I Have Vacation Days?!

Rainbow groaned as she sat up, gripping her head as she shielded her eyes from the sun. “Damn sun…” She looked down at her chest and her eyes widened. “Did my chest grow last night? I know I’ve been an H-Cup. Now I’m like a K or something.” She sighed at the pleasant feeling between her legs. “Oh Soarin, you’re such a great lover.”

Soarin groaned, nursing his hangover, “Oh man my head… damn sun…. Augh….” He idly noted that his member seemed a bit larger and his testicles felt more full than usual.

“Fuckin sun…” Gilda groaned as she put a pillow over her face, her now K-Cup breasts jiggling as she moved. “Son of a bitch.”

“Morning, you two,” Rainbow greeted as she slowly got out of bed, stumbling a bit. “Fuck last night was some awesome sex.”

Soarin went pale, staring between Rainbow’s legs, “... Oh shit…. Rainbow… uh…. you got a little… uh… cum… leaking out of you…. I… think we ran out of condoms last night….”

Rainbow’s eyes widened as she looked down at her crotch, seeing that there was indeed cum leaking from her snatch. “Shit! Shit! Shit!” She looked at Soarin. “Do you know how many times you came last night?”

“.... Uh…” Soarin tried to pierce through the haze clouding his mind, “Like…. ten…?”

“And you had five condoms, right?” Rainbow asked, slowly paling more and more.

“Oh shit…” Soarin dropped his head into his hands, “And Gilda passed out after her first orgasm after I came in her… so…. shit….”

“You came inside me five times…” Rainbow breathed. “Fuck! What do we do?! What do we do?!” She took several breaths. “Let’s stay calm. Maybe I’m not pregnant.”

“Maybe…. oh gods maybe… is there any way to check?” Soarin frantically paced back and forth, “Oh man, I don’t know if I’m gonna be a good father if you are pregnant…”

Rainbow took another few breaths. “Let’s go to the palace infirmary. Get a pregnancy test. We’ll find out for sure. And cross our fingers that I’m not.”

Rainbow’s eyes widened at the sight of most of her friends in the infirmary. “Are all of you getting pregnancy tests?” She then noticed Luna. “Princess Luna? You too?”

Luna nodded, “Indeed. It appears that Princess Cadenza’s little prank during the reception is the source of yet another baby boom… and this one most likely much larger than the one five years ago, according to official reports of the last incident and the amount of guests at the wedding yesterday.”

Trixie came out of the doctor’s office accompanied by Big Mac, and slightly pale as she leaned on him. “I’m pregnant.” She smiled up at Mac. “Well. This is unexpected.”

Mac smiled as well, “I guess Ah owe ya a weddin’, don’ I?” He got down on one knee, right in front of everyone there, and pulled out a sky blue velvet box, “Trixie, Ah was meanin’ t’ask ya this last night… but…” he opened the box, revealing a silver ring with an apple shaped emerald with a star shaped sapphire within it atop its surface, “will ya make me th’happiest man in th’world?”

Trixie gasped as tears of joy came to her eyes. “YES! Yes I’ll marry you!” She smiled as he slid the ring onto her finger. Grabbing him in her telekinesis, she pulled him to his feet and tightly hugged him. “Oh Mac. I love you so much.”

Mac smiled and held Trixie close to his chest, already crying joyfully. “Ah love ya too, Trixie. I love ya so much…”

“So you two are gettin’ hitched, eh?” Applejack asked as she stepped out with Flim and Flam. “So apparently these two chuckleheads both put a kid in me. So ah’m havin’ twins.”

Mac froze, setting Trixie down gently and wiping away his tears of joy as he loomed over both brothers and picked them up by the scruffs of their shirts.

“Use your words, big guy,” Alucard said, grinning at the sight.

Mac glared, “Th’two a’y’all better give me a damn good explanation fer this…”

“Princess Cadance’s wine,” Flim said.

“Indeed. It quite lowered our inhibitions,” Flam added.

“Everything was consensual,” Flim said.

“She came onto us in fact,” Flam said.

Mac looked at Applejack sharply, an eyebrow raised and his face set into a deep frown, “That true, AJ?”

Applejack blushed. “Ayup. Ah was pretty sloshed, an these two were bein’ pretty charmin’.”

“Well, alright then, s’long as th’three a’ya were all consensual bout it…” Mac muttered, dropping both brothers and glaring down at them, “Now, th’two of you better make sure ya make an honest woman outta mah sister here.”

“Y-Yes-” Flim said.

“Of course!” Flam finished.

Mac dusted off his hands and straightened up, going back to Trixie’s side, “Then we got no problems, brothers-in-law.”

“Do ah get a say in this?” Applejack asked, staring at her brother.

“Do ya wanna marry them?” Mac asked, “Or would ya rather wait for a bit? Ain’t no problem either way, s’long as no one’s got objections.”

Applejack looked at the brothers with a blush. “Well… Ah’m certainly gonna spend more time with ‘em now.”

Rainbow came out with Soarin, rather pale. “I… I’m having twins…” She collapsed into the chair beside Pinkie. “Twins…”

Pinkie cheered, “Yay! Same as me! Congratulations Rainbow!” Schrodinger nodded, silently patting Rainbow’s back in both sympathy and cheers.

Applejack looked over, “Twins? Well golly gee if that ain’t a coincidence! Ah mahself have got a good pair a’ kids! Makes ya think if Princess Cadenza didn’t do that on purpose!”

Twilight sighed, “Nope. Cadance is pretty infamous for spiking wine with hyper fertility and twin offspring spells at these kinds of gatherings. She says those two stick the best to wine.”

“That they do, Twilight!” Cadance said cheerfully as she stepped from the office. “I’m having triplets!”

“Oh gods why?” Twilight muttered, dropping her face into her hands as she thought of just how long her brother would have to go for in order for triplets to happen. “Alucard? Please kill me now. I just thought of Shiny having se- oh gods why did I just say that!?”

Alucard laughed. “Maybe you’ve got a bit of a brother complex?” He hugged her and Fluttershy close.

“.....” Twilight pulled out of the hug and stared Alucard right in the eyes, “..... NO. Just… no. Not only no but HELL NO.”

“Aw come on, Twilight,” Chrysalis cooed as she came from the office. “You never once wondered what your brother’s packing or how good he is? He’s got one huge di-”

“NO” Twilight blushed furiously, covering her face with the book she had elected to bring. “JUST. STOP.”

“But he’s so well endowed, Twilight,” Cadance said with a swoon. “I still feel very pleasantly sore from last night. He’s so good at pounding pussy.”

“NOPE NOPE NOPE NOPE NOPE NOPE NOPE NOPE NOPE!” Twilight covered her ears and hunkered down, a furious blush radiating across her face.

Chrysalis leaned over to Twilight. “Would you believe I turned into you last night and he pounded my pussy just as eagerly?”

That was the straw that broke the camel’s back, Twilight finally teleporting away in a flash of light, completely and utterly humiliated beyond repair.

Rainbow winced, “Okay, that was funny, but that last one was actually kinda gross….”

Cadance and Chrysalis leaned on each other while laughing happily. “Of course it was funny!” Cadance said, holding Chrysalis close, their chests pressing together.

Alucard grinned, holding his thumb up, “That was absolutely magnificent, ladies! Though, we were waiting for Luna’s pregnancy results. Someone’s going to have to go get her…”

Luna stepped from the office. “I am with child.” She sat back down. “You are certainly virile, Alucard.” She look around. “Where is Twilight Sparkle?”

Alucard coughed, “Little teasing went out of hand, Luna. Twilight left. So, you’re pregnant… just one or more?”

“That is a surprise, Alucard,” Luna said, smirking at him. “Unless you care to guess how many grow inside me without reading my mind.”

“Nah, I think I’ll be fine,” Alucard grinned. “Still, kinda surprised that I can still get women pregnant. Didn’t think I could, what with me being undead and all.”

“Unlife finds a way, Alucard,” Luna said. “Now where is Tia? Is she with child?”

Celestia stepped into the clinic, looking as radiant as ever, spick and span and absolutely reeking of perfection… were it not for the fact that her hair was rather frazzled.

“Morning, Princess,” Rainbow said, leaning on Soarin as she glanced at her belly. “So Soarin? What do you think?”

Soarin shook slightly, still not used to the fact that he was going to be a father. “I…. man, this is a lot to take in… I don’t know if I’m ready to be a dad, Rainbow… but… y’know, if it’s with you, I’ll give it my best shot!” He smiled, hugging Rainbow close, “Of course, I’ll need to go ring shopping later today….”

Rainbow smiled as she hugged him back. “Don’t forget about finding a ring for Gilda too, Soarin.” She kissed his cheek. “Love you, babe.”

Maud stepped from the office with a blank expression. “I’m pregnant. Facet is the father.”

Pinkie gasped dramatically, suddenly whooshing from her spot by Schrodinger and enveloping Maud in a bearhug, squishing her sister’s face into her cleavage, “Ohmigosh ohmigosh ohmigosh! You’re pregnant too!? That means I get adorable little nieces or nephews!”

Maud hugged Pinkie back. “Yes it does, Pinkie. I’m looking forward to my nieces or nephews too.”

Pinkie smiled, “Oh, I can’t wait! This is the most exciting thing I’ve ever been through! It’s even more exciting than when I got my Cutie Mark!”

“I’m looking forward to it,” Maud said, giving Pinkie a small smile. “Going to hug the father?”

Facet chuckled lightly as he realized what was coming. Not that it prepared him for the full force of a Pinkie Hug, Pinkie herself almost literally crushing his spine as she peppered him with almost incoherent streams of excited babbling.

Facet groaned in discomfort as he hugged Pinkie back, blushing at how she seemed ignorant to how she was pressing against him. “Slow down, Pinkie.” He groaned again. “And you’re crushing me.”

Pinkie let go, chuckling lightly, “Eheh… sorry Facet.” She shrugged and sat back down with Schrodinger, snuggling against him while Celestia and Luna conversed quietly off to the side.

“You do realize the implications of having Alucard’s child, Luna?” Celestia asked, a slight frown worrying her brow, “The nobility will be furious at the thought of one of us being ‘defiled’ and by Alucard no less. The political backlash will be… immense is an understatement.”

“We would love to see any of them try something,” Luna answered in a somewhat smug tone. “We can just wait for them to die in a few decades. You can do the same, you know.”

“Yes, but in the meanwhile, it will make both of our lives that much more…. troublesome,” Celestia muttered. “Speaking of trouble…” she turned towards Cadance with a sharp look that just screamed punishment, “Princess Mi Amore Cadenza you get over here right now!”

Cadance looked somewhat bashful as she approached her dear aunt. “Yes, Aunty Celestia?”

Celestia looked imperiously down at Cadance, “I did not want to do this, but you left me no choice. Princess Mi Amore Cadenza, for the massive amount of scandals, disturbances, public outcries, civil suits, and other such troubles you have brought to the crown of Equestria over the amount of time in which you have continually spiked the wine at parties with your Love magic… I sentence you to nine months or your entire pregnancy term, whichever comes first, of no sexual gratification whatsoever. To that end, you will wear an enchanted chastity belt so that none may lay their hands upon you in a sexual manner.” Celestia’s hands flashed gold as something cinched tight around Cadance’s pelvis, the feeling of cold metal interspersing itself below her undergarments.

“You will be able to use the restroom and wash yourself, but the belt shall not come off until nine months or your pregnancy has past.” Celestia sighed, “I really, truly didn’t want to do this, Cadance, but you left me no choice. Your impulse control is too… shoddy.”

Cadance stared in shock. “But… But… I can’t even get myself off?! Not even through my breasts?!” She hugged herself. “You’re so cruel, Aunty!”

“A necessary cruelty, Cadance, at least until you learn to stop spiking the wine with fertility spells.” Celestia hugged Cadance, patting the younger woman’s head, “It’s only nine months, Cadance. Besides, absence makes the heart grow fonder, does it not?”

“But I’m a love goddess…” Cadance whimpered. “Nine months with no sex will be torture…” She grabbed Chrysalis. “Chrysalis! I live vicariously through you now! Your sex life is my sex life!”

“W-what the fuck!?” Chrysalis cried, thoroughly freaked out by Cadance’s newfound desperation.

“Oh that reminds me, Chrysalis, no feeding Cadance any sensations over the course of the nine months. I am well aware of the ability of changelings to send emotions to each other and other beings through lip contact. Don’t make me muzzle you for nine months.” Celestia raised an eyebrow at Chrysalis, making sure that Cadance wouldn’t be able to receive any sexual gratification whatsoever over the course of her punishment.

“But Aunty!” Cadance whined, giving Celestia a truly compelling set of puppy dog eyes. “That’s cruel and unusual punishment!” She rubbed her legs together. “This chastity belt feels so unnatural…”

“How do you think many couples felt after they found out they were pregnant with twins or triplets?” Celestia sighed, “Please just stop, Cadance. You’re making a scene.”

Cadance pouted and sat down beside Shining Armor, leaning on him. “Hold me, Shiny…”

A guard burst into the infirmary. “Princess Celestia! Urgent news from the north!”

Celestia turned, all trace of warmth wiped from her face and leaving only cold professionalism, “What is it, soldier?”

“I am to tell you that it has returned,” the soldier answered, bowing to his liege.

“The Crystal Empire!?” Celestia gasped, rearing back in surprise.

“Isn’t that a legend?” Twilight asked, arching an eyebrow. Apparently she had teleported in during Cadance’s tantrum.

Celestia shook her head, “No, the Crystal Empire is all too real… unfortunately, the very thing that caused it to be sealed away is most likely also free, if still weakened. We must figure out a way to defeat that being once and for all, lest the world fall under the curse of his dark magics.”

“Who’s free?” Alucard asked, having not been keeping up with other figures besides the Regal Sisters during his rampage back then. “Some new dark being? Should be fun.”

“A dark being is right, Alucard. Only this one… King Sombra… he was enough to stand up to both my sister and I when we were in our primes. Though time has surely weakened him, as well as the damage he sustained those thousand years ago… he is likely still a formidable opponent.” Celestia turned towards the rest of the room, a serious expression across her face, “Twilight, Cadance, Shining Armor: take as many people as you need and go up to the Empire to fortify its position. Sombra will likely return within the next week, so prepare as best as you can while there. Luna, should our first line of defense fail… then we must follow Night Shift’s Standard Procedure.”

“What’s the Night Shift Standard Procedure?” Pinkie asked with a tilt of her head.

“Nuke it off the map,” Facet answered, his tone cold and even. “So we need to make sure this mission is successful. I volunteer to be in the defense force.”

“O-oh….” Pinkie’s mane deflated slightly, “W-well then I volunteer too! The Elements of Harmony have to be together!” She stood and pointed at the ceiling dramatically, an eruption of confetti going off behind her.

Rainbow grinned despite the seriousness of the situation, “What Pinkie said. There’s no way I could just let Twi hog all the action!”

The rest of the Element bearers nodded in unison, all of them knowing that they were strongest together.

“Wait. What do you mean, ‘let me hog all the action’?!” Twilight demanded, frowning at Rainbow. “I do not hog all the ass kicking opportunities!”

“Riiiiight…. Remember three weeks ago, with the hydra?”

Twilight rammed the hydra into the ground, her wires aflame and decapitating the four headed hydra as her friends came upon the scene, all of them armed and ready for combat.

“Aw come on!” Rainbow cried, throwing her makeshift scythe to the side, “We missed all the action again!?”

Twilight frowned, “Hey! It’s not my fault you guys took so long to reach the bog!”

“What about the hellhounds two months ago? They came out from right under Sugarcube Corner when we were eating lunch and we still didn’t get to fight!” Rainbow crossed her arms.

With a brutal twist of her wrist, Twilight’s wires flared out of her gloves, impaled each and every hellhound crawling from the hole in the ground and flash fried their brains with several hundred thousand volts of lightning magic. She snapped and used her wires to carve a set of sealing runes around the hole, blocking it off from further incursions from that part of Tartarus.

She didn’t even look up from her fries.

“W-well, that was because I was already researching portal sealing runes… and you were all busy panicking…?” Twilight blushed.

Rainbow raised an eyebrow, “.... Twilight, I brought a baseball bat to lunch. And Alucard was there too. And so was Anderson.”

“She does have a point, Twilight, you do tend to hog all the action…” Fluttershy spoke up, leaning against Alucard, “Like that time right after Elusive was born; with the cockatrice running loose through the woods behind my cottage. I mean, I was there too. I was actually right behind you the whole time!”

Twilight sighed and closed her eyes, a bright pulse of magenta emanating from her form and blinding the cockatrice for a precious few seconds before she decimated it with a barrage of fireballs and earth spikes, putting out the fire just as soon as it consumed the entirety of the cockatrice’s flesh.

Fluttershy barely had time to shriek in surprise and close her eyes before the fight was over.

“... Okay okay, I get it, I should let you girls… and guys… do more fighting! Jeez!” Twilight sank into her chair and threw her hands up in exasperation, a bright blush of embarrassment across her cheeks.

The guard snapped his fingers. “Almost forgot!” He took out a sealed envelope and tossed it into the middle of the room, where a magic hologram expanded from it, revealing a massive, green skinned, fat old man on a throne.

“Hey, Sunbutt. Hey, Moonbutt. It is I, Super Kami Guru,” the hologram greeted.

Celestia and Luna groaned simultaneously, “Oh gods, it’s him…”

“Who’s that?” Twilight asked.

“I am regent of the Crystal Empire,” Guru answered. “And I said I am SUPER KAMI GURU!!!” He looked at Cadance. “So Cadance. How does it feel to be the bronze medal?”

“Wh-wha-?” Cadance asked, tilting her head in confusion, “What are you talking about?”

“You are the weakest of the immortals,” Guru said. “Behind Moonbutt. And Moonbutt behind Sunbutt.” He looked at Chrysalis. “Nail! There is a changeling standing behind Cadance. Kill it like the rest.”

Hammer sighed and stepped into the frame, “I keep telling you my name is Hammer! And I can’t do a damn thing about that changeling even if I wanted to! She’s like, a thousand miles from here!” He turned to the Princesses and whispered desperately, “Please get me away from this guy.”

Guru was silent for several moments. “Kill it like the rest.”

Hammer sighed, “I can’t, Guru. My hammer doesn’t reach that far.”

“So who’s this Sombra guy?” Alucard asked.

“Oh God! Don’t get me started on that pretentious prick!” Guru exclaimed.

Rarity blinked as she sipped at a cup of water, cradling Elusive in her lap, “What’s so pretentious about him? And please, do watch your language. There are children present. Specifically, my child.”

Guru stared at Rarity. “Who’s the ugly broad?” he asked with a raised brow. “Common women speaking out of turn. What’s the world coming to?”

“Dead man walking!” Alucard said with a grin.

Rarity twitched, gently handing the sleeping Elusive to Fluttershy and holding up her purse while everyone in the room simultaneously moved away from her line of sight. With a flick of her wrist, her minigun extended and blasted through Guru’s hologram, throwing up a cloud of dust and ending the transmission with a hail of magic disrupting bullets.

Elusive laughed loudly at his mother’s aggression.

“Should ve be vorried zhat Elusive likes seeing his mozher be violent?” Schrodinger asked.

Alucard shrugged, “Nah, it’ll probably make him a mega badass later, won’t it?”

“Probably,” Schrodinger said, grinning as his ears twitched. “Isn’t zhat right, Elusive?” he asked, getting closer to the boy, only to cry out in pain as Elusive started pulling his ears. “Rarity! Control your son!”

Rarity giggled and put away her weapon, scooping Elusive into her arms and thanking Fluttershy, “I don’t see much of a reason to control him, Schrodinger.” She smirked teasingly at him.

Celestia cleared her throat, “Anyway, time is of the essence. So head over to the Empire as fast as you can. There is a rail line that will take you all the way from here to Ponyvostok, from there it’s a two mile hike north by northeast.”

“I swear if it were any colder I’d freeze my damn tits,” Twilight complained, tugging her winter gear tighter around herself. “Alucard, when we get to the Empire, remind me to create a warming charm capable of lasting through a blizzard without draining half of an aetherial’s power reserves.”

“Duly noted, my countess,” Alucard answered as their group stood at the train station in Ponyvostok. He then sniffed the air. “I smell something familiar.”

“What smell?” Rainbow asked, trudging miserably through the storm, “How the hell can you smell anything through this? It’s hard enough just hearing you!”

“I’m a vampire, Rainboob!” Alucard answered with a grin as a figure came into sight, looking very out of place without any winter clothing.

“Well this is certainly a surprise, meeting all of you here.” The former prince Blueblood had definitely seen better days, but he seemed to be doing well for himself, and carried himself a great deal differently than he had that night at the gala. “What brings you all the way to these parts?”

“Blueblood!?” Rarity cried, whipping out her minigun… only to find that it had frozen solid in purse form, her magic unable to keep the defrosting runes active. “What are you doing here!?”

“Traveling,” Blueblood said. “Specifically toward Equestria. I find myself yearning to return home.” Stepping toward Rarity, he withdrew a good sized bag from his pack that jingled as it was jostled. He held it out to Rarity. “Take it.”

Rarity took the bag from Blueblood with a visible expression of distaste, peeking inside and frowning, “... Money… you think money will erase what you’ve done!? Even if it gave me a darling son, do you really expect to make it all up with a tidy sum of money?”

“Not in the slightest,” Blueblood answered. “I honestly don’t expect you to forgive me for what I did. But I do want to make sure my- your- son is well cared for. That’s every last bit I’ve saved over the past year. All for your son.” He started acting rather nervous. “Do you have him with you?”

“No.” Rarity sniffed, “I left him in the very capable hands of Princesses Celestia and Luna, back in Canterlot.”

“I see,” Blueblood muttered. “I was rather hoping to meet him.” He felt a great deal of murderous intent directed at him, and turned to find himself staring into Twilight’s glowing red eyes. “Hello, Ms. Sparkle.”

Twilight growled, “You’d better have a damn good reason for being here, Blueballs, or I swear I’m going to send you back to Canterlot in pieces.”

“The locals have spoken of a creature of shadow in the wilderness north of here,” Blueblood explained. “They say that something has made several people vanish without a trace, and one man said something in a nearby crystal mine killed his son. I was planning to investigate these rumors.”

“He ain’t lyin,” Applejack said, still glaring at Blueblood as though she could reduce him to a scorch mark by the power of her glare.

“Then, as much as I hate to say this, you can come with us, Blueblood. We were here to investigate the same thing, though we didn’t know about the death. We might need your input on this.” Twilight sighed and trudged on, motioning for Blueblood to follow.

Blueblood nodded, waving his hand at Rarity’s minigun, a wave of heat thawing it out and making it useable. He stopped as he found a sword blade leveled at his throat. Following it, he looked into Facet’s cold eyes.

“You get one warning,” Facet said in an equally cold tone. “If I even suspect you of misleading us, you won’t see my blade coming.”

Blueblood stepped back, his hands in the air, “I assure you, good sir, that if I were to mislead you, I would most likely die before anyone else does. Your sword would be wasted in that case, now wouldn’t it?”

Rarity shook the rapidly refreezing steam from her purse and stowed it away, shaking her head and rolling her eyes, “I’m sure we’d all mourn the loss of your charming self were that to happen.” She moved on, barely sparing Blueblood a passing glance.

Facet slowly sheathed Suigetsu and walked on, huddling with Maud for warmth. Vinyl meanwhile came up to Blueblood and glared straight into his eyes. “She wants it, dude. She wants your blood on Benihime in the worst way. Right now, the only thing standing between you and Duet the Ripper is me. Betray us…” She leaned over to whisper into his ear. “...and I’ll let her out right next to you.”

Blueblood gulped and took another step back, “D-duly noted, then…” He cleared his throat and let the rest of the group pass, bringing up the rear and keeping his head low.

“Come on everyone! Sun’s going down and it’s dark enough as it is!” Twilight called out, barely audible over the howling winds. “I can’t light up in this crap either so we either make it to the city or we camp in the dark!”

A large fireball lit up from the palm of Blueblood’s hand, giving them some much needed illumination.

“Oh shit! Could he always do that?!” Alucard asked, staring at the fire.

Twilight blinked, “No, no he couldn’t…. Blueblood, where the hell did you learn flame manipulation that powerful?”

“Well, I had the good fortune of coming across a clan of glassblowers with some very powerful fire magic after Aunt Celestia left me in the middle of the desert to die,” Blueblood deadpanned, staring at Twilight. “Don’t lie. You were hoping I’d bite it. You, the Bearers of the Elements of Harmony, were hoping for my death by painful exposure. What the hell, heroes?”

Twilight coughed, suddenly self-conscious, “Ah… eheh… right… sorry… Bit of a dick move on our part, huh?”

“A bit?” Blueblood asked. “A bit?! You left me to die, you bitch! I’ll admit I deserved major punishment for what I did, but execution masquerading as exile?! Really?! You passed ‘bit of a dick move’ a few hundred miles back!”

“Look,” Twilight sighed, “I’m sorry for getting Princess Celestia to more or less send you to death by exposure, I really am. But you can chew me out later; we have more pressing things to worry about right now.”

Blueblood’s eye twitched. “I KNEW IT!!!” he screamed as his fireball flared with his rage. “I KNEW AUNTY WOULD NEVER DO SOMETHING SO POINTLESSLY CRUEL!!!”

Just before Facet could knock Blueblood out, the wind went silent, the pervasive darkness getting worse somehow as tendrils of cold, black smoke mysteriously filtered from the ground, coiling around everyone’s legs and chilling them even beyond the blizzard had managed and snuffing out Blueblood’s fireball with a quiet hiss of wind that managed to sound more like an unearthly howl than anything else.

“GET DOWN!” a voice called, just as a bright streak of light cut through the smoke and drove it back, the streak resolving into a whirling, glowing hammer that arced back into the hand of a green haired man with an oddly crystalline complexion to his skin. “Everyone! Follow me!”

“It’s Nail!” Pinkie cheered. “Let’s follow Nail!” A shrill scream cut her off. A certain show woman’s melodramatic scream. “That shadow got Trixie!”

“HELP!!!” Trixie screamed as she tried desperately to fight the shadow off with her magic and rapier.

“Fuck! We have to go back for her!” Twilight cried, letting loose with a bolt of energy, setting it on wide beam to disperse the smoke.

“On it!” Rainbow replied, taking to the air and spinning around, using her momentum to unfold the Blue Rose and swing it around, using her aerial magic to charge it with enough lightning that it visibly crackled in the low light. She sprung forward, the trail of each swing splitting the smoke away while her wings beat furiously, sending snow everywhere in an attempt to drive away the shadowy thing going after Trixie.

Applejack ran in after Rainbow using her kicks to displace enough air to clear a path while Vinyl rushed forward, her hands creating a shrieking tornado, vibrating the air and knocking the shadow away from Trixie, who immediately disengaged and ran back as Blueblood ran forward, standing back to back with Vinyl and releasing his flames into the air, setting the tornado alight and revealing the form inside the smoke.

“Oh gods too many eyes too many eyes gross gross gross gross gross!” Rainbow screamed, firing wildly into the cloud and bursting many of the malevolent green eyes into clouds of purple mist which shrieked out a howling song of madness.

“TEKELI-LI! TEKELI-LI!”

Immediately everyone clamped their hands over their ears as best as they could, trying to drown out the horror that was the shadowy beast before them, bearing down with too many mouths filled with too many fangs making too many horrid, maddening noises.

Trixie succumbed, lacking the hands necessary to block out the madness and falling to the ground, shrieking and flailing as eldritch tongue assaulted her mind, violating it with visions of horrors beyond mortal comprehension.

The cloud struck out then, blasting forward and slamming down around Trixie in a screaming, whirling cloud of black and poisonous green and vile purple, the effect dizzying and maddening to watch until at last, the cloud dissipated, leaving no trace of Trixie save for her battered rapier… and a few drops of blood.

“TRIXIE!!!” Mac screamed, his voice sounding through the empty air.

Darkness.

Vast, skittering darkness.

Vast, skittering, squirming, slimy, horrifying, maddening, eldritch darkness. Tentacles of shadow slid over each other, occasionally revealing patches of mismatched, oversized eyes that bulged with mismatched pupils and disappeared just as quickly as they were revealed.

Poisonous green light lit up the frigid chamber Trixie found herself in, the shadows flickering eerily in a manner that was either her imagination… or the work of something truly monstrous.

She shook herself, using what little magic she had to sheathe herself in a protective barrier, her entire body framed in gold for a brief second.

The darkness stilled and went silent, the squirming and skittering fading away, only to be replaced by faint whispers that clawed at Trixie’s mind like shadowy picks of ice. She trembled, her gorge rising with every passing second as she fell to her knees once more.

She vomited spiders.

Trixie shrieked in terror, clawing at her throat in an attempt to dislodge the spiders from her body as vile fluid spewed from the darkness, coating her and dissolving away her clothes and cloying her mind with eldritch fog, causing her to fall into a limp stupor, twitching faintly as the shadows closed upon her, singing their terrible song and violating mind, soul and body.

“P̔H̲̭͓͚͚̠̖ͪ̉'̠̟̟̞ͯ̓̑͋̊N͍͕̖̳͕͗͝ͅG̡͙̘̟L̙̦̆ͣ͡U̩̣̜͐̆͑̒̈̃̿̕I͚̎ͨ̿͆͘ ̨̣̼̹̼̆̆̓͆͐M̐̆̽͑̚҉̗̱̳͙G̹̜̮̤̃̍̓̊̅L̥̜̉͆̇̉͊̄ͤW̋͋̿̋́ͣͭ͢'̸ͦͬN̠͖ͯ͘A̦͔̖͔̥̺ͣF̮͇͙̥̳̭̟̌Ĥͭ̉͐̇̚͡ ͯ̓ͅCͭͫ̎T̶͍͕̱̯̠ͭ͐ͭ̔̓ͦḦ̘̻́̉͌́͋̐ͧU̵̼̫̮͓͌L͖̟̲ͣH͕ͩ̃͠U͂̀̔͂̋ ̸̞̦̬̰̘ͩ̒̊ͨ̆ͦR͓̲̼̲͆̿'̹͈̈́ͦͤ̏L̝Y̖̿͌ͭͮͬ̎ͤE̥͚͖̣̰̝͂͊̿ͥ͊H͚̼̝̘̤̟̦ ͔̩̦̣ͪ̑͐͆͑̾͂W͖͊̊͂͛̎ͭ͒G̯̋ͯẢ̰̳̺Ĥ̸̞̪'̛͎̺̈ͧ̎̄̿̿͑ŃA̸̯̤͚̬̓ͣ̿͑G̟̰̰͇͐̍ͤͤL̖̤͉͔̲̮ͮ̇ͫ ̮͎̯̏̂ͩ̉͋ͨͩ͘ͅF̄ͯ̈́͛͒̈H̺͉̫̮ͯ̍̄T͕̲̤̠̥͓͑͛A̙͖̤̘̱̲̎ͨ̇ͨ͑ͅG̨̼̩͔͈̺ͨͪͯͅN̲̙̝̍̄͌ͫ̄”

Squirming, violating shadows oozed throughout Trixie’s form, squelching grotesquely as they shuddered through the motions of claiming a woman for the first time in a thousand years. Trixie shook and cried and screamed to no avail, feeling the violating tendrils writhing within her womb, attacking her unborn, still developing child.

With a shrieking, keening wail of despair, Trixie felt her abdomen swell as dark, evil magic flooded her womb, tainting the zygote within and teasing its growth into something not of this world. Her belly expanded and expanded, all while her body was violated and desecrated by innumerable shadowy tendrils that crammed into every nook and cranny, flailing about and rubbing against every surface she had available.

Shrieking wails in eldritch tongue shattered her mind just as thoroughly as the shadows penetrating into her brain, a ring of mouths forming by Trixie’s ears to break her fully as the egg inside her body hatched and dissolved, the newly formed baby shoggoth oozing from Trixie’s abused nethers with a squelching rush of blood and amniotic fluid, leaving jagged pieces of eggshell behind to dissolve in the fluids it was born into.

The shoggoth squealed and whistled, observing its surroundings with newly formed eyes, a mixture of pinks and bright greens that broke Trixie’s heart just as much as her mind, making her sob in despair as she was driven ever further into madness.

More tendrils scooped up the amorphous ball of flesh and crushed it, pulping the body into a fine paste and dropping it into an awaiting maw, little more than a ring of teeth set into a hungry hole in the wall.

“N-no… no… can’t… you… you ca- ia ia cthulhu fhtagn! …. stop, please… no more….” Trixie shrieked and sobbed and wailed and blubbered as her mind slipped away, incoherent babbles interspersing her words.

“͈̮̿͆Ḯ̝̓̀̉̆̿͟ ̙̺͈̗͔̞̙ͤ̈́͂̊ͣ̏̾W̟̘̮̌̽ͪͬ͟I̬͓̜ͫ͠Ḽ̼́̃ͩ͛̅̍̇ͅĹ̪͉̳̞͓̟̑̕ N̤̺̹̖͒ͯ̂ͬ́Ô̊̓̊͑̏͟ͅT̯̺̞̣͐͆̄̾̂͜ ̠̄̉̓̍̓͒S̙̟̭̟ͪ̂̐́T̗̱͖̩̲̐ͬO̫̼̻͖͇P̔̕.͉̙̠̞͗ͅ ̬͔̬̻̤͈Ǐ̠̮͙͚͍̒̋ ̘͙̮̇C̯̮̰̞̜̄̓̓Ȃ͚̳̱̖̈̈́͑ͫN͎̮̬̝͍ͥ͑͌̏͆͗̀N̷̜̳̯̰̙̙̒̃͆̄̄͐̔Ò̻̯̋͡T̛̳͉̘̭̲͓̑ͨͪ̉́ͯ ̛̅ͧͯ̆S̖͇̟̠̼̱͑̉̐̂T̷̈̋͂O̲P̩̙͇͖͚͑ͅ.̢͕̑͂̄̾̚ ̷̲̮̠̙̿͆͋̅̍̍Y̸͖̠̪̖̝̺̞Oͫ̔̇Ü̘͓̍̎͊͛͒̄ ̰̌̃̒ͨ̎̉B̴̺Ĕ̘͉̤̾̄͑L̠̜͈͇̑ͩ̃̔̃́O̗ͭ͋̉ͥͨ̈ͭ͢Nͤ̈́͒ͩ̔ͯ̏̀G̖̬̹͔̲ ͮͩ͑ͧ͡T̞̗͙̫̠̲̀ͣ̃ͭͣ̃̓͢O̧͖̲̜̼̯̙ ̶̦͖̣̊̌̌̔ͮM͖͙ͨ͂̓ͮ́ͧE̠͙̤̞͍̭ ̸͍̫̙͙͋̐Ň̶̜͚̜̬̣̹̅̔ͮ͒O̘̽̏̓̏̀W̲̻̱̐ͭ͐͗ͨ̿͗.̛̠̬̍̆ ̴̭̭̫̣͔͈̻ͮ̅ͬ̈Ǐ͇͎̋̚͢ͅͅ ̢͇̦̤̩̝̊ͮ́̓ͧ̇Å̏ͥM̹̪̖̰͔̫ͪͬͤͮ͛͒͝ͅ ̧̻Ÿ̹̬̲̪́ͤȌ͇̩̭͍̠͓̯͞U͙͔̖̻̬ͬͮ̃̽́̌R̭͔̼̼̿ ̗͇̜͙̙̖͔͞M̥̭̪̬ͥ̿̃ͅA̧̱̗͖̮̓S̝̣̄͆Ṭ̶̿̆̓̑ͯẼ̞̥̯̗̣̤̾̑́̔̅R̒͑̌̿.͂́̈́̽͗̌̃͏̟͓̣͎”̵̹̣̘̥̖̍̎̐͂ͣ
̴͓̹̺͗͑ͬ
̍̑̃ͤ
The shadows spoke with a guttural, growling noise echoing with the shrieks of the damned and the wails of the mad. All of the mouths around her twisted into demented grins, just as her surroundings went completely pitch black.

“C̵͖̠̱̲̽R̥͚̦̣͗ͮͩ̑Y̳͇̲̪ͨ̇ͪ͑͠Y͓̞̾ͪ̉ͪ͐Y̴͚̽̌̿̈́̿̐̿Y̖̋̋̊͊̐̎Y̝̏̇̓ͮ͌S̍͋̀҉ͅS̶̩͆̈́̚S̟̙̬̬̞ͯ̅ͣ͋ͦ͝S̼ͥS͕͕̍ͨ̽ͨS̛̆̿ͩ̈ͨ̚S͕̦̪̱͛ͤͦ̉ͭ̌̀S͕ͣͣͩͤͫ͋̋ST͚͍̗̠̺̹̪̂̃̚A̴̫L̰͔L͌̈́́̅̎҉̳̜̫̞̳̹L̤̈́͆̑Ş͎͉͖͒̽ͦ̂S̹͉̞̀͋̽͐̾͟S̖̝͉̿ͮ͋ͮͧ̀ͅS̗̠ͭ͌̓̑͜S̮̞̘͆ͮ̿̏ͪ͌͝ͅS͎̳̙͇͔ͩ̄ͤ̄ͦ͆̓S̞͙̪͉͈͆ͥ̏̏̒S̖͙̓͟S̥̬̤̰̹̾́̿̈́̅͜Ș͍̦̤͊̏S̴̮̦”

“We hafta find her!” Mac roared, picking up Twilight and shaking her like a ragdoll. “Ah can’t lose her!”

“Calm down!” Twilight snapped after teleporting out of his grip. “We can’t just go charging off without thinking! That’ll just get us killed! You saw what Sombra can do! If we’re not careful, we’ll do nobody any good!”

“You’re letting your anger get the better of you,” Facet said as he calmly inspected Suigetsu’s blade. “You need to stay calm. If not for your own sake, then for Ms. Lulamoon. We all want to rescue her.”

“How th’hell am Ah s’posed ta stay calm when mah fiancee could be dead or dyin’ at the hands of some kinda smoke monster!?” Mac paced back and forth in the snow, looking between where Trixie had disappeared from and the shining, bubble covered city barely half a mile away.

“And what’ll we tell her if you run off and get killed before we rescue her?!” Rainbow asked, hovering in his face as she stared right into his eyes. “I’m Loyalty, remember, Big Mac?! One of my friends is out there, and I want to go after her just as much as you do! But I’m not because I don’t want to get myself, my friends, or my unborn children killed!”

Mac slumped over, sighing in defeat, “...Yer right…. I just…. I don’ wanna leave her in this kinda situation…”

“Mac, we don’t have any choice here,” Vinyl said. “We were caught off guard and need to prepare. He’s definitely gonna come after us again. And we need to get to the city before he comes back for round two.”

“Then let’s go…” Mac moved towards the city, striding forth with a renewed sense of purpose.

Guru perked a bit as the door opened. “Nail… Nail!”

Hammer sighed in exasperation, “What is it this time, Guru?”

“Are you back from kicking Sombra’s ass, Nail?” Guru asked.

“.... I didn’t exactly kick his ass since he doesn’t have an ass, but yes, Guru. I’m back.” Hammer looked like he would rather be anywhere else than in the presence of Guru.

“Did you beat him before Sunbutt’s minions got to town?” Guru asked.

“They’re on their way to Popo’s gate, so yes, yes I did.” Hammer stared insistently out the window, trying not to look at Guru’s blubber.

“Oh God, please tell me you didn’t let them inside!” Guru exclaimed.

At the gate just inside the barrier protecting the Crystal Empire stood a short, rotund man with dark black skin, and a very Zebrican like outfit. He was waiting for the new blood to arrive.

“Hello?” Twilight asked, coming up to the man hesitantly, “I’m Twilight Sparkle. Princess Celestia sent me and my friends up here to deal with your problem with the undead King Sombra?”

“You’re Sunbutt’s newest lackey?” the man asked. “Well before I let you into the city proper, let me take some time to explain the pecking order. It goes like this: you, the dirt, the worms in the dirt, Popo’s stool, Celestia, and Popo.” He leaned closer. “And I’m Popo.”

“What about that Guru guy?” Rainbow asked, hovering in midair with Blue Rose unfolded across her shoulders.

“Oh just name drop me if he gives you any trouble,” Popo said. “He knows the pecking order.”

“Rrriiiiiiight… so… Mr. Popo… sir…. may we enter? The storm is getting worse and King Sombra might come back at any moment…” Twilight coughed, slightly perturbed by Popo.

“Sure,” Popo said. “But Sombra can’t get through the barrier. And besides… He knows the pecking order. If he’s forgotten, I’ll remind him of it.” Popo started slowly laughing a very scary laugh that would make Tirek himself cringe in discomfort.

Everyone shivered as they went through the barrier and tried to put as much distance between them and Popo as possible, Rarity groaning out a, “What an…. interesting character….”

“Claiming he’s better than Auntie Celestia… The nerve of him,” Blueblood muttered in slight anger.

“Leave it be, Blueblood,” Twilight muttered, fingers twitching and sparking as she fought down her urge to smite Popo where he stood– she knew at least seventy spells capable of frying, burning, killing, maiming, shredding, etc a man where he stood, leaving nothing left.

“Says the one thinking of various ways to kill him,” Blueblood quipped. “You’re even angrier than me, and you seem somewhat moody.”

“One of my friends was kidnapped by an eldritch shadow monster, I just walked through a blizzard, I’m fucking cold, some asshole just said he was better than Princess Celestia herself, and also I learned that I'm pregnant three days ago and have barely slept since!” Twilight snapped, lashing out at the suspiciously empty streets and carving a deep gouge into its surface, “So forgive me if I’m a little snappish right now.”

“Forgive me,” Blueblood muttered as they kept walking toward the palace. “Princess Cadance. Is this city familiar to you?” He kept glancing around at the streets. “Where is everybody?”

Cadance looked around, taking in the sights, “.... It’s… vaguely familiar…. And… I don’t know where anyone is… it’s odd…”

“Perhaps they’re hiding,” Facet suggested, his gaze darting around for any sign of movement.

Vinyl sniffed, “If they were hiding, my sensors would be able to pick up some body heat at the very least… I’m not getting anything here. All the houses are empty for at least a hundred feet. Weird…” She snapped her fingers and tapped a rune tattoo, a line of blue symbols swirling down her arm until she slammed it into the street with a visible pulse of bass, throwing up a cloud of dust and letting DeadMau5 stretch out and shake the kinks from his joints.

“It’s too cold in here…” he muttered, lightly flicking on his heating coils. “So what do you need me for, Vinyl?”

“DeadMau5, we need you to scout around, try and find any life signs.” Vinyl tapped her visor, linking her HUD to DeadMau5’s sensor array.

DeadMau5’s ear flaps slid forward into an AR visor. “Understood. I will report anything noteworthy.” With that, the wolf UG raced off at high speed, jumping across rooftops.

“What was that thing?” Blueblood asked, glancing at Vinyl. “Some kind of pet?”

“That, Blueblood, was DeadMau5. An autonomous UG with high level onboard artificial intelligence. A prototype interface makes him capable of speaking, and his AI is modeled after the human brain. He can learn, reason, even feel emotions,” Vinyl said. “First of his kind, given to me by Princess Luna. And yes, he’s my pet. One of many.” She fixed him with a glare. “Pray that you never meet MEGADETH.”

“... How the hell did you manage to say the name in all caps…?” Octavia muttered, “I swear, I have never figured out how you managed it…”

“Because I’m awesome like that, sweetcheeks,” Vinyl answered, grinning at her wife.

“Vinyl, I have noticed something odd about these buildings,” DeadMau5 said over the Codec.

What’s up, DeadMau5?” Vinyl asked, flicking through vision modes and checking through DeadMau5’s video feeds. “What do we have?”

“Notice how these crystals inside the buildings are placed. In chairs, behind desks, on beds. I suspect they were once the inhabitants of the city.” DeadMau5’s gaze panned over multiple crystals.

Vinyl frowned from behind her visor, “Damn that’s weird… the hell could have done this…? Wait, obvious answer. It’s Sombra’s work.” She looked out over the assembled group and retracted her visor, “Alright, we found something. DeadMau5 found a bunch of weird crystals all over the place. They’re probably the inhabitants of the city. So don’t touch them.”

Rarity immediately kicked one of the crystals by her feet away gently, looking shiftily side to side as she used her telekinesis to stealthily replace all the crystals she had picked up earlier.

Facet stared at Rarity. “How you received the Element of Generosity is beyond me, Ms. Rarity.”

Maud bopped Facet on the head, “Just because she picked the crystals off the ground doesn’t make her unworthy of the Element. After all, she was chosen for a reason.”

“I wasn’t implying she’s unworthy,” Facet said, rubbing his head. “I simply find the dichotomy of greed and generosity interesting.”

“Hmph!” Rarity pouted, “I’ll have you know that I am not greedy. I simply use whatever I must in order to make my dresses.”

“Like your fire ruby necklace?” Twilight asked, glancing back at Rarity with a raised eyebrow.

“That was a gift from Spikey-Wikey,” Rarity huffed, “and it goes excellently with my purse.” She flashed the necklace proudly, strutting forward and heading towards the palace at the center of the city.

Twilight lifted her hand to her mouth. “You made a very poor attempt to hide how badly you wanted that ruby, Rarity!”

“.....” Rarity pointedly did not answer Twilight.

Guru’s ears perked up. “Nail!”

Hammer sighed for the six millionth, eight hundred sixty five thousandth, three hundred thirty fourth time, “What is it this time Guru?”

“I hear voices outside,” Guru said. “Go see who it is.”

“.....” Hammer walked outside, internally sighing in contempt and exasperation.

“You okay, Nail?” Pinkie asked with a tilt of her head as she got in his face.

“Gwah!” Hammer jerked back, stumbling and falling on his butt, “Where the hell did you come from!?”

“From Ponyville!” Pinkie chirped with a giggled.

“Nail!” Guru called. “Who is it?”

“It’s the Elements of Harmony and a few others, Guru!” Hammer called back, huffing and wishing his fat fuck of a boss would get off his ass for once and lose some pounds.

“Nail! Take their coats!” Guru ordered.

Hammer groaned and looked towards the group of, as Popo had called them, lackeys, “Can I take your coats?”

“At least there’s one gentleman to be found around this city,” Rarity said as she allowed Hammer to take her coat, followed by the others giving their coats.

Hammer sighed under the pile of coats, wandering away to put them in the appropriate closet.

“Wow… so… shiny….” Rainbow looked around at the scenery, attention drawn in every direction by the immense amount of glittering surfaces.

“Aye. It’s a very beautiful city,” Anderson agreed, taking in the sight.

“.... I shouldn’t use magic here,” Vinyl muttered, “I might accidentally break… everything…. again.”

Octavia patted her back. “We’ll be okay, Vinyl. You’re still a very talented swordswoman.”

Applejack blinked, “What in tarnation is that?” She pointed at Guru, wondering why a weird green slug thing was sitting on the throne.

“I am Super Kami Guru!” Guru answered. “Who are you people?!”

“Princess Celestia sent us to take care of King Sombra,” Twilight answered. “I’m pretty sure you sent a hologram of some sort to us three days ago asking about that, too.”

“Oh. It’s you people,” Guru muttered. “Did you kick Sombra’s ass yet?”

“No, we just got here,” Twilight explained, looking strangely at Guru.

“Then why are you here and not out there?” Guru asked.

“.... Well we need a plan first,” Twilight muttered.

Guru looked at Big Mac. “You there. What is your name?”

Big Mac pointed to himself questioningly, “Me, sir?”

“Yes, you,” Guru said. “Tell me your name.”

“I’m Big Macintosh, sir,” Mac stated, hooking his thumbs into his pockets and standing casually.

“Come closer, Big Macintosh,” Guru instructed.

Mac stepped closer, trying not to show his nervousness. “Yes sir?”

Guru reached out and laid his hand upon Mac’s head. “I sense something within you.”

“Oh god is this going to be another ‘hidden potential awakening’?” Hammer mumbled under his breath, slowly scooting towards the door.

“Yes. There is something there,” Guru said. “Strength yet untapped. Power yet unleashed. Now hold still, as I unleash the valley of strength hidden deep within!”

Immediately, Mac went rigid as his eyes rolled up into his head and a green aura of power burst into existence around him. The palace floor cracked and shattered, apple trees growing through the openings between the crystals and blooming within seconds and filling the air with the fresh scent of apple cider. As the aura faded away a few seconds later, so too did the apple trees, lacking the ability to sustain themselves for long in the crystal foundations of the palace.

“There,” Guru said as he let go of Mac’s head. “I have unlocked your potential.”

Mac stumbled back, nearly tripping over a raised chunk of floor as he regained his bearings. “The… the hell was that!?” he cried, shaking his head and staring at the damage.

“You are now much stronger physically and magically. More in tune with your Terran magic,” Guru explained.

Mac clenched a fist, feeling the way his muscles seemed so much more responsive and flexible now. He even felt his natural “green thumb” act up, lending him a slight green tinge to his skin and carrying the scent of apples around him. “W-wow…. thank ya, sir. This is… amazin’...”

“Yeah. Sure. Just get rid of Sombra,” Guru said dismissively. “Nail! Show them the armory.”

Hammer sighed and opened a door near the back of the throne room, ushering everyone else through and casting a nasty glare over his shoulder at Guru.

“Right this way, everyone…”

“Whoa…. this is even bigger than the Night Shift armory…” Vinyl muttered, glancing around at all the strange and interesting weapons available, “Not as high tech, but… damn.”

“Just how many were designed by Sombra, I wonder?” Facet pondered as he looked around.

Twilight pointed at the wall covered in black, crystalline weapons and the walls covered in exceptionally vicious and eldritch weapons, “.... I’d say… all of those.”

“Well he was certainly a prolific weaponsmith, wasn’t he?” Facet asked as he looked over the weapons.

Hammer nodded, “My hammer was actually made by Sombra… it’s one of his better pieces.” He hefted a hammer, showing off its sleek black lines and inlaid golden runes.

Facet looked it over closely. “Interesting piece. What do the runes do for you?”

Hammer chuckled, “Strangely enough, they burn away darkness. Also it turns the hammer into a really destructive boomerang. That’s about it, though, other than standard durability and recharge runes.”

“Fascinating,” Facet said, turning back to the weapon rack and setting his eyes on a long sword with a curved blade. A scimitar if he remembered correctly. It was ornate and had what appeared be dragonhide on its hilt, with a ring in the middle for keeping the hands separated when wielding it with both hands. There was a series of four backwards facing ridges that formed a guard leading to the blade itself, which was clearly forged of an alloy of mithril and orichalcum. It was inlaid with runes all down the blade that shined in the light. “What can you tell me of this sword?”

Hammer looked over, eyes widening, “.... Oh so that’s where the Zantetsuken went. Well, the runes make it as light as a katana, and there’s two other sets of runes. One lets the blade steal life energy from living creatures that it cuts and using that energy to heal the wielder, and the other set heats the blade with powerful fire magic to increase cutting power.”

Facet summoned the sword with his telekinesis, swinging it several times. “This sword is mine now. Where is its sheath?”

Hammer wordlessly pointed at the sheath hanging on the wall, not three feet from where the sword had been displayed.

“Thank you,” Facet said, calling the sheath over and onto the sword before storing it in his pocket dimension.

Twilight, meanwhile, had wandered off until she found a door marked with a gem sigil. “Hey, what’s this room for?”

Hammer looked over and blinked, “Oh that’s just the old gem-tech lab. Nobody really uses that anymore. Be careful though, there might be some old traps.”

Twilight nodded and opened the door, slipping inside with a barely audible squee of pure scientific joy.

“Wonder what’s got her in such a happy mood,” Rainbow mumbled, checking over a pair of boots with what looked like rockets attached to them.

“Not sure I want to know what the insane one is planning,” Facet commented.

“Well, she’s probably going to be researching something or another for the rest of the time we’re here,” Shining Armor murmured, then turned on Facet, “Don’t you dare call my little sister insane! She may be psychotically inclined, extremely violent, and engaged to a Vampire Lord but you do not call her insane… even if she kinda already is….” He coughed and went back to his browsing, brushing off his rant as if it never happened.

“You’re right,” Facet said. “She’s not insane. She’s a sociopath.”

“.... Well she was never diagnosed with sociopathy,” Shining Armor muttered. “And she definitely doesn’t fit the traits of one… mostly. Nor is she a psychopath. As I recall, the castle psychologist diagnosed her as, and I quote, ‘fucking weird, possible neurotic’.”

“Say what you want. That woman is a sociopath,” Facet said, stepping into the gem lab against his better judgment in search of things to send back to R&D. “So what have you found, Ms. Sparkle?”

Twilight giggled almost insanely, tinkering with a brilliant crimson sphere the size of her fist. “Oh the gems here are perfect! They’re so perfect and flawless that they make even the best of Canterlot’s gems are practically worthless compared to these! And they’re so responsive to magic that I can actually reshape their structures without needing to carve them apart!” She demonstrated her point, picking up a large hunk of ruby and flaring her magic, molding it around the sphere she held in her hands and compressing it down into another sphere, this one inlaid with hundreds of thousands of near microscopic runes.

Facet stared at the giggling mage. “Just what are you planning to do with those gems?” He made a mental note to send a large number of the gems to Night Shift. No doubt they could be used for some very nice advances in tech. “Also, I was right. You are insane, sociopathic, and a little psychotic.” He brushed his bangs back after they fell loose. “To think there was actually a time when I wanted to date you.”

Twilight blinked, “.... When the hell did you ever want to date me!? I don’t ever recall meeting you before I came to Shiny’s wedding… Did you find out about me through the news or something? Gods that would be creepy…” She turned back to her gems, now carving runes in large, angular blocks of sapphire and completely ignoring Facet.

“Actually, I had rather admired you from afar but was too shy to introduce myself,” Facet said. “Then I noticed the subtle signs that you’re not all there in the head and decided against it. Plus Maud had come into my life by then and she and I just clicked, so a relationship with you was no longer considered.” He glanced at the gems. “So I cannot help but notice that you failed to answer my question. What are you doing with those gems?”

Twilight giggled again, this time more unhinged and disturbing than before, “Attack drones~”

“Attack drones?” Facet asked, inching away from her as she giggled. “Like UGs?”

Twilight blinked, “What’s a UG? Is it like DeadMau5?” She shook her head, still carving runes at a near blinding pace. “No, these are much more… destructive… and I’ve got a few for defense as well….” She placed down several crimson orbs on the workbench, each one a flawless ruby the size of a golf ball.

“DeadMau5 is a UG yes,” Facet answered. “Night Shift uses autonomous machines that have high level onboard artificial intelligence. Though DeadMau5 is the first capable of speaking. They can learn, adapt, and even think creatively. Though I admit the raptors are closer to beasts than men in intellect.”

Twilight nodded and slid a few sapphire plates together, dabbing a spark of magic into one of the spheres and letting the plates rise around it as it took to the air, a visible shimmer of orange dotted with rainbow sparks flickering around it as it orbited around Twilight, almost jellyfish-like in its motion. “Success!” She cried, throwing her hands in the air. She then picked up her sword and swung it at the drone, letting it impact across a rippling field of orange octagons that extended a foot from the core’s surface.

“What… is that thing?” Facet asked, staring at the drone in morbid curiosity. And just what was in those rubies making up its core?

“First Generation RS Hopper Shield Drone~” Twilight sang, “I call it my 01~” She activated three other drones, all of them orbiting around her in a ring.

“What does RS stand for?” Facet asked. “And how do they fight?”

Twilight sat back, “RS stands for Repurposed Soul. And they don’t fight. They’re shield drones. They’re defense only. Now, my RS Angel Ramiel Base Attack Drones… hehe…” She activated another core, this one about the size of a softball, and letting its sapphire body melt into position around it, forming a reflective, blue octahedron the size of a beach ball. It seemed to hum softly with contained energy, an echoing effect almost like a chorus of angels.

“You used souls to make those?” Facet asked before facepalming. “Necromancer. Right. Who did those souls come from?”

“Death row inmates. Harvested souls from the monsters of the Everfree Forest. The plague of rats that tried to invade my library three months ago. Nothing too terrible,” Twilight shrugged and activated four more Ramiel drones, bringing her count up to five attack drones and four shield drones.

She still had a few soul cores left.

“What are you going to do with the rest of those cores?” Facet asked, almost afraid to know the answer.

Twilight smiled and levitated the cores around her, five in total. A flash of magenta heralded the opening of her subspace pocket as various chunks of preserved flesh and bone tumbled onto the workbench. More crystal shards came into play, along with spools of wire and a few rolls of what looked almost like metallic…. toilet paper?

“What is all that going to become?” Facet asked, eyeing the human remains and other strange materials.

“Hehehe… you’ll see….” Twilight giggled creepily as she worked her magic, casting waves upon waves of magenta tinted light upon the assembled components, the flesh liquefying and contracting around the soul cores while the crystals formed into rudimentary skeletons and the wires and rolls of “paper” condensed themselves alongside the flesh, forming a skull tipped mass of black tentacles with orange undersides… and a mottled, almost corpselike rendition of an almost sexless female body attached underneath the head, with the core protected by what seemed like an exposed rib cage.

The new creations stooped forward in an animalistic crouch, scuttling around Twilight and deconstructing their arms into black cylinders and then reforming them into arms.

“Type 4 RS Angel Zeruel Base Attack/Defense Drones. Razor wire based arms, the same energy torus that allows my Ramiel units their positron cannons, though lesser, and the same energy field that my RS Hoppers use.” Twilight hopped in place, squeeing internally and externally.

“You are not right,” Facet said as he looked at the mockeries of the human form and the floating sapphires. “You are not right in the head. You have taken this lab and decided to play mad scientist.”

Twilight cackled insanely in response, sealing all her new drones into specially marked areas- two RS Hoppers in each shoulder, her Ramiel drones in her right arm, and her Zeruel drones in her left.

“Maybe we should see how the others are doing,” Facet suggested, visibly unnerved by Twilight’s behavior.

Twilight waved Facet off, “You go on ahead, I’m going to see what I can do with what I have left.”

Facet straight up teleported out of the lab, eager to get away from Twilight, and found himself right in front of Maud.

Maud blinked slowly, and held up a boxful of crystals, “I take it that you couldn’t handle Twilight’s enthusiasm…. Also, I found a box of explosive crystals.”

“Going to put them to use?” Facet asked, smirking at his girlfriend as Twilight’s insanity slipped from his thoughts.

“Of course.” Maud nodded.

Applejack blinked, “Hey Facet, how come when y’teleport, it’s all quiet like? Twilight’s teleport is all loud n’ flashy n’ stuff, so why ain’t yours?”

“Because Ms. Sparkle is merely proficient at teleportation because she’s spread herself so thin as a sorceress,” Facet explained in a tone that was somewhere between smug and condescending. “I on the other hand, chose to specialize in a small set of spells and take them to their nth degree. Teleportation among them. The first in fact.”

Twilight teleported in behind Facet and leaned against a table, rolling her eyes, “Actually, it’s because of the fact that I choose to use a little bit of extra mana to provide a flashbang effect to my teleports. There are a lot of teleportation styles, ranging from the quick and quiet, like Facet’s, to loud and flashy, like Princess Celestia’s. And by the way, her teleport is a flash of golden light and a small explosion of illusory flames and you wouldn’t dare say that she’s merely proficient at any magic, would you?” She smirked at Facet, as if daring him to say that Princess Celestia could stoop so low as to be near either of their levels.

“Just because she’s a goddess doesn’t mean she’s a master of every school of magic, Ms. Sparkle,” Facet pointed out. “For example, I sincerely doubt she has much knowledge in the ways of necromancy, unlike you.”

Twilight frowned, “I learned most of my necromancy from spellbooks found in her archive, so I’d say that she’s still a fair bit better than me at it, even if she never uses it.”

“Perhaps she collected all those books to keep them out of the wrong hands,” Facet suggested. “It’s a common tactic for that purpose.”

“Some of them have annotations scribbled into the margins in her handwriting,” Twilight pointed out, holding up her personal favorite, “The Moste Potente and Powerful Artes of Yon Necromancy”, and flipping to a random page, showing off the annotations within, “See? Page 394. ‘When preparing this ritual circle, don’t use blood ink- blood with chalk shavings and powdered silver works better’.”

Facet inspected the annotation. “Okay. That might be Princess Celestia’s handwriting.”

“NERDS!!!” Guru yelled from the throne room. “ESPECIALLY YOU, SUNBUTT ASSKISSER!!!”

“FUCK OFF YOU FAT FUCKING GREEN CUCUMBER SLUG FUCKING PIECE OF SHIT YOU JUST HAVE NO FUCKING APPRECIATION FOR GOOD RESEARCH!” Twilight shouted back, angrily shaking her fist.

Silence reigned for several seconds before Guru spoke again. “NAIL!!! Bitch slap her!”

Hammer looked at Twilight, then at the door to the armory, then back at Twilight. He repeated the process a few more times and shrugged, “Nah.”

“Did you just say no to me, Nail?!” Guru demanded. “Fine! I’ll discipline her myself!” An invisible force began constricting Twilight’s throat.

Twilight immediately infused her throat with magic, making it rigid and keeping it from compressing as she teleported wildly around the room, trying desperately to shake off Guru’s grip,which instead only tightened until he overwhelmed her resistance and her throat was clamped shut by his might, leaving Twilight on her knees and struggling to breathe.

Alucard reacted immediately, phasing up through the ceiling of the armory and whispering “Popo” in Guru’s ear.

The grip on Twilight’s throat lifted immediately. “Oh God! He’s coming here?!” Guru asked in alarm.

Down in the armory, Twilight was sucking in air and coughing. “Fuck! That guy’s stronger than he looks!”

Alucard phased back down into the armory, dusting off his hands, “I would say that pissing off someone that is radically more powerful than you is a stupid idea, but I’m pretty sure you’ve learned that lesson already, my countess.”

Twilight looked up at Alucard. “I didn’t hear gunshots, my count. So what did you do up there?”

“Well, remember that odd fellow over by the gate? The one you wanted to eviscerate for comparing himself to Sunbutt?” Alucard grinned, helping Twilight stand.

“That Popo guy?” Twilight asked, leaning on Alucard for support and wrapping her arms around him.

“Yup. Well, he told us to namedrop him if that fat fuck upstairs got uppity, so I did. And it worked.” Alucard’s grin turned into a look of concern, “Though, are you alright, my countess?”

“I’ll be fine,” Twilight quietly assured him. “I’ll be fine.” She finally released her hold on him. “So… Has everybody found something of use?”

A ringing chorus of affirmatives answered her as almost everyone raised up some form of useful weapon or armor. Mac stepped forward wearing a suit of armor and holding a mace on his shoulder, “We ready t’go get my fiancee back?”

Hammer stared at Mac. “Is that the Tenkai you’re wearing? And is that the Agmar you’re holding?”

“That’s what th’labels said,” Mac shrugged and gave his mace a few swings, fingering the rune on the handle and wreathing the head in flames.

“I’m a little worried about the armor,” Hammer said. “It’s kinda got a mind of its own. It’s an evolving suit, ever changing to suit its wearer’s needs. Or killing them if it finds them no longer worthy. I’m honestly amazed you’re still alive.”

Mac shrugged again, “Well, it ain’t had no problems so far.” He began walking up the stairs, a resolute look on his face.

Alucard looked at Twilight. “Let’s call Spike in and give him a growth spurt, my countess. He’s sure to be of help, and he’ll probably love the chance to get out of the library.”

“Right, right…” Twilight scribbled out a quick note and sent it off with a flash of pink light, heading out of the doors of the palace and waiting.

Waiting….

Wai-

Spike appeared in a colossal flare of magenta flames, Flim and Flam tumbling out with him in fireproof clothing along with a truly colossal amount of weaponry.

“Did you three raid Night Shift’s armory?” Facet asked, looking over some of the weapons and recognizing that they were indeed from R&D. “Yes. You did.”

Flim and Flam groaned simultaneously and shook their heads, “Also the dregs that the Royal Guard got… and a few things we built by ourselves.”

“You two thought about joining Night Shift’s R&D department?” Vinyl asked as she looked over their inventions. “Some of this stuff looks super sick.”

“We thought about it-” Flim started, twirling an odd looking pistol.

“-but we have a contract to fill in Ponyville first.” Flam shrugged and picked up a rocket launcher, leaning on it. “Though, after that, we might join up, depending on how things go.”

Facet’s telekinesis stopped Flim’s twirling pistol. “Don’t do that. It’s incredibly stupid and dangerous.” Of course he was saying this while doing twirling tricks with one of his revolvers.

“The energy cell is out, my good man,” Flim rolled his eyes, holding up a small, glowing tube and slotting it into the pistol’s grip. “Now it’s dangerous… you hypocrite.”

“Hammer is down and this is a single action weapon,” Facet responded. “The hammer has to be manually pulled back, unlike double action weapons which can pull it back and release it with a trigger pull.” He did a final set of tricks and holstered the gun. “Besides. I can pull it off and make it look good.”

“.... Good point,” Flim muttered, setting the pistol aside and sitting down, panting. “Whew, okay, fire travel sucks. Ow, my legs...”

Spike snorted, “That’s what you get for riding a dragon through a magical fireball of teleportation.”

“So Spike,” Alucard began. “We’ve got a surprise for you.” He looked at Twilight. “Tell him, my countess.”

“I’m pregnant~!” Twilight sang, latching onto Alucard and squeezing.

Spike’s eyes widened in shock, looking between the two and muttering a quick, “Well holy shit… how the hell is that even possible?”

“We’re not sure ourselves,” Alucard said as he held Twilight close. “We’ve got another surprise for you too. One with more immediate ramifications.”

Twilight nodded, “King Sombra, you know, the mythical evil king from a thousand years ago? Well, he’s not a myth. And he’s still alive. And apparently sold his soul to elder gods. Right now I have no idea where he is, but he took Trixie when he first attacked us and now we have to get her back. I suspect that he’s going to attack the city itself sometime soon, and the blizzard surrounding the city is only getting worse, so we can’t leave until it subsides either.”

“.... Well, that’s… terrifying,” Spike muttered. He looked out to the edges of the city, “So what the hell am I supposed to do here?”

Twilight grinned and slapped her suddenly glowing hands on Spike’s glowing soul core, pumping in magic. “Congratulations, Spike, time for you to hit puberty with a fucking hammer.”

“Wha- whoa! That tickles!” Spike shouted, his core expanding, and with it, his body, maturing and changing, filling out with crackling snaps of bone and scales, Twilight pulling mana from the surrounding environment and the leyline beneath the city, engraving more and more runes into Spike’s body for extra effect.

Five minutes of growth and horrifying noises later, Spike reared his head up, coming eye level with the very top of the palace and blinking in surprise, “... Holy shit I got big.” His voice thundered through the empty city like a small earthquake, now deep and powerful.

“Damn! You look badass now, Spike!” Vinyl called up to him with a wide grin. “I approve!”

“You are quite imposing,” Facet agreed, smirking at the now fully grown dracolich.

Spike stood over three hundred feet tall, with a wingspan nearly twice that. A smooth, serpentine example of pure, draconic power with large, imposing muscles transitioning into an aerodynamic build. His neck sailed high into the sky in a graceful curve. Adorning his brow were large, backwards pointing spines, and jutting from the back of his skull came a pair of gracefully curving horns, both reaching out and around until they formed an omega symbol just barely beyond the tip of his snout. A brilliant ruby was embedded into his forehead, gleaming with an inner flame. And from the top of his head came a row of spikes, forming into an almost crown-like formation and tapering off into smooth fins down his back.

His tail lashed, a deadly instrument wreathed in a layer of spikes such that it resembled a morningstar flail. Whenever he breathed out unconsciously, the orb in his chest flared with magenta flame and an ethereal mist of mana expelled from his nostrils.

“Ladies and gentlemen, I present to you, Spike 2.0!” Twilight puffed her chest out proudly and patted Spike’s foot, the only place she could actually reach on him.

Spike preened and posed, flexing his new muscles. “Not bad, eh? Badass, right?” He gave Rarity a grin. “What do you think, Rarity?”

Rarity fanned herself and winked at Spike, “Why you look simply magnificent, my dear! Such grandeur and might… it’s almost breathtaking!”

Spike chuckled and leaned down to let Rarity touch his muscles. “What do you think?”

“Very nice,” Rarity mumbled, rubbing her hands along the smooth, glossy scales, each one so reflective it was as though it were a chunk of obsidian.

Alucard leaned to whisper in Twilight’s ear. “Why am I not surprised he starts flirting with Rarity?”

“Well I did just force him through dragon puberty….” Twilight whispered back.

“So, mom,” Spike started as he looked at Twilight. “Why did you age me into an adult form?”

“Because dragonfire is abnormally useful against eldritch abominations,” Twilight explained, waving around her parasol as a pointer. “Case in point, the legendary dragon Mirmulniir, who drove off the elder god Dagon four thousand years ago with nothing but his own lightning based breath weapon. And as an adult form, your breath weapons, that is: fire, lightning, ice, wind blades, and a positron cannon, well, they would all be exponentially more powerful than they would have been in your adolescent form.”

“Positron cannon?” Spike asked, tilting his head in confusion.

“Yeah. What’s a positron cannon?” Vinyl asked for everyone else that was not a magical and scientific genius.

Twilight’s grin turned absolutely vicious, “A positron cannon is, when you take a bit of matter, change it into antimatter, and then contain it in a magnetic field and a sheath of plasma. When you launch that field, it bursts open upon contact with anything and annihilates it completely!”

“So Spike…” Flim began.

“Is basically…” Flam continued.

“A huge, walking…” Flim added.

“Particle collider?” Flam finished.

“Yuuuup,” Twilight nodded, patting Spike again. “Particle collisions make for the best deterrents against other dragons, usually. I might give Spike a few more options later on, but for now it’s just positrons.”

Facet stepped in front of Shining Armor and looked him in the eye. “Say it with me. Your. Sister. Is. A. Fucking. Lunatic. She just casually turned an average dracolich into a sapient weapon of mass destruction.”

Shining nodded and slowly backed away from Twilight, watching her pat and pet an increasingly disturbed Spike while giggling about how he would ‘raze her enemies into their component subatomic particles’.

“So what exactly is our game plan?” Octavia inquired, still looking at Spike in awe.

“So far, the only thing I’ve come up with is ‘Spike uses his positron cannon to annihilate Sombra down to his component particles’,” Twilight muttered, sheepishly rubbing the back of her head.

“Except that Sombra is likely to be using Ms. Lulamoon as a shield,” Facet pointed out. “So we need to find this empire’s famed Crystal Heart.”

“Right…” Twilight sighed, “I wonder where the Heart even is… that asshole Guru probably knows, but I’m not asking him.”

‘We kinda have to, Twilight,” Rainbow pointed out. “Much as I hate the guy, he’s our only lead.”

“Yeah, but he’s an asshole,” Twilight protested, “and he tried to choke the shit out of me.”

“Well you did insult him rather harshly,” Octavia reminded.

“The Crystal Heart is on the roof, but we can’t access it from the exterior,” Facet said after teleporting back to Maud’s side. He’d had plenty of time to get the information himself while the argument was being held.

“.... Well that was… simple.” Twilight shook her head, “Anyway, do we know how to get up to the Crystal Heart?”

“The useless geezer doesn’t know how access the Heart,” Facet said. “So I’d say the best option is to split into two teams. Team Alpha will hold the line and try to rescue Ms. Lulamoon. At the same time, Team Bravo while find a way to reach the Crystal Heart.”

Twilight nodded, “Right, Spike will stay here and hold the line. I’ll stay here too, since I have, most likely, some of the best ranged firepower.

“I’ll hold the line as well,” Blueblood said as he stepped up. “I can make some very hot flames, and dark creatures absolutely hate fire.”

“Great, that’s useful,” Twilight snapped into her ‘tactical thinking’ mode, figuring out who would go where and how. “Alright, here’s how it’s going to go: Vinyl, Octavia, Facet, and Maud. You stay here with me, Spike, Alucard, and Blueblood. Everyone else, go get the Crystal Heart. Schrodinger and Anderson, you two provide security for them. Seras… you go with Anderson, actually.”

“Is everything hashed out?” Maud asked as she peered through the barrier. “Because I believe Sombra is mounting an attack.”

“N͍̪̤̞͜Y̧̹A͠҉̗̞̖̩̠̻R̥̮͓̝͎̲̬̯̲L̛̖͖̜͖̬͔̺A͍͙͢ͅT̶͎̤̺͇̼̫̤͎̜H̶͎̙̱͞O̡̭̫͜T̴̩͇̫͓̹͕̲́͝E̼̠͚̲̭͈̠P͈͔.̛͖̘͇ ̺̝̠͖͉̥C̛̗̺̠̫̻T̩̦͚̗̝͢͝H̡̨͎Ú̲͚͍͚̙̤̤͟L̵̴̨͙͖̘̻̪͔͈Ḩ̶̝͇͘ͅU̴͎͖̗̗͖̭͜.̫̪̥͔̙̟ ̹̤̲Y͔̖Ò̢̗̠̫̰̪̞̼̗̲͝G̴̮͔̩̀̀ͅ ̸̳̦̪̖̻͙͎̙͝S̸̪̭O̷̩͎̮̹̺T̟̭̟͕̳̣̀H̢҉̱̤̥̱͇̮͎̰O̺̞͖͔̱̙͎͞ͅT̖̮̱̖͎͚͟͞H̶͔̮̫̙͎̺̝̞͠.̡̯ ̶̬͎̞̩́A̴̡̺̬͕̫̕Z͚A̪̱̖͢ͅT̠H̤͍̣̤̦͚̤̠O̶̟̪̞̲T̴̛̗̳́H͏̲̪͈̭͔͙̜.̴̠̺̺̟͙̦̳̗́͠ ͖̘̯̣͙͎͕̗D̦̘͓ͅA̩̠̠͈Ǵ̷̮̞O҉̙̲̞͇̻̜̻̘N̤̬̟̰͓̭̞̗̖.̴̧͚̬ͅ ̯̱͍͈̥̙͘͡H̡̝͇͡͝E̢͓̻̘̮̘̳͢͝R̯̘̯̥̗͇͘͠͞M̷̩̙͖̱̫̖A͈̱̫̭͎͠E҉̨͖͠U̡͎̫̞̦̰͈̮͟͢S͏̟̦͉̥͠͠ ҉͍̤Ḿ̵̞̯̜͙̭͎̣̝Ó̱̖̱R̹̬̲̫̹͎͔͠Á̧̪̣̜͙̩.̸̠̫̹ ̴̢̳̲̲̜̙̳M̡͏̢̭E̴͢͏̹H̼͓R̶̞̳U͕͕͉̞̼̦͖̕͘Ǹ̝̞̫̭͎͔̤̬͖Ḙ̷͔͎̰S̹̖̦̗͓̫ ̨̨̳̲̯̹̖̭̰̯̗͘D̺̖̞͡A̧̠̪̻̼͕̦͔Ǵ̹͢͞O̪͕͙̟̟̮͟͜͜N͏͞҉͉̰͉͙͓͕̜͚̟.͍̹̼̠̩̪ ̶͔̖̮̘͝C̯̲̥̀L҉͓͙͘Á̛͓̼͎͖̹V͏̠̝̟̗̥I̶̟͙̩͍̭͍̟̻̲͞Ç̳̞̗̲͈̘͢U҉̠͘͠S͈̭͚͢ ̟̤̝̟͎V̨̩̥̭̹̰͜I̩̙̮͘L͔͔͖̩̙͉̗͘E̴̼͓̩. B̤͚̮̥͚̼͕͖̗O̴̧̝͚E̛̝͖͖͙T̡͈͚̫̲͔͚H̶̵̪̟̠̱̹̞͞ͅḬ̡̕Ą̶̜̯̯̭̻̺͔̦H̙̘͕̮͉͇́̀.̼̟̙̗̭̞͍͍͜ ̨̛͕̰̤̹͇̭̟̘̺Ṣ̶͖̺̤̘̤̜̬͔H̨̞͇͚̖̰̻̯͍͘͜E͏͈͓͎̫̫̹͜Ơ̦G̦̱Ò̠̩͈̫̳͖͙͝ͅR̷̬͔À̴̙̮T̷͖̲͟H̴̝̻͎̗͘.̷͚̞̯ͅ ̰̖̳͈͙M̙̟͍͎͘Ǫ̻̖̭͕̮̹ͅḶ̴͓̝͍̰̙̥A̷͖̻͉͟G̰͎̩̥̀̕ͅ ̲̤̲̞̝͖B̨̝̮͔̮͉͉Á̙̼͎̱̤͔̪̘͝͞Ļ̛̥͝.̲̫̥̠͠ ̴̮̰̱̭̦͉͇̯͘N̸͝҉̩̹̪̱A͎̼̙̣͎̥͔͡M̴̞͓I͏̛̲̺͈͝R͇̺̪̙̣̲A͏̢͇͓͉͖͔̠.̤͎͉͞ ͏̴͚͇V̡̰͈͎̤͉͝A̛̲̜͖̞̫͕͖̮E҉̦̟R̨̟̜͖̀͡M̴̜̹̤̩̰̺͔Í͎̤̘͞N̛̩̫̞̝̭̫̤A͉.̼̗̰̱͞ ͎̜͇̗̻̜͜͡P̧̖̯̦͉͖͙E̠͓̫̰͎͓̘͜R҉̮̼͇̻͔͎̼̭̕Y͈͚̠̪͈̟̫͍I̼͍̜̼͚͢T̡̞͢͢E̘̻.̵͇̜͇̝̹͘.̡̡̰̰̗̜͚̩ ͏̡҉͔̖̺S̨̯͕͖̮͓͠Ḩ̸̢̭̺̣̺̜̟͚͕U̩̟͖͎̯̬̤̲B̷҉̙̮̫̮̥̤̣́ͅ ́͏҉͉̱͖̲N͕̯̥̗̱̥͕͢I̡̮͍̮͇̤̭̙̕G̴̛̲͘G̸̣̝͍̖͜U̴̷͔̮̬Ṟ̞̝̤̜͝A̴͏̲̰T̻̳̗̰͔͓̯ͅH҉̰̪͎̱̗.̮ ͏̷̷̦̞̗̻X̢͉͚̹̹̩̟͟͢E҉̖͓͍͔̬X͔̝̥͖̻͔̯̘͟A͇̼N͍͟O̼̭̫̲̯͔̟͔͍͘T̼̦̹͍́͜H̗̮̙͖͈̤.̮̱̖͈͙̜̼̠̮͠͠ ̵̪̗̻̭͖͚Ŕ̗̩͕̟̼̹͔Ą̡̣͚̭̹͜M̴̬̳̼̺͞A͚̫̖̥̲̲̦̘̼S̸̸̺͉͎͇K̶̡̙̮̣̳̗̪̲͈͘E̶̸̝̩͍̦̖̰̞͙͞V̸̨͕͔̙̹̥̬̭͍ͅA̶̟̮͔̣̠̻̻͠ͅ.͏͉̣̫͈͍̥̱ ̰̺̠͔̺A͕̩͖̳̪̙͘H̵̬͕̤̳̜̪̹S͚͕Ú̙̰̫̭M̷͙̖̱̺͈͘ͅH̡̘͙Ǫ̴͇̗̱̣̟͟Ţ̴̵̯Ę͔͉̼̺͕̪̻̕Ṕ̲̤͈͡.̵̶̬̻͇͉͕͕̻̺̫ ҉͚̝ͅH҉̢̥̕A̷͇̹̪͇͇Ģ̡̟̱̙͓͔̥̩̻͇Ą̸̲͉R͉̘̟G̵͇̲͓̭͇ ̴̢͕̬̭R̢̨̼̮̤̠͔͉͘Y͖͠͠O̠̲̰͈̥͘ͅN͖̩̳̯̯̜͟I͎̩͔̺͟S̴̰͍̩͎̠ͅ.̖̗͖̮͉͝ ̸̝̥̠͍̺͎̕K̴͉͈͖͔͎A̷̩͍͓̕R̢͔̼̝͓̜͓̫̜A̹͢K͏̟͔̳Á͈̺̤͘L̷̯͖͎̞͘͝.̰̖ ̴͎̪̖͚̥͈͚̫̣̕L̶̮͎̖͟͠O̧͜҉̹̠B̨̥͚̪́͜O̵̖͙̫͇ͅN̡̛̟̱͟.̴̡̭̟̖̜͕̳̤̣͟ ̫͓̬͔̟͝N̳̰͈ͅA̷̵̸͎͍͍̦T͎̦͉̪͎͖̗͖͠͝H̶̺̩̭̻̲̰͞-̷͈̯̥͎̟H̶̻͓͙̱̭̹́O̶̵̳͙͓͇̰͇͘R̝̲͎̘̺̣̕͟͡ͅN̡͖̥͙͖͓̟͙͝A̷͉̣͔͔̮T̩̱̭͍͟H̦͔̪̪́.̨̠͖̬͍͙ ̷̙̼͙͉̰Z̞͙͍̮Ơ̶͇͚͇̝͞-̬̗̲K̨̲̯̯̤̯̕ͅĄ̷̵̯̜̰̼͓L̷̫Á̧̳̰͖̳̖̺̟͞R̙̻͚͞.͇̮͈̼̺̞̲̝ ̴̨̰̪̭̘͘ͅͅͅH̘̜̱̗͉̘̰̣E̗͍͙̲̳͔̪̟͢A̢͖̩̼̻͇̭̣͠R͏҉̜̜̹͠ ̸̴̩̖̺̳̜M͚̱̳̰͓̫͖È̬͓̺̯̻̳͎ ̵̴̕ͅA̶̬̫̲̜N̶̪͙̗̹̬Ḑ̵͈͇ ̨͓̱̘͚̱̘̮͖͢͝C҉̫͖̯̳̙̯̻Ó̠̠͖N̡͈͍̮T̢̮̭̙̤͖̮͙̼É͎͙̼̱̠̥̩M̢̤͉̪͔̣̹̟̗͚͘P̷̙̙̫̫̪̺̮̻L͇̮̘͉̜͉̰A̛͕͡T̛̛̪̗̪̪̦͕͉̹͟E̵̳͖̫̺̳̠̥͠͝ ̹̹̞̫̦̤̖̲͞͝M͈͕͟Y̡̛͕̪͙͜ ̰͍̝͈͓͖O͇͓͓͓̠̙̜F̶̢̻̩̟͖F̴̢͈̮E̴̮͍͇̟̙̺͖R̸̷̘̬̰̖.̧͟҉̬͈̭̬̯ ̗̗̘̳̀͠͞I̢̯̞ ̴̣̞̕ͅG͠͏͔̦͔̬̬̞̫̻I̷̴̪͓̘̗̺̪̟̰V̧͚̻̭̰͇Ȩ̘̞̺͍̯̜̣̯̗ ̖̼̖͘͢ͅT̨̰͈͓͔͔̻Ó̶̬̻͙͢ ̶́͏͖̣͕̺̠̺Y͏͞͏̟̗̮ͅO̗͓̻̖̯U̸͉ ̩̝͍T̠̜̺H̳̲̥̺̬͇͕̺̲͘E͉̪̫̰͟ ̹̟̕͝S̖̘̣̪̝̫O̡̦͈̬̳͖Ṳ̩̻̳͘L̡̥ ̸̫͝O̺̭͈̺̲͕̠̕F̝̦̼͢ ̙̺̱̪͈̫̬͜͝T̵̛̯̠͉̠͚̫͜H҉̗̦͢I̧͏̲̗́ͅS̥̘ ̤̯͢M̸͓͔̜͝Ò̜̫̱̩̬͈̳͟R̡͓̟̘̹̦̪͠T̴̰͔̬̤̞͙͢A̡̞̱̫̤L҉̞̟,͎̜̝̟̣͔ ̛̤̪Ạ̤̹̮̩̮͕̯S͝҉͓̲̪͉̯̬͎͈ ̘̫̼͖̼̀W̟̫̯̰̙̫̤͇͉E̜̣͘̕L͓͇͙͞͝͝L̸̡͕͍͍͙̤͉̘̬ ̮̰A̘̥̙͕͘S̘͚͕̟ ̧͎̻̀T̵̲͚͔͓̺͎́H̨͈̟̤̫͝E͡͞҉̟̰͉̖ ̖͔̣H̴̗͚̭̠̳̱͕͙E̛̩̦A̜̰͎̻͝R̜͓͟Ţ̶̮̜̫̯ ̻̼͍͟͞O̹̯̤̥̘̣̙͟͡F̤͚͈̣̠̳̰̭͡ ̛̣̯T͏̠͕͖͍͓͢ͅH̨͕̦͇̟͎̕͜Í͙̣̖͘͜S̸̨̰̼̖̤̺̯͓͇͔ ̱̪̯C̥̳̹͚͔̯̜ͅI͖͎͙͔͎̘͉͘T̵̜̖̭̝̬͚̪Y̼̼ ̻̬̗̕O̵̖̜̥̹͇̹̯F̘͕͙̰̹̳̲͡ͅ ̗̭͚̗̠C̶̢̧̳̩̹R̨̖̭̻͈̬̠̘͢͟Y͏̯̬̱̳̗̱S̻͖͎̬͎̀͢T̲͚̲͈̙A̤̖̭͉̖̻̮͕͉L͎̬͜S̴̝̹̣̘͔̙ͅ ̷͏̱̦͓͎̘̥Ì̶̘̯̖̘̗͓̩̬̀N͓̠̺̝̦͜ ̻͎͙͈ͅR̡͎̮͜͝E͏̝̞͓̪̤̯͜ͅT͔̖̝U̲̰̳̕Ṟ̳̮N̤̤̫̬͉͙ ̛͓̙̳̤̲̪̕͞F̵̛͉̺͚̗O̜͇͎̱̤̟̹̬R͈͚̹͎̗̺̤̀ ̸̡̰̠P̸̢̫͚̩͍̦̟̯̟͈͘O̬͕̞͍W̯̣̲̺E̛̛̟̰̪̠ͅR̩̮̻̥̘̭̕͟͜.̞̬̲̱͖ ͕̼͜ͅP̖̹̞̣͟͡O̬͖̺ͅW̙̺̹̣͈ͅE̡͇͙̯̫̲͟͢Ŕ̶̶͉̦̭̟ ̻̜̟͓̝͡Ḙ̸̲̤̯̗̘̮͢͠ͅǸ̘̞͓̖͙̘͘O̟̺̲̙͕͜U̺͕̘̗͜G̵҉̘̬͎͓̺H̱̼̤̗̭̤ ̷̛͙̲̹̪͔̟̟͍̀ͅŢ̖̙͚͇͘O̢͏̬̻̭͎ ̴̢̤̺͢Ḏ̟͇̖͓O̵̭͙͉̩̫͉͉̬͡M̨̰͖̲̠̹̣͕͚̬I̧̡͔̦̜̗̗̞̜͜N̪̰͙̞͞A̴̛̞̦͓͓̪̤͖̘̙͘T͙̻̖̳̯Ȩ͎͝ ̧͕̯̙͙̯̝̪͈͘͘T̬̥͝H̴̡̪͕͇̼̲̻͈̤I̷̸̘̭̰̞̖S̨̠͎ͅ ̶̝̣̠̣̩̣̝̞ͅL̻̪͇͍A̵̡̠̮̱̤̬̼͕̹͢Ǹ̬̗D̢҉̝̤͙̥̪̤̟ ҉̷̵̬̼̫͖̥̭͇̯A̴̧̫͖͈͈̻͙̖̝͝N̺͕͚̗̟̮̳̬̫͘D̜̘͈ ̵̲͎̼͖̥̥́́D̶̡̪͔̬̹͚̼̖̥E̸̴̴̪͔͎̣S̶̢̻̟̩̣͇̭͢E̡̜͕͠Ć̴̭̫̳̺̀R̝̯̲̱Á̶̦̜̟͕̙̰͍T̻̭̗͈̻͖͈̪͢͠Ȩ͓̫ ̭̝͚͇͟I̴̺̗̫̫̺̯͚͞͝T҉̳̻S̝͈͇̣͘ ͙̯̣̳̰̳ͅM̷̤̝̟̻̖̥͢O͍̖̜R̠̥̟̻̞͉̫͔̦̀T̸̰͖̭̥̻Ą͈̞͘͜L͠҉͍̤̖͔̝I̸̙̤͓͚͎T̠̱͜͝Y̧̟̞̻̕ ̨̲̤̜I̠͔̲͟N̶̵̖̺͚̼̰͕͉͟ ̨̛̣͈͕͘E̸̲͉̱̞̱͟L̷͏̴̜̳̙͕͎͉͙ͅD̛͎͔R̹̠͓͚͡I͎̪̺̝̼̱̕͟T҉̵̮͇C̶̭̦͝ͅḨ̵̬̝̘̘̯̘ ̣͔̬̫̪͉E̛͏̙͇T̡̩̦͔̣̬E̢̮̤̗̫̩͕̯͝R̶̨͖N̸̤̬̩͈͝I͘͏̷̖͕̗͍̙͔T̛͕̺̪́Y̡͉̜͓͔̪̤̻̰̝.̤̺͔̺̠̹̕ ͕̯̳͎̟͇͖G̨̼͇͈̭͚͢͡I̻̝̙͚͖̦̭̖F̮̻͓̬̤̞͚T̠̻͎̫̪́ ̢̺̣͔̳̩̰M͏̖̙̥̰͖͍É̡̢̥̤̫̠̹͉ͅ ͔͚̦̦Y̧̡̖̙̫͢Ó̶͚̪͇̟̝̦U̖̝͚Ŗ̘ͅ ̙̙͝P̴̠̘̜͎̦͚O̥͈̹̘̭͇͘ͅW̷̵̥̤͚̬̲͓͕͠E̘̯͇̳͔͜Ṟ̶͓̖̙͎͎͘͢ ̷̢͚̥̣̣̝̩A̧̦̬̤͘N̬̻̲͙̥ͅD̘͇̠̞͝ ̵͓̹̗̝̪̀ͅI͔͔̺̜̣̫̥̺̳ ̹̘͚͓̜͕̫͞ͅS҉̸̼͚̳̻̪H͎͎̟͎̤͔́͜A̷̯͙͔̭̗͟͞L̼͓̭͠L̨̛͈̙͔͕͖̺͎̗͡ ̼̮̥̠̖̹͍̼́R҉̞̭̼͞E̴̳͉͞ͅM̴̛͇̫̲̣̘͎A͔͓ḴE҉̺̦͚ ̧͚̫̥T͙͓͠͠H͏̩̲I̴̗̪͘S͎̱̘̞ ̶̶̦̣W͔̖̻̺͈̦ͅO̢̢̼̱̣͖͎̣͎ͅR̨͏̗͉͍L̟̻D̸̡̲̯̯̬͉͡ ̹̖̭T̵̜̩͙O͙̥̥͔̳̟̞̹͞ ̷̶̘͈̥̻̗̯̥Y҉̶̨̲̠͍̮̱͖̲͖O̬͕͝U̷̮͚͖̣̰R̵͙͕͖̜̗̫͔͠ ̠̜̻̬̥̤̜͘͢ͅW̻͔͔̻͍̻̫̪Í̴̫͓͙Ṣ̶̨̹̝̯̱H͎̙͔̳̲Ę͈̻̹͚̫͘S̼͈̱͚̙̞̬ͅ.̶̭͍̤́
̢̫͚̠͔̼͉̺ͅ
̶̵̮͙̙̙̫̪̤̜ͅP̸̘̲̮̜͓H̪͍̙̙͔̦̝ͅ'͈̣̭N̜̲͙͔̘͝G͏̫̦͓͙̝͞ͅL̰̭̳̞͇͍͕͜U̧̺͝Ì̺̟̝̣̗̺͘ ̩͙̯͔M̰̪̤͇̭̣G͏͏̥̞͉L̹̰̤̕͞͡W̧̡̼̥̦̩̖̰͉͉'̛͚͕̀ͅN̡̘̙̫̬͙À̰̩̳̱͓͉̣͎̱F̮̗̩̩̣̘͘H̢̘͔̥͟ ͚C̴̙̫̼̩͟͟ͅT̷͖͎͎̩̘H҉̢͎̯̮̠̠̠̝͠U̡̝̖̝̣̯͍̫̠͢L̡͙͇̬̀H̴̘͓̦͎̺̦̀U̢͏̬̥̜͎̞͠ͅ ̺͇͕̯̟͇̗͡R̸̜̻̩̹͖ͅ'̟͙͎̟L҉̭͚̝̪͞Y͙̟̹Ę͖̳͓͕͔͙̼̳́Ḩ̸̩̼̙̣̠͍͟ ̷͈͕͎͘ͅW̸̶̦̙̳̪͉͓̻G̮͖̫̕͝À͎͍ͅH̛͜͏̙͇̫̰'̛͔͙Ņ͏̳̝̦͕̜̖̦A͈͔̞̠̮͓̦̙G̠̜̟̙̫̭̫̖L̸̜̙̪̳͘ ̨͙̪̲F̵͏̤͔̠͙͖̙̖̟H̛̞͍̦͚͓̣͓ͅT͙̞̟̺̙̺̘͈A̷̡͍̦̺̘̲͍̟Ǵ̸̭̮͝N͈̟͕͝.”

Sombra’s twisted, eldritch voice echoed across the city, the mere sound of it crackling across Popo’s barrier and visibly warping reality before a massive tear in space opened, a single beam of unclean, filthy, maddening light striking down upon the central mass of Sombra’s smoky form and filling it with enumerable eyes and mouths and gnashing teeth and claws and tentacles and, most importantly, clearing out a space where the naked and defiled form of Trixie Lulamoon hung, unconscious.

“TRIXIE!!!” Mac screamed at the sight of her, distraught at seeing the condition she was in.

Facet looked at Maud. “Maud?”

“Yes Facet?” Maud asked, already prepping her exploding crystals.

Facet gripped Suigetsu tighter as he pulled Maud down enough to briefly kiss her. “If we make it through this, then injuries and/or lack of rings be damned, we’re going to the Crystal Palace and getting married.”

“Then we had better make it through this,” Maud replied, a resolute stare replacing her normal deadpan.

Facet nodded and couldn’t help letting out a chuckle. “This’ll make a good story for our child.” He drew Suigetsu. “The day his parents battled the Prince of Darkness.”

Maud shook her head, “The day his parents kicked the Prince of Darkness’ ass back to the eldritch hell he came from.”