How I Kissed My Waifu

Godson: Hai

Shadow: Hai

Ishtaba: gtfo

Godson: not a chance

Ishtaba: </3

Shadow: Godson.

Godson: Eh?

Shadow: Those pics you sent me a while ago…

Godson: Those old things? It’s been months, Shadow, give it a rest.

Ishtaba: Are they his nudes? QUICK SHADOW PUT THEM ONLINE.

Godson: They’re not nudes, Ish.

Ishtaba: :c

Shadow: I’m still having a hard time trying to figure it out. I even sent one of them to Ish.

Ishtaba: Wait are you talking about that pony pic with him slapped in it?

Shadow: Yes…

Ishtaba: That’s photoshopped Shadow, tf do you think happened?

Shadow: I’ve taken it to sites, I’ve run it through a few programs.

Godson: …?

Shadow: I took one or two to a professional, even.

Godson: youdidwot

Ishtaba: And?

Shadow: None of these have been touched with an editing program.

Ishtaba: f***ing liar

Godson: I tried to tell you m8.

Shadow: How?

Godson: I told you I did the dare.

Ishtaba: you mean that stupid "take over pony world" thing

Shadow: Yeah.

Godson: I never did figure out how those pictures ended up on my phone though...

Ishtaba: Are you sure he didn’t just photoshop the picture and put them on your phone

Godson: If I did, there would’ve been some evidence of the photo being edited. But there isn’t.

Ishtaba: Send me those pics, I’ll tell you if they were photoshopped or not.

Godson: Shadow you send them, I’mma go head out for a bit.

Shadow: kk, cya Godson.

Godson: Adios.

Ishtaba: k he’s gone let’s talk crap about him

Godson looked towards his nearby phone. Reminiscing the events from four months ago.

Suddenly, he shuddered at the last thing he saw that day.

“Now, to send you to tartarus!”

He immediately jerked his head, turning around, trying to find the source of the sound. After finding nothing, he took a deep breath, and sighed.

Godson: Yeah nevermind I’m not going anywhere.

Shadow: Eh?

Ishtaba: Oh… Then uh, forget what I said about talking crap about you behind your back. >_>

Godson: What?

Ishtaba: What?

Quigzerz: waht

Godson: Ohai

Shadow: O look a Quigzerz

Ishtaba: gtfo

Godson: so rude

Ishtaba: ofc.

Quigzerz: so what did I miss?

Godson: Just scroll up

Quigzerz: fck that i’m lazy

Shadow: Ish thinks Godson photoshopped some pics.

Ishtaba: And they’re not his nudes.

Quigzerz: Can I see?

Shadow: Sure

Quigzerz: mk, brb for a few while I check them out.

Shadow: What do you mean you’re not going anywhere Godson?

Godson: I was gonna afk, but I’m not going to anymore.

Ishtaba: k well I’mma go check these nudes, I mean pics

Godson: k

Shadow: k

Ishtaba: Then again, that sounds like effort...

Godson: do whatever, idc.

Ishtaba: eh screw it, it’s either this or dota.

*Ishtaba is now AFK*

Godson: and then there were three…

*Quigzerz is now AFK*

Godson: Two*

Shadow: Yep…

Godson: Y’know, I don’t think I ever mentioned this, but you know what was the most funny part about my entire “trip” there?

Shadow: ?

Godson: Best pone hated me ;n;

Shadow: Who? Rainbow Dash?

Godson: Mhm.

Shadow: gg waifu hated you.

Godson: Like, she absolutely HATED me.

Shadow: faking rekt.

*Ishtaba is no longer AFK*

Ishtaba: LOL REKTANGLE

*Ishtaba is now AFK*

Godson: …

Shadow: …

Godson: Eh, oh well.

Shadow: Well, at least everyone else was meh about you.

Godson: Until they grabbed my phone and read my notes.

Shadow: Yeah, when that happened you got rekt.

Godson: I’m just lucky I woke back up in my bed…

Shadow: Unless they actually did send you to “tartarus”

Godson: Only if “tartarus” is this world, I highly doubt it.

Shadow: idfk then.

Godson: k y’know what, I’mma go do some stuffs. Adios.

Shadow: cya.

Godson grabbed the top of his laptop’s screen. And with a soft clap, it met the keyboard, forcing it to go into standby mode.

He got up from his chair, and began to walk out of his room. When he opened the door, his blankets in his nearby bed started moving about. He took a quick glare, and noticed a certain a white chihuahua with large light brown spots on two sides of her head.

He smiled softly. “Need to use the bathroom, Linda?” He signaled his hand to come follow him.

She wagged her tail, jumping off of the bed, and running out the door.

“Thought so.” He thought aloud, interrupting himself before following her. He turned around, and grabbed his phone before leaving.

“Never know when I might need this.” He thought.

After it was opened, Linda ran through the door. And Godson promptly exited the house behind her.

He stood watch as his dog began investigating the area. Once she finished her duty, she still continued to investigate anyway. He called out to her, however, she didn’t react. She simply kept investigating.

Eventually, she stopped right in her tracks. Looked straight in front of her, and began to bark at it.

“Linda!” Godson yelled. “Get yo freaking butt over here!”

She looked at him, then back at the air in front of her. She then proceeded to run back inside the house, confusing the boy she ditched.

He stepped closer to the area, grabbed a nearby rock, and threw it at the air.

He expected to see the work simply fly off into the air with no worries. But instead, he got a different outcome.

The rock vanished right in front of his face.

Startled by this, Godson took a few steps back, grabbed another rock, and watched as the rock vanished after being thrown again. He stepped closer, reached his hand out, and noticed it began to vanish as well.

And suddenly, he felt something grab his hand. It tried to pull him closer, yet Godson reacted by pulling back quickly.

Unfortunately for him, he couldn’t seem to pull his hand back. It was as if there was something blocking his path to go back.

Refusing to accept this, he continued to pull, while whatever had his hand increased its strength. Soon, he found his whole arm sucked in, and by then, he had given up.

He was completely sucked into the mysterious void.

“He’s waking up!” A familiar voice called out. “C’mon, Twilight! Hurry up!”

“Huh…?” Godson groggily muttered.

“I’m coming! I’m coming!” Another familiar voice said, getting closer as she spoke. “Geez, you don’t have to freak out so much…”

“He tried to steal the elements! What do you want me to do?”

Upon recognizing the voices, Godson’s eyes immediately shot open. He quickly surveyed his surroundings, and found himself tied up to a chair. He then took a glance to whatever was right in front of him. And found the two beings he’d never thought he’d see again.

Staring right at him.

“What!?” He shouted.

“So, ‘Godson’.” Twilight began. “If that even is your real name.”

“What!?”

“I have a few questions for you…”

“What!?”

“First off, how did you know about the Elements?” Twilight raised an eyebrow.

“Wha—Ow!” Godson winced in pain.

“Answer the question!” Rainbow Dash demanded.

“How did I get back here!?”

“We’re asking the questions here!”

“Both of you, shut up!” Twilight interrupted. “I opened a portal to… wherever it was you live. You went through, as well as two rocks that you threw…” She rubbed the side of her head. “One of them I was able to avoid, but the other…” She shook her head. “Anyway. Upon further analysis, I’ve learned that the portal was actually a one-way trip.”

“That… sounds kinda cliché, if you ask me.” Godson commented.

“Regardless. I needed to figure out some things from you, considering all your notes had detailed information about us that seemed as if you knew more than you were letting on…” Twilight narrowed her eyes. “Which is why you’re here, now.”

“So, you did all that trouble... just to interrogate me?” Godson queried.

Twilight nodded in response.

“Nice.” Godson nodded. “If I weren’t tied up I’d be giving you a thumbs up, oh well.”

Twilight tilted her head. “Err… a ‘thumbs up’?”

Godson rolled his eyes. “Nevermind.”

Twilight paused for a moment, letting a short wave of awkward silence fill the room. “Right.” She shrugged, breaking the silence. “Back to the matter at hoof. How did you know about the Elements of Harmony before I even mentioned them?”

“Seriously?” Godson asked with a chuckle. “All this trouble, and you wanna know how I know about the elements?” He scoffed. “May I remind you, Twilight… You live in a library, at least one of these books is bound to have something related to them.”

“But have you read any of them?” Twilight countered.

“I don’t remember.” Godson deadpanned. “It’s been months since the last time I’ve been here in Equestria, how do you expect me to remember any books I’ve read since then?”

“Hm.” Twilight placed a hoof on her chin. “That’s a valid argument, I suppose.”

“So far so good, I think.” Godson thought. “Heh. If Ishtaba were here, things probably would’ve been worse.”

“Alright. Then explain this ‘dare’ you were trying to accomplish.” Twilight returned to a more serious tone. “How did ‘your friend’ know about Equestria, if neither of you were ever here until you showed up that very day?”

“Uh. I think it’s best I don’t tell you.” Godson shook his head.

“And why is that?” Twilight inquired.

“Because either you won’t believe me… Or crap will just hit the fan.” Godson shuddered. “Just… trust me. You really don’t wanna know.”

“Oh. But I do wanna know.” Twilight smirked. “And if you don’t tell me… then I’ll just cast a truth spell on you…”

“Empty threat is empty.” Godson spat. “If that were the case, you would’ve already done it by now.”

“Wanna bet?” Twilight asked with a wicked grin, her horn starting to glow.

“Go ahea—Ow!” Godson hissed as he was shot with her magic.

“Now, I’m gonna ask again.” Twilight sighed. “How did you know about Equestria?”

“Do… Do you really want to know…?” Godson replied, struggling to not instantly respond to the question. “You won’t… like the answer you get…”

Twilight raised an eyebrow, suddenly both worried and curious of the response she’d get. She looked at Dash, who nodded back at her, then looked back at Godson.

“Yeah. I want to know.” Twilight nodded.

“Back where I come from…” Godson hissed in pain as he tried to fight against the spell. “We have a source of entertainment… Television. It’s a screen that allows us to see shows and cartoons… They’re basically moving pictures with sounds.”

Twilight tilted her head. “And why is this important?”

“Because… Equestria… you two… all of it…” Godson groaned. “It’s all… a cartoon…”

Now it was Dash’s turn to ask. “And by a cartoon, you mean…”

“It’s… fake… in my home…” Godson glanced at the prismatic maned mare. “You… Equestria… all of this… it’s supposed to be fake…”

Twilight’s pupils shrank to the size of peanuts. She stood completely still, frozen, trying to process the information she was given.

Dash looked at her, then back at Godson. “Nice job. You broke her.”

Godson tried to shrug, then he remembered he was still tied up. He then looked at Twilight, who was still frozen.

“Uh… Twilight?”

Immediately, Twilight shook her head, snapping out of her odd trance. “Right. So, that explains just about everything.”

“Well that was easy.” Godson thought.

“Just a quick question before I remove the spell.” Twilight took a deep breath. “You don’t plan on pulling any more stupid ‘dares’ like that, do you?”

Godson shook his head in response.

“Alright then.” Twilight’s horn glowed once more, removing the spell off of him. “You can go.”

“...That’s it? I can go back home?” Godson cocked his head. “All this worrying, and that’s it?” He soon found himself able to move his arms and legs, noticing he was now untied.

“Right… about the ‘home’ part…” Twilight chuckled nervously. “Remember when I said the portal was only one-way…?”

“Yeah, I remem—You’re freaking kidding me…” Godson immediately went wide-eyed. “Of all the most cliché things to happen to me… THIS is the most stupid, most cliché of them all!” He shouted. “Did you even stop to consider that maybe, just maybe, I have a family who’s probably already worrying about me?”

“Well, I… Uh…” Twilight stammered.

“She did, but I figured if you were capable of doing the things you did while you were here, I figured you didn’t have much family left.” Dash interrupted. “Which is why I’m here. Moral support.”

Godson looked at Dash, letting her sentence sink into his head. Once it all sunk in, he spoke. “I knew you hated me, Dash. But I didn’t know you hated me that much…”

“What?” Dash went wide-eyed. “I-I don’t hate you!”

“Sure.” Godson monotoned, standing up. “I’m outta here. Glad to see you finally realized I wasn’t the ‘bad guy’ you thought I was, Twilight. And I’m sorry for the trouble I caused.”

“O-Oh. A-Alright…” Twilight was speechless over his apology, she didn’t expect him say most of what he just said to her. “Apology accepted. And… I’m sorry for… having you trapped in Equestria…” Her ears flopped back. “If you’d like, I can figure out how to sen—”

“Don’t bother.” Godson interrupted. “I’ll be fine…” He sniffled. “After a couple of days…”

“Oh… Alright…” Twilight muttered, shortly before remembering something. “Oh, before you go. Here.”

Suddenly, his phone appeared in midair, hovering towards him.

“Huh?” Godson checked his pockets. “Why’d you take my phone?”

“Investigative purposes.” Twilight shrugged. “I didn’t find too much on it to be any help.”

“Oh, cool. Invasion of privacy. That’s nice.” Godson grumbled to himself. “Alright, I’m out. Adios.”

“Wha—”

Before Twilight could ask what that last word meant, the door closed behind the semi-pissed boy.

“...Alright…”

Godson sat on a bench nearby Sugarcube Corner. Trying to figure out what he would do, now being trapped in a semi-familiar world.

“Hiya Goddy!” Suddenly, Pinkie Pie invaded his personal space.

“GAH CRAP!” Godson jumped out of his bench, landing on the ground behind the bench.

“Ohhhh. You alright?” Pinkie asked worriedly. “That was a nasty fall you had there!”

“You don’t… say…” Godson groaned, slowly standing back up. “Can you not invade my personal space, Pinkie?”

“Nnnnope!” She bounced cheerily. “So, what are you doing back here in Ponyville? It’s not every day I get to see my favorite whoman!”

“I thought you hated me for all that crap I did the last time I was here…” Godson thought aloud. “I mean, I can already tell Dash did.”

“No, silly! I don’t hate you!” Pinkie giggled. “If I were dared to take over Equestria, I’d probably do it in ten seconds flat!”

“No doubt you would.” Godson commented. “So, then… How are things?”

“Things are great!” She beamed. “Things have never been better!”

“That’s… good?” Godson tried to understand what she was talking about, but he simply shrugged it off, remembering who he was talking to.

“Great! So, how did you get back here?” Pinkie asked innocently. Godson simply pointed to Twilight’s library. “Ah, Twilight brought you back. How neat!”

“Except I’m stuck here. I can’t go back home.” Godson stated flatly.

“That’s okay, Goddy! If you want, I can help you get comfortable here!” Pinkie cheered.

Godson glared at Pinkie, unsure if she understood the situation. “Pinkie, do you have a family?”

“Of course I do! There’s my mom and dad, my sister Maud, my other two sisters. Everypony has a fam—” Immediately, she understood the situation he was placed in. Her mane and tail ‘popped’, her poofy and curly style now went droopy and flat. “Oh…”

Godson reacted quickly. “Oh, nononono! D-Don’t feel bad… I-I can manage…” He sighed. “Besides, as cliché as it sounds. By the time Twilight finds a way back for me, it’ll probably have been a long enough time for me to already be adjusted and living comfortably.”

Hearing that, Pinkie quickly cheered up. Her name and tail quickly poofing back up to her normal standards. “That’s great!” She smiled. “If you’d like, I can get you your old job back here in Sugarcube Corner!”

“That’s… actually really nice of you, Pinks.” Godson smiled back. “...Thanks.”

“No problem!”