A Very Cheesy Story

“What, you thought that this story was done and over with? Well sir or ma’am. This story is not over until I say so. I have kidnapped your lovely author here.” Sheogorath pointed to a man duct taped to Sugarcube Corner’s wall. “So now I am in control of the story! This calls for cheese made of wine with more cheese!” Sheogorath held out a champagne glass, which he got from absolutely nowhere, and watched as it filled up with cottage cheese as it rained from the skies.

Roseluck screamed as cottage cheese ran through her mane. “I’m lactose intolerant! The horror, the horror!” She promptly fainted with her mouth open, letting the cheese freely make its way into her stomach. Lyra happened to be nearby and rolled the poor lactose intolerant mare over. Just out of kindness.

“I will gut you once this is over Sheogorath.” The author glared at the madman as Sheogorath sipped from his champagne glass, letting cheese dribble from his beard. He finished the cottage cheese drink and turned towards the author.

“You will have returned to Earth by then.” Sheogorath poked the author between the eyes. The author screamed and turned into an Eidar Cheese Wheel. “Or not, and hey! My favorite kind of cheese has arrived! Thank you mister milk man!”

Sheogorath heard something from behind him. “No problem little Sheo! Don’t get too rowdy with that cheese y’here?” He turned around and came face to face with Discord, the god of chaos himself.

“Discord! I haven’t seen you since madness college!” He shook hands with Discord and hugged him. The two embraced for a few minutes in a non-gay manner before letting go.

“I know man, but I gotta go. My chaos senses are tingling!” Discord then donned a pseudo-spiderman costume and disappeared.

Sheogorath had a quick laugh before he started to trot down a random cobblestone path that happened to lead to a massive tree house thing. Sheogorath touched the door of the tree house, which fell into a large pile of mice. The mice skittered off to eat the cheese that had rained from the skies a few minutes prior. He watched the mice hard at work before he heard a throat clearing sound from behind him. “Um, sir. Who are you?”

Sheogorath turned around with a goofy smile. “The question is not, who are you? The question is however, what are you?” Before the lavender mare could respond, Sheogorath had poked her with his staff. The lavender mare turned into a large cheese cube with a toothpick sticking out on top. “Well, that’s one place to put the horn I suppose.” Sheogorath shrugged and stepped over the cheese cube to gain entry to the library.

He first spotted a small purple dragon staring at him with his mouth hanging open. The dragon soon bore an angry look and futilely punched the daederic prince with his stubby hands. Sheogorath tapped his staff against his chin while the dragon was hard at work. “Cheese!” Sheogorath shouted. Suddenly, all the books that had once lined the shelves turned into cheese wheels. The cheese wheels slew in every direction, knocking things off of stands and stands off of things.

The dragon was still trying to get back at Sheogorath, but he was now bashing a cheese wheel against his legs. Sheogorath grumbled to himself, why couldn’t the dragon learn not to mess with daederic prince of madness and order, as well as cheese. He was the god of cheese. Supreme commander of the cheddar army and swiss airforce. President of the pepper jack nation. Emperor of the mozzarella empire!

“In the name of me, the cheese god, I deem you worthy of being a new cheese! You are now the... Uh… “ Sheogorath looked around. His eyes came to rest at a bottle of hot sauce before he flicked back to the dragon. He poked the dragon with the staff, who turned into a red cheese wheel. “You are spicy cheese. Go home.”

Sheogorath exited the cheesy library and stumbled over a stampede of mice. Followed by a yellow and pink pegasus pony. “Come back! Please don’t go in there!” The pegasus ignored Sheogorath  and continued on her merry way, but the god of cheese couldn’t allow her to pass by without being cheesified now could he? He poked the yellow pony with a staff blindly, all noise from her ceased when he did this. Sheogorath turned to the spot where the butter pony once was to find a bowl of cheese covered nachos sitting there.

Sheogorath walked around the now clean Cheeseville while eating a bowl of nachos that had seemingly appeared out of nowhere in the cheesebary.  He had renamned the Golden Oaks Library to “Sheogorath’s Cheesebary” He found the name fitting for the cheesehouse, as the wood was no longer wood. Instead, it was now a large tree shaped structure made out of cheese. The mice ran rampant through the house eating it all up, so he decided not to stay there. The nachos simply tagged along for the ride.

He spotted the screaming pony from earlier being helped up by a mint green mare. When Roseluck spotted Sheogorath she screamed again, and then fainted. The mint mare went straight back to resuscitating the downed pony while Sheogorath walked by, laughing. He coughed out a cheese covered nacho when he tried to laugh with his mouth full, the nacho landed on the poor mint pony, who tried to rub it off. She squealed when several mice latched on to her. Lyra ran off, leaving Roseluck fainted in the middle of the road.

Sheogorath walked over to what had once been the author of the story, who was now an Eidar Cheese Wheel. Sheogorath turned the author back into a human man, who was still duct taped to the wall. “Now we can end the story! What do you think mister author?”

“Guys! I’m sorry if this chapter was terrible, I’m sure there was very bad gramma-“

“Too many words for an author’s note buddy! We’re done here!”

And then the universe was cheese.