Discord's Lamp Repository

Gilda the Griffon was mad. Very, very mad. Grandpa Gruff had sent her on an official mission to Canterlot to find something stupid.

Baking powder.

‘Who in the world cares about baking powder?’ Gilda cursed at her grandfather internally, but then let out a sigh as she tried to calm her temper. Grandpa Gruff was ancient and his mind was starting to go. She knew she should be more patient with him, but having to travel so far for something so silly was just ridiculous. I mean, what kind of a griffon uses baking powder?

As common as baking powder should be in the land of Equestria, Gilda couldn’t find a single store that had any in stock. “Ponies and their baking. Man, this is going to take forever. I bet every store in town is out,” she grumbled as she exited a small supply store.

Frustration mounting again, she blindly went into the store next door.

“NEVER GOING TO GIVE YOU UP, NEVER GOING TO LET YOU DOWN!” rang the door chime. Gilda covered her ears and bashed in the music box that was producing the offensive music with a back paw.

“That’s going to cost you extra,” said Discord as he materialized next to Gilda.

“Yeah, well just try and make me pay for it.”

Discord’s eyebrow raised so high it flew away from his face with a gentle wiggle to keep itself airborne. “Oh, I am sure you will in good time.”

Gilda rolled her eyes. “Yeah, whatever. I’m outta here.” She turned to walk out the door when a lamp caught her eye.

“Presenting to the Royal Sisters, her Highness, Empress Giladria of Griffonstone!” announced the guard. The doors to the throne room swung open. Pony heads turned and a sudden stillness fell on the court. The griffoness walked with grace, her head held high and proud. A silver chestplate with gold inlay guarded her breast and gave way to purple silk of the finest quality. It billowed out in waves behind her and gave the illusion that she was floating. Her crown matched her armor and was topped with diamonds larger than anypony thought possible. A gentle click-clack echoed through the room as her razor sharp, silver talon coverings hit the floor.

Gilda ignored the hushed whispers as she made her way towards Celestia and Luna. The two sisters had their eyes locked on her. Gilda, on the other hoof, looked at the space between the two sisters so that she did not show favor to one over the other. From a bystander's point of view, it was intimidating. When she reached a respectable distance from the thrones, Gilda spread her wings and gave a very, very slight bow. The sisters returned the gesture, but bowed slightly lower than the griffon.

“Empress Giladria of Griffonstone, it is a privilege to finally meet you,” Celestia said warmly with a smile. Luna, however, had a frown on her face.

“Thank you, Princess. I have traveled far for an audience with the rulers of Equestria,” Gilda replied with a curt nod. “It is unfortunate that we should meet under these circumstances.”

The look on Celestia’s face matched that of her sister. “And what circumstance would that be?” Celestia had kept her voice even, but a hint of concern bled through. Ponies shifted nervously and listened intently.

Gilda let silence fill the room for several seconds. She locked eyes with Celestia. “The invasion of Equestria, of course,” she said with a hint of malevolence in her voice.

The room, nay for the Princesses, all gasped in unison. Luna stood and darkness surrounded her. “THOU DAREST TO INVADE?” she said in the Royal Canterlot voice. Her horn lit and a spear of deepest night appeared in her magic.

“Luna, sit down,” whispered Celestia sternly. Her words, as quiet as they were, echoed through the room. Luna flinched and a blush spread over her face.

“But...” she protested. When she looked at Celestia, though, she changed her mind. The spear disappeared and she slowly sat back down. Her eyes, however, never once left Gilda and if looks could kill, Gilda would have been dead on the spot.

Celestia and Gilda had not looked away from one another during the display. The moments ticked by as they sized each other up. Celestia eventually yielded and looked toward her court.

“Court is dismissed for the day. We will reconvene tomorrow at 6 am,” she commanded. Ponies looked at her with stunned expressions. Some looked angry, some were afraid, and others were smiling because they knew that their princess would never let Equestria fall.

As ponies shuffled about, Celestia turned to Luna. “Luna, please go and gather all ranking officers of the Royal and Lunar Guards that are in the castle. Have them in the ballroom in one hour. Also, please send a message to Twilight and her friends. I would like them here by nightfall. Ask them to bring their elements.”

Luna simply nodded in response, her face set in stone. Her horn lit and she was gone in a puff of black smoke. Gilda stood, taking in everything with an unconcerned look on her face. The room finally emptied, except for the guards, which Celestia dismissed. Alone at last, pony and griffon stared at each other.

They both burst out in hysterical laughter. Celestia slung herself over the arm of her throne for support. Gilda fell to the floor clutching her sides.

“That went way better than I expected,” gasped Celestia. “For a moment there I thought Luna was going to cut off your head and mount it on her wall.”

Gilda wiped tears from her eyes as she struggled to respond. “Do you have any idea how hard it was not to laugh when everypony gasped?”

“Yes! Yes I do!”

Their laughter continued for several more minutes until the pair were able to compose themselves.

“Do you really think this will work?” asked Gilda.

Celestia nodded. “Yes, I think it will. I am the prank master when it comes to my sister. Though I must say, it had never crossed my mind to pull something like this,” she said, her eyes glazing over in thought.

Gilda smiled. “I’ll admit, I am glad that you are helping me. I don’t…” she paused, frowning and trying to form the words. “I don’t really have anyone to hang with these days, so I am glad Discord sorta forced me to meet his Partner in Crime,” she said, making quotes in the air. It dawned on her that mushy-gushy words were leaving her beak. She shook her head and resumed her normal lofty attitude. “Not that I need anyone to hang out with.”

This was not lost on Celestia and she gave Gilda a smile, albeit a sad one. “I am glad we met too. Now, down to business.” Celestia made her way to Gilda and a map of Equestria appeared between them on the floor. They both took a seat in front of it and started making scribbles.

“I think the Elements of Harmony should go here,” said Celestia as she drew an X on a small island in the Siren’s Sea.

“I think that is a good location. We should send Luna and the army here.” She pointed to the Saddle Arabian desert.

Celestia chuckled. “Did you know my sister is afraid of sand?” She marked an X on the desert.

“Maybe…” Gilda grinned wickedly.

Celestia couldn’t help but snort. “So, the next step is for us to…”

“Fight,” Gilda finished for her, her feathers ruffling a little in excitement.

Discord watched as the pair left the throne room. The guards were keeping a close eye on Gilda as they escorted the mare and griffoness to the ballroom.

“It’s funny. If she really wanted to, she could really declare war on Equestria. Now THAT would be some quality chaos!” Discord laughed. He considered for a moment, stroking his face. “I wonder who would win in a real fight? Celestia, or the lost Empress of Griffonstone, the great-great-great-great-great-great-great granddaughter of King Guto, Giladria? Funny how she hides her heritage.” He continued to muse while he watched the two enter the ballroom.

“... and Giladria will be commanding the Griffons. Any questions?” asked Celestia.

Luna and the ranking officers that were present in the ballroom all shook their heads. It seemed like a good plan. Celestia would stay in Canterlot to coordinate efforts to stave off Typhon’s army, which was made up of several races he fathered; Chimaera, Nemean Lion, Orthrus, Cerberus, and Sphinx. Luna was to guard Tartarus, and Gilda was to march the griffon army south to meet them. The element bearers would be in Canterlot until Typhon was located.

“I think that is the most stupid plan I have ever heard,” spat Gilda. “You want my army to sacrifice themselves for YOUR country? I don’t think so.”

“Now see here,” began Luna, but she was quickly shushed by Celestia.

Celestia’s stone cold stare froze the room and everypony held their breath. “Griffonstone will lead the attack. Your abilities in battle will undoubtedly save not only my little ponies and yourselves, but your own empire as well. Where do you think their army will go next?”

“Then we will face that challenge when, and if it comes.”

“You must listen, Giladria…”

“I am done listening! If you want our help, we will do things MY way!”

Silence returned to the room as Celestia considered her options. Everypony knew that they needed the griffons. As powerful as their princesses were, Equestria would fall against such a powerful foe unless they had help.

“No,” whispered Celestia.

“What?” spat Gidla.

“I said no.”

Gilda sized up Celestia. “Make me,” she threatened.

Luna quickly looked back and forth between the two. Her eyes burned with the fiery passion for battle.

Celestia’s face was set firm. “Very well.”

Luna snorted and Gilda grinned wickedly. “You cannot be serious, sister.”

“I am very serious. We will partake in battle in the arena the day after tomorrow. The winner will take command of the Equestrian and Griffon armies.”

“And the loser?” inquired Luna.

“Doesn’t.”

“AHHHH!” exclaimed somepony way in the back of the room.

Gilda simply nodded and turned to leave. “Until our battle, your majesty.”

“But, how could you agree to such a thing?!” yelled Twilight. Twilight and her friends had just been caught up on the details of the day. They were all in Celestia’s private chambers, gathered around the hearth. Each pony was nursing a hot beverage spiked with apple scotch.

“Just who does this Giladria think she is?” asked a very angry Rainbow Dash. “And what’s the deal with not just sending us to take care of it? All Typhon needs is a little, HIYA! WHAMM!!” Dash rocketed around the room doing karate chops, kicks, and punches to an imaginary foe.

“I was just getting to that,” replied Celestia as she stopped Dash with her magic. She placed Rainbow back on the floor. Dash downed the rest of her drink in a few gulps and waited impatiently for Celestia to continue. “As I was saying, we will do battle in two days. I have no doubt I will win, so you all have nothing to worry about.”

The group sighed in relief. “But what about just going after Typhon ourselves?” asked Pinkie Pie. “I mean, it’s not like you don’t know where he is.”

Everypony turned to look at her. Celestia felt a chill run up her spine. ‘Damn that Pinkie Sense!’ she silently cursed at herself. “Pinkie, you never cease to amaze me. Yes, I do know where he is. Gilda does not, so we are secretly taking steps to ensure his defeat.”

“But is it really a good idea to go against a new ally? Isn’t part of being friends being honest with each other?” Twilight looked distraught at the idea of betraying a friend.

“Ah agree that honesty is normally the best policy, but I think Celestia is right. We need ‘ta make sure Typhon loses, with or without the Griffons’ help. That’s got to come first,” said AJ.

“Yes, and this is why I am asking you all to go to the Siren’s Sea. There is a cluster of islands there where I believe Typhon is hiding. You must defeat him before his army reaches us.” Five ponies gave firm nods, their faces set with looks of determination. Fluttershy gave a small squeak, but slowly nodded her head. Celestia gave them a reassuring smile. “I am confident that you will deal with the threat quickly. I must ask that you leave first thing in the morning. I will deal with Giladria, so do not worry. She will not know your location or your mission, so please do not speak of it beyond this room. Now, you must rest, for you leave at sunrise.”

Everypony stood and shuffled out of the room, speaking quiet goodnights as they made their way to their private rooms. Celestia shut the door gently and turned towards her bed. She only made it one step when the door to her armoire burst open and griffon came tumbling out, tangled in clothing and gasping for breath.

“Can’t… breathe…” she gasped. “AIR!”

Celestia paled. “Oh my goodness, are you OK?” She rushed to help Gilda to her feet. “I must not have cast the spell strong enough! I am so sorry!”

“Who in their right mind keeps an enchanted closest that removes all the air?!” Gilda chastised.

The alicorn’s ears splayed back as she used her magic to remove torn clothing from Gilda. “It is meant to preserve the clothing better. Some of those garments are over 900 years old. I truly am sorry. If I let somepony hide in there again, I will make sure to just leave the door open a crack and max out the air bubble spell.”

With a huff, Gilda threw off the last shard of clothing and sauntered over to the hearth. “Well, at least they didn’t stay any longer. I stopped listening about halfway through and meditated to conserve oxygen. Did you set the next part in motion?”

“Yes, and they don’t suspect a thing.”

“Perfect.”

Luna sat in her room, a scowl on her face as she sharpened her spear. “Thy are the most beautiful weapon in all the land,” she spoke gently to her beloved lance. “Do not fear, spear! Thy blade shalt have thy favorite meal soon.”

The crowd roared as Celestia made her way into the arena. She was clad in her strongest armor, which was made of platinum and had gold inlay. It was imbued with spells that made her faster and stronger than a dragon. No creature that had stood against it in battle had left with their life. Atop her head she wore a matching helmet, her horn poking through and her hair billowing out from under it. Her hooves were shod and her boots came up to her knees, allowing for easy movement while still providing some protection.

Boos were heard as Gilda entered from the opposite side. She wore no armor, only a blood red cape that flowed gracefully away from her body and left her wings free. Her talons were left bare, which did not go unnoticed by the crowd.

“Is she serious? She is going to get slaughtered. It will be over in moments,” murmured the spectators.

The two reached the center of the arena. Silence descended as the two squared off.

“This will be a fair fight. Nopony shall interfere with the battle. The first to yield will be declared the loser. Understood?” Celestia asked, making a pointed glance to Luna, who sat at the edge of the battlefield. Gilda gave a small nod that she understood. “Very well. Let us begin!”

Celestia launched herself into the air immediately. Her horn pulsated with her golden aura for a moment before turning orange. Silver sparks erupted from the tip as her spell came to full power. A ball of purple energy formed above her and she reared her head back, touching the tip of her horn to its edge. Her eyes glowed white and she threw her head forward, the energy ball launching away from her. It soared directly towards Gilda, who still stood on the ground, unmoving and unblinking.

An explosion rocked the structure and everypony was blinded by white light. Only Celestia did not shield her eyes, never moving her gaze from where Gilda stood. The light subsided, only to be replaced with a dust cloud. Ponies in the stands coughed as it dispersed through the arena. The moments ticked by as the dust settled.

Gilda stood on a small island of earth, a crater surrounding her. Not a speck of dust dirtied her cape, not a feather was out of place, and her fur shined in the sun. She didn’t have a scratch on her. Her face was set in a frown with a look of disappointment spread across her features.

“Was that supposed to hurt me?” Gilda called. Celestia scowled and dove at her adversary without a moment’s hesitation. The legendary Solar Spear appeared in her magic. Ponies that knew of the story gasped as their folklore became fact before their eyes. Celestia let out a scream of effort, pushing as much magical force into her thrust as she aimed the spear for Gilda’s bare chest. A shockwave exploded outward from the pair as the spear made contact, knocking ponies in the stands to the floor.

Gilda blinked. Celestia bared her teeth, a low growl escaping her, her face mere inches from Gilda’s. The tip of the spear was glowing white hot as black sparks shot away from it. Blue electricity crackled along Gilda’s chest, an invisible barrier now revealed. There was only a centimeter between Gilda’s breast and the tip of the weapon.

“Are you done now, loser?”

“AHHHH!” Celestia darted around Gilda, striking at her with the spear. Sparks flew every time contact was made, but no harm came to Gilda. Celestia darted back and threw spell after spell, each one having no effect. After several minutes, Celestia ceased her assault, her head level with her withers. Sweat dripped down her coat, leaving clean, white trails as it washed away the dirt.

“Where did… you get such… magic?” she panted.

Gilda laughed. “Griffons have always held magic more powerful than ponies. We just choose to only use it in battle, rather than waste it on petty tasks like dressmaking.”

Hundreds of miles away, Rarity felt an anger she could not explain. She shivered, shrugged, and returned to trying to keep the mud off of her coat.

“Let me show you the true power of the griffons!”

Celestia tried to brace herself, but it was too late. Gilda had launched herself forward so fast, she was only a flash of red color. She slammed into Celestia, shattering her armour in a single blow to the chest. Another shock wave engulfed the crowd as Celestia rocketed backwards, her eyes glazed over before she even hit the wall. Cracks formed in the cement and the building shifted.

Celestia, Princess of the Sun, fell to the ground; unmoving, unblinking, and very, very dead.

No pony moved. No pony breathed. No pony could comprehend what had just happened.

No pony, save one.

“RRRAAAAAHHHHHH!” Luna roared. Darkness engulfed her, her teeth sharpened, and she became Nightmare Moon in an instant. The Lunar Spear appeared in her magic and she threw herself blindly at Gilda in a rage. With a swipe of the back of her talons, Gilda batted Nightmare Moon away, throwing her like a rag doll. Nightmare hit the wall above where Celestia had fallen. The impact knocked her out cold and she landed upon the broken body of her sister. She turned back into Luna, a look of shock on her unconscious face.

Gilda bent down and picked up the Lunar Spear. She placed the butt of it on the ground, pointing it skyward. Her eyes narrowed at the crowd. She turned her gaze to the Royal Guard, who all looked shaken and like they had wet themselves. None dared to approach her, or their fallen princesses.

“PONIES OF EQUESTRIA!” she boomed. “Hear me! From this day forth, the land of Equestria is under Griffon rule! All who dare to oppose me may come forth to challenge me at any time. Now…” She turned to the the closest unicorn captain. “Come clean this mess up. I won’t have my arena dirty.”

“What do you think?”

“I think that may have been a little cruel, Tia.”

“My little ponies are much more resilient than you think.”

“I shall keep that in mind,” replied Discord, his eyebrow raised as he turned his attention back to the screen, Celestia sitting by his side. “And what of Luna? Do you really think she will find this amusing?”

Celestia frowned. “Maybe not...”

Luna sad on her throne, her head bandaged and a very grumpy look on her face. She crossed her arms and gave a little huff. It was the following day and she had a splitting headache. ‘Furious’ was too light a term to describe how upset she was with not only herself for losing, but with Gilda as well. From the moment Luna had woken up in the hospital wing, Gilda had been bossing her around. Not only that, but Luna hadn’t even been allowed to see her sister’s body to say goodbye...

Gilda sat on Celestia’s throne, ponies running around as Gilda barked out orders. A unicorn stood near Gilda, his magic surging through his horn as he controlled several quills and rolls of parchment. With each order Gilda gave, the stallion furiously scrawled her wishes onto the paper and gave it to a waiting pegasus. The pegasi would take off to their predetermined destinations to deliver the notes the moment they were given one.

“Luna, you are to leave now to the Saddle Arabian desert. My intelligence shows that the enemy army is waiting there.” Gilda waited for Luna to stop picking at her hoof and respond. The alicorn nodded slightly, but remained silent. “Good, now go.” Gilda gave her a dismissive wave and went back to giving more orders.

Luna stalked off slowly, head hanging, to get the captains of the guard. A single tear went unnoticed as it hit the floor.

Twilight and the girls had been trudging through the mud and muck for what felt like forever, looking for a villain that wasn’t there. Rainbow’s wings were actually tired, Rarity had crusty mud stuck in her matted mane, Pinkie had moss growing in her fur, Fluttershy’s tail had been lodged in some brambles and had to be cut loose, and Twilight had lost several teeth in a bad fight with an angry crocodile.

Suffice it to say, their spirits were low.

“Come on Twilight! We should have found him by now!” complained Dash.

“I KNOW!” spat Twilight harshly. Dash looked hurt by the sharp tone. Twilight sighed, her face falling. “I’m sorry. I didn’t mean to snap. I am just so, so tired.”

“We all are, darling,” Rarity said as she slipped an arm around her friend. “Perhaps we should rest for a bit.”

“Ah think we need to get over this hill first,” Applejack chimed in. “Ain’t a whole lot of dry places here in this swamp. There should be someplace drier up on top of the hill.”

The six trudged along slowly. As they neared the top of the hill they heard a strange rhythm on the wind. Their ears all perked up and they all exchanged uncertain, questioning glances. The rhythm became louder as they crested the hill. Their jaws all dropped.

Below them was a field filled with mini Typhons. They were all playing different instruments, creating an upbeat tune that emphasized the drumbeat.

“What the hay?!” exclaimed Dash.

Every Typhon stopped their playing and looked at the ponies.

“The Empress of Griffonstone says GO HOME!” they all yelled. In a flash they all disappeared.

A few moments passed in silence. “I think we have been had,” Twilight sighed.

“AHAHAHAHA!” laughed Pinkie. “You should all see your faces! And my face!” She pulled out a mirror from her hair and looked into it. “HA! Look at my face! I look stunned!”

“I don’t think it’s that funny,” said Fluttershy quietly as she tried to hide her bald tail between her legs.

The Equestrian army had been marching for several days. Although she was not a very happy alicorn, she still had her duty to her country and her ponies. She marched with her head held high and proud in an attempt to inspire hope in her subjects. It wasn’t working.

Morale was extremely low. With the death of Celestia, ponies had a hard time getting out of bed, let alone marching to fight in a war they knew they wouldn’t live through. Their new Empress was sending them to slaughter, and they all knew it.

“Come, my ponies!” Luna shouted to everyone. “We are almost there. Just over this hill, and we should see thy enemies! Let us vanquish them! For Equestria! For my sister!”

Luna’s words had the desired effect. Ponies cheered and stomped their hooves. With renewed energy the army ran the rest of the way, cresting the sandy hill with shouts and yells of intimidation. Halfway down the other side, they all stopped in their tracks.

“Nay, what is this?!” gasped Luna.

One hundred yards away from the bottom of the hill was a small figure. Luna signaled her generals to remain in position. She approached the figure cautiously. It was an armoured griffon toy holding a white flag. She picked it up in her magic and examined it. Pinned to its breast was a note. She unfolded it and read to herself.

Dear Princess Luna,

We surrender.

Sincerely,

Giladria

P.S. Celestia’s fine, she says to hurry up and get home.

“Princess Luna, is everything OK?” a general called to her.

Luna quickly dried the tears from her eyes. She cleared her throat to loosen the snotty buildup before speaking. “Yes, everything is fine.” She turned to face her comrades. “We have been tricked. We march home, for my sister waits for us!”

Confused looks were exchanged. One pony started laughing. Then another. Soon, the laughter infection had spread and they were all giggling, cheering, and smiling. Luna spread her wings and led the army home, a sad smile on her face that was hidden from them as she soared above them.

“You did well. You upset the entire balance of the kingdom. I would say that is payment enough.”

“Whatever. Just give me my lamp so I can get out of this awful place.” Gilda snatched her bag from Discord and walked out the door.

“But did you go too far, I wonder?” pondered Discord. “Perhaps the seeds have already been sown...”

“What do you mean you didn’t get any baking powder?” Grandpa Gruff snarled. “I can’t teach you my recipe without it!”

“Put a lid on it, Grandpa. I got better things to do than listen to you whine about stupid powder!” Gilda slammed the door to her upstairs loft. She laid on her bed and stared at the ceiling. Messing around with Celestia had been kind of fun. Almost as fun as racing and pulling pranks with…

She shook her head and sat up. The bag from the Repository sat at her feet and she picked it up. She stared at it for a few moments before sighing and taking out her lamp. The lamp had Discord immortalized in a high five with the Element of Loyalty, Rainbow Dash. The lamp was designed in a way so that when you moved the figure’s arms to complete the high-five, it switched the lamp on and off.

Gilda picked up her old bedside lamp and chucked it out the window. A thwack and a few choice words from Grandpa Gruff drifted into her room. She placed her new lamp on the nightstand, giving it a small, depressed smile. “I’m sorry, Rainbow Dash.”

“I’m so sorry.”