Celestia's Harem

Celestia’s Harem
Part 4: Mountain Blood

Celestia danced back and forth between an oven, a microwave oven, a brick oven and a long counter. The three harem stallions sat on the other side of the bar, in idle conversation. The day Princess’ weakness was to cook and be among friends, so they encouraged her to cook as much as she wanted because hey, free food and a happy princess. Taking out a piping hot green bean casserole, she paused to stir a massive fruit salad and levitated iced juice glasses out to everypony. After receiving a look, she rolled her eyes and plucked a cheap beer from the fridge for Mountain Blood. He smiled, popping it open with his teeth as he usually did.

“Can I ask, how is Twilight getting along with you boys?” Celestia asked. “Spare me the, ah, intimate details, but does she seem happy?”

“We’re not really sure. We’ve only seen her twice in the past month or so,” Caramel Column said, touching his chin and looking at the ceiling thoughtfully. “She lives a pretty happy life, so her stress-level doesn’t often call for guys like us, maybe.”

“She’s fuckin’ adorable is what she is,” Mountain Blood chuckled, adjusting himself on the bar stool while Celestia teased oven-burned vegetable-kabobs onto their plates. She had yet to please the oven gods and not burn the celery, but she had back-up sandwiches and watermelon for that. “I dun think she’s slept with any of us yet, but I’d feel guilty even touchin’ the poor thing.” Caramel Column nodded his agreement... and Feather Fall looked guiltily to one side. “Wh… you?!” Mountain Blood demanded. “When?! How?!”

“We’ve been told to spare the details,” Feather Fall said delicately. “Just think of Cellie, here.” He gestured, his pupils expanding and softening into a doe-like expression. (“HYNNNRGH?!” Celestia almost dropped her macaroni-and-cheese-with-breadcrumbs, pitching to one side to grab the counter and not fall over)

“That doesn’t work on me!” Mountain Blood scowled.

Caramel Column leaned around him, looking concerned. “Truly, though? Twilight came to you for her first time among us harem-stallions?” He didn’t look jealous, merely a little surprised. “I thought there would be, you know, a bit more song and dance before then. A year, at least.” He smiled as his brow knitted.

“I didn’t mount her, if that’s what you mean.” Feather Fall said, lifting a wing rather shyly.

Mountain Blood grumped at him. “Ohhh, a wingie, then. Got it.” He looked a little relieved at the idea. “If that’s all, I guess that’s okay.”

“Boys,” Celestia said a little loudly so they would talk less about her former star pupil… that way. “All set!” she said, taking off her cute little chef hat. They ohh’d and ahh’d over the spread, passing big bowls of food back and forth. Leaving them to sit on their bar stools at the counter, Celestia pulled up a stool as well, opposite to them. This was what pleased her more than anything. Eating with others. Making food like a house-mare. Being in service to others when she was waited on horn-and-foot out in the real world. It was really refreshing. Well… that and after the Lemon Pie Incident of 850 (Post Nightmare Moon), the royal kitchens wouldn’t let her use their ovens. The Room of Requirement would have to be her kitchen. It pleased her to see them eat with gusto, and she joined them after a time. But, eventually, the conversation returned to Twilight Sparkle.

“I’m just sayin’, she comes off real innocent when she’s here,” Mountain Blood said, stirring pepper into his macaroni. “I dun think we should be makin’ advances, is all. She’s almost like a little sister or something.” He harrumphed a little. “We should maybe wait on any of the hot’n’heavy stuff, y’know? Let her explore a little before anything serious comes up.” His fellows nodded in agreement. “’Sides, it’s not like an estrus is gonna hit her so hard she’s gonna come bursting in here one day and-“

The door suddenly CRASH’D open, almost off its hinges! “MOUNTAIN BLOOD! I NEED YOU!” Twilight screeched, looking sweaty and frazzled. Celestia, Feather, and Caramel all sprayed food in every conceivable direction.

The earth pony stallion looked shocked, slowly setting his beer down, “Uhhh…” was all he could manage as Twilight quickly crossed the room. She had a certain softness in her eyes that any stallion could recognize. “W-well, I’m flattered, Twilight…” he began, before she pulled something from her saddlebags.

“C-can you fix this?” she mewled a little, holding up a broken birdhouse. “There was a big storm, and it crashed into my stepping stones. I-I’ve had it since I was little, but everypony is still cleaning up storm damage I didn’t want to bother them! I-It’s very important! My dad made it for me-hee-hee!” little pricks of tears were in the outer corners of her eyes, and she was on the verge of sobbing. Clearly this had spiraled out of control and they were catching the tail-end of a Twilight Sparkle freak-out.

Everypony relaxed a few more hairs. “H’oh! Oh right! Sure!” The mud-colored stallion coughed twice, trying to ignore the tingling beginnings of an erection in his loins. “Cuz I work construction, right? Lemme see…” she let him have it and he turned it over a few times. “Oh yeah, some glue and a few screws should be okay…” it was a complex thing, with a princess tower and little glass windows and a porch. It was almost like a doll house, but for birds. “It weighs more than it should, to be hanging from a tree. I’ll have a look… after lunch?” he offered.

Twilight suddenly spied everypony else in the room. “Uh? Oops…” she said. “I-I-I’m sorry, I just had tunnel vision when I saw you. E-everypony, I-I’ll show myself out.”

“Nonsense!” Celestia said, giggling at the turn of events. Another stool molded up out of the floor as the Room of Requirement twinged to accommodate a second princess. “Join us for this summer-picnic lunch!” she said gaily.

It was only then Twilight saw Celestia was not wearing her crown. Turning around to look near the door, she saw the golden horseshoes, crown, and regalia hanging from hooks. “Sure thing,” she finally collected herself to say. Going to the door and closing it, she hung up her saddlebags. They made room for Twilight, seating her at the end of the counter. She felt like she was at the head of a table, hee hee! Different bowls and platters were passed by her, until she had a heavy plate. “Thank you!” she said.

=-=-=-=-=-=

Mountain Blood peered around the dungeon corner, but spotted nothing in the darkness. Signaling his two fellows, they continued along the damp hallway. Mace in hoof, he eased the door open. “Mwah-hah! I have you at last!” a sorceress appeared, pointed hat and all. “You shall never obtain the Silver Dancing Shoes of the Gods now!” an arc of lightning lanced across the room.

Feather Fall shouldered Caramel out of the way and took it full in the chest! He went down hard, smoldering. “Feather!” Caramel cried in horror. Turning with a whip of his wand, the unicorn fired arcane crystals back across the room. The sorceress skidded back on her hooves, grunting in pain.

Mountain Blood charged into the melee, bopping the sorceress over the head with his spikey mace. “Er… which one do I roll now?” the world around him froze. Caramel sighed, holding his forehead for a moment.

“The eight-sided one.”

“Is that this one?” he said, peering into his hoof at a black die with several more sides than normal. “Or this one?” he squinted at them.

“No, no that one there.”

“This game is fucking hard,” the earth pony grumbled, turning his character sheet over a few times in his armored hoof. “Oh there it is!” he said. Clack.

Mountain Blood bashed the sorceress over the head and she went down hard, pinwheeling flank-over-tea-kettle until she hit the wall. Her saddle-bags spilled open to reveal 31 gold pieces, two spell scrolls, 4 day rations, and the Silver Dancing Shoes of the Gods! “found ‘em!”

“Too bad I’m dead,” Feather Fall sighed from where he lay on the ground.

“Is he dead?!” Mountain Blood demanded.

“It’s hard to tell.”

“I resuscitate him!” Mountain Blood seized the limp Feather Fall into his arms, throwing his mace and shield aside. “Don’t die on me! We can’t continue adventuring with just two!” he slammed his lips over Feather Falls. The stallion flailed animatedly, eyes bugging out of his head.

“Er… er-uhm… roll a fortitude save. I think my nose is running, hang on…”

Mountain Blood blew into his mouth again, then punched him in the chest. “Auh-haugh!” the feminine stallion cried, turning over and curling up. “That is NOT how you do that!” he whined. “Please say I’m not dead so he’ll quit that!”

Mountain Blood looked at Twilight across the table. She seemed to be hiding behind her Dungeon Master’s shield more than normal. “You okay, Twilight?” he asked.

“H’yeah….” She said weakly, pushing the tissue against her nose. “Y-yeah he’s still alive.” She looked like she was over-heating, really. Ohhh, was that what got Twilight hot and bothered? Stallion on stallion action? The idea flashed across the table like wildfire.

“Oh Mountain Blood!” Feather Fall put his forehoof over his brow. “I… I thought I was a goner!” he said dramatically, tossing his mane to one side. His soft eyes looked up into Mountain Blood’s concerned, tender brown ones. “You saved me,” he lifted a hoof and put it on his friend’s chest. “I don’t know what I would do without you…” the earth pony leaned over the Pegasus, as though about to whisper something.

Twilight leaned forward in her chair, scarlet in the face, but unable to take her eyes off the scene. Caramel cocked an amused eyebrow. So they’d found the chink in her adorable little armor. They were going to exploit the heck out of this.

“So what other loot is there?” Mountain Blood gave no kisses to feather like Twilight was expecting (wanting?), dropping the feminine white stallion to the ground with a bump. “Oooh, is that a magic hat?” he said with interest, squatting over the limp sorceress’ form.

“It is, but it’s for a caster.”

“I’mma wear it,” Mountain decided, putting it on his head.

“You literally cannot use it. You're a warrior-class! It’s meant for wizards and sorcerers!” Caramel argued. “Like me!” he pointed to his wizardly robes. Mountain Blood stuck his tongue out at him, straightening the hat's point with a hoof. Feather groaned from where he lay on the floor, face-hoofing.

Twilight snickered despite herself. None of her friends in Ponyville would play this game with her. The boys were making it too much fun! She smiled wide, watching them argue over the loot and moving the sorceress away with a sneaky slieght-of-hoof trick. They wouldn’t notice the plastic figurine was gone from the grid map for a few minutes, at least!

End of Part 4