Celestia's Harem

Celestia’s Harem
Part 5: The Kink Folder

Once a month or so, the three harem stallions would gather to have a meeting. Like any other set of coworkers, they had things to go over and adjustments to make to help improve themselves. With no princesses about, the Room of Requirement actually paid the three of them a bit of attention. Though not being alicorns themselves they could not project as well. With some effort they could get things across to the room like ‘chair’, ‘table’, ‘cabinet’, and ‘shelves’. Using their concerted efforts (and usually a furniture store magazine to help them all think of the same thing), they managed to turn the magical room into a conference room with a couple of filing cabinets and a mini-fridge.

“Alright then, gentlecolts, let’s have a look for the past six weeks or so.” Caramel Column, having been raised in a library, usually took charge. They came to order like a secret club, each coughing and unfolding papers here and there.

“Celestia is still enjoying her cooking stint,” Feather Fall said gently. “She visits once a week, tends to make breakfasts… and still hasn’t made the pie she promised us.” That earned a few chuckles around the table.

“Any changes? Any singular calls?” Though the events in the Room of Requirement were always kept private there were no secrets between the three of them, for the good of the princesses— regardless of what their appetites happened to be.

“Me,” Feather Fall answered. “Princess Twilight used the bell to summon me alone. I gave her a good rub-down and a ‘wingie’.” He made air-quotes with his primary pinions. “She fell asleep after, and went home in her own time.”

Mountain Blood coughed. “And myself. Celestia came in about a week ago. Nothin’ fancy, just a quick rutting before a hot bath and bed,” he related. “Standard Friday-evening weekend-starter. With tax season starting in a few weeks I’m not surprised her stress level is up.” The other two stallions scribbled notes accordingly. While yes, they were a harem, taking care of the stress levels of the world powers was serious business. They always compared notes, reported sudden mood spikes or swings, and other things. Sometimes they could even extrapolate what a Princess might want before she entered the Room of Requirement, and make preparations. Celestia’s kitchen, for example, needed to be stocked with food on a regular basis (the room couldn’t just conjure up consumables, its magic had limits).

“What about Princess Luna?” Feather Fall asked. “Still one visit every ten days?”

“Like clockwork,” Caramel agreed, checking their office-desk calender. The dark blue L’s were mapped every ten days, along with scribbles as to what happened, as far back as Luna had been present in the Room of Requirement. “Any changes there?”

“Nope,” Mountain Blood said, turning a few pages. “She still enjoys being dominated the most. We need to remember to replace the three broken riding crops and the bit and bridle she ruined the other night. I forget how strong her jaws are, bein’ an alicorn.” They frowned over their notes, “Not to mention we never did find that humming egg. I think she walked out with it at some point,” he trailed off and the other two nodded a bit, chuckling. “Hafta be careful lately, I don’t want her to leave this place with bruises or something. I don’t mind a mare that likes it rough, but she is a public figure. Ponies would talk.”

“Noted,” Caramel said, nodding and not looking up from his papers.

“Not that I’d know anything about her appetites,” Feather Fall stuck his tongue out a little sulkily. To date, he’d never been with Princess Luna. The dark alicorn seemed firmly set on the other two of the harem, and had never lifted her tail for him in particular. It made him a bit jealous, to be honest.

“You weigh too little, and lack the strength.” Mountain Blood said, sympathetic for his fellow. “She likes the bigger, stronger sort. We’ve just got the advantage over you.”

“I know, I know.” Feather Fall grumped. “Doesn’t mean I have to like it.”

“Celestia enjoys your feathery touch more than us anyways,” Caramel smiled sideways, unfolding the proper folder as they wrote down the dates and… well, actions that went with them. “Any new kinks or requests pop up between the royal sisters?” he looked up, at both of them in turn. Nopony said anything. “Okay, good-good, sometimes no news is good news.”

Ponies that wanted to try too much of too many things in the bedroom could be unstable or volatile, according to some books he’d read in his family’s library. Healthy lovers tended to settle on a hoof-full of bedroom tricks and stay with them for long periods of time, occasionally trying something new just to taste it. The royal sisters were much the same way. Luna had tried anal precisely once, and had unfortunately chosen Mountain Blood (the “biggest” of the three) to experiment with. It had ended with an ice bucket and a lot of swearing. Celestia, once in a very long while, put Feather Fall on his back to work at him with her mouth, but she had to be in a peculiar mood. Despite their best efforts, none of the three had been able to chart this particular habit. Moon phases? Certain months of the year? After certain events? They couldn’t figure it out. But getting head from the Princess was just about the most ego-inflating thing any stallion could ever hope for in his life, that was for sure.

“So, now the interesting bit,” Caramel said, following the two rising smiles from his fellows. “Princess Twilight Sparkle.” He pulled out a blank, empty folder and put her name on it. Filling in the details and taping in a picture from a newspaper… they all stared at the file in silence.

“…the fuck does she like?” Mountain Blood said after a long time.

“Books?” Feather Fall said.

“I’m not a book,” Mountain Blood grumped. “I meant as far as us!”

“I couldn’t get much of a reading on her. You don’t think she’s a virgin, do you?!” Caramel gasped.

“Not likely,” Feather Fall said, stroking his chin. “She’s smart, powerful and of high ranking. She could probably have any stallion she wanted.”

“Should we ask her?”

“She might freak out.”

“Or go into that weird daze again.”

“She really should ask a doctor about that.”

“She just checks out for a bit, forgets where she is.”

“I wonder if that’s a hormone thing.”

“Hrm.”

“Hrm.”

“Hrm.”

“Well, that’s not our field. We’ll just need to figure out what she likes, and give it to her.” Caramel said. Mountain Blood snorted, on the edge of a ‘that’s what she said’ sort of joke. “You know what I meant.” Caramel rolled his eyes. “We did see how she got during the Ponies and Castles game, what about that?” he offered. There was more Hrm-ing around the table. “She might be a yaoi fan-mare,” he said, scribbling a few notes.

“What’s a yaoi?” Mountain Blood cocked his head with a frown. “Is that a vegetable?” Feather Fall looked rather guiltily to one side, but said exactly nothing. “Or a dungeon fetish?”

Caramel coughed twice, “It means she likes watching two stallions together.”

“Ohhh,” Mountain Blood leaned back in his chair. “Well no offense fellas, I like ya and all but I ain’t about to get into the gay stuff with you two.” Feather Fall’s ears wilted, but nopony noticed.

“This can just as easily be teasing,” Caramel said. “She got very excited when you two were as close together as you were. Not doing anything really, just together.” The unicorn floated a set of papers to himself, turning one over and scribbling on it for Twilight’s folder. “That could easily be a feral response, though.”

“What do you mean?” Feather Fall asked, tilting his head and then sipping his water.

Caramel smiled a little, adopting a cave-mare voice. “What is good in life? Stallion! What is better than good in life? Two stallion! What’s the best thing in life?”

“Three stallions!” Mountain Blood gushed, then threw his head back and laughed. “Ah, I got it, I got it I think.”

“Here’s some titles,” Caramel said, writing them down and giving both of his fellows copies. “Do your research, gentlecolts, it’s part of the job.” All three nodded, stuffing them in their saddlebags. Twilight’s file was completely blank under her list of kinks.

There was another long silence.

“…we know nothing about her, do we?” Feather Fall finally sighed. “I mean, she told us her life story, but we’ve only met her like… thrice now?” he confirmed with his fellows. They nodded. “So, how do we fix this?”

“Ask Cellie?” Mountain Blood volunteered.

“No, she comes her to indulge herself. That would be rude to drill her with questions about somepony else. This is where she comes for things to be about her.” Feather Fall shook his head.

“Find records?” Caramel wondered.

“What would her birth certificate, travel records, or medical files tell us?” Feather Fall shot him down too, shaking his head. “Besides, that’s a gross invasion of privacy!”

“We’re all about privacy, here,” Caramel stuck his tongue out a bit. The stallions all scowled at the table, puzzling for a long time over their new purple princess playmate. “I could import more Ponies and Castles books, but she has her own.”

“She’s asexual. Calling it now,” Mountain Blood grumped, getting up and going to the mini fridge for a beer.

“No, she’s just less confident.” Feather Fall shook his head. They looked at him rather angrily, shooting down all their ideas as they came up with him.

“Well what the fuck do you suggest, pretty boy?!” the earth pony shouted. “I don’t like doing my job well only two-thirds of the time!” he was starting to flush with frustration. “We got nothin’ to work with!”

“We have plenty to work with, we just need more information!” Feather Fall leaned back, his ears turning submissively back. His pupils started to expand, but Mountain Blood growled at him so he stopped. The effeminate stallion had forgotten once more that didn’t work on his fellow harem member. There was a short silence, then a spark of an idea lanced across his mind. He looked up at his coworkers. “…road trip.” He whispered.

“Road trip?” Caramel said.

“Road trip,” he confirmed.

Mountain Blood’s mouth made a perfect, mischievous o-shape. Then he split into a grin. Then all three of them grinned. Then they adjourned the meeting and made for their separate doors. They had packing to do!

=-=-=-=-=

Three stallions arrived at the train station of Ponyville. They checked their calender dates. Celestia had been serviced a few days ago, and Luna was not due for four days. They were in the clear. Donning fedoras (and Mountain Blood a bushy mustache), they filtered out into Ponyville to have a look around.

“Excuse me, is this the hometown of Princess Twilight Sparkle?” Feather Fall played dumb. “Can you tell me about her?”

“Oh yes, Twilight is very kind,” a Pegasus mare with yellow fur and a pink mane said. She hadn’t looked up just yet, for she was leading a little herd of ducks along the path. She quack-quack’d back at the little gathering, and they followed her eagerly. So cute! “You can even visit her castle if you like, she’s turning the bottom floor into a public, royal library!” she turned and smiled at him. Her gorgeous blue eyes sparkled at him for a few moments before she led the ducks away.

“HYNNNRRRRGH?!” Feather Fall clenched at himself, eyes shrinking into pinpricks. The cute! It was too much! Overload! OVERLOAD! He fell over, crashing into a water barrel that was at the end of a storm spout. The barrel split, deluging him with water. Soaked to the bone, he convulsed for a moment. His heart! HIS HEART! Mountain and Caramel came stampeding over. Mountain punched his chest a few times until he started breathing again. Ponies were staring, so they quickly propped him up again. “Is this what I’ve been doing to ponies?!” he cried, hooves on his head. “Celestia’s teats!” he said. “I should wear a blindfold or something!” Mountain Blood burst into laughter, slapping him on the back. A quick drying spell from Caramel, and they were off to find Castle Friendship, where Twilight Sparkle lived.

End of Part 5