Tourettes Guy Visits Ponyville

Everypony in Ponyville liked Hearths Warming Eve a lot,
but Tourretes Guy in Canterlot, oh he did not!

Now Danny hated Hearths Warming! The whole festive season!
Now, please don't ask why. He'll just shout the reason.

It could be, perhaps, that his neck brace was too tight,
It could be his alcohol fix that wasn't supplied quite right.

But I think the reason why is not a missing cuba libra,
so sit back, relax, and listen to this zebra.

It was a holly and jolly time in Canterlot town,
the streets were erupting with business up and down,
everypony was smiling, there was not one frown.
But in the large castle where lies Equestria's numen,
also stays one creature; a perculiar human.

Six months it has been since Danny arrived,
and now he's kept in the castle, so he has survived.
He hates it here, it's too colourful and nice,
but he can't return to his world so he has to pay the price.

In light of the season, Celestia came,
down to his room where he sits in shame.
She said he could go out to Canterlot for Hearths Eve Warming,
though if he does something bad, it's his final warning.

Being cooped up in a castle for six months was not good for Danny,
he was finally glad to be set free; his happiness uncanny.
So he walked out the door into busy Canterlot,
looking at the ponies with sorrow, hating the way they trot.

Danny walked through the town, trying to behave,
ignoring all the ponies and the stares they gave.
He looked into shops, there was nothing appealing,
this was so pointless to him; no joy was he feeling.

Then he looked into an alley, ominous and dark,
and saw a strange shop; it's mysteriousness stark.
He went in and the bell on door rang,
Danny was surprised by the ding, dong and clang.

Then he heart hoofsteps approaching the till,
there was a strange pony, smiling, stood still.
He examined Danny with a forward eye,
then said to the human, "Yes, hello, hi!"

Danny looked back at this bearded bloke,
who was puffing on a pipe and exhaling smoke.
This pony could sense something bad in him, Danny had greed,
he said to the human, "what do you need?"

Danny looked around and saw at the back,
six cans of beer, grouped together in pack,
he said to the pony "gimmie that!"

The pony looked behind to see what he'd find,
he found the six beer cans, his one of a kind.
He turned back to Danny and told him he could not sell this brew,
Danny slammed on the counter and shouted back "FUCK YOU!"

The salespony sighed and only shook his head,
then tried to offer other objects to Danny instead.
Danny refused and refused each one,
the beer is what he wanted; everything else he'd shun.

This was not any ordinary beer, Danny did not know,
the salespony was getting angry with him now and so,
he sold him the beer not feeling coerced,
then shouted to Danny as he left "that beer is cursed!"

Danny laughed as he walked right out the door,
then immidatley sat down and started drinking on the floor.
He finished all six beers with an incredible burp,
then stood up and stumbled out to the curb.

He waddled and swaggered back to the castle,
getting back to his room was one mighty hassle.
He got there eventually and fell onto the bed,
drunken, head pounding, feeling like he was dead.

He woke up later, with not a hangover lingering,
all he could hear was music, laughter, chatter and singing.
He jumped out of bed and slammed onto the floor,
then started to make his way towards the door.

But then he looked around and noticed something odd,
he was sort of crawling, walking on quads.
He looked down and cried out, swearing to his luck,
he had hooves now, "WHAT THE FUCK?"

He quickly trotted towards the nearest mirror,
and as he got closer his image got clearer.
He was no longer a human, his shape had changed,
Danny was now an earth pony, he thought it was derranged!

"I'm one of those sissies now!" he could only cry,
"I don't wanna be dumbass horse!" to himself he replied.

He studied his reflection and saw his coat was cream,
he had a small amount of grey hair, not a tail to be seen.
He looked on his flank; and saw it was bare.
He was glad, "not a bastard mark there."

He looked at the door again and followed the sound,
of the chatter, music and laughter that he heard all around.
He trotted upstairs and before his eyes,
hundreds of ponies; all of which he despised.

Celestia looked and saw him and gasped,
she galloped towards Danny and asked,
"What happened to you? What have you done?"
"I drank some fucked up beer, and now I look dumb!"

Celestia told him to stay here and behave,
he was at the Grand Galloping Gala, to disobey her would be brave.
Danny just notted and let out a sigh,
Celestia trotted off without saying bye.

Danny looked around, everything looked boring,
if he stayed around for too long he'd be alseep and boring.
But wait! This was a party! There must be booze!
Danny would rather find it than take a snooze.

He trotted around to see what he could find,
being offered fancy hors d'oeuvres which he rudely declined.
"FUCK OFF, GET LOST, I DON'T NEED YOUR FANCY SHIT!"
The posh ponies were not impressed, not one bit.

As he made his way through the halls he got many angry stares,
Danny didn't know what he'd done to upset the stallions and mares.
Then he found the band and oh how they hurt his ears,
he didn't know who they were either, they certainly weren't his peers.

He trotted to the band and stared at the grey fellow,
then bellowed to the pony next to him "WHO'S THE FAGGOT WITH THE CHELLO?"
The pony audibly guffawed and gave Danny a mean look,
"Why that's Octavia you bumbling brook!"

"I don't know who the fuck she is but fuck her! Fuck her hard!"
Said Danny angrily, leaving the ponies mentally scarred.
Then Danny heard a voice, one he thought he'd never hear again,
this was a voice he hated, one that his bane.

"Dad! Dad! Oh my God, I've found you!"
Rung the voice of his son from out of the blue.
Danny couldn't see him amongst the large pony crowds,
but he could hear where the boy was speaking from, of that he wasn't proud.

"WHADDA YOU WANT, ASSHOLE?" Danny angrily shouted.
"I know how to get you home!" his son's voice happily touted.
"WHAT? YOU DO! THEN TAKE ME THERE NOW!"
Danny barged through the crowds, knocking them all down.

He looked right ahead and saw a huge portal,
it was shrinking however, he had to jump in before it became a morsel.
Danny trotted as fast as he could. To get home would be sweet,
suddenly he felt that he was running on two feet.

The curse had worn off and Danny was human again,
he jumped in the portal just in time and then...

Danny sat on the couch and sighed loudly. What he'd been through just now was wild and random and he could've sworn he was thinking of rhymes every other second. His son from the kitchen asked him if there was anything he wanted.

"YEAH! Get me a beer," he shouted.

"What?" his son replied, not being able to fully hear him.

"OH FOR FUCK SAKE! I'VE BEEN IN A WORLD WITH PONY FAGGOTS FOR 3 MONTHS WITHOUT ANY PROPER BOOZE AND I ASK FOR A SIMPLE FUCKING BEER AND YOU CAN'T EVEN DO THAT? YOU WORTHLESS PIECE OF SHIT!"

Danny sighed again as his son apologised. Then he felt something poke him and looked beside him.

Sat there was Berry Punch and she asked, "can I have one too?"

Danny took a deep breath.

"FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCK!!