As Zenith trotted down the hall, he cleaned his glasses with a spell. Fastidious about his appearance, some ponies might even say that he was vain. It wasn’t true; he didn’t keep himself immaculate for his own sake, but because he was Princess Celestia’s representative.

He smiled at the younger foals as he passed, sometimes nodding his head, and kept an eye out for any students that might have looked a little distraught. It was easy to get overwhelmed—a dark time was approaching, almost a full month of exams, tests, and finals.

Professor Moondancer was, without a doubt, his favourite teacher, other than Princess Celestia. Moondancer was educated, witty, wise, and had a knack for making things easy as well as simple to understand. She could take the most complex of subjects, break them down, and present them in such a way that anypony could understand them.

Just getting a seat in her class was a challenge. Zenith, Celestia’s own personal student, had to compete just like anypony else, there had been no easy in, no free pass, and he took it as a matter of personal pride that he had worked his way into Moondancer’s class. She showed no favouritism either, raking him over the coals when he messed up or made a mistake, and being the stickler that she was, she always found something wrong.

Nopony in her class had perfect grades—one did not attend her class to get good grades, one attended her class to learn how to take failure in stride and then find the means to keep going.

Butterflies fluttered in his stomach as Zenith put on his best grin. He then knocked upon the door to Moondancer’s private office and waited for a reply.

“Ah, good, you’re here,” Moondancer said when she saw Zenith. “Have a seat.”

“You wanted to see me?” Zenith sat down upon a square cushion that lay upon the floor in front of Moondancer’s low desk. She was not a chair sort of pony, favouring cushions instead.

“Zenith, there is no easy way to break this to you… you’re failing.”

“I thought so.” Zenith nodded.

“What was up with that last paper you turned in?” Moondancer asked.

“There was something wrong with it?” A look of surprise settled over Zenith’s face. He had been worried about some of his previous papers, which he felt might not have been up to snuff, when thinking of them in hindsight.

“Yes.” Moondancer nodded. “As I seem to recall, I gave you a twenty thousand word essay on practical approaches that unicorns can take on everyday life—”

“But I wrote that paper out and I thought I did a good job!” Zenith protested.

“What you gave me was rubbish!” Moondancer’s thick eyebrows crinkled and her forehead wrinkled. “Zenith Zephyr, I teach advanced magical theory and the direct application of the magical arts… and you turned in a paper that scarcely had any sort of magical approach to anything!”

“But I—”

“But what?” Moondancer’s left eyebrow began to raise.

“But I hardly use magic for anything… I always try to find the practical approach and see if I can solve the problem without magic,” Zenith said in a soft voice. He racked his brain, hoping he could think of some way to placate his teacher and fix this, otherwise, Princess Celestia was going to be upset with him. And that, that would not do.

“Do you know how silly that sounds?” Moondancer leaned forwards over her desk. “You are Princess Celestia’s personal, private student. You are supposed to be a champion of magic. And unless I am mistaken and I need to get my ears checked, you just said that you try to take a practical approach and see if you can solve the problem… without magic.”

Zenith gulped. At this moment, he knew that he was horned. So very horned. It seemed like a great approach to life, but something about how Moondancer had just said it, Zenith began to see flaws in his cunning plan to deal with life.

“You have just used up your one chance.” Moondancer’s other eyebrow now raised. “Now, you are on probation. I am going to give you exactly one second chance to redeem yourself and get back into my good graces… otherwise, you’re out. Some other student will get to fill your seat.”

“That’s fair.” Zenith saw a look of surprise upon Moondancer’s face and her eyebrows furrowed downwards again as she studied him.

“I did not expect that sort of reply.” Moondancer tilted her head to one side and her ears perked forwards. “I did not expect that at all.”

“All part of my practical, non magical approach to life… knowing what to say and when to say it.” Zenith gave his professor a prim, professional looking smile. He saw Moondancer’s harsh expression soften a bit.

“You’re still in trouble, but I believe I’ve made a mistake. You have not used up your only chance. What you have done is created an opportunity for extra credit.” Moondancer’s expression became hard and demanding again. “You turn in the original assignment, complete with practical, magical means of problem solving, and if I like it, I’ll accept this essay as extra credit. Do not fail me, Zenith.”

“Right. One essay, thirty thousand words, practical magical applications and a detailed guide for how a unicorn should approach life. Got it.”

Moondancer made a noise deep down inside of her throat and her lips pressed into a straight line for a moment. Her eyes narrowed as she looked at Zenith. “Go on, get out of here. I absolutely refuse to allow you to try and impress me. Now go!”

Princess Twilight Sparkle had said that the secret to life was good organisation. Zenith disagreed. He tended to make things up as he went, with no real plan, no real forethought, no lists, just plowing into the problem head on and dealing with problems as you encountered them. His approach to trouble was best described as haphazard.

In his room, he packed a few things for Ponyville. A rain cloak. His journal, which he did very little writing in, but carrying it around make him look like he knew what he was doing. Plus, Pumpkin loved to write in it, as well as draw the most perverted, pornographic sketches a pony might see in their lifetime. He dumped some candy into his saddlebag—not so much for himself, but a few sweet treats were always useful as bribes or for winning somepony over. Lifting his head, he looked around for anything that might be useful.

Rummaging through the clutter on his desk, he found nothing that he thought would be useful. Since there was nothing left to pack, it was time to go. If he hurried, he could still make the mid-afternoon train to Ponyville, but he was going to have to gallop to the train station.

Ponyville. A bustling place that had been transformed into a thriving city, due in no small part to Twilight Sparkle. Twilight’s crystal castle was visible from the train station. The city had transformed as Zenith had grown up, changing over time, transitioning from thatched roofs and humble cottages, to tall, sleek, modern looking buildings.

Truth be told, Zenith didn’t much care for the changes, but he’d never say it out loud.

He slipped through the crowd with ease, a well practiced movement, lept from the train platform, ignoring the stairs, which were packed with ponies. He landed with an easy grace, flexed his knees, and took off at a brisk trot. His mane as well as his tail bounced with every step and the unicorn moved with a purposeful rhythm.

“Zenith!”

Stopping, turning his head, realising that he wasn’t going to have to go to Twilight’s castle, Zenith saw his friend and counterpart, Pumpkin Cake.

Pumpkin wasn’t like other unicorns, or even other ponies. Her fiery orange mane rose into a fierce looking mohawk. Both of her ears had been pierced dozens of times. A silver ring hung from one nostril, and another silver ring dangled from her lower lip. Pumpkin’s cutie mark was a board with a nail sticking out of it, which many said was symbolic of her bluntness.

When Pumpkin had been a foal, she and her brother Pound had gone off exploring. Both had encountered a chimera. Pound had responded by screaming for help, while his sister had taken a far more practical approach. She ripped a wooden plank free from the wrecked wagon that was nearby, the wagon was all that remained from the chimera’s previous encounter, and then Pumpkin had proceeded to almost beat the chimera to death with a board that had a nail sticking out of it.

Pumpkin, Twilight Sparkle’s personal student, took a direct approach to things. A forceful, no holds barred direct approach. Much like her mentor, Pumpkin was considered as something of a warrior, never one to back down from a fight or shy away from trouble.

“Pumpkin, how ya been?” Zenith smiled. “I see you’ve tripped and fallen over into your mother’s jewelry box again.” He saw Pumpkin grin as she approached.

“Busy.” Pumpkin’s eyes narrowed as she came to a halt. “So… banged yourself a white alicorn yet?”

Lifting his head, Zenith cleared his throat. “When the time comes, I will treat her body with the respect it deserves… after we are properly married, of course.”

Closing her eyes, Pumpkin threw back her head and laughed. As she shook with laughter, she reached out her forehoof and punched Zenith, almost knocking him from his hooves. When she heard Zenith’s pained wheeze, she laughed even harder.

“We should get going,” Zenith said, rubbing his shoulder where he had been punched. “We have a job to do and there is no point in slacking off.”

Opening her eyes, Pumpkin glared at her companion. “You… you’re as much fun as you’ve always been.” She rolled her eyes. “Stick in the mud. Fine… we’ll go see Princess Buttermilk—”

“Princess Buttermilk?” One eyebrow raised as Zenith drew himself to his full height, towering over Pumpkin.

“Pegasus filly. Her name is Buttermilk Biscuit. She’s got her shit together, that’s for sure.” Pumpkin took a perverse pleasure in watching Zenith’s ear twitch from her profanity. She sucked in her lip ring and enjoyed the feeling of tension on her lip, the faint, stinging pull.

“Well, let’s get going,” Zenith said as he turned around and headed for the White Tail Woods. “Let’s go find out what Princess Buttermilk is up to and see if we can help her.”

The two unicorns walked through the White Tail Woods, with Pumpkin leading the way. While the day had been warm, the woods were cool, shady, and pleasant. Pumpkin paused to sniff flowers along the way and Zenith took the time to stop and check out the sights.

“Zenith?”

“Yeah?”

Pumpkin Cake turned to look at her companion. “Have you ever thought about how you’re going to satisfy Celestia when you finally get around to fucking her?” She watched his ears perk and stifled a laugh. “I mean, you have no idea what you’re doing, and I can guarantee, as old as she is, she’s been laid in all the right ways. Aren’t you worried about disappointing her?”

Clearing his throat, Zenith shook his head. “I shall have to rely upon my charm.”

“Charm is nice and all, but what a mare really wants is a good hard dicking.” Pumpkin smiled and batted her eyelashes. “You really do think that you are going to win her over somehow… I don’t mean to bust your bubble, but think of all the dicks that’s been in there before you. She’s been around for a long time… she’s seen and done some stuff that you and I can’t even imagine, I would bet.”

“Pumpkin, is this really necessary?” Zenith shook his head, feeling somewhat disgusted by Pumpkin’s vulgarity.

“I could help you,” Pumpkin offered.

Snorting, Zenith tossed his head back. “You could help me?”

“Oh, I could help you.” Pumpkin’s eyelids drooped in a most alluring way. She whipped her body around, hiked up her tail, flexed hips, and presented herself to Zenith. “You could fuck my tight little twat and get some practice. Just be gentle when you bust my hymen. I bet you’re all pent up, but you still need to be gentle, at least to start. Perhaps put that silver tongue of yours to good use before you split me open.”

Gulping, Zenith did his best not to look down, but his eyes betrayed him. He gazed into the abyss, and the abyss gazed back. Pumpkins’ tail was flipped up off to one side, and he could see a thin, somewhat crinkled slit just below her tight, clenching asshole. He also saw a flash of silver.

“You got a new piercing,” Zenith said in a low voice. “That’s nice.”

“That’s all you have to say?” Pumpkin asked, looking back over her shoulder. She backed up a bit and slapped Zenith in the neck with her tail.

“You’ve said plenty to me about your sexual exploits.” Zenith cleared his throat. “But you claim to be a virgin. Forgive me, but I have my doubts.”

“Oh, I’ve sucked myself a dick and done a few perverted things, but my tight, tender little twat, I’m saving that for somepony special,” Pumpkin replied. “You’re special. You’ve been my friend for a long time and we’ve seen so many hard times together.”

Zenith backed away, trying to resist temptation. He was a whole lot bigger than Pumpkin, sizewise. It wouldn’t take much to slide up over her back, wrap his forelegs around her barrel, and then just start—Zenith took a deep breath and took another step back.

“See, this is why you’re my friend.” Pumpkin swished her tail around. “I know that I can be an absolute whore around you and you won’t do anything. It’s almost like you’re gay.”

“I’m not gay!” Zenith snapped.

“In a way, you are… you’re queer for alicorns… nothing wrong with that. We all have our kinks.” Pumpkin flexed her hips and spread her hind legs a little bit, trying to reveal more of herself to Zenith. “Would it be so bad if you just fucked me right here and now? I wouldn’t stop you. You and I, we both know what we want. We could just be friends. You could fuck me silly and we could continue being friends. Nothing would change between us. You’d go on pining for Celestia, and I’d have the satisfaction of knowing my first fuck was my best friend.”

“Pumpkin, why do you gotta do this to me?” Zenith asked. He was doing everything he could to look away, but he was finding it difficult. He felt himself start sweating and there was a painful ache in his balls.

“I just want to help you… and in turn, help myself. I have to be careful who I play around with, because if it was the wrong pony and certain ponies found out… like say, my mother, or worse, Twilight, I could be in all kinds of trouble… but you… I know that I could fuck you and not get anything worse than a warning about making sure I was discreet.”

“Pumpkin, please, put your tail down and behave yourself.” Zenith backed away and squeezed his eyes shut. “I’m flattered by your offer, but I am saving myself. The piercing is very nice.”

Sighing, Pumpkin dropped her tail. She turned around, a look of sincere disappointment upon her face. “I guess I came on too strong. Look, I’ve been dropping hints for months now and you’ve been utterly clueless—”

“Oh, I know that you’ve been dropping hints, I’ve just been ignoring them.” Zenith opened one eye to see if it was safe. Seeing no pink abysses, he opened his other eye and heaved a sigh of relief.

“You really are dedicated to her, aren’t you?” Pumpkin’s eyes narrowed and she studied her longtime friend. “What if she never comes around? Are you just going to chase after her forever, and then die a virgin, unloved, unwanted, your entire life wasted?”

“We should get going… daylight is burning away. We need to go speak with Princess Buttercup.”

“Buttermilk.”

“Whatever.” Zenith shrugged.

“You know—”

“Pumpkin, please, just let it go.”

“My offer still stands. I mean it. As your friend. If you ever decide that you’re sick of being a virgin, I’ll be here for you.” Pumpkin looked up at Zenith. “Just a minute ago, you could have had your way with me… and for whatever reason, you didn’t. I still think you’re crazy, but you have my respect.”

“Thank you, Pumpkin.”

“So how about oral sex… eatin’ ain’t cheatin’!”

Author's Note

So... fun facts about Zenith.

He's a pacifist. To the extreme. He practices edgy pacifism. So edgy that somepony could cut themselves, but that would be violent, and that would make Zenith squeamish, so the hard edge is also covered up in foam rubber to keep it from being a danger. And bubblewrap. Can't forget the bubblewrap. Pop!

He's not too keen on using magic. Sure, he has magic, but that's no excuse to go around casting spells willy-nilly. Somepony could get hurt. And hurting others would be a serious buzzkill.

Zenith has blancophilia. He's sexually attracted to white, clean, pure things. Cleanliness is godliness! So he likes looking at clean, white things. Like, big fluffy clouds, clean, white sheets of paper, freshly fallen snow... and white alicorns. Can't forget those. But when there are no clean, pure, white alicorns around, anything white will do in a pinch. Like fine, white china. You should never leave him alone in a room full of fine, white china.

One might argue that, as Pumpkin Cake pointed out, he is queer for alicorns. This could be because he is a unicorn that was raised by pegasi... an alicorn is the best of both worlds. Why choose wings or a horn when you could have both?