Pulp Magic

pulp

noun \ˈpəlp\

:  a magazine or book printed on cheap paper (as newsprint) and often dealing with sensational material; also :  sensational or tabloid writing —often used attributively

pulp fiction

noun \ˈpəlp fik-shən\

: fiction dealing with lurid or sensational subjects, often printed on rough, low-quality paper manufactured from wood pulp.

pulp magic

fiction \ˈpəlp ma-jik\

: If Quentin Tarantino wrote My Little Pony

“AAAhh! … Ah! AAAHH!! … AAAAHH!!! AAAAAAAAHHH!...

Hhhh.. hhh… hhh…

AAAAAAHHH!!!..

hh.. –HHH!! – hhh.. hhh…

I can’t believe that bitch shot me! AAAAHH!!! … AHH… ahh…

AAAAHHH!!!! … Oh my… Oh my… Ohh my…

Ahh… Ahhh…

HHHhhhh…

Hah….

Hah..

HAAAAAAHH!! HAAAAAAAAAAHH!!! I’M GONNA DIE APPLEJACK! I’M GONNA DIIIEEE!!! I’M GONNA DIE!”

“Shut up! You’re not gon’ die!”

“I’M BLEEDING!! AAH! I’m gonna die-“

“-Listen to me!”

“-I’m gonna die-“

“-LISTEN to me!”

“-I’m gonna die-‘

“LISTEN! Listen here, Rarity!”

“-gonna die-“

“You’re not gon’ die alright?!”

“-gonna die-“

“Repeat after me sugarcube!”

“-gonna die-“

“You’re NOT gon’ die!”

“-gonna die-“

“Rarity!”

“-a mess – a mess-“

“Rarity!”

“-gonna die a mess-“

“Rarity!”

“-gonna die looking like-“

“RARITY!”

“-I fell down every ugly-“

“SNAP OUT OF IT!”

“-branch of the ugliest-“

“SNAP OUT OF IT!”

“-tree in the middle of the-“

“I SAID SNAP OUT OF IT!”

“… hhh… of… hhh hhh…”

“Shut the FUCK up!”

“hhh…. Hhh….”

“No one’s gonna die here, okay? … cowpony?”

“Hhh… Hhh…”

“No one’s gonna die… … not while I’m taking us out of here, alright?”

“Hhhh…”

“… Don’t try to move… you might fall off my back”

“…. Hahh…”

“Stay calm… We’ll get through this”

“… hahh…. Ha-…. Ahhh… Applejack I’m bleeding”

“Rarity-”

“-I’m bleeding very badly”

“-Rarity!”

“-very very badly, I’m gonna die-“

“RAARITY! …Are you a doctor?!”

“… hh..”

“Are you… are you doctor?”

“… “

“You’re… You’re not a doctor alright?... You’re a designer… A fucking fashion… interior… gobbledygook designer… alright?... you’re not a doctor… you don’t know you’re gonna die… yah hear me?”

“….. hhhh…”

“… We’re gon’ meet everypony back at the stream… and we’ll get you fixed back at Ponyville ya hear?”

“...”

“…”

“… hahh…”

“… Its gon’ be okay, nelly… its gon’ be okay…”

“… ahh…. Ahh… … “

“its gon’ be okay”

She walked until she could see the stream, flowing peacefully unaware of conflict. Its waters pure, untainted. She comes closer, nudging Rarity in tow.

“We made it. You’ll be fine… stay here”

She lowered her back and laid Rarity down next to the current, its scent going up her muzzle. Applejack reached out to the water, she splashed some to her face, reached out again, splashed some to her coat. She tried rubbing off the blood, splashed some more to it. The crimson smudge slowly resembling her familiar light finish.

She laid low next to Rarity curled up to her side. Her blood smeared all over under her coat. She’s still breathing lightly and stopped twitching. A good sign – she’s calming down. Applejack moved closer, she slowly wrapped her head in her hooves. Hazed blue eyes turned to her.

“Bless you darling…” A strong hoof gently stroked her mane. “Bless you for what you’re doing…”

“Shh…” She stroked her mane again. Her chest rising intensely, Rarity tried to speak again

“I lost my nerve back there… Panicked… I’m sorry… I didn’t… didn’t know what came over me…”

“Hush now, sugarc-”

“Applejack-“

She lifted her hoof to her, trying to reach hers. Applejack held her “You’re a good pony – I want… you to sincerely believe that”

“Rarity don’t tire yourse-“

“-Hush – Hush - -“

Applejack kept quiet, waiting for her to continue.

“You and I both know… we won’t reach Ponyville on time…”

“… You… You don’t know that…” She tried to shake that thought away, but she felt Rarity was right.

“And if I don’t get medical attention soon… I’m going to die, Applejack…”

She stopped herself from crying right in front of her, not while her eyes are on her right now “Now  - NOW listen here… alright? … she shot you in the belly… it hurts but it takes weeks to die from one, you understand?” she bowed closer to Rarity “You understand? Time is on your side!”

The pain made it hard for her to keep it steady “I… I see what you’re trying to do…”

“Any minute now they’ll be here… you’ll see…”

It hurt like a motherfucker but she nodded at Applejack. They waited. With Applejack holding her together, finally the sound of hooves approached. They both turned to Rainbow Dash coming from the distance

“Holy shhhit… Sweet Celestia that is fucked up”

“What took you so long?” Applejack called out to Rainbow as she approach

“Don’t ask me what took me so long - I have to fucking lay low coming down here  …. Sweet Celestia…” She gazed at Rarity’s open wound, the blood just pouring all over “Is it bad?”

Applejack glared at her “Compared to what? That Pinkie’s dead, and Fluttershy’s prob’ly lost right out there?”

“Shit” Rainbow started to walk around “How could we have not seen this coming?... She said she had a plan - Everything was supposed to go according to plan… WHERE DID SHE GO WRONG?! … How are we supposed to take down something like that anyway? What are we SOME SORT OF HEROES?!... WHY DID WE EVEN CAME WITH HER ANYWAY?!... WHAT THE FUCK WERE WE THINKING?! … What the fuck was I thinking…”

When Rainbow calmed down a bit, Applejack called out to her “Do you think she’s okay?”

“FUCK HER!” Rainbow stormed towards her “SHE CAN GO FUCK HERSELF! We’re dead Applejack! We got nowhere to go! You know we can’t run from Nightmare moon! She’ll find us in Ponyville, if she doesn’t find us here first that is!” She walked around again “Screw it AJ, we’re dead either way! All because we came on this stupid expedition. Fucking shoulda known better. I could still be at Ponyville right now just flying around like I give a fuck. Celestia Flying Fucks, those kind of fucks. Fucking Elements of Harmony… what was that supposed to do anyway? Jack fucking shit it did. Pieces of shit didn’t work – serves us right believing that book. Only eggheads read books anyway. Fucking Egghead. Fucking whore. Fucking Twilight Sparkle... shit...”

When she finally calmed down, Applejack called out to her again"... So are you gon' give up just like that? That's it? Give yourself up? That ain't the Rainbow Dash ah know"

"Well, the old Rainbow Dash haven't been hunted down by an evil alicorn murderer before, has she? I'd say these turn of events qualify as a no-shame pass for quitting from all these... I mean, shiit. Did you see what she did to Pinkie Pie? Fucking tore her to pieces! TO PIECES - with her alicorn laser beam or something, shit I don't know. Sweet Celestia, could Celestia even do that? Crap... scared the crap out of everybody - Fluttershy flew for her life, fucking pussy - leaving us to ourselves..."

"You're callin' Fluttershy a pussy but why'd ya bother then coming back right here if you're gon' quit? What you want to show us you're chicken first before splitting? Is that it?"

"No-"

"You wanna bitch about who's wrong and who screwed up and blame everyone else first?!"

"N-No-"

"You wanna tell everyone how everyone EXCEPT YOU FUCKED UP EVERYTHING BEFORE TELLING US TO FUCK OFF?!?! WELL - DID YA?!!!"

"NO! ... No... I'm not just gonna leave you guys... Fuck you think I am... some... sort of traitor?"

They both silently stared at each other, as if trying to read each others thoughts. They don't need to be telepaths to know that they agree on one thing though. They turned back to Rarity, perfectly still by the flowing waters. Is she calm and serene? or free and at peace?

"Shit. Is she dead?"

Applejack checked her hoof for a pulse and held her ear to Rarity's muzzle "She's breathing. She just passed out" she let her go and left Rarity to relax "Don't know how long she'll make it... You're right. Maybe we should high tail it outta here and scurry on back to Ponyville"

"Yeah, yeah - you know it, partner"

"But what about the other two? What if they came to this here stream while we're gone?"

"Yeah what if one of us two came while you're both gone?"