete and total bullshit. If you really want to be the best clothing maker on the planet then you need to do this. Smile, nod, listen and do whatever you want anyways. Being famous for the sake of being famous is very despicable. Take criticism and apply it creatively not destructively. That is the ultimate downfall of most in the line of business that is art."

Rarity was shocked to say the least, she had not considered the points that Jeff had brought up. "I hadn't thought of that Jeffe- I'm sorry Jeff. You bring up interesting points and perhaps I do need to be more confident in not only myself but my shop as well."

"And?" Jeff asked.

"I do need to talk to my sister, sometimes she feels as if I don't support her. I need to show her that I do care for her and her well being. Thank you, now shall we get your measurements. Please get on the stand and remove your clothing."

"Do you mind if I keep my undergarments on, I can't really cover up those bits without 'em." He spoke as he took off his socks, shoes, hoodie, t-shirt, and pants.

"Whatever makes you feel at ease darling." Rarity commented as she measured his arms and legs, "Do you have any suggestions, like color or materials?"

"I like to keep things simple like cotton or wool, and dark colors if you can. I also like white it matches my complexion." He smirked. "I'll also need heavier and warmer clothes in the colder seasons, due to me not having any fur."

"Spread your legs dear." Rarity said. Jeff did as she said, as long as she didn't get too close for comfort. She finished and wrote things down on a sketch pad."Thank you Jeff, I'll have them ready as soon as I can."

"Take your time, I don't want you to kill yourself over my sake." Jeff said as he put his clothes back on. "Could you also make me some wool socks please?"

"Do you think I'm some kind of hussy?" Rarity asked.

"Wut?" Jeff said. "I just want some socks that are clean, don't have any holes in them, and to keep my feet warm. In case you noticed I don't wear things as you would think of conventionally, human feet are very delicate and need protection, hence why I asked."

Rarity was almost completely red with the blush on her face. "I'm so sorry I-"

Jeff had his hand held up. "It's fine you didn't know." Jeff looked at Twi and asked. "Shall we continue this tour of Ponyville madame?"

"I believe we shall kind sir."

The duo left while Rarity got to work. Jeff following Twilight he had asked. "Hey Twi why don't ponies wear clothes?"

"They usually do in higher class areas like Canterlot or high life Manehatten."

"Oh okay, I just wanted you to know I already have a job. I kind of got it when I was knocked out in the hospital." Jeff scratched the back of his head.

"What do you mean?"

"This Princess, something or another hired me for my particular 'talents'. Her name started with an L."

"PRINCESS LUNA?"

"YES I LIKE YELLING TOO!" Twilight winced. "Not nice is it?" Jeff asked. She just nodded, "So let's keep the yelling to a minimum and say things not YELL THEM. It makes a scene, and I'm already getting enough stares as is. I don't need anyone screaming bloody murder at me."

"Why would she need to hire you though?"

"You know I arrived here by accident?"

"Yes."

"Well I'm not the only one that came over here."

"Okay now I'm confused." The duo stopped around town square. Jeff sat on the edge of the fountain.

"Have you ever faced insurmountable odds, where you thought you could never beat them?"

Twilight remembered Discord, "Yeah I do."

"Believe it or not, there are worse things out there. It's name is Zalgo."

"How bad is he?"

"Very bad, he cuts deals with anything and everything. Building armies to conquer the world, he once tried to recruit me."

"What happened?"

"We had our differences, it wasn't ideal for me. He tried to get me to kill one of his greatest defectors, Slenderman."

"After that?"

"We did fight, but Slendy showed me that I didn't have to serve Zalgo, showed me free will. I cut my ties to Zalgo and joined Slenderman's rebellion, eventually we killed Zalgo he didn't stay dead though."

"Why didn't he?"

"What we are is an idea you can't kill an idea, conventionally it can be done but it takes decades."

"How do you just kill an idea?"

"The same way you lose things, you forget about it."

"Then, how does he keep coming back?"

"Not all of the victims he leaves behind are dead. Then there are the proxies."

"Proxies?"

"Normal humans willing to do anything to gain powers or recognition for our kind."

"You're not exactly human are you Jeff?"

"At one point I was a human, but something happened and I turned out like this. Humans regularly have more pinkish tan skin, not pale white. I got revenge on the people who did it, then I carved a smile in my face so I would never be sad, and burned out my eyelids to avoid sleep."

"What happened after that?"

"I don't like to talk about it."

"Sorry, I'm not going to press you on it. I'll ask my friends not to either."

"Thanks Twilight."

"You're welcome Jeff. Hey look there's Applejack, are you hungry?"

Jeff's stomach answered the question for him, "I could go for a bite."

The pair walked to the farmer's apple stand. Twilight trotted up. "Hey AJ."

"Howdy Twi', Jeff. How's it goin'?"

"Not bad, how's the sales?"

"Ah can't complain about it. What about you Jeff, how ya' doin'?"

"I'm stuck in a land where there is magic rainbows constantly shitting in my eyes. It could be worse though."

"Jeff not that ah mind but could ya' watch your language around th' stand ah have a little sister and-"

"Say no more, I'll watch the swearing around your company."

"Thank ya kindly, mind buying an apple for the road?"

"Why would I buy an apple just for the road? I thought you eat apples?" Jeff replied.

"Hahahaha, okay ya got meh there bud. Here's one on the house." AJ tossed him and apple.

"Thanks, but why?"

"You cheered me up durin' a pretty crabby day, besides it's something friends do."

"Here I was thinking that you didn't like me."

"Ah can't say ah approve of th' way ya' handle ya' business but it's ya' business and ah have no say in it."

Twilight paid for a bunch of apples and some apple fritters while Jeff took a bite of his apple. His eyes widened and he destroyed the apple in a few bites, "That was the freshest, most crunchy, juiciest apple I have ever graced my mouth with."

"Ah appreciate the compliment."

"Hey that was almost four syllables good for you AJ." She just blew raspberries at Jeff, then she smiled. "I'll see you around."

"Why did you insult Applejack like that?"

"She knew I was just joking."

The duo continued to explore the town filled with the craziest ponies ever to grace the planet's face. I think I'm going to like it here.