Hitler Invades FoE

Chapter 1

"NEIN!" Hitler yelped as he grabbed frantically for his last testicle. He wasn't sure what was happening, but by the gods he wanted to have that other ball intact. Sadly, no. ‘Twas not to be.

ENTER (penis) HITLER (thing)

   Hitler felt his heart racing; pain was apparent all around his body. He felt himself slipping away… He could’ve sworn he hadn’t taken that cyanide yet. The last thing he saw, was his lost testicle rolling away.

***

   Hitler awoke to the smell of luscious green grass. And screamed. Like a little girl. (triggered) His back ached, his legs ached, his head ached, and his neck ached. Looking around, he saw trees... lots and lots of trees. “Where the fuck am I?” he said in perfect English.

   “O-oh my.”

AT THE WHITEHOUSE

Jebediah Lonestar Magee marched through the ornate halls of the White House. The battle hardened six star general looked all business. "HIPPITY HOPPITY YEEHAW TARNATION! MISTUR PRESIDENT, OPERATION KILL HITLER WAS A SUCCESS!!!”

Or not.

The President and his midget-of-a-secretary-that-was-also-Asian facepalmed.

"Jebediah..." Began the president, then quickly being cut off by the general shooting his six shooters triumphantly, blowing holes in the wall.

    “YEAH SURRR!?!”

"We didn't kill Hitler."

“U WOT M8?!?!”

“We simply... Got rid of him."

The general spat out undigested-beer on the expensive carpet that could feed a village of African children. Taxpayer money had gone to a good cause yet again.

“FFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUU-”

Then he suddenly stopped. And started again.

“‘MERICA’S GOING TO SHIT, I’LL TELL YOU HWAT! WE CAN’T EVEN KILL HITLER! NEXT THING YOU KNOW ALL THEM WOMEN AND NIGGERS ARE GONNA WANT RIGHTS! LAWD HAVE MERCYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYY

YYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYY!”

The president tried to calm the six star general down, "It's safe to say he isn't coming back. You see, our scientists developed a plot device cannon that effectively zapped him out of our world. We won't be hearing of him anytime soon." He said, his voice reeking of terrible story telling.

"THAT AIN’T ENOUGH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!” bitched the General, throwing his beer can against the wall.

"It will have to do for now, Hitler is far away. Very far." Said the president.

Meanwhile in ‘Questria

“FUS! RO! DAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!” Hitler shouted, holding out the H for an unnecessarily massive amount of time ending the video game reference with a hacking cough, hands out in front of him. The mysterious yellow pony squealed in fright. Hitler then realized this wasn’t a dragon, but a talking pony! “I’m sorry m’lady!” Hitler said, tipping his cap.

“Oh my, Darling you simply must stop yelling at ladies! It is far from attractive!" Suddenly a purple creature stumbled out of the brush

"R-R-RARITY! What was that noise and why are you suddenly yellow? ” it yelped.

“Magic DARLING!” she hotly replied, flicking her purple locks in the air.

“Oh.”

"WHAT ZE FUCK IST HAPPENING?!" yelled Hitler, confused more than ever.

“Dunno, lol.” said the small reptilian creature.

"( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°)" Replied Hitler.

MEANWHILE IN ‘MERICA

President used Plot Device! It was super effective!

BACK IN EQUESTRIA

"Darling!" The black unicorn drawled "I can't allow you to run about acting the way."

Poof!

Rarity was suddenly wearing a dominatrix outfit, the hopefully-fake-but-probably-not leather straps pressed tightly against her pink fur.

Hitler felt a terrible lump in his pants

"SSsso now I have to punish you!" She wickedly cracked the riding crop that she suddenly found in her hooves

Hitler did what any sane man would do, he ran the fuck away. He got a considerable distance from the crazy sex pony when he was intercepted by two very odd creatures; Caribou. They stood in front of him, pointing their stone age spears at his neck.

    “Zweet Mutter Klara’s fleshlight.”

    The Caribou looked at each other for a split second, then bowed at Hitler, dropping their crappily-made spears. Their dicks slapped noisily on the ground. Hitler facepalmed, then slowly backed away. . .

    . . . into the leather-bound dominatrix pony of doom.

    “Oh darling, there you are,~♪” she purred, “I was getting so, sooooooo worried.~♪ Now stand still so I can ride on you silly.~♪” she cracked her whip and pressed closer, totally ignoring the bowed over caribou.

    Hitler gulped, very obedient deer-thingies or evil  Multicolored dominatrix pony. He chose the. . .

"MEIN FÜHER!" Yelled a Nazi SS soldier, pointing his MP40 at the creepy sexy animals. "Ve thought ve lost you! Anne Frankly, I didn't have much optimism. . ."

Hitler saluted the soldier, he quickly returned it. "What about the rest of the bunker? Are they here too?"