Lineage

After informing Luna of our little venture for moose, the two of us were off into the forest, tracking prints, broken branches, overturned rocks, and every type of trackable tracker’s track we could track to track like the trackers we’d been trained to tr-

Stop.

Once on the path the moose had set down, we began discussing the might of the monstrous moose’s massive, meticulously-

Stop.

“So what’s the big deal with the moose, exactly?” I asked Annerose.

“It’s supposed to be purple,” she answered bluntly. “And that sounds amazing.”

“A purple moose, eh?” I asked nobody in particular, examining the surrounding area and finding something slightly off about it, but not able to put my finger on it at that time. “That sounds rather… uh… I can’t think of a moose pun. Fuck.”

“Are… are you feeling alright?” she asked with a concerned expression. “You’ve been acting weird since we got into the forest.

“I feel a little under the weather, yeah, but I’m making the… mooset of my current situation,” I said, noticing myself how odd I was acting. I was never a man for puns or horrendous jokes and it had been happening to me ever since we entered this forest.

“Richter… what the hell’s wrong with you?” she asked, stopping still and crossing her arms. “You’ve been acting like a wide-eyed, slack-jawed mong ever since we got here. You’re not having an episode of something, are you?”

“I... I’m not sure,” I said, shaking my head and trying to get rid of the laughy, jokey feeling I had in my stomach with no such success. I turned back to the surrounding area, now noticing birds holding notes in their calls, stretching them out longer than they’d ever do naturally. Now that I’d stopped a looked around, I noticed several more things: the wind had died down entirely, the trees of the forest no longer swayed but the snow overheard, and I mean high above still fell at an angle before falling straight down.

It could’ve been a thermal air current, but this low? Not likely, not at all. I continued to look at everything around us, seeing nature functioning in some way… but not the way it should’ve been. Squirrels ran backwards up trees, birds still continued to scream their notes, the wind never blew, and the snow fell down straight. I turned back to Annerose, seeing her notice the same things I was with an unsure look on her face.

“Is this forest supposed to be magical?” I asked.

“No, it’s as magicless as Falketurm is,” she said with a shake of her head. “There’s no enchantments, no spells, or any natural magic in here to make shit like this happen.”

“So it’s an outside source,” I growled, reaching over my back for the sword I was happy I’d brought with me, Annerose reaching for her own on her waist before a female voice spoke from in a tree.

“Calm down, children,” she chuckled. “I’m only having a little fun.”

My ears locked onto the sound immediately, whirling around and focussing on the woman… the creature in the tree and having my fear be replaced with something else as I immediately recognised from books, paintings, and family stories the creature that sat in the tree. And the emotion was:

Annoyance.

The creature, the woman, was a being the same height as Celestia with a more slender, yet-still-buxom appearance dressed in what could only be described as an armoured leotard with a large, open front exposing an enormous pair of tits with barely the nipples covered, thigh-high, high-heeled boots, one made out of bear hide and the other of crocodile skin,  and wearing gauntlets designed to resemble hawk claws. A large, red dragon tail swished and flicked beneath the branch, a set of deer antlers poking out from the top of her head, a fanged grin, and a pair of glowing, seductive yellow-and-red eyes stared down at the both of us.

“Ugh,” I sighed, removing my hand from my hilt and shaking my head. “Hi, Eris.”

“Richter…” the Goddess of Chaos chuckled as she jumped down from the tree. “It’s been so long!”

She walked over to me, her figure towering over mine in the same way Svea and Celestia’s did, before she wrapped her arms around me and squeezed my face into her huge tits, the thick flesh nearly suffocating me as she held me there for a good while. After a while she broke away from me, placing a hand on her wide hips, and stood smiling at me.

“How’s the family?” she asked, snapping her fingers and having everything return to normal. The wind picked up again, the birds began to sing normally, and the snow fell in the wind as it was meant to.

“We’re doing fine,” I nodded, clearly blowing Annerose’s mind at the fact I was talking to so casually to a genuine deity. I feel like I need to clarify this: a long while back Eris used to be an enemy, did some bad shit to a lot of people just for a laugh, and the Alicorns cracked down on her. After a long series of events including several very helpful counsellors, therapy sessions, promises and prizes, as well as a lot of sex with Celestia, Eris vowed to change her ways and use her powers to help most people, but still fuck with a good number of them.

So the ancient, reformed Goddess that was once one of the most feared enemies of the Alicorn species… had essentially become a surrogate Aunt to me through means of simply bothering my family until they just stopped telling her to go away. I hadn’t seen Eris in a very long time and had thought that she’d disappeared entirely, maybe hopped off to another universe like she did very often and just found a better place. But no, here she was, ready to pester the life out of anyone she came in contact with.

“Richter?” Annerose asked in a nervous tone. “Who is that?”

“I’m Eris,” she said with a fanged grin. “I’m the Goddess of Chaos, the Mistress of Mayhem, the Avatar of Annoyance, and third place runner-up in Canterlot’s annual crochet competition.”

“You still haven’t won that yet?” I asked her.

“I would’ve if it wasn’t for Doris,” Eris growled, bunching her face up in an unhappy expression. “Her wool seems to weave itself together.”

“So what’re you doing in this literal neck of the woods?” I asked.

“Wanted to see how the moose family I dyed a few hundred years back were doing,” Eris shrugged, walking around in a wavy, wiggly pattern, looking for nothing specific. “I did it to a few of ‘em. Made one purple, gave another light-up antlers, and a third one three dicks. His line died out the fastest of them… I guess three dicks are hard to handle. Wouldn’t know, I’ve never had more than two at a time, and that’s only when I get crazy.”

“Richter…” Annerose whispered to me. “Is she dangerous?”

“No, not usually,” I said, watching at Eris bent over to pick up a flower poking through the snow, flexing her toned thighs and jutting her fat, white ass out with no shame at all. “She’s more ‘everyone’s obnoxious older sister’ than she is ‘bringer of the end times’. She can get irritating, but she’s good to have on your side because of her powers.”

“She can control the weather?” Annerose asked.

“Nope,” Eris said, standing straight up and pivoting on her heel. “Probability field manipulation.”

“The fuck’s that?” Annerose asked.

“Lemme show you,” she said, pulling a coin out from a pouch on her back and placing it on her thumb. “Heads or tails?”

“Tails,” Annerose answered, eager to see where this was going. Eris nodded and flicked the coin into the air with a loud, metallic ring. The coin spun and began its descent to the ground, only to halt in mid-air and spin faster and faster while never getting closer to the ground.

“What are you doing to it?” she asked, crouching and looking at the coin.

“Altering its probability field to give it a zero percent chance of landing on either, thus making it go forever,” Eris shrugged. “It’s a complicated explanation that goes really deep into the quantum mechanics of universal equations that only Twilight seems to understand, so I’ll keep it short. If there’s a chance of anything happening, I can increase or decrease the chance of said thing. If there’s a chance for it to rain, I can keep it dry or make it pour. If there’s a chance of someone dying of heart failure, I can fry ‘em or heal ‘em.”

“That’s… kinda scary,” Annerose blinked.

“It is. For instance, I can see that you have a seventy two percent chance of developing cervical cancer later in life,” Eris said, holding her hand out towards Annerose before snapping her fingers. “And now it’s a zero percent chance.”

“I don’t feel any different,” Annerose said, looking herself over.

“Because you hadn’t developed any form of cancer yet,” she said with a smirk. “Now you never will. At least in your cervix that is.”

“Can you do all of them please?” Annerose asked. “I don’t quite fancy rotting from the inside.”

“Gimme a sec…” she said, holding her thumb up at Annerose and closing an eye to focus on her. “Oh, let’s take care of that, shall we?”

“What?” she asked in a panicked state.

“You seemed to already have a few bad cells jumping around in your breasts… if you can even call them that,” Eris chuckled.

Annerose feebly covered her smaller bust, going red with embarrassment and growling angrily at the spiteful comment, only to look back at Eris as she snapped her fingers again.

“And you’re clear!” she said with a thumbs up. “I’ll send you my fee later on, Small Tits.”

“Eris, leave her alone,” I said in a warning tone.

“Sorry, I just enjoy making fun of the poor girls that lost the lottery for baps like these beauties,” Eris smirked, tugging gently on the straps of her unitard and making her tits bounce. “Anyway, any other family here? Momma? Aunt Luna? Celly?”

“Twilight and Luna are back at the tower in Falketurm,” I said, jabbing a thumb over my shoulder. “Go pester them if you want. We’re going moose hunting.”

“Okey-dokey,” Eris nodded, sauntering away with her thick hips swaying as she did so. “I’ll see you back at the tower.”

“Are you staying here now?” I asked her.

“Yup. Heard from several good sources that you got the bomb dick,” she said, giving a playful wink. “I’m not going anywhere until I find out the chances of that.”