Gods of a Different Kind

What is Love?

        The cutie mark crusaders seemed to be quite shocked about the revelation that I had killed people. I refused to tell them the specifics no matter how much they begged. My story is a sad one inappropriate for children. Especially pony children. I soon left them before their adorable faces could break my iron fortress I call my mind.

        I looked upon the setting sun, I do not really have a place to stay. But I'm fine with that, I would prefer sleeping under the stars. I found a good spot close to the Everfree forest. I was not concerned about the dangerous creatures hidden in its depths, I was confident I could handle myself in any situation.

        Upon the completion of my makeshift home I spied a strange rock some distance away. Upon closer examination I realized it was a... Tortoise.

        I squealed in a very girly way, I quickly looked around to make sure no one noticed my show of unmanliness. I honesty loved Tortoises, they are so cute, adorable, and live so much longer then regular pets. "Hey buddy, would you like to be my pet" well it didn't say no...

        I picked up the Tortoise, it groaned in annoyance, "sorry buddy just need to check... alright girl what name would you like" She groaned again, I assume that means it doesn't matter. How about... Flamingo... yah perfect. Don't ask why it is perfect it just is, Ok? "How does Flamingo sound?" She groaned again, she must like it because that is the loudest yet!

        "Alright girl lets go to bed, oh your hungry aren't you... here you go..." I grabbed a handful of leafs from a nearby branch, Flamingo seemed happy about why I did for her by her show of affection, a nice little lick on the hand. I Dawww'ed a little from the adorableness. I need to get in control of myself.

        "Goodnight Flamingo" I said, as I fell asleep next to her.

        ***

        I awoke the next morning not quite sure what I was to do, I have taken care of two of the main three problems concerning an army, Arms, and food. Well I haven't technically finished the food thing since Big Mac hasn't gotten me the information yet. Well I suppose I could try getting for orders from different black smiths. But I would have to go to a different town, much the same if I wanted to train troops. Which I was not going to start until everything else was taken care of so Celestia will have plenty of time to organize the future troops. You can't really put together a makeshift army overnight can you?

        What I was going to do today was quickly answered by a Rainbow blur coming from the direction of a nearby cloud.

        "Hey Tellus you get a Tortoise? I bet tank would totally beat yours."

        "Oh really? You want to lose again? I bet my Tortoise could beat yours in ten seconds flat" I loved the look on her face as I imitated her tomboyish voice.

        "Oh yeah? Tank is at least twenty% cooler on his worst days"

        "Flamingo is going to put you where you belong"

        "Flamingo? Really?"

        "Yeah" I said sheepishly "It fits"

        "Fine then, right here in thirty minutes. Tortoise Free For all"

        I didn't get to interject that it can't be a free for all if there are only two Tortoises fighting, but I guess it doesn't really matter. Flamingo is totally going to beat this "Tank".

        ***

        It had almost been thirty minutes before Dash showed up with a Tortoise, it looked a little old but what caught my attention was that it was wearing goggles with a weird rotating fan on its back. Even more surprisingly it was flying a little behind Dash. I knew she valued flying above all else but a Tortoise? Really?

        "Prepare to lose Tellus"

        "In you dreams Rainbow Face"

        Man If my gem stereo wasn't broken I would play some totally epic battle music. Guess they don't last longer then a day as it had shattered during the night.

        ***

        And so it Begins. The battle of Tortoises, who will walk away victorious? Flamingo, the coolest Tortoise alive? Or Tank a Tortoise that defies nature by flying?

        Find out... right now...

        ***

        I couldn't help but smile at the awesome introduction I had made in my mind. While I was occupied Dash had put Tank across from Flamingo, whispered something to him, and then pushed him forward in an attempt to get him to attack.

        "Come on Flamingo, you can do it" I yelled, I was not going to allow Dash to beat me, not ever.

        "Hah looks like Tank is winning, told you he was twenty% cooler"

        Upon closer examination I noticed they were not fighting they were... reproducing.

        "Hey your Tortoise is raping mine"

        "Nuh uh, see she has her back to him, she wants it"

        "Bull crap, Flamingo would not do it with a Tortoise she just met"

        "Looks like she is a little loose" Dash smiled evilly, anger bubbled up inside me. It took all my concentration not to go into a rage.

        "Fine, lets just go, they obviously are not going to finish anytime soon. It can take days for them to finish..."

        I died yet again a little inside. My baby girl is loose.