Filth

by TheCheshireCat

First published November 1st, 2015 02:00

Fluttershy spends her days cooped up inside, barely speaking to anypony.
When she does get outside, it`s hell.
But is it any different to being inside?

She wants to confess. She wants to let it all out. She wants her friend to love her, to care about her. She wants to be politely turned down by those she loves. She wants to be rejected. She wants to stay indoors. She wants to hide indoors.

She wants to curl up in filth.

(Thanks to The Fruity Cousin for pre-reading )

Chapters

Eyes

Eyes
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Filth

Eyes

He`s staring at you.

He won`t stop.

He`s still staring.

Don't look, you pathetic paranoid mare.

Should I have washed my mane this morning, is that what they`re all staring at?

I really need to get some bird feed, I`m running out.

You should wash your mane every morning Fluttershy, that's what normal ponies do.

If I don't get more bird feed in soon, they'll be angry and I don't want my little friends to be angry at me again... even though they have a right to be...

Its bad enough that Rainbow has to check around on you daily to make sure youre not running out of food, or not washing yourself. If other ponies found out she helped you shower sometimes, they would all know how pathetic you really are.

There. She`s staring at me now. Why is she staring at me?

Keep your head on the ground. Don't look up.

They'll see your dirty mane!

Don't look up. Don't look up.

She's staring because she knows. She knows what you're actually like. They all know.

Please stop looking at me.

Don't look up. Stay focused on the ground.

They can all see how red I am, from blushing.

Stop blushing.

And my mane, my stupid, ugly mane, even if I washed it, it would still just serve as a reminder of how disgusting I actually look.

Don't look up.

Stop crying. Stop crying you pathetic waste of a pony. You think your problems are important?

They're all staring.

You self-absorbed, miserable excuse for a pony.

There are ponies and griffons and whole colonies of starving individuals who go days without eating food or even tasting fresh water and you're focused on how others are staring at you.

Don't look up.

Pathetic.

Please stop staring. Don't cry. Stop crying.

Pathetic. Just go home.

I cant- I cant do it-

I hate it!

Pathetic.

They know. They all know how awful you are.

Pathetic.

I can`t-

You should just go and-

"Hey, Fluttershy!"

The sight of a prismatic mane breaks me out of my self deprecation and I resign myself to looking up at who spoke to me. I begin to hear the sound of the marketplace around me much clearer, the chattering, the trotting, the bartering...

You`re being awkward, say something.

"Oh... Hey, Rainbow..."

She can`t see the trails beneath my eyes can she?

With a smirk on her face, the confident pegasus stands in front you, legs folded in front of her. She must have just zipped down from a cloud.

Her magenta eyes glaze over you, that ever-present excitement visible in them.

You can see concern in there too, though.

Or is that malice...

"I just finished my cloud-bucking duties, extra fast today, I might have just beaten my record, and was about to head on home, when I saw you down here, Flutters! Want to go grab a bite to eat or something?"

She`s so caring....I don't deserve somepony like her in my life...

I hate her.

Why? Why did I think that? What is wrong with me?!

Answer her, you stupid mare!

"O-Oh... I`m a little busy... N-not that I-I don't want t-to spend time with you! I lo- I would l-love to spend time with you b-but I... I..." My voice falters away and I stare shamefully at my hooves.

The ground below us is a mass of static and scribbled mess. Maybe the sky is too. I wouldn't know.

"Oh, that's okay! You don't need to be sorry, maybe ill catch you sometime tomorrow?" Rainbow raises her wings to take off, but before she does I feel a hoof on my cheek, just briefly.

"I care about you ok, Flutters..? Don't forget that." Giving me a quick look of reassurance, she takes off into the air again. I sit there, rubbing my cheek softly.

She must mean it, right? She does care about me? I mean, I've never seen her interact with anypony else like that... She`s usually just got an air of bravado on for everypony else.

Its probably because she's been stuck with you since school. Its out of obligation, not compassion.

I know...

It`s nice to pretend though, even for just a moment.

I want to die.

Yeah, yeah I've thought that before. Its not shocking to contemplate it anymore. Its just... something that happens I guess. I don't know. I'm not sure if I can feel anymore.

Then why do I feel like I`m tearing apart? I want to cry. I want to scream.

Stop being so pretentious. Nopony can hear you, except yourself... And anytime you try to explain yourself, your voice just echoes off the walls falls right back on you!

I`m such a quiet, pathetic mare.

This is getting tedious. Who in their right minds would want to listen to this? Its just the same thing over and over and over, just worded differently. Is there even a point to this? A point to thinking about this?

Above, I can see the skies

Maybe I should just be quiet. I shouldn't talk to anypony about any of this. They wouldn't understand and if they did then... they would see what... filth... I am.

They`re so beautiful and grey

Was there even a purpose to talking to Rainbow Dash? Did it actually make me feel any better? Was there any kind of deep meaning behind it or was it just.... words?

Is there even a marketplace around me anymore? Should there be? Am I even in Ponyville anymore? In Equestria even..?

Am I even real?

But nobody else can see through my eyes

Of course Im not. You know Im not. There was no point to any of this.. and I know it... you know it..

Just some pretentious mares-

...

Just some pretentious authors words.

So maybe I should just...

Stay.

Author's Note

Just a short story.
I hope you enjoyed. :twilightsmile: