Recluse

"Elusive was right. You're just a penniless mare who cares more about herself than the friends around her."

Applejackson walked away, huffing as I stood there.

My chest felt like it was being stabbed and my eyes felt irritated. I touch them, feeling a wet liquid streaming from my eyes. My hands were shivering, though it wasn't particularly cold outside.

I was crying.

Though, I felt more angry than sad. All I could do was to just stand there and watch as he leaves me alone. My eyes dart, finding the apple barrel that I left on the floor. I throw off the lid letting loose a few apples from it's innards. I pick up one, barely. I threw it at Applejackson with all my might despite me having a terrible aim. I fell forward as I disregarded the strength of my throw, landing on the grassy floor.

The apple hits hard on Applejackson's back, causing him to flinch. He glares back at me, but quickly eases when he saw me on the floor, sobbing. His angered, stoic face drastically changed to fear for what he has caused.

I stayed on the ground, face first with the Earth. I don't know why I'm feeling like this. I don't know how one thing could ever cause so much harm. It tore me open, leaving me as a weak and feeble version of my former self. I could hear the pitter-patter of Applejackson's hooves approaching me. I picked myself up, covering my face and wiping it at the same time.

I didn't want to see him nor his stupid voice. I felt so ashamed.

"Eliz-"

Before he could speak anymore, I blindly ran away, tripping as I did so. I reached the barn and forced it open. Applejackson was right behind, closing the distance. I got inside and shut the barn doors, locking them so that he couldn't get in. My legs stumbled around in the increasing darkness, causing me to fall on top of a hay bale.

I bawled my eyes out, drowning away Jack's sounds as I wallowed in what I thought was misery.

"Elusive was right. You're just a penniless mare who cares more about herself than the friends around her."

"Elusive was right. You're just a penniless mare who cares more about herself than the friends around her."

"Elusive was right! You're just a arrogant mare who cares more about herself than the friends around her!"

"Get it! Get it out of my damn head!" I screamed as I curled up into a ball.

It was like acid to my heart, and I couldn't find anything to get rid of it. I rolled around not knowing what to do. Everything felt so dark and so cold. My legs were burning and my hands were aching. Hatred and sorrow corrupted my own body.

I hate him.

But why am I feeling like this? What is wrong with me?

He's just a stupid moron who thinks that his body can fool me. It nearly did too. I don't have any feelings for him, I know that.

"Eliza! Open the door!" He shouts.

"Fuck off and die in a fire!" I spewed out from my gritted teeth. My hair fell down and clung to the stream of tears that ran down my eyes. Everything looked so blurry that I couldn't distinguish what was in front of me anymore. My back hits the mountain of barrels, swaying it slightly.

"Please...Open the door." He pleads as he bangs the large barn doors, shaking the lock.

I never wanted this to happen, it was his fucking fault that he has feelings for me. If only he never had them. If only.

My blurry sights catch a shining object in my peripherals. It was a rusting knife that was probably used to open up old barrels. I scuttle towards it, crawling on the floor with absolutely no dignity. My right hand grabs it tightly, forcing the iron into my flesh. It was blunt, and I couldn't feel any blood dripping.

So I squeezed harder.

The pain slightly distracted me from my suffering, which I was thankful for.

"Applebloom, find the crowbar and help me open this damn barn!" I could hear his muffled shouts.

There's no point doing that, since I'll be gone before you come in.

I hold the knife close to my chest, spilling it with my blood. The pain grew more and more, to where I couldn't take it anymore. It hurt so much, but it was better than what I felt before.

I drew blood.

So much blood.

The knife digs deeper and deeper into my right hand, caressing the nerves inside it. I felt so much pain that I started to regret what I had done. My injured thumb soon rips itself open as it accidentally presses on the rugged iron. I lay my back on something smooth, giving me some form of comfort.

The blood covers my right hand like a glove. It cascades down to my shirt, filling my nose with the rich scent of metal that was my blood. I finally let go, wondering whether it was enough to jump back in time. It was probably more than enough, but I just wanted to be sure.

I lay there, sniffling with eyes so irritated from my tears. I couldn't wipe them with my hands as they were covered in a pretty gruesome liquid, so I was left with a blurry vision. My hands grew cold and exposed. My chest was eroding from the consistent pain that I felt from before. I felt like I was going to die.

I wanted to die. It'd be a lot easier. But then I'd be ruining the reason as to why I came to this new world. My eyes start to close from them being tired throughout the day. I just hope I don't die when I sleep. My thoughts race.

They find Applejackson...I could remember his surprised face when he saw someone answering to his stupid poster.

If only I never met him.

"Ah don't think anyone's coming, Bailey. They all look the same anyway: darn scared of me."

"Eeyup."

"Ah mean, mares come too. But they just stand there ogling me like ah'm some kind of candy! They're meant ta work, not stare!"

"Eeyup."

"Are ya gonna say anything else?"

"Go easy on 'em little bro."

"Ah am!"

I could hear him speaking behind some doors. I think I'm still in the barn.

I don't think I'm in the mood to get up. My hand stings like hell and I look like a murder scene. I unwrap my work rag from my neck and wrap it around my hand, ignoring the gaping gash that I just made. It's a rather painful price to pay for going back in time, but at least it's better than dealing with confrontation. The pain takes my thoughts away, making it easier to calm myself. I sometimes wonder if I'm starting to become a masochist.

I prop myself up, standing weakly. I need to find some disinfectant or else I'll die from whatever alien infection faster than I can travel back in time. Fortunately this barn is used to store barrels of apples which can be turned into cider or something else, so there's no animals and shit particles floating around here that can enter my wound.

I trudge towards the large barn doors, pressing my eyes against the cracks to see if anyone is nearby. I saw a glimpse of Applejackson and his sister working in the far fields, giving me a chance to get out of this place. I unlock the inside of the barn and carefully push the doors out, peeking out to see if anyone else is nearby.

"Whatcha doin'?" Comes a young voice.

"Gah! shit!" I tense my hands as they slammed on the door, causing me to hiss in pain after I flinched.

"W-what's that on your...hoof?" I look to see an oblivious Applebloom, who looked a bit concerned from the rag that wrapped my hand. It was splotched with red blood, giving off a metallic smell.

"I'm a bit injured, can you help me Bloom?" I put up a friendly face for her, hoping that she'd help me find some medical attention for my injury.

"Have you been crying?" She asked further.

"That's not the time right now sweetie, I really need some help." I pleaded. She nodded fervently and trotted away, prompting me to follow her.

I kept my eyes away from Applejackson. Just a glance would just remind me of what happened recently, and I'm in a bad enough shape thanks to what he's done. Applebloom got into the house before me and managed to bring medical supplies with her before I reached the front porch. You gotta love how earth ponies are the most underrated type in this world.

"I brought the bandages!...uh..." Applebloom tilted her head. "What's your name again?"

"Sweetie, now's not the time." I grabbed the roll of bandages from her. "Pass the disinfectant."

"...Alright." She willingly handed it to me, keeping her face puzzled for some reason. I unwrapped the rag, hearing the sticky sounds of my blood clot ripping themselves away from my wound, stinging my hand even more.

It looked gruesome. Purple marks coloured the background whilst a diagonal, crimson gash stretched from the gap between my index finger and my thumb. The topmost rings around my fingers had been slashed too, looking redder than the other two. Scabs had started to form around the edges of my wound but it was just too wide to cover the whole of it. Therefore it just left the rich, shiny flesh riddled with liquid and solid blood in the middle. The whole thing looked so disgusting that I could see Applebloom gagging a bit from the sight.

I opened the bottle of disinfectant with my mouth and spat the cap off, taking care to not get that in my mouth. I dumped all of its contents onto my hand, thinking that the more there is, the better it will do.

What felt afterwards for the next 5 seconds was like acid eroding my hand to the bone. It was like holy water on a vampire's eyes. I was like the witch that was dying from the bucket of water that Dorothy threw at me. I wanted to scream, but it would just attract attention. Instead I just puckered my lips and bit them hard, drawing blood as I whimpered in front of a kid.

The sizzle of the hydrogen peroxide searing my flesh and leaving behind bloody foam as a product is reassuring. There are better ways to treat an infected wound, but it doesn't feel comforting unless you see the it get cleaned.

"Thanks." I smiled. "You just saved me from dying a horrible death."

"You're welcome?" She replied.

I slip the bloody rag in my pocket, taking my leave as I did so. Applejackson will have to wait later, I'm too tired to do anything at all. Time travel can really take a toll on you, depending on how far you go.

...My heart still aches, though it wasn't as painful as before.

"Um, hello?" Applebloom "Are ya gonna stay for lunch?" The filly shouts out as I walk away.

"See ya Applebloom!" I shout out.

Ponies start recognizing me and my bloody shirt, but I quickly hide in the alleys for safety. Sneaking around is gonna be harder since it's currently noon around here.

On my way back to my home, I found some posters hanging around the walls to the large apartment complex. I saw a glimpse of the landlord staring at one that his daughter was holding. It was yellow with an apple decoration in one of it's corners. If it's some another apple festival that Applebloom's family is holding that I missed in the morning, then it can wait later.

I pry open my crusty door, closing it and landing on the bed, face first. Going back in time to this afternoon really hit me hard. I don't why it did, it's usually the longer time travel trips that drain me.

Well, at least I'm going to avoid what was going to happen in the next few hours.