Happy Sunshine

She saw me cry. I was such a mess. I didn't know where to go after that. We held and as I held her, I cried more. It felt like Surprise was back in my life again. But that wasn't true. I used her to feel like she was alive again.

I didn't care about her. I didn't care for Pinkie. I didn't deserve that hug and I didn't deserve that kiss I stole from her two hours ago. I didn't deserve the sex. I didn't.

"Pinkie Pie, I..." I sobbed, muffling my lips and pressing my hooves against them.

I did it. I was depressed again. The whole town was in danger because of me and it was all that stupid... No, no it was my fault. I didn't let go of Surprise because I was scared. I didn't let go because she was bad to me, or hit me or yelled at me. Surprise never abused me. I hurt her. I was the one letting her down; I was the one keeping her from being happy, I reasoned so long ago, crying night after night I forgot to say I loved her or couldn't finish in bed.

It was my depression. I was depressed and it- it spread to my fucking lover, the only pony I'd ever call my wife, that's the person I condemned for my own selfish fucking needs. In the mirror, I saw her; Nightmare Moon was sneering at me, not inches away from my muzzle smashed against the glass.

"Damn you, Nightmare Moon, let me be...!"

I jabbed the mirror and stomped it to shards. And the shards stuck into me, falling around my coat with the most jagged pieces embedded deep within, like her; like my memory of her. So I curled up for as long as I could and lay on the floor, a cold sting familiar to my wings and aged, old soul. I was used to lying down in that comfortable position. And like a foal, I never was a mare, bucking nightmares in the dark for every mistake that I had made. Till I saw her violets cry and held her face in my hooves. I fell down screaming 'just take my life away.'

Celly broke my door down and she teared up when she saw me, broken and writhing in my own derilect state. I remembered the times before and all the good she'd done, all the mercy she showed me even as a trouble child... a horrible sister. I felt her legs around me and I struggled, afraid I'd hurt her too.

"Sister! I'm- I'm not safe! Please, go away...!"

I kicked my hindlegs back and forth in rapid frenzy, knocking over various shampoos and conditioners. The shower curtains came crashing down as I knocked us over to the tub. And even though I hurt her, even though my bucking had drawn blood from her perfect muzzle, she restrained me carefully.

"Luna! Luna, it's okay...! It's okay, I'm here!"

I grit my teeth and choked on my tears, on all the things I never said to Her, my beloved, my one and only Surprise. And then I forced my sobs back, remembering how miserable Tia was without me.

"It's okay... I'm here now. You're safe with me." Celestia whispered, nuzzling me from behind.

I sobbed my guilt away, clinging against her just minutes from breaking down. We held close till all I smelled was ocean blue #22, her makeup, her lipstick pressed gently against my lips. I never told anypony about our relationship, about our fucked family bonds and even more fucked coping mechanisms. But we were sisters. We were close. That meant something between us, us two troubled souls lost at sea. We were free when locked away with each other, because we were all we had...

"Celly... what is wrong with me...?" I sniffled, breaking my walls against her chest, rubbing my eyes dry.

"Nothing..."

I shut my eyes and embraced her, the only sunshine life had ever given me. So I hung my head and bled, over her. Sister saved my life in that bathroom, the very place my Surprise took her own life. Celestia cradled me against her. She held me close and pressed our lips one more time.

"Nothing is wrong with you. I love you just the way you are. When mother put you on this earth... she didn't know it, but you were always destined to be... the prettiest star to fall from the sky. The most gorgeous. The most precious. I'm sorry you don't see it yourself. But I'll be here to show you how much I really need you."

Sister stroked my mane and closed her eyes, crying over me without a sob or sniffle in sight.

"I love you. Don't ever scare me like that again... What would I do without you?"