I Have Vacation Days?!

Twilight stumbled out of her bedroom, leaning on the wall as she savored the tingling between her legs, her thighs stained with the aftermath of a week long threesome. “I needed that…” Making her way to the bathroom, she noticed with a grin that the shower was already running. Stepping into it, she looked at the other occupant’s nice ass. “Morning, Trixie.”

“Gah!” Trixie yelped, spinning around and covering herself up, “What have I told you about doing that, Twilight!?”

“Doing what?” Twilight asked as she leaned on Trixie while wrapping her arm around her shoulders as she stepped under the water with her.

Trixie spluttered and tried to back up, hampered by the bathroom wall, “Stop getting in the shower with me, dammit!”

“Come on, we’re both mature women, Trixie,” Twilight purred, clearly still a bit high from her threesome. “No reason to be uncomfortable around each other when we’re naked, even if you’re not bi like me.” She grabbed the shampoo in her telekinesis and lathered her hands up before starting to massage her scalp, the suds mixing with her hair.

Trixie huffed and turned away, “So long as you keep your hands to yourself, then.” She resumed her shower, rubbing the soap along her skin and lathering it against herself.

“So… How’s Big Mac?” Twilight asked, feeling in a gossiping mood. “Things still going good between you two?”

“Mmm,” Trixie hummed, “Things are going wonderfully, in fact. Why do you ask?”

Twilight giggled. “Well, I heard through the grapevine that he’s doing a little ring shopping. I think he’s gonna ask you to marry him.”

Trixie froze and turned around jerkily, a wide, hopeful expression on her face, “Y-you really mean that? He’s actually… he’s actually going ring shopping? Is… is he really going to ask me to marry him!?”

“Applejack certainly thinks so,” Twilight said. “Apparently he hardly ever shuts up about you. Of all the things that could make that man speak, it would be a woman. Go figure.”

Trixie sniffled and leaned against the wall, looking off into space with a sparkle in her eyes, “I’ve dreamed of this day! Oh I can’t wait to see Mac again! Just the thought of being married to him…” She squealed happily, wiggling from side to side in glee.

Twilight giggled. “You’re rather giddy about becoming Mrs. Trixie Apple.” She lightly smacked her on the ass. “Got a special seduction plan for the occasion?”

“Hehe…” Trixie’s grin turned wicked and lustful, “I have a very good plan….” She chuckled darkly, the temperature of the room dropping dramatically and the lights dimming with the atmosphere.

Twilight shuddered as she felt her nipples harden from the chilled air. “Do tell, Trixie. Maybe I can use something similar with Alucard.”

The atmosphere abruptly returned to normal as Trixie scoffed, “As if, Sparkle! This woman’s seduction plans are to remain secret until after they’ve been proven to work. And besides, the most you need to do to get Alucard inside you is to spread your legs and lay back.”

“You just gave me a third degree burn…” Twilight muttered. “I respect that.”

Trixie harrumphed, “As if there were ever any doubt.”

“Actually there was doubt,” Twilight said. “But you dispelled it.” She giggled. “If you two have a daughter, name her after me.”

Trixie sighed, “Perhaps we shall…”

Twilight sighed happily as she leaned on Alucard, munching on one of the sandwiches from the picnic blanket she and her friends were sharing. “Nice day, isn’t it?” She grinned at her friends, then at Alucard, who was holding her parasol for her.

Everyone nodded, a unanimous quiet susurrus of agreement rippling through the group. Happy smiles dotted the faces of each person as they ate, content to simply enjoy the day and bask in the company of friends.

A belch broke the silence as Spike coughed up a scroll. “Letter from the princess, Twilight.”

Twilight took the scroll and opened it, her eyes widening as she read it. “What the fuck is this all about?”

Rarity looked over in concern, “Is something the matter, darling?” The rest of the group turned to look at Twilight as well, moving over and peering over her shoulders to look at the note.

Twilight’s eyes narrowed. “Why am I finding out from an invitation instead of his own mouth that my brother is getting married?!”

“Shiny’s getting hitched?” Alucard asked. “Wow. Who’s the lucky lady? Bet it’s Cadance.”

“It’s definitely Cadance. Only she has that pretentious fucking title,” Twilight muttered, “Well, at least she’s good for him… Still not going to stop me from ripping him a new one as soon as I see him.”

“Wonder how long it took him to propose,” Alucard pondered. “Last time I saw him he was getting all sweaty over the thought and getting his man card penalized.”

Twilight scoffed, “Him? Propose? I mean, sure, he’s great in a fight or in the kitchen or in school or doing some stupid nerdy shit, but proposing? Nah. Cadance was the one to propose. I’m sure of it.”

“Wanna make a bet outta this?” Alucard asked, grinning at Twilight and showing his shiny chompers.

“Fifty bits says Cadance proposed,” Twilight smirked.

“Make it a hundred and we’ve got a bet,” Alucard countered.

Pinkie popped in, “Two hundred says they proposed at the same time!”

“.... Ah hell, I’ll match that.” Twilight grinned and leaned back, “Alright ladies, gentlemen… we’re going to Canterlot!”

“All of us are needed?” Rainbow asked, arching an eyebrow while staring at Twilight over her sunglasses. “Not that I’m complaining. The Wonderbolts, and my boyfriend by extension, are sure to be at a royal wedding.”

Twilight snorted, “Well, duh. Rainbow, you’re gonna do a Sonic Rainboom, Rarity’s in charge of dresses, Pinkie and Applejack are on catering, Fluttershy, well Fluttershy is for helping keep Alucard in line. Trixie, you’re on fireworks, Mac is with Applejack and Pinkie, Anderson is there to perform the rights with Princess Celestia, Schrodinger… eh, you weren’t directly invited but the letter says to make sure you don’t insult any nobles and to wear a nice suit, so there’s also that. Gilda is going to perform with Dash and the Wonderbolts, and Seras… wait… why did she get an invite through this when she’s already stationed as a guard in the castle…? Weird.”

“Actually, I’m using a lot of the leave I’ve built up over the last 20 years,” Seras said, smiling cheerfully. “First vacation since I got to Equestria. Princess Celestia insisted on it.”

“Huh, that explains that,” Twilight muttered, “Well then, shall we make our travel preparations?”

Alucard stared out the window as the train headed toward Canterlot. “What’s with that barrier around the city?”

Twilight shrugged, “Princess Celestia said something about there being an external threat to Canterlot’s safety or something. But, from the color, that’s my brother’s shield, so anything that can break through there will probably tear through the rest of the military like tissue paper… Schrodinger, Seras, my brother and a few other notable individuals excepted, of course.”

“Like you and me,” Alucard noted as he held Twilight close, right before they passed through the barrier and he was forced into his mass of shadows form. “So that’s what it does. That’s interesting.” He reformed into Girlycard.

Twilight shrugged, “It’s supposed to remove the disguises of whatever passes through it at predetermined points while blocking everything else out. At least, that’s what I figure it does.” She looked out at the castle, specifically, a single tower that was once her home away from home for twelve years.

Alucard followed her gaze. “So… That tower’s probably really dusty and covered in cobwebs. Unless you still have that house elf cleaning service.”

“No, that got canceled last month since I haven’t been there in almost… a year now. Holy shit. Has it really been that long…?” Twilight blinked in surprise, shaking her head as the train stopped at the castle station and everyone disembarked. “Security’s really been beefed up. Nobody do anything weird or you might get arrested.”

Schrodinger immediately looked shiftily to each side before grabbing a lock of Pinkie’s hair and pulling it, causing a massive explosion of confetti to erupt out of her shirt and pop it completely open, revealing…. another shirt underneath. A forest of spears immediately bristled in their direction as Twilight sighed and facepalmed, “.... Don’t do that. That will get you arrested.”

Twilight looked up at a balcony and narrowed her eyes at the sight of a familiar face. “Shining Armor! Get your ass down here right now!” She shouted, anger tinging her voice as she advanced on the stairs leading up to where he was.

Twilight was met with a forest of spears again as she climbed, Shining Armor’s voice filtering over the wall with a frantic, “Everyone stand down! That’s my sister! None of you would stand a chance against her when she’s really angry!”

“Got that right, Shining Armor!” Twilight growled. “So unless you guys want a trip to the hospital, get the fuck outta my way! I need to have a little chat with my brother!”

The spears retracted, the fastest ones to retreat being the ones that had been chosen for the honor of training Twilight Sparkle in her youth.

“Good boys,” Twilight cooed sweetly as she passed them with Girlycard in tow, glaring at Shining Armor as she advanced on him. “Alright, Shiny. Start talking. Why did I find out you’re getting married from a wedding invitation instead of your own mouth?! And when did Cadance propose? Since I know for fact you wouldn’t grow a pair and pop the question yourself.” She crossed her arms and glared even deadlier daggers at him.

Shining Armor coughed and looked away, an action far from matching his imposingly armored figure and the even more imposing claymore on his back. “Ah, that is, well… It was… err…. about a month ago… and well… err I got called away on an emergency before I could send the letter and then I forgot?” He poked his fingers together and blushed, “Also, Cadance didn’t ask me. We asked at the same time…”

Pinkie gasped and leapt over Shining Armor’s shoulder and pointed at Twilight and Alucard, “Pay up! I was right!”

Twilight and Alucard grumbled as they each handed Pinkie 200 bits. “Forgot… Forgot?!” Twilight pulled Shining Armor closer with her wires. “HOW DID YOU FORGET TO TELL YOUR SISTER THAT YOU’RE GETTING MARRIED?! YOUR LITTLE SISTER BEST FRIEND FOREVER NO LESS!!!”

Schrodinger leaned over to Pinkie. “Does Twilight seem moodier than usual lately, Pinkie?” he asked in a whisper.

Pinkie nodded and whispered back, “Kinda weird… and I keep feeling like there’s gonna be a doozy sometime today…”

Shining Armor looked nervously from side to side as he tried to think of a way to explain things. Just as he prepared to be thrown into a wall for the six hundredth time (By his sister only, the actual count was far higher), a voice cut in, “Hey! What do you think you’re doing with my fiance!?”

Girlycard looked over at the source of the voice and grinned. “Cady! How ya doing?!” He/she phased over and squeezed Cadance’s breasts. “Did you get breast reduction? I thought they were bigger than this.” Said breasts were in fact slightly larger than Twilight’s own. “Weird…”

Cadance eeped in surprise and pushed Alucard away, screaming, “Get your hands off of me you pervert!”

Girlycard stared at her. “Curiouser and curiouser. You’ve never been so vocal in knocking me away. You always just blast me with that weird love beam and send me over to Sugarlips. Which reminds me.” He/she looked at Shining Armor. “Hey, Shiny. I’ve been boning your sister for the past year.”

Shining Armor blinked, processing that statement as his mind whirled through emotions until settling on the all too familiar blinding righteous fury. “YOU WHAT!?” The resulting sword strike cleaved Alucard in half and, thankfully without injuring anyone, slammed into the tower they stood on with such force that a twenty foot wide crater erupted into existence, splattering Alucard all over the area.

Twilight’s eye twitched as Alucard slowly pulled himself together. “Shiny… Must you react so violently to the knowledge that not only do I have a boyfriend, but also an extremely healthy sex life?”

Shining Armor coughed again and scratched at his cheek, “S-sorry, Twiley… I… er… just wasn’t expecting it to be such a blunt admission…. and I wasn’t expecting it from him either.”

“It’s Alucard, Shiny. You should know how he is by now,” Twilight said. “Now apologize for splattering my boyfriend.”

Shining Armor sighed and grudgingly looked over to Alucard, “... Sorry for cutting you in half and splattering you all over the ground….”

“Apology accepted, ya whipped pussy,” Alucard quipped before letting out his impish laugh. “You’re still waiting for your balls to drop, aren’t you?”

Twilight giggled at her brother’s expense. “He is, isn’t he?”

Shining Armor shook his head and groaned, “Anyway, let’s just go inside….”

Schrodinger glanced down at a street. “Pinkie. Who is zhat voman down zhere?” He pointed to a woman with flowing purple hair and simple dress that had a blank expression on her face.

Pinkie gasped, “Maudie! Maudie Maudie Maudie! That’s my sister Maud! I didn’t know she was here!” She all but threw herself from the tower, rolling to a halt in front of Maud and grabbing her in a tight bear hug. “Maudie! It’s been so long since I saw you last! How’ve you been, big sis?”

Maud returned Pinkie’s hug and gave her a small smile. “I’ve been well, Pinkie,” she said in an even, though some would argue emotionless, tone. “How are you doing? I saw you in a couple of stained glass windows.”

Pinkie gasped again, “Stained glass windows!? Where!? I wanna see!”

A pair of hands suddenly lashed out from behind Maud and squeezed her breasts, the familiar visage of Alucard appearing over her shoulder, “Mmmm…. nice, firm, not a lot of sag… G-cups too, I’d say! Say, Pinkie, isn’t this your sister? Her boobs feel like yours!... Cept less squishy.”

Quick as a flash, Maud slammed her heel into Alucard’s crotch and grabbed his right arm, flipping him over her shoulder into the ground, making a small crater before cocking her right arm back, the skin of her arm turning black as coal as her hand curled into a fist, coming down and smashing into Alucard’s crotch and expanding the crater to three times its diameter before standing as her raised foot came down and struck Alucard’s abused balls again and sent him flying into a wall with enough force to splatter his head. Her leg’s flesh was just as black as her arm, both slowly turning back to her natural skin tone. “You must be Alucard. Pinkie has mentioned you in her letters. Please don’t touch me like that again. But thank you for the compliment.”

Alucard groaned in pleasure as he reformed, a wide grin on his face, “I haven’t been hit that hard since the last time Sun-butt and Moon-butt blasted me through a mountain!” Twilight facepalmed as she dropped into view, shaking her head as she looked to Maud.

“While I understand the need to punish Alucard for his actions, I do believe that the amount of force you used is rather… excessive. What if it had just been some normal person?” Twilight cocked her hip and raised an eyebrow, looking questioningly at Maud.

“No normal person has the sort of aura that he does,” Maud said. “I knew from the moment he touched me that he is a vampire lord, and that he would survive my retaliation. My boyfriend would do far worse if he saw what Alucard did.”

Pinkie’s eyes went wide, “You got a boyfriend!? Who is it who is it who is it!? Do I know him? Where does he live? Where is he from? Does he like parties?”

Maud chuckled lightly at her sister’s enthusiasm. “His name is Facet. I don’t think you know him. He lives here in Canterlot. He’s from Canterlot as well. And he does enjoy parties if they’re not being hosted by nobles.”

Pinkie had, at some point, disappeared in a burst of confetti. “Wait, where’d Pinkie g- oh wait there she is.” Twilight pointed up, spotting the pink haired party-planner somehow doing happy backflips in the cloud layer. “.... How the fuck is she doing that.”

“Pinkie’s connection to the earth has never been that strong,” Maud said. “And it manifests in her abilities. Like that. And the Pinkie Sense.” She lightly smiled. “In another life, she’d have been an Aerial.”

Twilight nodded, “That would explain some of what she does… but how she moves around in paradox laden areas of shattered time without dying or being part of the root cause baffles me to no end.” She tapped her chin and shook her head again, “But enough pondering on the strangeness of what Pinkie does. I’m Twilight Sparkle, nice to meet you.”

“Maud Pie,” Maud introduced herself. “You’re Princess Celestia’s apprentice, right? Facet mentioned you once.”

Twilight nodded and rolled her shoulders, “Yeah, that’s me. Probably one of the strongest Aetherials alive right now, or so Princess Celestia likes to say.”

“Facet said he crushed on you for a while, but then decided against, as he put it, ‘trying to stick his dick in crazy’.” Maud said.

“.....” Twilight frowned, “.... While not exactly a nice sentiment, I suppose it was a smart idea to stay away- who knows what Alucard would have done to him.”

“Questioning your sanity aside, he thinks very highly of you,” Maud said. “He calls you someone worth knowing, since you’re no nonsense. He respects your demeanor.” She looked Twilight in the eye. “Do you have something you want to ask me?”

“Perceptive one, aren’t you?” Twilight asked, an odd gleam in her eyes, “Yes, actually. I wanted to ask you to a spar. There aren’t many people who have the kind of ability to drop Alucard like that and I want to see just how I match up these days.”

“Alright,” Maud said. “Where would you like to spar?”

Twilight grinned, “Follow me.”

Twilight led Maud into an open courtyard in the castle, a perfect ellipse, 300 meters long and 200 meters at its widest point. A thin, healthy layer of grass covered the entire area, while a golden dome shimmered over the field, signs posted at regular intervals warning bystanders to not attempt to interfere with the matches.

“A well designed training ground,” Maud commented as she looked around, her expression unchanging. “Used by the Royal Guard?”

“Mhmm… well, it was, until I took it over and started using it as my own training ground… the guards stopped coming after I kicked about eighty percent of their collective gold covered asses.”

“An impressive claim, Ms. Sparkle,” Maud said as she looked at her. “Good luck in your effort to do the same to me.” She walked over to the center of the courtyard and turned to face Twilight. “I’ll let you have the first attack.”

Twilight grinned and cracked her knuckles, “Alright then, I hope you can give as good as you get then, because I’m not gonna hold back!” She raced forward, her parasol appearing in her hand as she used it to vault high into the air, letting go of it and letting her wires wrap around the handle, wrenching it from the dirt and swinging its metallic canopy directly at Maud’s face as if it were a frilly, lavender flail that any normal person would fall to.

Maud didn’t move from her spot, her only sign of reaction being that her head’s skin turned black as coal right before the parasol impacted and bounced off, not even fazing Maud. Her skin returned to its normal tone once the attack was deflected. “Interesting move.” The sheer monotony of her tone practically screamed that she was taunting Twilight.

Twilight frowned as she landed, “I’d heard that those with particularly strong connections to the earth would be able to use the earth magic within them to transmute themselves into earth itself… but to see it in person…. That just makes me wanna see just how hard I have to push your defenses!”

Maud uncrossed her arms and fell into a stance from an oriental martial art, stone forming over her forearms and shins before breaking away to reveal that she had transmuted her limbs into stone. “Come then, Ms. Sparkle.”

Twilight rushed forward with a cackle, unsheathing her sword and swinging it down, trailing a violet arc of mana as she strengthened and sharpened her blade to a degree that was almost unheard of.

As her hand came up to intercept the blade, the stone encasing Maud’s right arm seamlessly transmuted itself into crystal as she caught the blade and swiftly disarmed Twilight before using her own momentum to throw her along the grass, far more gently than she normally would.

Twilight caught herself in midair and slid along the grass in a three point crouch. She frowned speculatively, “You could have thrown me harder, you know… I’m not made of glass…. though the magicite on your arm is, however composed mainly of silicon compounds.”

“Magicite may be brittle, but it’s an effective countermeasure against magically enhanced weapons and spells,” Maud said as the magicite was transmuted back into bedrock.

Twilight snorted and examined the tiny nick in her blade, “Brittle it may be, but I bet you layered diamond under and through the magicite just so you could damage my sword. Tch, I’ll have to fix this later…”

“You’re perceptive,” Maud complimented as her flesh was transmuted into a metal with a sheen to it before she dashed at Twilight extremely quickly, attacking her with fast jabs and snap kicks.

Twilight backflipped away, using her natural agility to redirect and dodge Maud’s kicks and jabs with the barest of effort, using her parasol to all but slide the attacks away from her. “Not bad. Titanium?”

“You know your metals,” Maud said as she kept up her assault, aiming to either knock Twilight off balance or disorient her with jabs at her face. “Did you know that titanium is hypoallergenic?”

Twilight huffed excitedly as she blocked and dodged, carefully noting that while Maud’s strikes were intense and lightning fast, she seemed to avoid going for center mass. “Yeah, that’s why it’s used in temporary bone replacements before being switched out for artificially grown bones.” She grinned as she dodged back again, her hands lighting up with intense sparks of lightning, “Problem is that even with its low electrical conductivity, it’s still quite dangerous!” With a bright flash and the sound of a thousand chirping birds, Twilight slammed her fist forward, grabbing Maud’s titanium arms and blasting her full of thousands of volts of electricity.

Maud reflexively transmuted her arms into bedrock to cut off the shock. Grabbing Twilight’s arms, she knocked her down and pinned her by the legs and shoulders, once again avoid her center of mass. “Give up?” she asked as her entire body was transmuted into bedrock.

Twilight groaned and let her head fall against the grass, “Yeah… I know when I just got my ass kicked… you weren’t even trying were you? No sweat, even breathing, normal heart beat, not even a severe spike in mana usage.” Twilight’s heart slowly calmed down from the rush of battle, leaving her now aware of the slight pains that came from just barely dodging fists made of titanium.

Maud stood and helped Twilight to her feet as her body transmuted back into flesh and blood. “You’ll want to avoid combat of any sort for a while. It’s too risky for you.”

Twilight cocked her head in confusion, “.... Why would it be risky?”

“The risk is to your child,” Maud said. “My connection to the earth lets me sense life auras. Like the one growing inside you.”

“.....” Twilight stared at Maud, “.... You’re…. you’re joking right? I can’t be pregnant! I’ve only ever had sex with Alucard! Vampires can’t get people pregnant that’s absurd!”

“And yet you’re pregnant with Alucard’s child,” Maud said simply. “Life tends to find a way. And haven’t you ever heard of dhampires?”

“......” Twilight took a deep breath, took another deep breath, stared at Maud some more, and…

Fancy Pants looked up in confusion, “Fleur, dear, did you hear a scream?”

“Non.”

“Ah, alright then.”

Maud stared at Twilight in silence as her eardrums transmuted back into flesh from hardened carbon. “Feel better?”

Twilight hyperventilated a few times and sat down on the grass, head firmly dropped into her hands, “.... A little…?”

“Is there any excitement in there?” Maud asked. “After all, I can imagine that you love Alucard very much.”

“I mean, probably….” Twilight murmured, “But I don’t think it’s set in yet…. Oh wait, there it is.” She bounced to her feet and began cartwheeling around the field, giggling and squealing the whole time, “I’m gonna have Alucard’s kids~ Woo hoo! This is great!”

As it happened, Alucard had arrived in time to hear the announcement. “I’m gonna be a dad?! Really, Sugarlips?!” He grinned at Shining Armor as the guy came up behind him. “You’re gonna be an uncle, Shiny!”

Shining Armor stopped, an aghast expression on his face as he slowly reached towards his claymore. “..... Alucard…. you’d better marry her fast or I’m going to FUCKING KILL YOU!” With a great slam, the claymore impacted the earth once more, creating a massive crater in the ground and splattering Alucard all over the area… again.

Maud led Pinkie through Canterlot to one of the high end art studios. “Here’s where he works, Pinkie. You can stop bouncing off the walls now.” She still couldn’t help giving her excited sister a small smile.

Pinkie shook in place, a wide grin firmly affixed to her face as she fought to keep from bouncing all over the studio’s open space. “Ohmigosh ohmigosh ohmigosh! I can’t believe I get to meet your boyfriend!”

“Indeed. Try not to scare him too much, Pinkie,” Maud walked forward at a sedate pace, pushing the doors open and looking around for her boyfriend. “Facet, where are you?”

Facet’s ears perked up at her voice. “Maud? Is that you, darling?” He looked around the statue he was working on, his emerald green eyes widening slightly as he saw her. “Darling! What a pleasant surprise.” He dropped his hammer and chisel on his work table and strode over to her, wrapping his arms around her and planting a kiss on her lips.

“So that’s your girlfriend,” a voice piped up, revealing a man sitting on the couch and sketching, “Oh, don’t mind me, I’m just one of Facet’s…. ehhh, wouldn’t say friends, but we collaborate sometimes.” He returned back to his sketching, just in time to miss Pinkie jumping in front of Facet with an excited look on her face.

“Hi! My name is Pinkie Pie! I’m Maud’s little sister, nice to meet you, Facet! So…. how’s your relationship with my big sister?” She sidled up to Facet, an almost disconcerting grin on her face.

“Charmed,” Facet said, giving Pinkie a smile as he gently pushed her out of his personal space. “And Maud and I have a very loving relationship.”

“Good!” Pinkie chirped, “Cuz if you make her cry…. I’m gonna put you in the hospital.” She smiled serenely, an angelic expression far removed from her words.

“If that ever happens, I won’t stop you,” Facet said. “Maud is very precious to me, Pinkie.” He put his arm around Maud and held her close, planting a kiss on her cheek. “So do you have a boyfriend yourself, Pinkie?”

Said boyfriend was currently walking around the streets of Canterlot, bored out of his mind. So bored in fact, that he began talking to the sky.

“Vhy vould I talk to zhe sky? I’m not crazy.”

He spoke to no one, completely shattering his image of being sane. After all, what kind of a sane person just tries to answer a question that no one asked while also asserting their sanity?

“Zhat’s a loaded question and you know it!”

He continued to speak to no one, drawing odd stares from the curious passerby. Honestly, shouldn’t he know not to say things like that out in the public? Especially when talking to no one in particular.

“Vhen did you become so annoying? You’ve never been zhis irritating before!”

He continued his crazed statements, unheeding of the slightly nervous populace around him. Too bad he wasn’t paying attention, since the people were whispering some quite rude things about him.

“Mute narrator! Pinkie, vhere are you?!”

You may silence my voice but you will never be rid of the shame brought upon your head toda-!

Click!

Ah, that’s better. Sorry, Schrodinger. I’m afraid that my… associate had decided to snoop around my files.

“Zhat’s okay! Now vhere is Pinkie?”

She is, hold on let me check… ah yes, the Crystal Facet Art Studio. She’s visiting her sister’s boyfriend, you see. Well, and her sister is there too.

“Meine liebe’s sister? I simply must be introduced!”

Then go, Schrodinger. Actually you’re already there, aren’t you?

“Zhere you are, meine liebe!” Schrodinger exclaimed and he hugged Pinkie from behind. “I vas vondering vhere you got off to!”

“Where did he come from?” Facet asked in confusion.

Pinkie giggled and leaned into Schrodinger’s grip, “You get used to it. After all, he’s everywhere and nowhere~”

“Everywhere and nowhere?” Facet asked, arching an eyebrow.

“I sink, zherefore I am,” Schrodinger said as he appeared behind Maud and hugged her. “Nice to meet you, Maud. I’ve been looking forward to meeting meine liebe’s sister.”

Maud blinked and turned to face Schrodinger, gently moving out of his grip as she did so, “Nice to meet you too, Schrodinger. Pinkie has told me a lot about you.”

Schrodinger’s ears twitched. “Ja! And it’s all true! I am zhe self-observing cat zhat is everyvhere and novhere!” He hugged a tail that he hadn’t had moments earlier.

Maud raised an eyebrow as she looked at Schrodinger, “Interesting.”

“Pinkie and I are a match made in Heaven, nein?” Schrodinger asked, pulling Pinkie into his arms as his tail vanished.

“Apparently so. Though some might say that it’s a match made in Tartarus itself.” Maud returned to Facet’s embrace, standing behind him and resting her chin on his head.

“Both are in the eye of the beholder,” Facet said as he leaned into his girlfriend’s arms. “I’m calling it a match made in Heaven if they’re happy with each other, which they seem to be.”

Maud shrugged and leaned forward a little, pressing her chest a bit further into Facet’s back, “I suppose so.”

Pinkie giggled, “Well, we’re really happy together, so it must be a match made in Heaven!”

Facet chuckled. “There you go.” He looked up at Maud. “So what brings you to Canterlot, my love?” He lightly inhaled her scent. “You got into a fight a few minutes ago. Little sweat on you.”

“It wasn’t much of a fight. She couldn’t match me in melee and I don’t think she wanted to use any really dangerous magic against me, so I beat her fairly quickly,” Maud’s expression didn’t change much, just a tiny quirk of her lips.

“Who did you fight?” Facet asked, grinning at her as his right arm wrapped around her waist.

“Twilight Sparkle. I went easy on her since she went easy on me and is also pregnant.” Maud leaned against Facet, holding him against her and nearly shoving his face into her chest.

“The crazy one is pregnant?” Facet asked as he leaned on Maud as well. “I pity the father.”

“Twilight is pregnant?” Schrodinger asked, eyes wide. “Pinkie! You know vhat zhis means!”

Pinkie’s grin could not possibly have gotten wi- who are we kidding it’s Pinkie Pie. Her smile could still have gotten bigger. “Ooh! Ooh! We have to set up a baby shower and… and…” she gasped dramatically, “Alucard is going to marry Twilight! They must be so happy right now!”

Alucard was dancing with Twilight in Celestia’s study, enjoying the look on the sun princess’ face. “I’m gonna be a dad~ I’m gonna be a dad~”

Celestia facepalmed and sighed, “Yes, we know you’re going to be a father, Alucard. Now please, sit down and stop dancing. You’re going to make a mess.”

“Oh let them have their fun, sister. I remember you were just as bad when you had your sixteenth birthday.”

Alucard set Twilight on her feet and sat down while pulling her into his lap. “So what did you want, sun-butt?”

“As you may know, there’s a threat against Canterlot.” Celestia turned towards the window and frowned, deep in thought, “I don’t know what it is, and from the evidence we’ve found, it seems to be something with an insectoid nature, since there were definitely compounds similar to those found in a wide variety of insects… the problem is that we haven’t been able to figure out just what said being or beings are.” She held up a jar full of green slime, placing it on her desk, “This is the total amount of evidence we have, found underneath Blueblood’s former mansion. From the looks of it, it’s less than a month old.”

Alucard looked closer at the slime. “Looks like changeling slime.”

Celestia blinked, “Changelings? I thought… I thought they went extinct when Discord turned the Mustang Plains into a wasteland…”

“It’s changelings,” Alucard said, leaning back. “Emotion eaters. Love is one of their delicacies. Big wedding like this’d draw them like moths to a flame.”

“..... It can’t be changelings, that would be… well, that chance would be one in a million,” Luna spoke up, “After all, there are no records of changelings appearing in Equestria since the thousand years that I’ve been gone, and there are none before then either.”

Celestia waved Luna off, “Indulge Alucard for a moment, Luna. It won’t hurt. Alucard, do you still remember what the changelings look like? I’m afraid my memory isn’t quite what it used to be.”

“That’s ‘cause you’re going senile in your old age, sun-butt,” Alucard quipped with a laugh before turning serious. “Anyway. Changelings are shapeshifters able to assume just about any form they want. Usually a form that can be used to absorb love. Their true forms look like humans but have black, chitinous shells and insectoid wings. Their eyes are blue with compound lenses, like an insect. And the queens are more imposing, and look more human. A changeling is technically genderless, but they can identify as either male or female depending on their needs and preferences. On that note, keep a close watch on Cadance.”

“Cadance…? Because she’s the Princess of Love…” Celestia’s eyes went wide, “We’ll have to double her guard, even with Shining Armor being near her.”

“That won’t help. Cadance has already been subverted by a changeling imposter,” Alucard said. “I know for fact that the real Cadance is three cup sizes larger than Twilight. The Cadance we encountered is only one size larger.”

“..... I can’t believe you can tell people apart by their bust sizes but I’m willing to believe that since you’re… you.” Celestia rubbed her brow, “Anyway, then Shining Armor is compromised. We have to find the real Cadance as well, since I’m assuming she’s not dead yet. She’s far too great of a bargaining tool.”

“I have an idea for that,” Alucard said. “It’ll require some acting on our parts, but if we pull it off, we can lull the imposter into a false sense of security.”

“Do tell,” Celestia arched an eyebrow, leaning forward with an expression of great interest. She laced her fingers together, bringing her hands in front of her mouth as she placed her elbows on her desk, a pair of sunglasses snapping into existence on her face and glinting ominously in the light.

“Simple,” Alucard said. “We all act like nothing’s wrong, while Twilight acts suspicious. Then when the rehearsal comes, she barges in acting crazy and accuses the imposter of being evil and plotting something. If she takes the bait, she’ll pull the wounded animal gambit and get most to side with her. We make a show of that and leave Twilight alone, and the imposter will undoubtedly return to remove Twilight as a threat. She’s likely to lock Twilight up with the real Cadance hoping that Twilight will kill her in a blind rage. Once we have Cadance free, we bring her to the ceremony and expose the imposter.”

“Alucard, I love you, but that is the shittiest, most convoluted plan I’ve ever heard come out of your mouth.” Twilight sighed, “Well, even if it probably won’t work, it’s the only plan we’ve got right now, so….”

“I can’t fucking believe it worked,” Twilight muttered as the fake Cadance put on an incredibly melodramatic routine that seemed more fashioned for appearances’ sake than for any really believable reaction.

“-and on my wedding day too! I can’t believe you, Twilight! Why do you hate me so much!?” The fake Cadance swooned and collapsed to her knees, sobbing pitifully.

Twilight shook herself from her disbelief and acted out her lines, slowly backing away from the fake Cadance, “I-I, please! You have to believe me! She’s a fake!”

“Cadance” sobbed loudly and fled the room, Shining Armor running after her after shooting a glare at Twilight that actually made her feel almost bad for her words.

The bride and groom were followed by the rest of her friends and the princesses, with Alucard giving her a wink as he followed them out and slipped away to make sure he was ready for the next phase.

Twilight kept up her act and stumbled over to the altar, collapsing to her knees on its steps as she sobbed quietly, complete with crocodile tears.

After a few minutes, the door creaked open and the fake Cadance walked in quietly, coming to a stop in front of Twilight and kneeling down in front of her, “You know… I don’t hate you… I just need you out of my way.” With a bright flash of green, a circle of flames surrounded Twilight’s form and bound her in place as the circle grew to a swirling dome and vanished, leaving no trace of Twilight behind.

“Hehehe… with you gone… there is no one who can stop me now!” the fake Cadance cackled, throwing her head back and flaring a bright, sickly green.

Twilight was cackling too. “I can’t believe that actually worked!” Her voice echoed through the caverns beneath Canterlot. “And to think she was keeping Cadance right where I keep my army! Perfect!” Her runes flared up as she focused her power, calling on her golems to awaken and answer her call to serve. “Find Cadance! I know she’s down here somewhere.”

The golems shrieked, howled, and crackled an affirmative as the sprinted, climbed, crawled, and flew through the tunnels, creating a cacophony of noise as each creature cast a violet tint about it as a sort of crude search light.

They rushed around, scouring every inch of tunnel before finally coming to a stop in front of Cadance’s cage and tearing it open, easily punching through the thin crystal that served as a door and flooding into the room, some of the smaller ones coming up to the very much startled Cadance and snuggling against her. “Wha- how the-!? What is this!?” she cried, attempting to back away from the wall of crystalline things surrounding her.

“Cadance!” Twilight called as she rushed in past her golems and hugged her tightly. “Are you alright? Those changelings didn’t hurt you, did they? If they did, I’ll rip them to shreds!”

Cadance flinched back a little, not expecting Twilight to appear before her, “T-twilight!? What are you doing here!? W-what happened?”

Twilight grinned. “Alucard came up with a plan to outwit the changeling that replaced you so that we could find you. And who’d have thought you were put right above my private army?” She hugged Cadance tighter. “Speaking of Alucard, I’m pregnant with his child.”

“Y-you’re pregnant!?” Cadance looked at Twilight in shock, “With Alucard’s child!? H-wh- What the hell happened!?” She fanned herself, feeling faint from the revelation that the little girl she had helped raise was now pregnant with the child of a Fuckmothering Vampire.

Twilight giggled. “I started dating him not long after we moved to Ponyville, and we have a very healthy sex life. I found out from Pinkie’s sister Maud. She can sense life auras apparently, since she’s so in tune with the earth.”

Cadance blinked, “Well, I… I suppose you learn something new every day….?” She shook her head, “Anyway, w-what are these…. things? They remind me of Spike, but more…. creepy.”

“Oh they’re just my private army of necromantic golems that I’ve built up over the years from the souls of Alucard’s convict meals,” Twilight said casually. “Last time I unleashed them was against Nightmare Moon’s ghouls.”

“... I… We’re going to have to have a long talk about this later….” Cadance sighed, “For now, we need to get out of here. What time is it… and what’s the date?”

“The wedding is in a few hours,” Twilight said. “But don’t worry. I know these caverns like the back of my hand, and Alucard should be ready by now.”

“.... i shudder to imagine just what he’s ready for,” Cadance muttered as she stood, “But that’s beside the point. Let’s go. We have a wedding to crash.”

“Yup!” Twilight chirped, her wires floating out almost in anticipation.

The throne room was falling silent as Celestia and Anderson were about to begin the ceremony. "What- What do you mean you forgot the song?" Alucard's voice came from outside the door. "Okay, screw, screw it, no screw it, screw it! Just- Just take my scroll and hit random. No, just hit random. Okay, three, two..." The door burst open as music began playing.

I'm a bitch!
I'm a lover!
I'm a child!
I'm a mother!
I'm a sinner
I'm a saint!

"Yeah, okay. Turn it off! Turn it off!" Alucard's scroll clicked as the music stopped. "It didn't work. It did not work."

Twilight stepped past her disappointed boyfriend while patting his shoulder. “I object! My brother’s not marrying that impostor!” She smirked at the false Cadance.

“You again!?” the fake Cadance cried, already breaking out the crocodile tears, “I could accept you crashing the rehearsal, but actually crashing my wedding with those accusations!? You monster!”

“Says the one that tossed me into a cavern and impersonated me!” Cadance countered as she entered, glaring at the impostor. “Stop wearing my form, you wretch!”

“Well things just took a turn for the interesting,” Anderson commented as he looked between the two brides.

The Cadance at the altar reared back in surprise, “How-!? You-! Rrgh…” She shook her head and growled, a bright flare of green fire erupting around her and revealing her true form.

After the crowd gasped in shock, Alucard’s voice rang out. “Chrissy? Chrissy is that you?” He appeared behind her and squeezed her breasts. “Chrissy! How’s the hive? Haven’t seen you in forever! What’s it been, 1520 years?”

“Chrissy” gasped in surprise and flipped Alucard over her shoulder, stomping him into the ground with her high heeled boot and blasting him to smithereens with a burst of green light, “My name is Queen Chrysalis you insufferable blood drinking parasite! And now, thanks to the love of this fool of a guard, my Hive shall thrive and conquer all of Equestria!” Chrysalis cackled and sidled up to Shining Armor, smirking wickedly at Cadance.

“Do you see the fatal flaw in your plan?” Twilight asked, still smirking as Alucard reformed behind her.

Chrysalis slowly turned around, having noticed Alucard’s gore moving in that direction, “.... Ahhh shit.”

Twilight giggled very maliciously. “Even if my brother’s barrier crumbles and lets your hive in, you still have to contend with some of the most badass people on the planet, myself included.” She grinned at Alucard. “Release Control Art Restriction Level Zero. Unleash your full power, my count.”

Alucard slowly exhaled. “I am… the Bird of Hermes…” His fel power began to permeate the air, raising the hair on people’s necks. “Here standeth the Bird of Hermes! Eating my own wings!”

Pinkie Pie and Schrodinger looked at each other, “Is he?”

“He is…”

“Oh crap… pass the popcorn?”

“Of course, meine leibe.”

Alucard’s form had shifted into shadows, only his gloves still visible and separate. “To keep… myself tame…”

Twilight giggled as her army began rising from portals in the floor. “Here it comes, Chrysalis. A mighty river of death. The dead will dance… and all of Tartarus will sing!”

Chrysalis looked around wildly as the shield over Canterlot shattered away, changelings pouring in by the hundreds in a wave of encroaching, insectoid death, “Oh the dead shall dance, alright… but they’ll be dancing over your graves!” Chrysalis cackled, the sound of screams filtering through the air and through the room as the various attendees fled for their lives and the citizens of Canterlot were assaulted.

Bright flashes of green light erupted all over Canterlot, the changelings raining down like meteors and crashing into the ground, rooftops, even the castle itself, crushing though objects and those unfortunate enough to not dodge or run.

Blood began running in the streets as Chrysalis cackled, not even the threat of death stopping her from her gloating, “Fools! You may kill me, but the changeling army will still be there! And if I die without calling them off, then they will never stop attacking! They will destroy Canterlot for generations, even without my command!”

Vinyl had been prepping her stuff for the reception when it started raining changelings. Unlike the majority of people that were fleeing, she stood her ground, the old training still ingrained in her body. “You guys picked the wrong day to do this…” She drew a sheathed chokuto from one of her rune tattoos and gripped the hilt, slowly drawing her sword and doing a high speed flourish. “Let’s get this over with…” she muttered as she fell into a stance, daring the changelings to come at her.

“Now now, love, don’t just take all of the action to yourself,” Octavia chided, taking up a stance at Vinyl’s back, her cello hefted like a massive baseball bat, the inlaid runes in its interior shining brilliant pink out of the few openings in its body. “Leave some for your darling, loving wife, hmm?”

Vinyl grinned. “Sure thing, Tavi. Hey DeadMau5! You want in on this action?!”

DeadMau5 all but leapt out of his turntable configuration, plates shifting and gears grinding as his lights abruptly flashed from blue to bright, angry red and his body almost flipped inside out, the normally bulky and adorable robot dog shifting into a sleek, murderous nightmare machine, a chainsaw erupting from his back and his tail extending into a whip-like appendage.

“So you finally let me stretch my legs and the first thing you do is drop all three of us into a war… Vinyl, have I said I love you, recently?”

Vinyl laughed. “I love you too, buddy! Now let’s do this!”

Octavia grinned as DeadMau5 rushed forward, leaping up and springboarding off of his waiting haunches to strike down the foolish changelings that had tried to gain aerial superiority and using her bow to stab through their necks in order to both decapitate them and swing her from changeling to changeling, flipping in midair and slamming her cello into each one with the force of a freight train, knocking them into and through walls as she activated the wind runes on the back of her cello to keep her in the air. “Come on! Don’t make me snap you like cheap cello strings you disgusting bugs!”

Vinyl grinned as she sliced her way through her own attackers. “I love that woman so much. Hey Tavi! We’re locking ourselves in the bedroom when we get home!”

“And as always, I shall record the event for posterity,” DeadMau5 murmured, rushing around the room and flinging blades and using his chainsaw to chew through as many changelings as he could, “Twenty three.”

Facet sighed in contentment as he painted his love’s portrait. “You are my greatest muse, darling,” he said as he mixed up some areola pink and got back to her portrait. “Especially when you have the time to model for me.”

“Always happy to be of service, Facet,” Maud replied, holding still and steady atop the pedestal, a sheet just barely hiding her crotch from view. “... It’s quite loud outside, isn’t it? I wonder what’s happening.”

“No telling,” Facet said. “Long as it stays outside I don’t really care. Just you and me right now, my love.” His concentration was broken as a changeling broke through the roof and smashed his canvas and easel. His eye twitched as he looked at the offending changeling as it got to its feet. “You…” He smashed a chest full of gems into the changeling and smashed it against the wall. “You monster! You destroyed what was becoming a vision of beauty that paled in comparison to Maud herself!” His voice dropped to a deathly low tone. “You shall pay for this crime in blood.”

Maud slowly stood and walked over to the changeling, shaking her head at Facet, “Calm down dear, you have plenty of time later to make up for what’s lost. Right now…” She tapped the changeling’s head and channeled her magic, instantly smashing its skull into the wall and splattering it through and into the street beyond. “Right now, we should try to fight back. Just like… everyone in Canterlot, actually.”

Facet stared at his girlfriend’s display of power and strength. “I just fell in love with you all over again.” He grabbed his sword and drew the katana, which sang of destruction as it cleared its sheath. “Shall we, my love?” He then remembered her state of dress. “Would you like me to cover you while you get dressed? Or would you rather I just get your bra and panties for you?”

Maud shook her head as she stepped through the hole and idly smashed a changeling into the pavement with a high kick, transmuting her torso to dense carbon along with her forearms and shins, “No need. No time.”

Facet stepped out and smiled at Maud. “I love you.” He took a moment to peck her on the lips before his expression turned serious. “Shall we?”

“We shall.”

Sorrow inhaled the air deeply. “So long it has been since we smelled this, hasn’t it, my comrades? The smell of war.” He inhaled again. “She’s here. I can sense her bloodlust, faint though it is. It fills me with longing.”

Pain looked over to Sorrow, her normal form gone and replaced with the shape of one of the changelings around her, “Her… you can’t mean…. our lovely Duet? The beautiful music maker who led us all those years ago!? She… she’s alive!?” Pain’s grin turned manic, the swarm of insects around her buzzing agitatedly as she fought to control her urges, “Yes! YES! We have to find her!”

Fear and End looked at each other, the grizzled old man and the strange and unnatural younger man both thinking the same thing, “It will be good to be back under her command… so many sweet, sweet cries of pain to hear… she always did lead us so well…”

Fury growled lowly and hefted his flamethrower, torching a nearby building as he gave off his loud and guttural laugh.

Sorrow grinned as he began hovering. “My friends, let us find our long lost commander and comrade.” He slowly drew the knife sheathed at the front of his waist, licking the blade. “And kill anyone that tries to stop us.” He took off over the city, looking for the long missing Joy.

Vinyl whooped as she rode DeadMau5 around the city, slicing apart changelings as they attacked, using her magic to launch blasts of pure bass through each one to disorient them and knock them to the ground.

Behind her, Octavia split off in a different direction under the agreement that they would meet up at the castle later.

Sorrow looked down in time to see Vinyl leap from DeadMau5 and slice apart a group of changelings so gracefully as to appear to be dancing bloodily. “There…” He swooped down and, with a rune enhanced kick, punted DeadMau5 into a building. “I have found you at last,” he said as he embraced Vinyl from behind. “Ten years and you still bear my mark, my beloved Crimson.” He gently bit down on one of Vinyl’s scarred ears.

Vinyl flinched forward, eyes going wide as she struggled in Sorrow’s grip, “W-who-!? N-no! You’re wrong! You… you can’t be here! They said you were dead!”

“Sorrow does not die, my dear,” Sorrow purred in her ear. “And neither has your bloodlust, my precious Duet the Ripper.”

Vinyl struggled more, desperately trying to break free of Sorrow, despairing panic rising up inside of her as she realized that Sorrow was very much alive and wrapping his filthy arms around her.

“Why do you push me away, Crimson?” Sorrow asked as he turned her head to look her in the eye after tossing her sunglasses aside. “Your eyes burn with bloodlust, even though they have lost their beautiful icy blue color. And your hair is no longer the scarlet of the blood you revel in spilling.” He pressed his lips against hers, pressing her against him as his tongue slithered into her mouth.

Vinyl jerked back, spinning around in Sorrow’s grip and pushing him away, using her long since neglected teleport to vanish and reappear some distance away, immediately sprinting off in sheer, terrified panic. “No no no no no no no no no no no no no no no…” she muttered, “They can’t be here, they can’t be alive, they told me they were all dead!”

Sorrow smirked and flew after her, easily keeping pace with the advantage of wings. “You know I love when you play hard to get, my dear Crimson! It makes the night that follows all the sweeter!”

Vinyl blinked tears of panic and fear from her eyes, dodging and sprinting in a path meant to shake Sorrow off her tail, using her runes to boost her in a dizzying path and eventually just diving into an alleyway in hopes of finally losing him.

Dead end.

“Shit!” Vinyl cried, tears running freely down her face.

Sorrow caught up and pinned Vinyl to the wall, sensually licking her neck as his hand trailed up her shirt. “How I’ve missed you, my dear. Seeing you kill once again is so very arousing.” He ground his bulge against her ass. “It pleases me that you have not forgotten how to kill without mercy.”

Vinyl sobbed pitifully, her sword falling from her grip as she fought to keep from falling into total despair. “J-just… leave…. leave me alone!”

“Release that fire, my dear,” Sorrow purred into her ear before licking it. “Do you ever think about the people you kill while chopping them into hamburger? Why do you act so meek, Crimson?”

Vinyl kept sobbing, flinching away from Sorrow as best as she could, “N-no! I-I’m not a murderer! I was never like that! You’re wrong! Let me go!”

Sorrow’s hand slid down her belly and into her shorts, rubbing her slit. “Ah… There it is. Your body remembers the thrill of killing. It yearns for it again, but you hold it back. You deny your blade its purpose. I saw you kill those changelings.” He pushed a couple of fingers inside her. “I could never forget your fighting style, Crimson. Sadistic, cruel, merciless. Every move designed to make the opponent suffer before dying. You still use those techniques to this day, my dear.” His fingers moved in and out of her cavern. “I get so riled up seeing you kill. And my passion can only be sated by you, my beloved. The Crimson Devil. The universally feared Duet the Ripper.”

Vinyl seized up and convulsed, clamping her thighs tightly closed and spasming from a mix of self loathing and unwanted pleasure. “P-please… don’t…. let… let me go….” she whimpered, her eyes clouding over and, strangely enough misting with a light haze of purple.

“Your body remembers my touch, Crimson,” Sorrow purred as he unbuttoned her shorts and pushed them down while pushing her panties to the side. “It yearns for me.” He unzipped his fly and allowed his erect shaft to emerge, pulling his fingers out of her as he rubbed against her slit. “You were always mine, Crimson. Mine alone, dearest.”

As soon as Vinyl heard Sorrow’s words, an almost audible snap echoed through the area, Vinyl’s eyes bleeding into a bright, almost blue, violet as she punched Sorrow away with her left hand, removing the glove covering it and revealing a bright glint of gold on her ring finger, “I’m married, fuckass! And you… you’re DEAD!”

Armor erupted into existence around Vinyl, her hair losing its electric blue color and fading into a bright, angry crimson, her eyes flashing into a cold, deadly, ice blue, hidden away by the visor as it snapped over her face. The lines of her exosuit flashed as it activated, a hideous, bloody red as opposed to its normal blue.

Sorrow shuddered and groaned as he came from the sight, his release splattering on the ground before he fixed his pants. “Yes. Yes! There it is! The bloodlust I grew to love! My dear, sweet, Crimson Duet! Duet the Ripper!” He drew his knife and hovered as he held the blade in a reverse grip. “Come to me, my love! Let us dance the mating dance of death once more! Just like we did all those years ago!”

“I have no time for you, Sorrow… I have bigger fish to filet,” Crimson muttered, blurring forward and striking Sorrow in the groin with all her might, the force of the punch embedding him six inches deep into the alley wall and causing the entire wall to spiderweb into a mass of cracks. With an exaggeratedly lazy motion, Crimson picked up her sword and slammed it deep into Sorrow’s chest, pinning him to the wall with absolutely no leverage to escape.

“Stay put. I’ll deal with you later…” Crimson muttered, leaping away in a blur of black and red, cackling wildly as she split several flying changelings in half with a single, arcing swing of Benihime.

Sorrow groaned and shuddered in pleasure. “Yes… She’s just like I remember… Come back soon, my love. Let us dance again.” He felt blood leak from his mouth, but didn’t care. He’d survived worse than being run through.

Crimson cut her way through several changelings as she landed near one that was very familiar to her. “Is that you, Pain?” she asked, grinning beneath the visor. “Sorrow got what he wanted. Duet is back!”

Pain grinned and stretched out her arms, “Ah, Crimson, boss lady! It’s so good to see you again after you disappeared what, ten years ago?”

Her answer was Benihime’s blade coming straight at her chest at an upward angle, aiming to slice her open.

Pain jumped back, still grinning, “Ah, so that’s how it is, eh? Cutting ties, letting the Ripper run free without the binds of the Cobras?”

“Now you’re just being nasty!” Crimson cackled. “I get a better deal from Night Shift. Since they operate outside the law, I can do whatever’s needed to get the job done. Which also means I can kill anyone in my way.”

Pain cracked her knuckles as her insects swarmed about her, “Sounds like a good deal. Too goody goody for me, though. I suppose there’s no chance of you coming back to us, fearless leader?”

“You know, Pain…” Crimson said as she fell into her stance. “I always wanted to see how much punishment it would take to kill you.” She grinned wider under her visor. “Let’s dance!”

Pain rushed forward, a wide smirk upon her face as her insects rushed in, a wave of black death advancing on Crimson too fast for her to dodge. Crimson stood there, simply walking through the cloud as the back of her helmet retracted and let her suddenly much longer hair drift free in the wind. A spark of lightning crackled across her body, flash frying every single insect as it landed upon Crimson’s suit.

Pain backed up, drawing out a pair of grenades and lobbing them high into the air, both of the cracking open in a bright flash and releasing a much larger, much faster swarm of brightly glowing insects, each one detonating on contact with Crimson’s armor, blocking her vision and letting Pain run away.

“You coward!” Crimson snarled as she jumped through the smoke and ran after Pain, slicing through someone that crossed her path to clear the way. Probably no one important.