Arc 2- 8 (Vile Ponies, Vile Inception [B])

Shining Armor blinks tired tears out of his eyes and scans the ballroom. The ballroom has probably close to two hundred ponies in it, all in their own enclaves. Politicians in one area, talking like they know how businesses operate because the visited a restaurant. Celebrities in another, thinking they know everything about politics because of an opinion article. Businessponies drifting between the groups, trying to lobby for favors or strike up endorsement deals. And finally, the military personnel, staying in their own happy corner and rejecting anyone who tries to get them to support their campaigns, buy from them, or convince them to come to their next show. Through the clumps, Shining Armor can see the tables of food and beverages lined up along the walls, and the enormous windows show off the silhouette that is the Canterlot skyline and the glowing zeppelins that float around them. The constellations of the night sky and the lights peppering the skyline add some comfort to the disguised prison they call a “Pre-Gala”. Shining Armor looks around a little bit more and easily spots the not-so-subtle Night Guards watching over the entrances and exits as well as patrolling and watching the party from the second level. The whole layout reminds Shining Armor too much of a prison redecorated to look fancy and fool the prisoners into thinking that they have freedom.

Cadence sneaks up behind Shining Armor and does a surprise hug, making him jump and stumble a bit. Cadence laughs and Shining Armor follows suit after his racing heart returns to its normal beats.

“You scared me, Cadence,” laughs Shining Armor.

“Oh relax, Shining, no pony is out to get you,” teases Cadence.

“That’s not necessarily true.” Shining Armor looks past Cadence and sees reporters scurrying about, trying to get some scoops. “There are those reporters. Completely merciless little-”

“Soooo, have you seen Luna?”

Shining Armor lazily cranes his neck to search for the alicorn, but he doesn’t see her anywhere, which he finds odd since nighttime is her element and Celestia told him that Luna would be at the party.

“Nope,” says Shining Armor, “can’t see her anywhere.”

Cadence sighs sadly and rubs her hoof on the tile. “That probably means she’s in the library, which means she wants to be alone. I guess that’s a good thing, though. We don’t want another one of her exploding cakes again.”

Shining Armor sees a mare with a simple, yet admittedly beautiful, dress and a hat with a notepad tucked in it staring at him. She has a yellow coat and a well groomed red tail and mane, and Shining Armor recognizes her as Quill Pen, a reporter for the New Yoke Times. When Quill Pen starts approaching him Shining Armor wants to disappear into the crowd and possibly hide under a table for the rest of the night. But he knows reporters have an unnatural ability to find anyone, so trying to hide in a ballroom would be useless.

“Hey Cadence, why don’t you go to Twiley and see how she’s doing?” says Shining Armor while pointing at Twilight’s group. She’s with her friends, Rarity and Rainbow Dash, both looking good in their dress and military uniform.

Cadence looks at Shining Armor with feigned suspicion. “And what will you be doing?”

“Taking one for the team.”

Shining Armor reluctantly heads towards Quill Pen and when Cadence sees the reporter she just rolls her eyes and walks towards Twilight’s group. When Shining Armor reaches Quill Pen she opens up her mouth to say something, but Shining Armor cuts her off.

“Before you ruin my sanity, let’s move over by the wall.”

“Sure thing, Captain Armor,” says Quill Pen with a sly smile.

They walk over by the wall and Shining Armor sits down on one of the expensive seats that was lined up against it. Quill Pen takes the seat next to him and pulls out her pen and notebook with her magic.

“So,” begins Quill Pen innocently, “the citizens of Equestria have a lot of questions and I am here to ask them.”

“You don’t say. How many questions are there?” asks Shining Armor wearily as he strokes his injury with his good hoof.

“I promise they’ll be quick and seeing that your condition is a little questionable I won’t ask the hard stuff.”

“What the hay is that supposed to mean?”

“You know, you’re hoof and horn is ruined and Director Brisk Wind said that you’re an insomniac now, which we all know insomnia screws with the brain. So I’ll try to keep them simple.”

Shining Armor is speechless. He doesn’t think he’s ever faced such a blatant insult in his entire life! He remembers the barrage of insults he got on a daily basis during his training, and as painful as they were to hear, they were completely necessary for the program. However, this was just downright disrespectful, and what makes it worse is that Brisk Wind is telling news agencies that he’s not fit for “tough questions”. The urge to just up and leave to give Brisk Wind a piece of his mind just became dominant emotion.

“So, Captain Armor, we’ll start with something simple. Ponies are wondering how you are faring with your injuries sustained after your engagement with the League of Justice,” says Quill Pen.

“You talking to me is making the pain worse,” quips Shining Armor.

Quill Pen frowns and scribbles something down on her notepad that he can’t see while mumbling under her breath. When she’s done, she forces herself to smile as she goes on with the next question.

“There has been reports of increased violence in the rural areas regarding locals and Royal and Night Guards stationed at their towns. What is your response to such acts?”

“That question is too vague for me to answer, but know this, my soldiers have a right to defend themselves, so if they feel threatened they will act accordingly.”

Quill Pen scribbles down his response, and taps her chin with her pen for a couple of seconds like she’s thinking of something. Then she scratches off something and goes on to write something else down.

“Okay, I got another question,” says Quill Pen, turning to a fresh page on her notepad now.

“Oh goddess,” sighs Shining Armor while face-hoofing.

“You made it public that you oppose the Equestrian Investigation Bureau and the newly formed Civilian Defense Agency. Care to explain your position?”

Shining Armor looks away from Quill Pen and into the crowd, he wants to unload everything about the EIB and CDA right then and there, but they would be there all night and his request for an investigation is still pending so he’d just go off of almost pure speculation.

While Shining Armor thinks of a response for Quill Pen’s question, he spots Brisk Wind talking to the Flim Flam Brothers about only Celestia knows what (if she even knows what goes on outside the reports). Brisk Wind sees him with the reporter and flashes a very smug, victorious smile at him that says: “Gotcha”.

“Captain Armor, you still there?” says Quill Pen mockingly.

“I oppose the EIB because of their violations to basic pony rights, and I oppose the CDA because it is an organization that would make tyrants proud. Now if you’ll excuse me, I need to have a word with somepony,” says Shining Armor angrily.

Before Quill Pen can respond Shining Armor gets up and marches towards Brisk Wind; any sane pony would feel like the Captain’s gaze would be boring into their soul, but not for Brisk Wind, she just smiles.

“Good evening, Captain Armor,” says Brisk Wind with a smile so fake that Shining Armor wants to buck her in the face right then and there, “I saw you talking to that lovely reporter over there.”

Shining Armor nods politely to the Film Flam Brothers and says: “Gentlecolts, if you’ll excuse us for a moment.”

“Certainly,” says Flim.

“We’ll leave you two to yourselves,” says Flam.

Then they both bow politely to Brisk Wind and walk off, only to be pestered by Quill Pen ten seconds later. Shining Armor then escorts Brisk Wind to the exit of the ballroom, and he leads her to a secluded balcony. After that, he closes the balcony door and turns his glare to the narcissistic pegasus in front of him. Not even the cool night breeze can cool his temper.

“What the hay is wrong with you!” shouts Shining Armor.

“Nothing’s wrong with me, you’re the one with the bad hoof and horn,” remarks Brisk Wind.

“You are trying to discredit me in front of the press!”

“Oh, is this about Ms. Pen? I merely told her that you were facing some problems and that she should go easy on you. We did talk for a little bit and she seemed nice. Believe me, if I didn’t think so, I wouldn’t have allowed her near you.”

Shining Armor scoffs. “For some reason I think you’re lying through your teeth.”

Brisk Wind smirks and walks uncomfortably close to him.

“Captain, you and me are on the same team,” says Brisk Wind. “We need to trust each other and-”

Shining Armor quickly pulls away from her.

“How can I trust you when you won’t give me the files?” growls Shining Armor.

“I did give you the files-”

“Ruined files!”

“Just like you gave me what you had.”

“What you gave me was covered in coffee stains and black bars!”

“Did I mention how grateful I was for those files?”

Shining Armor shakes his head. “You’re evil. I’m starting to wonder where your loyalties lie.”

Brisk Wind frowns. “My loyalties are to Equestria and the principles of Harmony, Captain.” Then Brisk Wind smiles again, brushes past Shining Armor, and playfully flicks her tail underneath his chin, making him grumble. “But I can understand your concern, my methods are strange in the eyes of a pony such as yourself.”

“I have this thing called ‘morals’, you should try getting some. They’re free and easy to use.”

Brisk Wind pushes open the doors. “I can see why Cadenza fell for you, you can be quite charming even when you act like an ass.”

Shining Armor doesn’t give Brisk Wind the benefit of eye contact, instead he walks over to the edge of the balcony, saying: “You better not send any reporters near me or my family, you got that?”

Brisk Wind laughs and turns around with her hoof over the door. “No worries, Captain. Why don’t you stay out here? Maybe the cool air is just what you need to cool off. We wouldn’t want you to take your stress to affect your marriage after all.”

Shining Armor glares at her and when she closes the door, he sighs and folds his forehooves over each other and slumps against the balcony railing, looking at the skyline of the home he no longer recognizes. A few minutes later, Shining Armor reluctantly heads back inside; he and the guards salute each other as he walks down the glimmering hallway. He remembers when he was in training how his drill sergeant had told him and his outfit that the whole palace is supposed to be a symbol of Harmony, and he believed it, but now that he’s looking at it, he can only think of a changeling. They look beautiful when in disguise, but once they reveal their true nature they turn out to be ugly sons of bitches.

Shining Armor stops to look at the mural along the wall dedicated towards Celestia and the Harmony she brought. All the towns and cities look peaceful, the flags of the regions wave proudly in the sunlight, and every pony is looking up to Celestia as the one true source of everything. Now that he looks at it, it makes him sick to his stomach.

“...I don’t care what they are saying! I know what I heard and saw!” says Rainbow Dash furiously while storming past Shining Armor with Soarin trailing her.

“Look, I know what it’s like to lose somepony special, but you can’t be obsessing over her like this! It isn’t healthy!” says Soarin, desperately trying to get Rainbow Dash to calm down.

Shining Armor watches the two argue as they hurry their steps and when Rainbow Dash rounds the corner he swears he hears her say something along the lines of: “Pinkie is not dead!”

Shining Armor stares at where the two left, unsure if he heard right, and right as he’s about to go after them Cadence calls him. He turns around quickly and sees Cadence walking towards him with a look of concern and two Night Guards by her side.

“Cadence, shouldn’t you be enjoying the party?” asks Shining Armor; he looks over his shoulder, hoping that Rainbow Dash and Soarin are within hearing range. They aren’t.

Cadence guides his head so that he’s looking into her soft eyes. “Shining, please just come back inside and enjoy the party.”

Shining Armor sighs. “I want to enjoy the party, believe me, but I need-”

“To go inside and relax.” Shining Armor opens his mouth to protest but Cadence puts her hoof over it. “That’s an order.”

Shining Armor tries protesting once more, but due to the hoof covering his mouth it comes out as an unintelligible, muffled mess. Cadence sighs and walks behind Shining Armor.

“Cadence what are ya-okay then...”

Cadence has started to push Shining Armor to the door by pushing against his backside, and the stallion’s cheeks turn slightly red as he dug his hooves into the tile. But due to how ridiculously flat and polished the surface is the only thing he managed to accomplish was a loud screeching noise that quickly became painful for the ears. And to add to his embarrassment, he can see the Night Guards smirking, and one is even fighting a losing battle to keep his chuckle in. While Shining Armor tries desperately to stay away from the claustrophobic party using physical means he also tries to sweet talk his way out, which fails miserably on his part because Cadence wouldn’t have any of it.

“Shining Armor Sparkle, you will go to that party and you’ll like it!” says Cadence, annoyance seeping in her tone.

“And if I don’t like it?” asks Shining Armor.

“Then you’re sleeping on the couch.”

Shining Armor sighs in defeat and reluctantly opens the door with Cadence by his side, he motions her to go first while saying: “After you Mrs. Mi Amore Cadenza Sparkle.”

Cadence beams and walks inside with a proud trot and nose in the air as a mockery of Equestria’s elite class.

“Thank you, Captain Shining Armor Sparkle,” says Cadence, still grinning.

Shining Armor can’t help but smile as he closes the door behind him, and while he’s trailing Cadence his eyes drift to her flank, which she seems to pick up almost immediately. She stops walking and Shining Armor, being too distracted with the view, bumps into her. He blinks and tries to act innocent by humming to himself and looking around the room, but he can feel Cadence’s smile on him.

“You’ll get some if you behave,” says Cadence slyly.

“Get what? I don’t know what you’re talking about,” says Shining Armor innocently.

Cadence giggles and brushes her tail under his chin before she heads towards Twilight and Rarity. “Don’t play Mr. Innocent with me.”

“That’s Captain Innocent, to you.”

Shining Armor follows his wife to the other two as she chuckles, smiling to himself at the thought of some quality time with her if he “behaves”. While he thinks about what she meant by that, he involuntarily picks up the conversation between Rarity and Twilight; they are too distracted to see him or Cadence approach them.

“...Anyway, I could’ve sworn that I saw Trixie not too long ago with Fancypants,” says Rarity as she uses her magic to spin a little umbrella in her drink.

“Really?” says Twilight, looking pretty grumpy at first, but at the mention of Trixie her grumpiness dissolves to barely contained anger. Shining Armor suspects her former attitude has something to do with Rainbow Dash storming away, but he doesn’t prod, he’s too captivated by Rarity’s claim.

“Yes, the poor thing looked awful and I honestly pitied her, but the pony she was with called her ‘Pixie Dust’, so I could’ve been mistaken.”

“Who’s Trixie?” asks Cadence.

Rarity and Twilight both turn to Cadence and she and Shining Armor take a seat. Shining Armor wanted to tell her that Trixie was a terrorist, but Twilight beat him to it.

“Trixie was an obnoxious showmare who had a hard time grasping reality,” says Twilight, immediately taking a sip of her drink afterward.

“‘Had’?”

“Trixie was apprehended by the EIB under charges of terrorism a few weeks ago and hasn’t been seen since,” says Shining Armor.

“Allegedly,” states Rarity.

“You said her name was ‘Pixie Dust’,” says Twilight while rubbing the shoulder Trixie stabbed with the stake.

“Ponies could change names. Maybe she’s trying to lay low.”

“Why would the EIB release a terrorist?”

“Can we please change the subject,” pleads Cadence while wrapping her forehoof around her husband’s neck and bringing him closer to her so that their bodies are pressed together. “Shining needs to relax, and talking about showmares turned terrorist doesn’t help him any.”

“Thanks, Cadence,” says Shining Armor with a subtle hint of annoyance in his voice.

Rarity gasps happily and puts her hooves on the table, saying: “I-de-a!” Everyone at the table looks at her and she giggles for a moment. “We should talk about fashion!”

The girls all voice their agreement on Rarity’s idea, but Twilight is approving of it for the sake of changing the subject while Cadence is eager to hear what the master of fashion has to say. But Shining Armor flat out says “No” which causes him to be the focus of three pairs of stern eyes that are demanding he listen to them talk about dresses. He caves in almost immediately.

He sighs. “Fine.”

Cadence and Rarity cheer and immediately get into a conversation about dresses while Twilight listens and throws in an opinion every so often. While Shining Armor listens to one of the most boring conversations of the year a waitress walks by carrying a tray full of wine glasses with her magic. Shining Armor takes one of the glasses and downs it one gulp. Then another waitress walks by with the same tray of wine balanced on her back, and Shining Armor repeats what he did with the previous waitress. And the same thing happens at least a dozen more times, with each glass making him more woozy, his vision more blurry, and everything becoming increasingly hilarious. But no one seems to notice the incredibly stupid smile plastered on his face or how much he’s wobbling.

He tries to focus on Rarity to hear what she’s talking about, and from what he can tell, it has something to do with a dress mishap. “So then I had to tell her that the armscye was too tight and that the midday collar-”

Shining Armor suddenly laughs obnoxiously loud and points at Rarity, causing heads to turn to him. Rarity raises an eyebrow, Cadence face-hoofs to conceal her embarrassment, and Twilight’s lavender fur pales.

“She said ‘midday collar’!” laughs Shining Armor.

“Oh no,” groans Cadence.

“I fail to see the humor,” says Rarity dryly.

The crowd murmurs and watches the scene unfold while some of the Night Guards carefully approach him. Quill Pen runs closer to the scene and gleefully scribbles down what she’s seeing while Brisk Wind walks next to her, smiling at what she’s seeing. As she walked towards Quill Pen she gave each of the waitresses that passed Shining Armor a small bag of bits, and when she is next to Quill Pen they exchange smiles and watch Shining Armor make a fool of himself.

A few seconds later Shining Armor sees Brisk Wind and he wobbles towards her with drunken rage completely overtaken any lighthearted feelings. His eyes are having an extremely hard time focusing on his nemesis and the ground seems to be shifting under his feet

“You... You. You. Youuuuuuuu,” slurs Shining Armor, while pointing at Brisk Wind... or one of her three clones. “You’re a-you’re a bad-mean pony.”

“Shining, I think you had a little too much to drink,” says Cadence worryingly.

Shining Armor chuckles and looks at Cadence, saying: “I didn’t have too much to drink. I had too little!” He then turns back to Brisk Wind. “I have had just enough to... I have had just enough of this fine-fine-fine... fine ole... fancy cider stuff to work up the courage to tell EVERYPONY how much of bitch you are!” The crowd gasps and Shining Armor looks genuinely confused while Brisk Wind looks amused. “What? We were all thinking it. Ms. Quilly Penny write that down. Director Brisk Wind is a big fat bitch!”

Quill Pen points at herself. “Are you talking to me?”

“Well duh!” Shining Armor laughs and almost falls over, thankfully Cadence, now fuming, catches him. “Thanks shmoopy doo, I’ll have to privately thank you under the covers.”

The crowd groans and quietly express their disgust with the Captain’s implied vulgarity with one another. The only two who didn’t seem surprised and upset by what Shining Armor said are Brisk Wind and Filthy Rich, who made his way next to Brisk Wind and has a sly smile; he also appears to be a bit tipsy.

“Ooh that’s a hound dog,” says Filthy Rich, then he looks at Brisk Wind and momentarily checks her out before he grins from ear to ear and extends his hoof. “Hi, I’m Filthy Rich.”

“You’re not my type,” says Brisk Wind instantaneously, her smile also disappeared along with Filthy Rich’s. His eyes actually tear up and he looks down, sniffling, while Brisk Wind looks at Shining Armor again, her smile returning to its former, smug-y glory.

“Ya know somethen,” slurs Shining Armor while levitating another glass of wine with his magic; Cadence immediately tries to yank it away which quickly devolves into a tug of war between the two that ends in Cadence’s victory and Shining Armor scoffing in a sickly puking noise. “Ya know somethen... when I was just a little colt in the Royal Guard I heard that the earth pony soldiers said-had this little quote thingamajiggy thingy that they would say before their little battles.”

“Okay, time to go,” says Cadence sternly.

Shining Armor laughs and stands on his hind legs and wraps his forehoof around Cadence in a cheap hug while quickly downing Rarity’s drink, making her gasp like she had just experienced one of the most insulting things ever.

“They would say: Eat, drink, be merry, for tomorrow we die! BE MERRY EVERYPONY!”

Shining Armor cheers like his favorite hoofball team won the Equestrian Cup and falls backwards on the table, smashing it under his weight and sending the empty glasses flying into the crowd. The crowd gasps and backs away while the Night Guards pick up Shining Armor and carry him out with Cadence, Twilight, and Rarity trailing close behind. They are trying to shield their faces from the crowd, which they mostly silently stare at Shining Armor, completely baffled by his antics. Brisk Wind smirks and waves to the leaving group and the only one who noticed this demeaning act was Twilight, and she gave the icy blue pegasus a threatening glare that had zero effect on her.

The awkward silence is broken by Filthy Rich’s stomping ovation.

“Bravo! Bravo!” he exclaims, all eyes turn to him, but he doesn’t care, he’s too drunk to. “That colt knows how to party! Whoo!” Filthy Rich then looks at an attractive pegasus mare with a yellow coat and a black mane and tail standing next to him, looking a little concerned for her wellbeing, and he smiles and extends his hoof. “Hi, I’m Filthy Rich.”