Gods of a Different Kind

I Hate my Llfe

I died a little inside at what I had agreed with. All my hard work at making myself come off as a complete badass will be all for naught once this starts. I have considered bailing out while I can, but I could not live with myself knowing I lied to cute, adorable children, who I learned the correct term for them was filly. Even the name is adorable.

        I sighed right before I stepped out on stage. The crusaders had asked me to build a theater of sorts for us to... act out a PLAY. I have nothing against  plays but... I was going to embarrass myself in front of the occupants of ponyville. I am the kind of man that will face down a horde of enemys without hesitation, but you tell me to ACT? I do not wish to come off as some sort of peace loving hippy god, and this is the worst possible way this could happen.

        I looked down at my costume, I must say it is a good representation of what tribals wear. At first I thought it was going to be me acting like a total badass, but no, the universe had different plans. I was going to be the GOOD GUY. I wore a leather looking jerkin inlaid with metal studs, with equally badass pants that appeared to be made of the same leather like substance. But even these awesome clothes will not save me from what is to come.

        I walked out to the stage, nothing can prepare for what I am to hopefully die through. I swear I heard a giggle coming from the direction of Rainbow Dash. I KNEW she could not miss this. Why universe why? What have I done to deserve this?

        "Hello Mares and Gentle Colts, welcome to the first Cutie Mark Crusader play. With Tellus, god of earth and army commander of Equestria" Twilights voice rang out from the upper stands. Why did all the elements have to be present for this? Even Iron Anvil took a break from armor making to come watch me. This can't get any- NO DON'T SAY IT. If I do it will surely give the universe reason to screw me over even more.

        I took a bow as the crowd began clapping(hoofing?) in appreciation for the obviously amazing play they are about to view. I died, yet again, a little inside. I don't know if it is from the embarrassment I am about to go through or if I am honestly dying from such shows of unmanliness. Either way, I don't care. I just want to get this over with.

        "The first act" I whispered to myself, I was so grateful I was not in this one, it only involved Apple Bloom telling the back story of this. I didn't pay much attention to it, all I caught was "Ahh blood thirsty savage falls in love with a beautiful princess," then blah blah blah. I assume the only reason Scootaloo went along with it is because she is the princesses father, and she gets to beat me up, with the help of my golem's.

        That act soon ended... time to face the music.

        I stepped out to act out the scene, I bent down, simulating that I am greatly injured.

        "Aghh, I am dying. What ever shall I do?"

        I then faked passing out. I know great play. It seems like I came up with this while taking a dump, but no, it was all done by Sweete Bell. Guess that is why it is not an action play.

        "Oh my, this savage is dying. What ever shall I do? I know I will take him to the castle to receive medical treatment."

        And so the scene ended. The next scene soon started once we reeled in a hospital bed, the audience could not see it due to the lack of light during scene changes.

        "Oh you poor thing, are you ok"

        "Thank you dear princess, without you I would have surely perished under the heat of the unforgiving sun"

        "It was nothing dear savage, anything for you" why do I have to be called savage? Can't I have a name? AGHHH.

        "Anything for you. I would give you my heart if you did not already have it" I know, would you like some cheese with that cheese?

        "Oh my, what a forward way to say it. I feel the same my dear savage" This was when Scootaloo, wearing an awesome looking cape came in.

        "No daughter of mine shall be with a savage, GUARDS SEIZE HIM" cue "fight scene"... I summoned the golem's a little bit outside the stage, I gave them orders to attack me. I likely should have given them more specific orders like "pretend to fight" but no... I had to be an idiot.

        The two golem's I summoned charged at me, I don't know if they had the intention of killing me or not but I was not going to let them try. Cue the "epic tribal music".

I quickly leaped from the bed, I knew the fillys would be safe as I had ordered them to attack me. Golem's are good at following orders, not to good at canceling them though. I leaped into the air, kicking one of the golem's right in the face. His head broke apart a little, but it then grabbed my leg, and threw me to the ground. It left an indent in the stone, the fillys seemed to know something was wrong, but I gave them a look to "just go with it".

        I rolled over as the golem I had crushed the face of stomped at my previous position. I held onto its leg for dear life, as it tried to get off its leg the other golem came over and tried to kick me. I leaped off the golem causing the hit to break its leg. Golem's feel no pain, which is good or else I'd feel bad about killing my children of the earth.

        The golem that lost its leg fell over, taking advantage of this I positioned myself over its face, waiting for the other to try to attack again. I dodged at just the right time causing the death of one golem. It quickly turned to dust as the life I had given it was taken away.

        The living golem seemed unfazed about killing its brother. They are good emotionless soldiers that feel no pain. They just aren't that smart.

        It charged at me, I quickly dodged it as it hit the stone wall with the strength of a train. I climbed up onto its back and began smashiing its face in, with one final punch that went right through its stony skull as it became dust.

        I gasped for breath as I turned on Scootaloo, might as well stay in character "I have defeated your guards, please allow me to love your daughter. I am a mighty warrior that can protect her well. She will be loved like no other, I would give my own life to protect her."

        Scootaloo seemed to be shocked at the change of events, it was planned for me to lose to the guards and then blah blah blah drama romance. But seems we needed to improvise "You have proven yourself" Scootaloo said in a somewhat manly voice, well as manly as a girl imitating a guy can be "You may be with my daughter"

        "Oh thank you father for allowing me to be with this savage," wow my name is still savage "I will forever be happy"

        It went dark again so we quickly rolled way the bed. Apple Bloom went onto the stage.

        "And so thah' Princess and the Savage lived happily ever after"

        ***

        I was quite surprised at how much the crowd enjoyed it, they said we could be REAL actors. I believe it had something to do with "the amazingly realistic" fight scene. Everyone seemed shocked when I told them it WAS real. That I was honestly in danger of losing my life. I didn't tell them about the losing my life part though.

        I went backstage to congratulate the cutie mark crusaders on the awesome performance. I saw a pink haired little filly, that looked like she saying nasty things to them.

        "Your play was pathetic, I have seen better play made by my cat Fluffles" wow a cat named Fluffles? That's awesome. Oh yeah, she is insulting them, well I honestly hate bullies I wasn't going to stand for this.

        "Excuse me what are you doing?"

        "I am telling these blank flanks what I thought how their horrible play"

        I smiled, I hated bullies it likely came from what those children did to me when I was little. I was going to enjoy giving her her medicine.

        "What makes you so special? Oh your cutie mark Is a a crown? So your good at being a spoiled rich kid? I suppose you enjoy tormenting others. You know what I did to the children who did that to me? I bashed their heads in with rocks, I then killed them to earn my rank as a warrior. I then killed the war chief who insulted my honor, in single combat at the age of fourteen. I do not approve of bullying of any kind, and if I find out you have done it again, I will kill you. I am the most powerful being in this realm. I am on good terms with Celestia, and am the commander of the armed forces. You do NOT want me as your enemy. I suggest you leave before you make me angry."

        She left with tears nearly coming down her eyes, "I'm going to tell my father!"

        "Yeah you tell your father that a god has said nasty things to you. Also tell him what you did for me to do that, I'm sure he will be thrilled you angered me"

        The cutie mark crusaders seemed shocked at my outburst... perhaps I shouldn't have said I killed people.

        "Did you really do it"

        "Yes Scootaloo, I have killed people. I am not always proud of what I have done. But seeing her bully you three made something in me snap, I remembered all those time the kids from my tribe mentally, and physically tortured me. I could not stand by and let her say those things. Was it right? No. Was it satisfying? Yes."