A Very Cheesy Story

Sheogorath was getting quite bored in the Shivering Isles… Sure, he had fun turning random things into cheese while shouting at the top of his lungs. He had fun ranting about random subjects that nobody actually knew. He is the Daederic Prince of Knowledge and Madness after all, but Sheogorath needed something new in his life. He needed more excitement, he needed adventure, he needed cheese! Cut out that last addition. Too much cheese will ruin this perfectly good story, or will it? Sheogorath is getting tired of writing himself in third person. Let’s try writing myself in second person.

You were getting quite bored in the Shivering Isles… Sure, you had fun turning random things into cheese while shouting at the top of your lungs. You had fun ranting about random subjects that nobody actually knew. You are the Daederic Prince of Knowledge and Madness after all, but you neede- No no no! This will not do either! This is offensive to me, how can I write something about myself and get offended by it?! You are not me! Bah! This introduction needs more cheese! I’m getting tired of writing this!

Cheese was getting quite bored in the Shivering Isles… Sure, he had fun turning random things into mozzarella cheese stick servants while shouting at the top of his cheesy lungs. He had fun ranting about random subjects that nocheese actually knew. He is the Cheese Prince of Cheese and Cheese after all. TOO MUCH CHEESE! ON WITH THE STORY IN FIRST PERSON!

I needed a vacation, I needed some excitement in my life, I needed adventure, I needed pretzels for my cheese, but most importantly… I needed to get out of this boring old throne and give the mortals in a random world some fun! Maybe cheese as well. What if cheese hasn’t been discovered in that world though… Who could possibly live without cheese!? Oops, I got off on a little tangent there didn’t I? Maybe I should summon the duke of dementia to help me.

I tapped my extremely powerful, majestic, golden, beautiful wabbajack staff on the ground twice. A blue sphere of flames erupted out of thin air. When the flames had cleared, there stood the duke of dementia himself. The duke erupted in joyous, and practically insane, laughter. This continued for me knows how long.

“Ahahahahaha!” The duke of dementia wiped a tear from his eye before settling down. “What is it Sheogorath? Oh glorious bringer of madness and knowledge.”

I noticed he was wearing steel plated armor crafted by Nords, on his back was a Daederic warhammer. I snapped my fingers three times. His armor turned into cheese and his warhammer turned into a breadstick.

“I’m bored. I need you to find me a world where I can have fun with the mortals. Cheese themed fun of course. I should change my title to The Daederic Prince of Cheese!” Lovely name… My mother would be proud, if she wasn’t eaten by wolves of course.

“Ah!” The duke raised a finger. His face twisted into a psychotic gleam. Out of nowhere a wheel with eight names were on it. Glowing lightbulbs, which hadn’t been invented yet, lined the wheel. “It’s time fooooorrr… Wheel! Of! Dimensions!” An audience wasn’t present, but yet I heard the cheers and clapping of one.

“The eight worlds you could land on are, The Mushroom Kingdom, Azaroth, Liberty City, Aegis 7 which is my personal favorite, Equestria, Anycity USA, The brain of a jackrabbit, and Toliet Land! Whichever the name the spinner lands on will be the world or area you will be in!” And I thought I was mad…

The duke of dementia spun the wheel with his left hand. I was happy with whatever world I was placed in, I was extremely curious about Toliet Land in particular though. I actually visited a similar universe that was nothing but miles and miles of fire hydrants. That’s where I saw a young boy and his dog before the two teleported to a different universe. I took one of the fire hydrants home and kept it as a pet. His name is Sparky.

The wheel was slowing down. It soon came to a stop on Equestria. I was having a hard time figuring out what the land entailed. My brain, which was a bunch of random cogs and gyros with a mouse powering it, soon came to link the “eques” in Equestria with Equines. Equines were horses, and at that very moment, I face palmed.

“Congraaaatulations young- errr… Old man!” Hey! The invisible audience cheered and clapped. “You’re going to the magical land of Equestria! Full of sapient ponies and blissful, carefree days! Apart from the fact that a monster attacks every so often, and they even have your old friend Q there!” I scratched the side of my head and turned the wheel into a cheese wheel. “He changed form into a weird creature now and changed his name to Discord, but he is still the god of chaos!” The prince clapped his hands together and a blue portal opened up on the gigantic cheese wheel.

Madness was literally my name! So that is how I am going to leave this world, by using madness! I grabbed my staff and rushed into the portal. “Cheeeeeeeese!” The portal closed behind me, leaving me to my own devices in this world for now. I wasn’t falling, I was simply just standing in the sky. When I looked down I started falling. Interesting… Cartoon physics and logic… Not enough cheese!

Suddenly, out of nowhere, a cyan pegasus caught me. “I’ve got yo- Wait a second… You aren’t a pon-“

“CHEESE!” I yelled to shock the mare. I touched her with my staff, and she turned into a cheese wheel. A multicolored cheese wheel if you wanted to be specific.

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Discord was reading a book in his mind, just sitting in his cotton candy throne, drinking a glass of chocolate milk. He lifted his head up and took off his reading glasses and muttered to himself. “Cheese.”

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The mare turned cheese wheel, with me riding on her, was rolling into town. We landed a few minutes ago on a hill and luckily gained enough momentum to roll into this town. A sign outside of it was dubbed Ponyville. WAS dubbed Ponyville, I used my staff to rename it Cheesetown. All of the ponies gave me odd looks, but they seemed accustomed to having weird creatures roll into town. Get it? I’m riding on a cheese wheel. No? You youngsters have awful senses of humor! I visited that one human fellow in his dreams once. George Carlin! He had an amazing sense of humor!

I got off the rainbow colored cheese wheel and teleported it to a random universe. Maybe someone will eat it… Who knows?

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In 2001, on planet earth…

Steve Jobs was having a really bad day… It was full of press conferences about releasing the new operating system and computer for the public. He was so irritated with all of them, he wanted revenge. Suddenly, it hit him! It literally hit him. The multicolored cheese wheel came out of nowhere and smacked him in the face. Steve Jobs removed the cheese wheel from his face and looked over it. A twisted smile appeared on his face. He would have revenge on them all… He coded and made the spinning cheese wheel… It would serve its purpose for those impatient customers… Oh yes it would…

He threw the cheese wheel out of a window and continued on with his life until 2011. The rainbow colored cheese wheel went on to a different universe and transformed back into Rainbow Dash. Somehow… She was now a filly inside of a cardboard box.

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And that is how the universe ended! Goodbye!