A Human's Views on Camping In Equestiria
“Ugh! Why, Celestia? Why do you have to make the sun so bright?” I groaned as I pulled the covers over my head.
Hi. I'm Anon and it had been like that every morning for a year, since I had awoken in the pony-populated world of Equestria. Each day, I would awake to the unreasonably bright sun. But, hey, I couldn’t complain. It was a great place: the environment was clean and almost everybody- excuse me “everypony” was nice. But I will admit it had taken me a long time to get used to the world of talking multicolored ponies. And, I can’t say my heart wasn’t torn to shreds when I learned I would never be able to see my family again and live like a normal kid. Heck, it took two weeks for them to coax me out of the bathroom (I was in Twilight Sparkle's house at the time). Still, I got used to it and even managed to get back to school and make friends. So, I’m not going to lie. This place had become my home and I basically had my own family.
There were only a few things I truly disliked, one was the early wake-up call.
“Anon! Get down here! It’s time for breakfast!” I grabbed a pillow and smashed it on my face, trying to block out the sound. It didn’t work.
“Anon! It’s 5:00am. We need to get the day started!” the voice whined again. I still did not respond.
“Anon, your breakfast is getting cold!”
The pleasant aroma of pancakes and bacon wafted over me, tempting me. No doubt she had a fan down there with my breakfast in front of it.
She finally got a response from me.“NO!”
I heard hoof steps coming up the stairs and felt the pillow being lifted off my head. I looked up too see the mare that had become my big sister: Twilight Sparkle, the Alicorn Princess of Friendship. She was not amused. “Come on, Anon. Spike and you have to get to school.”
I sighed in defeat. “Fine.” I rolled myself out of bed. Twi, being the nerdy perfectionist she was, had already laid out clothes for me to wear: a red shirt, jeans, red Converse sneakers, and a jacket.
As I put them on, Twilight began speaking to me about something. “Now, I know you’ll be gone for a few weeks, but don’t worry. You’ll have your friends there, so this camping trip will be a blast! Oh, and I already have this list for things you need to do…” I stopped listening after she said trip.
Oh, right. I have the camping trip for the next few weeks… I guess it’ll be fun. Who knows? I might be sharing a cabin with Spike, Rumble and Pip. They were my best friends. Spike was a teenage dragon and the same age as me - fourteen. He had been the first pony/dragon here that I could relate to with the hands and all. It went the same for so him, so we hit it off from the start. Also, living together helped.
Pipsqueak and I had shared a love for the sea and since he was from Trottingham, he had been through that “person from a new place” biz, too. Despite his name, Pip wasn’t that small anymore. He had a major growth spurt during Hearthswarming break, so when we all got back to school, we were surprised to see him standing a few inches over a few colts and fillies.
Rumble and I had barely anything in common, but I guess that was what made our friendship work: he was sporty while I was artsy. I think we balance each other out.
I was deep in thought when I noticed Twilight was talking to me “…and that’s what you’ll do on this trip.” I nodded my head trying to look like I had heard what she said.
She gave me a deadpan look. “You weren’t listening, were you?”
“Nope.”
She sighed. “Just get downstairs and get ready.”
I jogged down stairs where Spike was waiting for me. He only came up to the my chest, but was just as old as I was. The same went for most fillies and colts, but they usually were at my hips. “Dude. Come on! I’ve been waiting forever.”
I smirked. ”Yeah, right. Twilight always wakes us up like an hour before school.”
Spike, knowing I was going to win this argument, turned around and mumbled something about a monkey and me.
“ I’m sorry, what was that?”
“Nothing.”
I smirked, grabbed the pancakes from in front of the fan and began eating.
Spike and I grabbed our permission slips and bags, said goodbye to Twilight, and were walking toward the school with our backpacks when FWUMP! I found myself on the ground, being bombarded with a string of words and a blob of pink.
“HINONYHOWAREYOUI’MGREATAREYOUGOINGTOSCHOOLBECAUSEI’MGOINTOSCHOOLEVENTHOUGHI’MTOOOLDTOGOTOSCHOOLBUTMISSCHEERILIEWANTEDMETOGOTOSCHOOLSODOYOUMINDIFIWALKWITHYOU?”
That blob of pink being Pinkie Pie, the logic-defying party pony.
“C'mon, Pinkie. Get off of him. He’s gonna suffocate.”
She looked down at me, noticing her hoof was on my face. “Oh! Sorry, Nony.” She jumped off and I gasped for air.
Spike stood over me. “Geez, you OK?”
I got up. “ Yeah. I’m fine. Thanks for not killing me, Pinkie.”
Spike looked over at her. “Why are you going to school?”
She smiled, standing on her hind legs. “I’m going to be a counselor for the camping trip!”
We both laughed. “Well, come on or we’ll be late.” She grinned and we headed toward school.
As we were walking, I heard the signature accent of Pipsqueak one of my best friends. We turned around and saw him come running to meet us.
“S'up, Pip.” Spike said, giving him a hoof bump.
“Hey, guys. And Pinkie.” He chirped cheerfully “You as excited as I am for the trip? It’s going to be awesome.” He began hopping around like the pink pony next to us “I’ve never gone camping! Oh, I’m so exited.”
“Join the club. The only person here who has gone camping is Anon.” Spike said.
Pip turned to me. “Is it fun?”
I thought back to my time as a boy scout. We would always go camping twice a year and most of the time it was pretty fun. “Yeah. It is pretty fun canoeing, telling scary stories, making S’mores, and playing Capture the Flag.”
Pip squealed and turned to Pinkie. “Are you excited Pinkie?“
Pinkie made another creepily gigantic smile. “ARE YOU KIDDING? OF COURSE I’M EXCITED! I’M ONE OF THE MAIN COUNSELORS!!!!”
“Well, you guys don’t have to wait long. We’re here.” I chuckled as we stopped in front of our one room schoolhouse; Pinkie zipped inside like a little school filly. Actually, now that I think about it, she is kinda like one. As we looked at the school, I remembered the day that my education began in this unusual world. Man, was it hectic.
A Human's Views on Camping In Equestiria
Spike and I stood outside of the schoolhouse. I had been reluctant to begin my education again. After all, I was still nervous about being in this strange land. Even though most ponies had warmed up to me and had accepted me into their community, a few still viewed me as a freak.
“Come on, Anon, it won’t be so bad. I thought school would be terrible too, but I made some great friends and with a little help, I managed to fit in and have fun.”
I sighed. “Alright, Spike, but if today stinks, you’re paying for cookies at Sugarcube Corner.”
Spike nodded “Deal. But if today’s awesome, then you’re paying!”
I took a deep breath. “Deal. Let’s get inside.”
“Alright, class, today I would like you to meet a new student. His name is Anon. “Anon please come inside.” Miss Cheerily motioned for me to step in. I did and heard a collective gasp from the foals that had not seen me yet.
“Class! That is no way to treat your new classmate! I’m sorry, Anon, they’re usually not like this.”
I waved my hand, dismissing it. “It’s fine. I mean, I’m the only human that’s ever been in Equestria as far as I know, so I expected some kind of shock.”
Miss Cheerily smiled and turned to the ashamed foals. “I bet every one of you has a question.” She looked at me once again. “It is alright, Anon?”
“Sure.”
She pointed at a gray, pegasus colt. “Rumble would you like to ask Anon a question?”
He nodded. “Are you some sort of dragon, like Spike?”
I shook my head, “No. I’m a human. I have hands like Spike, but I don’t have scales or breath fire.” Miss Cheerily then pointed to a purple and white-haired unicorn filly “Sweetie Belle?”
She looked at me quizzically. “Where’s all your fur? Did you shave it off?”
I chuckled. “Humans don’t grow fur. We grow hair.” I took off the cap I had been wearing that day and showed off my straight brown hair.
“Cool.”
Next, was a yellow earth pony filly.
“Applebloom?”
“Where’d you come from?”
My face saddened. “Earth, but that’s a subject for another time.”
Miss Cheerily put a hoof on my shoulder. “Last question class.”
You know how I said the only thing I hated in this world was early wake up calls? I lied. So allow me to introduce Diamond Tiara.
“Why would a monkey like you be wearing clothes?”
I looked into the class and saw a pink earth pony filly smirking next to another gray one, which I would soon come to know as Silver Spoon.
I narrowed my gaze at them. “First of all, to answer your question. Human anatomy is… more revealing than yours. And second, I’m a human not a monkey!”
She smirked again, but said nothing.
Miss Cheerily, sensing the conflict intervened. “Well, that’s enough questions for today. Anon, you can sit down.” I walked between the desks and sat in the biggest chair I could find -- which wasn’t that big. Luckily, my seat was between Spike and a small pinto-coated earth colt.
“Hello. Name’s Pipsqueak, but you can call me Pip.”
I looked at him “S’up… and cool accent by the way.”
He grinned “Thanks. I’m from Trottingham.”
“Cool.”
Miss Cheerily interrupted our conversation. “Class, open your math books to page 63. We are beginning long division. A simultaneous groan came from the students, including me.
The next few hours of school were pretty ordinary. I still got some strange looks from different colts and fillies, but all in all, it was okay. At lunch, we all piled out of the schoolhouse and sat down at the picnic tables. Not expecting anyone but Spike to sit with me, I was surprised when Pipsqueak and Rumble joined us.
“Hey, mind if we sit with you?” Rumble asked.
I smiled. “Sure!”
As we were talking, I noticed a group of fillies looking at me. The two girls who asked me questions in class, Applebloom and Sweetie Belle, were part of the group and I recognized the other pony, but couldn’t remember her name. They had seemed friendly enough, so I waved at them to come over. They took their lunches and trotted over to our table. Rumble looked at me like I had just announced that I would burn the school down.
“What are you thinking?” he whispered.
I looked at him questioningly. “What, you scared of some girls?” I teased.
He huffed in anger. “No, it’s just…” He looked at the orange pegasus filly.
Realization dawned on me and I grinned. “Oooooohhhhh. You like her, don’t you?”
He blushed. “NO!”
Spike and Pipsqueak noticed Rumble’s discomfort, too, and together said, “OOOOOOOOOHH.”
“Hey, what’s so cool?”
We all turned around. The group had arrived at our table.
Not wanting to embarrass Rumble anymore, I quickly responded, “ Oh, nothing, but something tells me you want to ask me something. But first I have no idea who you are.”
The cherry-maned one spoke first, “Easily fixed. Ah’m Applebloom. Ah live with my sister, Applejack, mah brother, Big Mac, and mah Granny Smith.”
I remembered Applejack since she was one of Twilight’s friends.
The orange pony spoke next. “I’m Scootaloo, adopted sister of THE Rainbow Dash,
the most awesome pony alive.”
Oh, right. Rainbow Dash. Sure she was okay. But, she was such a bragger! I could only take her in small doses.
The next one was Sweetie Belle. “Hi. I’m Sweetie Belle and I live with…“
“Rarity, right?”
“Yeah! She made me these clothes!” She smiled. “So, you know her?”
“Yep!”
After everyone introduced themselves I asked, “ So what’s up?”
Scootaloo answered. “Where’s your cutie mark?”
I cocked my head. “A cutie-what?”
Spike elbowed me. “You know. Those pictures the ponies have on their flank?”
“OOOOOHHHHHH.” I looked at the group “I’m like Spike. I don’t get Cutie marks.”
They all gasped. “You don’t get a Cutie mark?!”
I nodded my head “yup.”
Applebloom slumped. “Aww. We just lost our chance at a new member.”
“A new member of what?”
Spike’s eye’s widened. “Anon, no!” But it was too late.
“THE CUTIE MARK CRUSADERS!” they suddenly yelled.
Since I was unprepared for their enthusiastic response, I ended up falling of the bench and on to my back. The CMC looked at me momentarily and then started cracking up. Pretty soon so was I, until…
“Well, well, well. If it isn’t the Cutie Mark Lamers, playing with their monkey friend.”
I turned my head to see my antagonists. Diamond Tiara and Silver Spoon both smirked as they trotted toward us. I got up and dusted myself off as they came toward us. Knowing the bullying that would come, I sat down and tried to not get mad.
“Hello, Lizard and Rumble.”
I started getting angry.
“And look at the monkey. Would you like a banana?” she said mockingly.
My face started getting hot.
“Still blank-flanks?” She directed this question at the CMC.
They looked away, ashamed.
Diamond Tiara cackled. “Of course you are. You have no talents.”
My blood really started to boil.
Silver Spoon laughed, “Have you seen Pipsqueak?” she said mockingly.
Diamond giggled and glanced at Pip. “Oh, there he is. I didn’t notice him because he’s so small.”
That was enough to break the dam. “ENOUGH!” I shouted.
Diamond Tiara and Silver Spoon were shocked, but soon regained their mocking grins. “What? Monkey didn’t get his banana?”
I broke. “Oh, I may not be a monkey, but I still have a crazy side.”
With that cheesy one-liner, Diamond detected imminent danger and dashed off with Silver Spoon hot on her tail. I jumped off my bench and began chasing the duo around the yard and was about to corner them when Miss Cheerily came to their rescue.
“Anon Unknown! This is how you treat your classmates? I think we need to talk.”
I kept walking toward the bullies.
Miss Cheerily, realizing that simple words were not going to stop me, grabbed the bottom of my jeans and began dragging me toward the classroom.
“ Anon, I know Diamond Tiara and Silver Spoon have been… troublesome to you. They’ve been mean to most people. But that is no reason to try to attack them.” Miss Cheerily had brought me back in the classroom.
I chuckled.
Miss Cheerily cocked her head “What’s so amusing?”
“You have to admit it was pretty funny watching me chase them around the yard.”
Miss Cheerily frowned. “Anon. It is no laughing matter.” Then she did something completely unexpected. “It was rather funny.” And then she grinned.
Everybody was amazed to see me sitting at my desk smiling as they filed back into the classroom. Miss Cheerily had talked to me about controlling myself, but was not too angry because she realized Diamond and Silver were to blame. She let me off the hook, but warned that if I tried this again there would be repercussions.
The icing on the cake was when I saw the expressions on the faces of Diamond Tiara and Silver Spoon as they watched me kick back in my chair and give them the most crap-eating grin I could muster.
The rest of the day went off without a hitch. Spike approached me as I stood outside.
“So?”
I looked at him. “What?”
“How was your day?”
I sighed and grudgingly replied, “Yes, yes, it was good.”
But before he could reply, Rumble, Pip, and the CMC came running up to me.
“That was so cool, Anon!” Rumble shouted. “How’d you get out of that?”
I smirked. “It was nothing. I just couldn’t let a jerk like Diamond Tiara get away with that.”
Sweetie giggled. “Well, thanks for everything.”
As they started leaving, I spoke up. “Hey! You want to go to Sugarcube Corner? Dessert’s on me.”
A Human's Views on Camping In Equestiria
“Alright, class. As you all know we have a camping trip for a few weeks, so I will be giving each of you a checklist.” Miss Cheerily was just beginning when we walked in, but there was no sign of Pinkie Pie.
“Anon! Catch!” I turned and stumbled back as a ball hit me on the head. Trying to figure out who threw the ball, I saw a black haired Pegasus colt laughing from across the room. I grinned, grabbed the ball and threw it at him. It hit his leg, making him fall face first on the floor. I chuckled and walked over to Rumble, my most athletic friend.
“Come on, Rumble. You have way faster reflexes than that,” I said.
“Right. Just help me up, Two-legs,” he grumbled as I pulled him off the ground.
“So, you going on the camping trip?” I asked.
“Yeah, course I am.” he said as he dusted himself off.
“What’cha guys talking about?”
I saw Spike and Pip trot toward us.
“The camping trip.” Rumble said.
Pip seemed, if possible, even happier now. “IT’S SO EXCITING ISN’T IT?!”
I chuckled at my miniscule friend’s excitement, but before he could say anything else, Miss Cheerily spoke up.
“Class if you are going, please turn in your passes.” We all lined up to turn them in, Pip in front, of course. Soon, we had all turned in our passes.
As we got settled into our desks, Miss Cheerily announced, “Everybody, I will be passing out a list of the ponies that will be going on our trip.” Miss Cheerily passed me my list.
It read: Applebloom, Scootaloo, Sweetiebelle, Snips, Snails, Rumble, Pipsqueak, Spike yada yada yada, and mother of Celestia no, Diamond Tiara and Silver Spoon! NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! …
As I held my hands up in the air silently cursing Faust, I realized that half the class was staring at me. I quickly put my hands down.
“ Uh. Just stretching. Heh heh heh.” A series of giggles went around the room and I had no choice but to join in.
“Okay, class. Everyone who has given me their slips, please file outside. Our carriages will be arriving very shortly,” Miss Cheerily announced. So, we walked outside of the school and waited for our transportation to arrive.
******************************
Ten minutes later, I looked up and saw a small dot on the horizon and pointed it out to the others. Soon, we realized that it was a large chariot flying through the sky, pulled by two giant stallions clad in gold armor. They landed in front of us, nodding at Miss Cheerily. We all looked at her, wondering how our schoolteacher had managed to get two of Celestia’s royal guard to take us to camp. She looked at us and shrugged. “I talked to Twilight Sparkle,” Miss Cherrily stated. Then she turned and walked on to the chariot.
Once we were settled, the chariot took off. And, boy, did we have a view. The land of Equestria lay below us. I saw the Golden Oaks Library far below. As we flew by Ponyville, Spike and I could make out Twilight on the balcony and when we shouted at her she looked up and almost spilled her tea. Spike cracked up and I grinned as we soared away, over the horizon.
*********************************************************
About an hour later, Rumble called out that he could see the camp. We all looked over the edge of the chariot. A clearing in the woods revealed a group of cabins with a lake near by. As we got closer, the individual cabins sprinkled around the clearing came into focus. I could see about four cabins on each side and maybe some showers next to them. The lake looked pretty big from this distance and I couldn’t wait to see who the other counselors were… speaking of counselors, where was Pinkie Pie? I hadn’t seen her since she dashed off into the school. As the chariot settled on the ground, I was astounded that Pinkie was already there, in a suit, holding a big sign that read: Miss Cheerily’s Class. What? She rushed toward us, grabbed each and every one of our bags before we even got off the Chariot and managed to hold them all over her head without effort.
“Heeeeeelllo, Miss Cheerily’s Class! I am Pinkie Pie and I’ll be one of your counselors while you stay here at Camp High Hoof. Please, follow me. She then spun around and bounced away with all of us in tow.
She stopped once we got to the middle of the camp and looked back at us with a big smile on her face.
“Alrighty, everyone. I bet you’ve all been wondering who will be in your cabins. Miss Cheerily has already given us a list of who’s with who. So, if you would all quiet down, I’ll tell you who you’re going to be super duper friends with! She pulled a scroll of paper out of nowhere and began reading.
“Applebloom, Twist, Dinky Doo, and Diamond Tiara in Cabin One.” Pipsqueak and I looked at each other, then at Applebloom and Diamond Tiara. They were both glaring daggers at each other and Sweetiebelle was patting her on the shoulder. Scoots couldn’t help but snigger.
Pinkie Pie, though, was still talking. “ Anon, Pipsqueak, Rumble and Spike in Cabin Two.” We all cheered at the news.
After all the cabin assignments were read, Pinkie told us to go to the cabins to meet our counselors. As we walked off, I looked back and saw Apple Blossom and Diamond Tiara already in a fight. I sighed. This would be interesting.