Chapter 5: The Heartbreaking Truth

I made my way to the mess hall’s kitchen immediately after my talk with Nil. I’ll admit, over the first few weeks of attendance, I got into trouble a lot when I had to work in the kitchen for a while as a punishment. It was worth it though, I got to learn about cooking and made good friends with the kitchen staff. They didn’t mind letting me borrow their kitchen and ingredients once I told them why I’d be cooking—without mentioning Shining Armor, of course. I recalled how I used to help my mom cook her special dish when I was younger as I made it, remembering what ingredients I needed, how to prepare them, and the works.

Finally, the food was cooked to how I remembered it. I only hoped it tasted as good as it looked. I split the necessary portions in some Tupperware while I let the staff have the leftovers. In exchange they gave me a paper bag to carry the food as well as silverware and some water bottles. I was thankful for how lucky I was to have such generous ponies under such harsh environment.

Soon enough, the time of our meeting was near. I made my way to the gardens like we said where we’d meet as I tried to practice how I would confess to him. “Let’s see… ‘Hey, Shining, glad you could make it. Wanna have some of my casserole while I tell you how much I love you?’ Nah. ‘Shining, the truth is, I’ve felt this way for a while and…’ No, that’s just dragging it on. ‘Yo, Shining. You’re buff, I’m curvy, and we’re both sexy. What do you say we inhale this food and have some fun behind the bushes?’ Fuck where did that even come from? When was the last time I confessed my feelings for a stallion? Or anypony for that matter?”

I stopped and tried to think back, and sadly, I couldn’t find any that came to mind. I’ve seen a bunch of ponies before I attended the academy, and I mostly just went right into it without knowing much about them. There was only one confession I could think of, but it didn’t count in this case and I was trying to forget about that guy. Holy shit, this would be the very first confession I give to a pony. The revelation dawned on me. Crap, I think I might be getting even more nervous than in the beginning… Hey wait, is that Shining up there? I put a hand over my brow and squinted my eyes to see said stallion leaning over the stone rail of one of the castle’s balconies. Weird, I thought he was busy until later. It’s late in the afternoon, but it’s not really dark yet. Maybe I should just head on up there and get it over with while the food’s still warm?

With a plan set, I went into the castle and took the necessary passageways to get to the same balcony Shining was on. I hid behind the wall once I got there and peeked around to see his broad back hunched over the railing he was leaning over, his head staring up in the sky intently. I pulled myself back and tried to calm my breaths. I felt my heart thumping hard against my chest while I tried to avoid making any sounds—especially the paper bag in my hand crinkling from movement.

Fuck, this is it. He’s just around that corner and I don’t think I’d ever felt this nervous before. Come on, Lumina, no chickening out now. It’s a little sooner than expected, but it’s time to set records straight—

“Hey there!” Shining’s voice exclaimed.

I take that back. There’s no way I can do this. I’ve been found out, and he expects me to come out to see what I’m doing up here! Wait, maybe it’s better this way. I’m not even sure if I was gonna go out there with all this pep talk to myself. This is it, Lumina, time to—

“Sorry for coming so late. I had to make sure the coast was clear before I got up here,” an unfamiliar mare’s voice responded.

…Wait… What? Who else is up here? I peeked around again to see another figure with Shining. It was a pretty, slender mare in a white dress that reached to her hooves. Her long mane and tail were curled at the end with colors of yellow, fuchsia, and violet. She also had wings and a horn… Wait, wings and a horn?! Hang on, backtrack time. I think I remember Princess Celestia had a niece that liked to go in and out of the castle. What was her name again? Mi Amore Cadenza, right? Could that be her niece? I didn’t see a crown on her when I checked. What was she doing here, and how does she know Shining? I perked my ears and listened in. Thoughts of eavesdropping being wrong passed over my head.

“You know we’re going to have to tell everypony about us eventually, right?” Shining asked.

…Us? I thought as my heart skipped a beat.

“I know,” the princess said, “but I just didn’t want you or me getting so much unwanted attention while you’re still in the academy. I know joining the guards means a lot to you, and I don’t want to make things any harder for you than it already is.”

“I appreciate the thought, Cadence, but training in the academy would probably be much harder if we didn’t get together like this.”

C-Cadence? That sounds so… casual. Like something one would call a close friend. They’re just close friends… Right?

Cadence giggled. “Oh Shining, you can be such a sweet-talker, and I feel the same way going through my days at the castle.”

This can’t be happening. They can’t be together like that, can they? It’s just a platonic, very intimate relationship they have going on, right?

It wasn’t until I heard the next few phrases that everything around me crumbled.

“I love you, Cadence.”

“I love you too, Shining.”

I shakily peeked around the wall once more and saw the two of them in each other’s arms. Their lips were melded together with eyes closed, like they were the only ponies in the world… But they didn’t know I was there.

I quickly ran back the way I came. I didn’t care how much noise my hooves were making in the halls, or how some of the guards stared as I ran by, I just wanted to get far away before either of those two ponies noticed me. I ran to the gardens once I got outside, finally slowing down when I got to a bench. I fell hard on it and set the bag of food I prepared on the side.

The next moment I was bawling my eyes out, I felt great pain in my chest, like a similar experience I had before, but much worse.

I don’t understand. Shining said he wasn’t seeing anypony when I asked, but… everything I knew about him was wrong. HE LIED! Lied to everypony, even to ME. The one out of the majority who tried his best to connect with me during the first few weeks when I didn’t even glance at him. How long was he with HER before that?! What the fuck does he even see in ME?! Why was he so nice up to this point?!

I asked many questions, but I had no answers for any of them.

I’m such an idiot… A stupid, lovestruck, hopeless idiot. Everything makes sense now. Why he didn’t talk about relationships very much. Why he didn’t look at me like most other guys would. The one pony I wanted to look at me in such a way, but didn’t get one fucking glance!

I looked up to see a pond in front of me. I walked up to it and saw my reflection, whose eyes were puffy from the tears. I closed my eyes tightly, wiped the tears from my face and looked back into the pond. My reflection had a furrowed brow now, her face was contorted with her teeth gritted.

“… I think I found my answer for what I want to do.” I picked up my food from the bench and ran back into my room. The sun was beginning to set while clouds were looming overhead. I heard there was going to be a rainstorm tonight, so I needed to get this done and over with fast.

SLAM!

“Gah!” Creamy yelped as she jumped from her top bunk. She looked like she was reading before I barged in, but I didn’t pay much attention. “What the heck, Lumina?! Why’d you… Whoa, I haven’t seen that face in a while. Did something happen?”

“Yeah, something did happen.” With my magic, I pulled all of my things from the closet and drawers and stuffed them in a sack. I took out the resignation form I had in my pocket and spread it out on the desk. With a pen, I quickly filled in the necessary lines with my name.

“What are you doing?”

“I’m getting out of here, Creamy.”

“Y-You mean… like leaving the academy?”

“No, ‘Obvious Square.’ Yes I’m leaving the fucking academy.”

“I guess you’ve already talked to Shining—”

“Don’t. You. Speak. That. Name,” I interrupted with gritted teeth and my face right into her personal space before pulling back. “Spread this around to the other girls: whatever they thought of when they saw me and that jackass up to now, it’s done. Over. Kaput. Nothing ever went on between us, and it never will for me as well as the rest of them. They’re barking up a lost cause.”

“Whoa, is he really that bad?”

“A fucking liar is what he is, Creamy. I was wrong about him from the very beginning.” I went back to the form and finished what was left. “I thought I had a good reason for staying, but I was damn lucky I found this out before making that mistake. There’s nothing for me in this damn pish posh of a city, which is why I’ll be leaving tonight.”

Suddenly, I was stopped by a sudden embrace from my roommate. “I’m sorry it didn’t work out for you, Lumina.” She pulled back and forced a smile while my eyes were widened by the sudden gesture. “Well, like I said earlier; whatever you decide, you got my support. I hope you’ll find somepony better outside of Canterlot. I know they’re out there somewhere.”

I tried to hold in my tears as I sniffled and forced a small smile of my own. “Creamy, you’re the best fillyfriend a mare could ask for. I know there’s somepony out there for you as well. I know I’d show you a good time.”

Creamy’s beige face turned red as she scratched her head. “Hehehe, thanks. I’m pretty sure you won’t be around Canterlot for a while, but if I see you around, let me treat you to a drink or something.”

“I’ll take you up on that. Best of luck in the guard.” We exchanged a fist bump and bid our farewells before I left the room with my things packed.

I made a stop to Marine’s office to slide the resignation form below the door before I was on my way out of the academy grounds, still emotional from earlier, but trying to keep it together. As I approached the gates, a familiar pony was standing there.

Oh yeah, I forgot about this guy.

“I assume you’ve made your decision?” Nil asked.

“Yeah. I’m not going to spend another night in this fancy shithole of a city, but I want to take you up on the traveling.”

“I probably wouldn’t blame ya if I was in your hooves after seeing that performance.”

My eyes widened while my cheeks warmed up. “H-How did—”

“A certain alicorn passing by took my attention while I was relaxing on a cloud. Peeped on the whole thing, even the moment you ran out of the castle. They didn’t notice anything, by the way.”

“Good, cause I really don’t want to be seeing him right now. I’ll be leaving the city tonight.”

“Which is why I took the liberty of bringing you this.” From behind, he tossed a large bag that I caught, despite being surprised.

“Wait, isn’t this camping gear?”

“That it is.”

“Aren’t these supposed to be locked in a warehouse along with other important equipment?”

“I have my ways of getting in, but enough about that.” A roar of thunder sounded through the air, interrupting my suspicions. “You might want to get out of here quickly. There’s a storm scheduled that goes on all night tonight.”

“Where do we meet next time?”

“Manehattan at the main library of the city. It will take me a couple days before I finally get there, but just check in for a few hours during the early afternoon. Other than that, I’ll be looking forward to working with you, Lumina.” He took out a hand while giving me a smile.

I grabbed it and pulled him into a hug. I could tell he was surprised from how tense his back was. “Thank you, Nil. Try anything funny, though…”

He chuckled before I felt one of his arms around my back, his hard metal plates pressing against it. “Yeah yeah, I know. I’ll watch my step.” We pulled out of the hug and he tipped his hat to me. “I’ll explain what we’ll do next once I see you there. Until then, you take care of yourself.”

I nodded and lugged the camping gear over my shoulders with my things before I passed by him. The sudden drizzle made me quickly transition from a walk to a sprint.

“What do you mean the station’s just closing?!” I yelled under the loud rain, my mane, tail, and clothes getting soaking wet.

“Sorry, miss. Last train for the night just left a half-hour ago. Had to cut preparations for departure short with this rain,” the ticket booth’s employee explained outside of the box. “Next train for Manehattan will be around tomorrow morning.”

“But I don’t want to stay here another night! Isn’t there another way I could leave this city without taking the train?!”

“Well, there is the old stairway that you could take that’s just to the east of here, but I wouldn’t advise leaving at this time of night with whatever’s lurking outside the castle’s borders. Plus, it would take at least twenty minutes just getting down from here by hoof.”

“I’ll take my chances, thanks.” I sprinted off without hearing another word from him. The entrance into the stairwell was a large cave carved in the mountain. Without a moment to think, I rushed in to get out of the rain and made my way down the stairs at a fast pace.

As the station employee said, it took me about twenty minutes to get down the steps. Fortunately, all that running in the academy had improved my endurance to where I wasn’t short of breath when I reached the bottom, even with all the weight I was carrying. In fact, I kept jogging east to the forest next to Foal Mountains. It would be bad if I camped in plain sight, so it was better that I hid in the forest to spend the night. Once inside, my jog slowed to a walk while I finally took time to get oxygen back in my lungs. I was wary of my surroundings for any suspicious movements until I came across a clearing. It was mostly grass with the exception of a few rocks and bushes on the side.

“This looks to be a good spot,” I sighed as I tossed my things to the ground and sat on the rock. Taking a moment to relax, I reflected on what the heck just happened and how I even got here.

My eyes heated up when the image of Shining Armor and Cadence kissing and in each other’s arms came to mind. “Why…?” I asked before I covered my face with my hands and let go of all the emotions welled up inside me. I could barely remember the last time I cried this much over a colt, but I think this case was much worse than before.

I guess I was just never good enough for anypony, after all.

Author's Note

Next chapter we'll check back to how Starry's dealing with his defeat in the Magic Duel. What will he come across in this low point of his life? You'll have to wait to find out. Until next time,

This is Dudeler, signing off.