The Clown Prince of Equestria

"Now THIS is what I call a party!" said Joker, smiling broadly as Pinkie's party was in full swing. So far, Joker had met several different ponies, including Octavia, Colgate, Cloudkicker, Bon Bon, and Derpy Hooves, who he had Joy Buzzered over and over again to no effect.

As Joker grabbed another glass of Apple Cider, a mint green anthro unicorn mare wearing a tan party dress and matching heels approached him. "Hello, Mr. Joker, my name is Lyra Heartstrings," said Lyra.

"Ah, yes, Miss Heartstrings... you study anthropology, right?" asked Joker, taking a sip of cider.

"Well... yes... but I get laughed at a lot for it." Lyra said in a sad tone. Joker then smiled and patted her on the back.

"There, there, it's okay... speaking of, who are you dating?"

"Um... h-her name's... her name's... B-Bon Bon... or at least... that's who I want to ask out."

Joker did a small double-take at this news. "Well, that's interesting, and certainly different I must say... back in my world, relationships like the one you seek cause an almighty uproar, but in my opinion,the hypocrites can say anything they want, as long as you're happy," he said.

"R-really?" asked Lyra.

"Really. Of course, there IS the possibility that Bon Bon isn't THAT type of mare, but even if she isn't, that doesn't mean there isn't a mare out there who is. So, don't worry about rejection, so long as you put your best foot forward, and smile."

Lyra smiled at this and gave him a quick hug... then was launched off by Pinkie's Party Cannon.

"Now, just what was that all about, Miss Pie? We were just having a conversation," said Joker.

"Well, that's not what it looked like to me," said Pinkie.

"Ooh, is that jealousy I hear? Well, there's no need for it, Pinkie, my dear. She's not my type, nor I hers."

"Is that so? Well, then what is your type?" asked Pinkie.

"Oh, I like a girl who doesn't particularly care if others think she's sane or not. A girl who only wants to spread the healing power of laughter to everyone and anyone she sees, even at the risk of being considered a pest," said Joker as he walked up to Pinkie. "A girl, in other words, who always has a smile on her face."

Smiling, Pinkie Pie walked over to the DJ, who Joker recognized as Vinyl Scratch, and whispered something. DJ-PON3 then spoke into a microphone. "All right, fillies and gentlecolts, now it's time to take it down for a minute."

With that, Vinyl then put on some slow music, just the right kind to dance to.

...

Meanwhile, Spike, clad in a lavender dress shirt, khaki slacks, and brown shoes, nervously glancd at Rarity. This was his big chance to ask Rarity to dance with him, and see if she had feelings for him as well.

Unbeknownst to Spike, Rarity actually DID have feelings for the teenage dragon.

Come on, Spikey, come and ask me to dance, thought Rarity, hoping that Spike would swallow his pride and make his move.

Spike forced himself to take steps towards Rarity, eventually reaching her. "R-R-R-Rarity..." he choked out.

"Huh? Oh, yes, Spike, my dear?" asked Rarity.

"I-I-I-I-I was w-w-w-ondering if y-y-y-you wanted to.. .d-d-d..."

Before Spike could finish his question however, his nerves got the better of him and he ran off. Rarity shook her head.

"One day, Spike... one day," she said.

...

The following morning, Twilight was getting her testing equipment ready for when Joker arrived... and Spike was a bit nervous about this, considering what had happened to him the last time Joker came over.

"So what's the plan this time, Twi?" Spike asked his surrogate sister.

"Well, first off, we'll start with a psychological evaluation, followed by nueral scanning, vision and hearing tests, amongst other things. Maybe I can learn a few things about his world," said Twilight, examining the lists she had in her hands.

"Okie dokie, then," said Spike.

Just then, a knock was heard on the door. "Twilight, I'm here for those tests that you forced me into," said Joker from the other side of the door.

Twilight took a deep breath. Well, here goes nothing, she thought before opening the door.

"Hello, Twilight," said Joker as he entered the Golden Oaks Library. He turned and saw Spike. "Hey, Spike. No hard feelings about the Joy Buzzer incident?" he said, holding out his hand.

Spike looked at Joker's hand very carefully. After coming to the conclusion that it contained no Joy Buzzer, he shook it.

"Okay, then, Mr. Joker, if you'll follow me," said Twilight, leading Joker and Spike to a door that led to the library's basement. Once they were inside, Joker saw that the basement had been converted into a laboratory mixed with a psychiatrist's office, complete with the bed-couch thingy.

"My, my, Twilight, you truly are a mare of many talents. Scientist, shrink, librarian, national heroine, and alicorn princess-in-training!" said Joker, plopping down on the bed-couch.

Twilight stopped dead in her tracks at Joker's words. "Forgive me, I must have misheard you... did you just call me an 'alicorn princess-in-training?'" she asked Joker as she and Spike gave the clown a confused look.

"Ha ha ha ha ha ha! Don't tell me that over these past few years you never stopped once to ask yourself, 'Why, out of the entire student body, did Celestia pick me to be her protege?' She must have had trillions upon trillions of students pass through that school of hers over the past millenium alone, yet, she singled you out," laughed Joker.

Twilight growled in frustration. "Celestia said it was because she'd never encountered a unicorn with my raw abilities before. Now, if you're about finished, I'd like to start the testing with a psychological evaluation," she said.

"Eh, why not, sounds fun," said Joker, smiling broadly as he laid down upon the bed-couch.

"Okay, then. Spike, get ready to start writing this stuff down," said Twilight.

Spike grabbed a quill, a bottle of ink, and a roll of parchment. "Okay, Twilight! I'm ready," said Spike.

“Okay first thing… picture ink.” said Twilight as she held up an ink blot in the shape of a bird.

“A birdie.”

“What do you SEE in the bird?”

“Food and its guts.”

“Okay... ew," said Twilight in disgust.

“HEY, YOU ASKED!” Joker said defensively.

"All right, moving on," said Twilight, this time holding up an ink blot of what looked like a bat.

"A bat," said Joker.

"And what do you see in the bat?"

"Evil, darkness, rabies, hatred, and a monster that haunts my nightmares."

"Uh-huh... considering what you said about a bat making you fall into a vat of chemicals, I can't say I'm surprised by that response," said Twilight.

Spike jotted down Joker's response before he looked up, something occuring to him. "Wait... you said you fell into a vat of chemicals, right?" he asked Joker.

"Yeah, and your point is?"

"Oh, nothing, it just reminded me of something from a comic book," said Spike.

Despite Twilight signaling to not press on about the topic, Joker decided to do the opposite. "Really? What comic?" he asked Spike.

"You like comic books?" Spike asked Joker, surprise evident in his voice.

"You kidding me? I used to live and breathe those things. I'm sure you probably haven't read the ones I've read-"

"Have you heard of the Power Ponies?"

"Okay, that's enough, you two! I'd like to get this testing done sometime today," snapped Twilight.

"Right, sorry, Twilight," said Spike, returning to his notes.

"Party pooper," grumbled Joker.

Twilight shot Joker a glare, before her face finally relaxed into a VERY forced smile. "How about we try some word association?"

"That sounds... delightful."

"Acceptance."

"My favorite stage."

"Okay, let's skip the dark humor and be serious this time," snapped Twilight, causing Spike to start looking nervous. "Insanity."

"Just one bad day away for most people AND most ponies," said Joker with a wicked grin.

Before Twilight, who actually seemed interested in this statement, could say anything, a voice called out to her. "Twilight? Are ya in here? There's somethin' Ah need to speak with ya about."

"Applejack... come on, Spike. You stay put. I want to discuss your choice of words. And don't touch anything," she told Joker.

"Whatever you say, Miss Sparkle," said Joker.

Twilight gave Joker a skeptical look before she and Spike left the basement. No sooner had Spike shut the door behind him, Joker began to eye Twilight's chemistry set with a mischevious gleam. It was time to have some fun.

...

Applejack had never been so nervous in her life.  Once she told Twilight the truth about her parents, would she make her tell the others? Or worse, would she make her tell Apple Bloom? Big Mac and Granny Smith knew what happened to her Ma and Pa, of course, and to the best of her knowledge, Apple Bloom had no clue what happened to their parents on that fateful night they'd been taken from them. They'd agreed to keep it under the rug until Apple Bloom was old enough to know and cope with what had happened, and, quite frankly, until they were ready.

"Applejack? Did you need something?"

Applejack jumped about a foot in the air at the sound of Twilight's voice. "Twilight! Oh, ya scared he livin' daylights outta me!" she said, turning to face Twilight and Spike .

"I can see that. So, what brings you here?" asked Twilight.

Applejack's face suddenly turned to one of discomfort. "Eh, well... it's about... mah Ma and Pa," she said.

Of all the things Applejack could've said, this was one Twilight least expected. But, nonetheless, she managed to maintain her composure. "Well, what about them?" she asked.

"Eh, well... it's kinda... complicated. An' if'n ya don't mind, Ah'd appreciate it if ya'll kept this under yer hats, if'n ya'll know what Ah mean," said Applejack.

"Uh, what hat?" asked Spike, confused by the country lingo.

"Spike, she means she wants us to keep her visit here a secret. Can't say I understand why exactly, but okay," said Twilight.

"Oh, trust me, Twilight, you'll understand just why when Ah'm finished... because Ah'm about to tell you just how mah parents- where the hay is that there voice coming from?" asked Applejack.

"Huh? What-" said Twilight, before she and Spike heard the voice Applejack had been talking about.

"-a dash of baby blue... a pinch of orange... a zap of purple..."

Twilight growled in frustration. "What the Tartarus is that clown up to down there?" she grumbled, heading for the basement door.

"That there clown guy is here?" asked Applejack, a hint of worry in her voice as she got up and followed Twilight.

"Yeah, I was running some tests on him when you came over. His name's Joker, by the way," said Twilight.

As the group made their way into the basement, they found that Joker was doing an experiment with Twilight's chemistry set.

"A drip of that... a drop of this... a bit of red... a touch of green... a little shake, and-" muttered Joker as he sprinkled a bit of what the container had labeled "pixie dust," only for the whole thing to blow up and shroud the entire room with black smoke. Once that cleared, Twilight, Applejack, Spike, and Joker found that the whole room had been covered in black soot.

As the ponies and dragon glared at The Joker, the clown said only one word.

"Whoopsie."