Wake to Reality

Diamond Tiara sighed as she glanced in the distance at the Cutie Mark Crusaders. They appeared to be throwing something around - a bee nest? That's a bad idea - as carefree as ever. Still no cutie mark on any of them. She shook her head in annoyance at what they were doing, because throwing a nest around wouldn't earn a cutie mark unless they were trying to get attacked. Were they trying to get the honey out of it? Nevertheless, they dropped the nest and trotted in Diamond Tiara's direction. Just casually say hi and walk away..

"Diamond Tiara? What're you doin' here?" Apple Bloom asked curiously, stopping in front of the lavender Earth pony. "I figgered you'd be at home, since that's where you usually go after school." She gave a tiny smile, as though she was walking on thin ice by even making any kind of face. Does she find me intimidating? I hope not.

"Apple Bloom, are you coming? What's taking so lo- oh." Scootaloo and Sweetie Belle trotted up next to Apple Bloom. "Why are you talking to Diamond Tiara?" Apple Bloom made a face, and Scootaloo instantly snapped her concentration back to Diamond Tiara. Apple Bloom was definitely the leader. Keep it casual, Diamond Tiara.

"O-oh, I was just going for a s-stroll, Apple Bloom. Nice to see you all." Diamond Tiara stammered, quickly trotting past her and down the street. Real smooth, you imbecile. She could feel the trio's stares on her, as though they were pushing her along the street. Her embarrassment, although it was hidden inside, was picking away at Diamond Tiara as she kept walking. She kept her gaze ahead of her, to the streetlight. Diamond Tiara heard them turn and walk away, whispering solemnly. No doubt they would be talking about her odd behavior. She hadn't spit venom at them like she usually did, and that was different to them. It was new.

Diamond Tiara breathed out a long sigh, glad the moment had passed. It was weird to not look at them with resentment for who they were, because she could be anyone she wanted. Admittedly, she had expected something to stop her from saying kind words, something from her cutie mark. Diamond Tiara didn't know what to expect, maybe a flash or glow? But she said those words as easily as any other words she had ever spoken. Kind of a weird thing to her, but it was further proof of her father's words.

She continued to stand in the spot she had stopped in, taking in the sight. How funny that now she felt free from the burden she never actually carried, Diamond Tiara could appreciate all the things in Ponyville she had never stopped to notice. The small, tight community was better than anything in Manehattan could provide. The nature just complemented the close bond Ponyville shared with everypony. Except for me. I was never close to Apple Bloom, Sweetie Belle or Scootaloo. I treated them like trash. A memory popped into Diamond Tiara's head of a party she held several months ago - her cute-ceañera. Apple Bloom clearly didn't want to be there, the way she turned the table spread into a makeshift dress to cover her flank. She had been mortified when she tripped and the "dress" was ripped off her body. But Diamond Tiara hadn't cared. It just showed that she was not special and craved attention... right?

Suddenly, all her thoughts went blank and Diamond Tiara fell down. Her head was hit with such a force that she was sure somepony had knocked her down, but no one was around. Just her. "W-who's there?! Show yourself!" She called out, trying to sound angry. But inside, the earth pony was scared. Why had she suddenly fallen? Why did her thoughts disappear? Did she just lose her balance? No, no. The force that she took to her head was too much to just be falling. Something had to have done it. Suddenly, a simple train of thought took over.

Your cutie mark means you're constantly thinking about unattainable goals. You want to feel important, like a princess.

You make the lives of the Cutie Mark Crusaders horrible because you want to force their cutie marks to come faster, thinking the bullying will make them work harder.

But it doesn't work like that. Cutie marks take their time. Truly, you aren't as important as you think you are.

"W-what?!" The words just popped into her head and disappeared in an instant. Diamond Tiara's cutie mark meant she was thinking of things that can't happen, that she wants to feel important. Was that true? It felt like Diamond Tiara was watching herself in third pony view, watching the thoughts and memories as they scrolled through her thoughts. The first time they encountered Apple Bloom, the way they got her in trouble during class.. it felt so strange now. The trio felt distant, as though she had parted from them long ago. But did she ever truly meet them? How could they part if Diamond Tiara never tried to even talk to them, to get to know them? A flash of defiance coursed through her.

Strongly, Diamond Tiara called out, "But I don't. I don't want to feel important, that's not what I want to do. Is it? Am I trying to feel important? I should be important, I'm the daughter of the richest pony in town. But does that mean anything to Ponyville? Does it mean something to Silver Spoon or Apple Bloom? I make her life miserable to speed up her cutie mark process, but that hasn't worked.. so why am I still trying? Am I just acting like a broken record? Do I even want them to get their cutie marks?"

Diamond Tiara moaned and covered her eyes with her hooves, trying to make her headache go away. It was so confusing, it made no sense. Why did their lives matter so much to her? Why did she feel like it was her job to help them, even if it was in a terrible way? The questions piled up in a heap and she couldn't answer any of them. Was it true she wanted to help them? Did she just not like them for some other reason? In a fit of anger and confusion, she tore the tiara off her head and held it in her hoof. This tiara represented her authority, her desire to have control.

She threw it to the ground and ran off in the direction of the Everfree Forest. If there's answers anywhere, it'll be there. But isn't it dangerous there? Without taking any more time to question her plans, Diamond Tiara sprinted even faster. The doubt made her stronger, as though it would protect her from any harm in the forest. She felt bare on the outside, because she wore the secret of secretly envying the Cutie Mark Crusaders as armor to shield her from her peers. But that armor had been broken, and Diamond Tiara was determined to find some way to answer her problems without questioning what was the right course of action first.

That worried her.