When we go to a foreign country, we usually don't think that we are going to die right after we step off the plane and shit ourselves. Well, I had the complete opposite experience. Hi, my name is Fred Cerdin, but people call me Freddy. So, basically, it all started when I turned 19. Let me go back 6 years.
"Let's have some fun." I was walking to my blue home with my classic blue jacket when drunks teens jumped me. Some people think it is weird to have a blue jacket, light blue pants, black sneakers, and a smug attitude. Well, those folks are stupid and these teens are some of them. Anyways, the teens (I was classified as an adult at 19) decided to forced me down a drain without realizing I could die. Regardless, one of them, which I guessed was the leader, came up to me and looked at me like I was a fucking retard.
"Blue should die and you are going down with it!" he said before he and his buddies picked me up, flipped me upside down, (like, how are they that strong) and shoved me down the drain. Now, I don't work out that often, so, basically, I went down without a fight. After sliding down the pipe for, like, hours, I hit the bottom with the force of a tree hitting the ground after being chopped down. "Help me." I could only say those two words before I passed out, hoping someone will come and find me.
Well, I woke up in some soft grass.. "Wait, what?" I jerked up, wide awake, and my thoughts were correct . I was lying in grass for God knows how long. "God damn it, those teens are going to get it." I said as I stood up. Wiping the dirt off my jacket, I looked up, just a little bit, to see a pony staring right at me. It was purple and its mane and coat were shades of purple. Hell, even its eyes were purple! "Um, hi?" Unsure of what to do, I awkwardly greeted the pony and for a while, it didn't do anything. It was just staring at me, at my soul. It was beyond creepy, creepier than that popular horror game everyone keeps saying I was named after. "So, I'm gonna go this way." I said as I slowly turned and headed towards a forest that was right behind me. I was about to enter it when the thing started to talk...and squeal like a teen girl.
"OH MY CELESTIA!" "THIS IS GREAT!" "I'M THE FIRST PONY TO ENCOUNTER ALIEN LIFE!" I was hopping up and down. I was seriously considering my sanity right now. "Oh, I'm sorry." "My name is Twilight Sparkle." I swear to god, I heard that name before. I regained my composure and turned around before introducing myself.
"Hi, my name is Freddy Cerdin and I am a human." Why would I not tell her (I guessed, due to the squealing) what species I was. Maybe she will help me get back home.
"Human?" "I have a friend who will not stop talking about them." "Her name is Lyra." I was amazed. This pony had friends?! Ok, questioning sanity beginning now.
"Ok, so, will you..." I was stopped as I was yanked into a hug by the purple pony. Not gonna lie though, her coat was pretty fuzzy.
"Oh!" "We will the first friends from different worlds." I wasn't sure about that as I died in a drain and, somehow, landed in a fucking world with god damn ponies!
"Um, we'll see about thATTT!" I was frozen in time as we MOVED from the grass to the fucking tree! I would have been with the tree...if it was a treehouse and not a 200 foot tall tree and I was in front of hundreds of colorful ponies! They all had the same reaction as Sparkly had...just stares. "Um, hi?" was all I said before the crowd panicked. Ponies were running (galloping?) in all directions. Only Sparkly was the only one not freaking...and three others. The three were as different as fish in the ocean. One had wings, was cyan, and had a rainbow mane. One was all pink and was bouncing...without a trampoline. The last one was sea green, had a horn, and was drooling?
What the fuck kind of drugs was that pony taking, man?! The three came up to me with wide eyes. No, I am not even joking. Each one of the ponies had eyes the same as fucking anime. So, the three came up to me and I closed my eyes and looked away as I prepared for the worst.
"HAH!" "I told you they exist!" I quickly opened my eyes and looked at the group standing right in front of me. The green one had her hoof pointing at the other two? Wait, where did the pink one g...?
"AH, JESUS!" the pink pony popped out of nowhere...and right in my face. I fell to the ground on my ass and she started speaking faster than a supersonic jet.
"HIMYNAMEISPINKIEPIEAREYOUNEWAROUNDHEREIHAVENEVERSEENANYTHINGLIKEYOUBERFOREAREYOUANALIEN..." I had no clue what she was saying until Purple came up...and plugged Pink's mouth.
"Sorry, she is Pinkie Pie." "That one flying is Rainbow Dash." "The one that was drooling earlier is Lyra." That was Lyra?! I thought she would be sane, not a drooling freak!
"Where am I?" I asked as my sanity dropped.
"Oh, you are in Equestia." answered Twilight. God, if you find this, kill me, right here, right now.
It has been a fucking week since I arrived in Equestia. I found out that I had left Earth entirely and crossed dimensions. Someone, please tell me how dying on Earth takes me to another fucking dimension. Anyways, my closest 'friends' right now are Twilight, Rainbow, Pinkie, and Lyra. I did find out that Lyra is CRAZY about humans. I found that the hard way. When me and Twilight went to Lyra's place, she jumped me and trying to cut off my hand with a butcher knife. Luckily, Twilight caught her and we left the torture chamber and ran back to the treehouse. I did meet her other friends, which were close to humans as this world could possibly get. Rarity was a dress maker and was obsessed with keeping clean. The fuck is her problem? Applejack, just like Rainbow, was a tomboy and insanely strong. I learned that the hard way as well. When Twilight took me to meet her, I didn't know what she was going to do. I thought she would panic like the entire town did. No, she guessed I was a monster attacking Twilight, so, she bucked me in the stomach (I learned that bucking is kicking with the hind legs). I could have thrown up right then and there, but, I was too angry to think about what I was going to do. "You piece OF FUCKING SHIT!" "YOU KICKED IN THE FUCKING STOMACH!" "ARGH!" I was in so much pain, I think I scared Applejack to death.
"Ah'm sorry, mister." "Ah didn't think it would hurt." replied the sorrowful pony.
"Applejack, you buck trees 'til the apples fall out." "I am pretty sure it would have hurt, even if you didn't try." said Twilight as she checked my stomach for bleeding....with magic. Now, I known, for a long time, that magic was fake, but, now that I am seeing a pony using real magic, I am, once again, beginning to question my sanity.
"So, when we first met, you brought me to your place...using magic?" I asked the lavender pony (she is not purple, there is a difference) tending to the two circular bruises on the stomach...through my jacket.
"Well, yeah." "I teleported us there." Alright, hold on! She's saying that ponies, who are centuries behind my species technology wise, have already discovered fucking teleportation?! Sanity level below 80%.
"How can you guys have teleportation when your species is centuries behind mine?" I questioned the little pony. No, I am not joking. Most of the ponies are like 3 feet tall, while I stand at 6 foot 8 inches.
"Well, maybe we evolved first." I think every pony in existence is on meth.
"Um, no because we evolved 10,000 years ago."
"What!?" "We took 2 million years to evolve and you are taller!" Sometimes, I wonder why I exist in the first place.
"Twi, Ah think some of mah stubbornness is rubbing off on you."
"I think so, too." I replied. Twilight looked at both of us before teleporting away...in a cloud of dust. After wiping the dust off, me and Applejack was stared at each other, awkwardly.
"So." "I'm gonna go this way."
"And Ah'm gonna go this way." We slowly turned away from one another and took off, me to the treehouse and Applejack to her barn. This has been a long week.
So, Twilight had told her ruler that I was here. Yeah, I wasn't happy. She told me that Princess Celestia was coming and she wanted me to be my best. Now, princesses lasted only in the Middle Ages, so, these ponies are from the 1100s to the 1700s. Anyways, Celestia did arrive and good god, I swore I could hear a angelic choir singing in the background. Celestia was a pure white with an angelic mane flowing, even with no wind, and a sweet motherly smile. I felt like I was looking at Mom before she died.
"Hello, dear Freddy." She has that voice, yeah, you know that voice. That voice that sounds like music going through your ears. Anyways, I replied.
"Hi, Princess." she chuckled.
"Dear Freddy, there is no need for treating me like royalty." Never thought that I would agree with a winged unicorn.
"Ok, sorry." "Well um..." It was awkward because, for me, it felt like doing a speech in front of a entire crowd of protesters. "I need some help to get back to my fucking world." I quickly shut my trap and hoped that she wouldn't take offense to the curse.
"Um, does everypony on your world speak like that?" she asked.
"Most adults do, but, some hate the idea of cursing." I replied as I stroked my beard. (Yes, I have a beard, but, it isn't that visible.)
"Ok, I'll help you, if you reduced the cursing to a minimum."
"Ok." So, she promised to help me, but, I got a urge deep down that maybe she will be like the alien queen that takes over the earth. Nah, my imagination gets the best of me, sometimes. I wondered that as I looked down at Twilight with a horrified look on her face. "I guess I did something...?"
"Freddy, I am going to hurt you." she said as she turned and trotted away. Now, I am over twice Twilight's height, but, that doesn't mean that she can hurt me. She can use magic, for God's sake! I wonder if there are spells that inflict pain. I walked over to the shelves of books (Yes, the treehouse also operates as a library) and pulled a book out tilted 'The Best Combat Spells.' I opened it and read how many spells there were for inducing pain. "Freddy, where are you?" Twilight sang from upstairs as I screamed and ran out the door with the lavender pony right behind me. God, if you find this, please help me.
