From Prince to King

Czar never thought he could miss someone. He’d never once thought that he could ever have the emotional capacity to long for someone’s presence; especially to someone he’d never even met. Especially to someone who abandoned him.

Czar missed his mother.

He’d never thought about his mother before. If he did, the thought was dismissed quickly, and not much worry was placed on it. His conversation with Tactic made him think about his mother relentlessly as he laid on his bed, staring at the pale white wall. He wondered what she looked like, what she smelled like, how her hair looked, how her voice sounded…He longed to feel the motherly embrace he’d never felt…

“Czar, come one, get up; we need to attend the meeting,” Caesar burst into the room and suddenly exclaimed. Czar silently sat up from his bed, combed his hair with his fingers and followed his father.

“Hm, normally you have a quip or some other sarcastic remark following something like that. Is something the matter?”

Czar bluntly replied, “No.”

“Fair enough,” his father sighed.

Yet again, Czar was led through the halls of Canterlot Castle by his father. This time, Czar was not mentally complaining about his surroundings; he was calculating the outcome of a decision he was tentative of making.

Caesar glimpsed back at his son discreetly to see what he was doing, out of curiosity. As usual, his father thought, hair over his eyes, not saying a word…he worries me. A king isn’t supposed to be anti-social. Ah, well, he’ll get over it. With a sigh, he went back to leading his son. He took a left, through a doorway, up a spiraling staircase, down another corridor, through a door on his right, and, finally, stepped into the Twilight wing. The entire time, neither spoke a word. It was the textbook case of estranged family.

“Father…” Czar said quietly.

“Hm?” he responded, startled by the sudden sound.

“What did Mother look like?”

Caesar stopped in his tracks, and so did Czar. Czar could not see what his father was doing. To him, it looked like he was staring at the floor in silence, as if trying to recall the face of the woman he knew long ago, whom he forgot and never thought about until now.

“I don’t remember,” he finally sighed.

Figures, Czar thought to himself, dissapointed, he completely forgot. He probably never even cared.

Caesar hung his head, hot tears falling down his cheeks. They shone against the sunlight leaking through the tapestry-laden window. He said he forgot, but he could never forget. He would never forget. He’d always remember her long, full hair that tickled her waist; her grand green eyes that always shone with happiness and comfort. Caesar would never forget her pure, white face that seemed to glow in the gray and brown textures of Marvalia. Caesar would never forget the woman that crushed his heart and left the pieces to blow off into the wind.

He continued walking, hoping his son wouldn’t see his face, hoping he wouldn’t see his weakness. He tried his best to subtly wipe his tears, and succeeded without questioning from Czar.

***

The meeting was nothing serious; just an informational briefing on happenings across Equestria. Unlike Caesar, Princess Celestia had done a great job of keeping the kingdom calm and contained. In the past 25 years, the worst reported offense to a local authority was an armed robbery somewhere in Manehatten. It being a big city, it was amazing to hear that its alleys were not completely plagued with crime. Even in the darker, more sinister part of Canterlot, not a lot of immense violence occurs, only heated arguments and the occasional fistfight, but nothing serious. In Marvalia, violence, murder, and burglary are pedestrian, which paints a negative picture for its ruler.

“How are you able to handle all this land with the lowest crime rate in the world?” questioned Caesar with wide eyes.

“Well, why wouldn’t I?” she responded daintily, “life in all of Equestria is simple. We practice the ways of the Elements of Harmony, to ensure that this is the very way of life. The Elements saved the lives of everyone in the world. So my people worked tirelessly to live their lives in peace and harmony trying their best to forget petty mistakes and problems that can be avoided by taking the calm route. Now, like the Segavas, not everyone decided to live that way of life.”

“Ah, understandable,” Caesar replied. “With all due respect, the Elements of Harmony never really made their way into our history. We mainly kept to ourselves majorly due to our size. So…the people of Marvalia never really took to your harmonious ways.”

Celestia delicately responded, “To each their own, I suppose.” The Princess of the sun glanced over to Czar, who was sitting in his chair with an unfazed, uninterested look on his face.

“Did you hear all of that, dear?” she called.

Czar quickly looked up to see Celestia, his father, and other meeting attendants with their eyes on him.

“Yes, Your Highness,” he replied in a flat tone. Not enough to be rude, but nowhere near enough to be interested.

“Are you sure? You haven’t said a word at all,” she pressed. This might have not been apparent to the others in the room, but Czar caught a trace of playfulness in her voice.

“I’m sure, Your Highness.”

“Good, it’d be a shame if all this intriguing information went over your head.” She said.

Was that…sarcasm? Czar thought to himself, a slight smile touching the corners of his lips.

***

The wood of the chair slammed into the porcelain white floor with tremendous force. The heavy breathing of Caesar was reverberating off every wall, making the sound of teardrops dripping onto the floor unable to be heard. Caesar bent over to lift the chair he’d thrown in anger, but as soon as he put his hands around the legs, the anger grew again, and he let go. Instead, he decided to kick the chair into wall. His anger was fueled by the depression, heartbreak, and feeling of failure as a father that filled his heart. He choked back his tears, but failed miserably. The hot, salty water flowed openly down his cheeks and fell onto his shirt and floor. Vented enough to stop vandalizing, he picked the chair and roughly shoved it back to its original place, only slightly more beat up.

Caesar sat on the bed and put his face in his hands.

“Dammit!” he swore into the flesh of his palms. “Dammit!! Why, why, why!?” he seemed to ask himself. “You had to remind me…you had to make me remember her face… why, Regalia….why…” sobbing, Caesar stood, still holding his face to his mouth as more tears flowed.

He desperately tried to block out the image of Regalia, the image of the woman who left Czar in Caesar’s care, and fled the kingdom, leaving Caesar to take care of a son he didn’t want. He tried his best to raise him, but he had no idea. He’d not prepared for something like that at all, and barely knew how to handle it. Even now, he’d seen what a horrible job he’d done. His own son hated him; they never bonded, spent time together, or even spoke. Caesar failed as a father, and it ate him away.

***

“Czar, wait,” Celestia called. He turned as Princess Celestia walked toward him.

“Yes?” he asked.

“Come with me, into the throne room.”

“Er, why?” he questioned.

“I can’t have a conversation with you?” Celestia asked in with a mock tone of taken offense.

“Uh, well…I guess?”

“Your Highness?” Caesar approached behind Czar, “do you need him for something?”

“I just want to have a conversation with him. No harm in that, is there?”

“No, I don’t see why not. Well then, I’ll leave him to you. I, uh, need finish something up.”

“Very well. Good day,” Celestia said as Caesar departed. “Well, follow me,” Celestia turned around, and walked in the direction of the throne room. With a sigh and shrug, Czar followed Celestia.

“Is…something the matter?” he asked as he walked next to the Princess.

“No,” she said in her trademark delicate voice that Czar was beginning to familiarize.

He waited for her to say something else, but she didn’t continue.

“Is there anything in particular you needed to ask me?” Czar asked again.

“You’re asking a lot of questions; it’s not like you. Are you feeling alright?” Celestia asked with a teasing tone in her voice.

It was true; Czar was acting very out of character. The silent, ever-bored teenager was now curious and always asking questions.

“Well, excuse me; I believe anyone would have a change of character if they were having a sudden private audience with the Princess of the Sun.” Czar quickly recovered.

Celestia didn’t respond. She only walked in silence. In a few minutes, they reached the doors of the throne room. Celestia pushed open the doors, a seemingly routine action judging by how she carried herself as she entered the large, decorated room.

“Grand, isn’t it?” Celestia sighed. She seemed almost satirical as she spoke.

“To be honest, it is,” Czar responded. “It must’ve taken a lot of effort for the artists to paint this mural.” He surveyed the two murals, both ornate and beautiful.

“Yes, it did…” Princess Celestia spoke softly. “Luna and I painted these murals ourselves…it took weeks of work…”

“You two did these yourselves?” Czar asked in honest shock.

“Yes…we wanted to put a little bit of ourselves into our home. But…” Celestia let the sentence trail off.

“’But’ what?”

“I’m thinking…I’m thinking of covering it.”

“W-why? It’s beautiful! You would cover so much work, so much emotion?” Czar protested.

“Every day, I look at that mural,” Princess Celestia pointed at the mural showing a silhouette of Princess Luna, “and I see my sister…my beautiful sister who I let down.” Celestia ascended the steps of her throne, and sat, a forlorn, melancholy air replacing her majestic aura.

“But, wasn’t it Princess Luna who betrayed you? She’s the one who tried to take over the world with the night-“

“Yes, but it was me who caused it! I never showed her the love a sister should! I abandoned her…all she wanted was my love, and I never gave it to her…and then what? I cast her away to the moon, left her all alone. I was a horrible sister…” Celestia looked away from Czar, not wanting him to see her tears. “I can’t look at her; every day, it reminds me of all the sins I’ve committed, all the wrongs I’ve done to my sister…”

Czar was ambivalent as to how to handle this situation. Here was a several hundred millennia year old embodiment of the Sun venting her doubts and pains to him. Off of the top of his head, he said something he thought would never escape his lips; comfort.

“Um, Your Highness, I don’t know how you feel right now, but I’m certain that covering up your pain won’t make it disappear. I won’t say that you’re not at fault at all, but both of you had some blame in that. But, now, when she returns from her banishment, you’ll know how to treat her. It was your fault for ignoring her all that time, but…she should’ve said something. She should’ve told you how she felt about everything; that way, you could’ve come to an agreement.” Czar said. He walked to the throne, and started to put a reassuring hand on Celestia’s shoulder. He stopped just as he realized what he was going to do.

Instead, he continued, “You did what you had to do, and what’s done is done. Nothing will change it, or make it go away. I don’t want you to hate yourself for it, so…uh…if you…need to get anything off your chest, I, uh, I’m here. Okay?”

What the hell did I just say? I hate listening to other people’s problems, yet here I am...

…Why is she so different?”

Celestia stayed silent for a long time. The only thing that broke the silence was the tears dripping onto the marble stone of her throne.

Czar gulped down the lump that was forming in his throat, and did his previous half-baked decision; Czar placed a tentative hand on Celestia’s shoulder. The soft silk of Celestia’s dress felt smooth to Czar’s palm.

Celestia finally spoke, with sobs and shudders evident in her speech. “Th-thank you, I…understand.” She stood and wiped her eyes free of tears. “You…even though you seem rude, you’re a good person. Don’t let anyone tell you otherwise.

Me? A good person? Yeah, right… Even though Czar tried his best to feel resentful at the compliment, at his very core, he felt good. He tried to block it out, but the thought of helping someone, no matter how insignificantly, made him feel like something; the thought of a heartfelt, true compliment made him feel better than he ever had.

“Go, it’s getting late, and you need rest. And…we’ll talk again soon, alright?”

Despite his instinct screaming protests, that same feeling that he felt when Czar first laid eyes on Celestia overcame him once more.

“Alright,” he said with a nod and a slight, reassuring smile as he left the throne room, and headed towards his quarters.

Celestia stared at the mural of Princess Luna for a long while. The night when she banished her sister to the moon all those years ago came to her. What’s done is done… Czar’s words snuck themselves into her mind, interrupting her memory. Nothing will change it, or make it go away.

Author's Note: To anyone who is confused, scene three takes place during scene four, and Caesar's little fit was the thing he needed to finish up. I planned on leaving, but I bet one of you would be like, "But when does that thing with Czar's dad take place?" etc., etc...