Hoity Toity's Floating Bazaar

At an empty seashore, an old and ragged pony struggled to swim to shore as he fought the strong currents. But slowly and gradually swam to the shore, desperate to reach it before he drowned. But much to his relief, one of his hooves touched the floor beneath the water, he was close. Completely exhausted, the old stallion with a smoking pipe as a cutie mark and his thick horn rimmed reading glasses dragged himself out of the water and on to shore, glad to have survived. He coughed loudly and gasped.

He unceremoniously plopped himself on the warm sand, he lied down on his back, limb splayed everywhere. He opened his mouth to quietly exclaim what he wanted to say, and with great effort, loudly proclaimed. "It's..."

Hoity Toity's Floating Bazaar

At a very fancy television studio, Twilight Sparkle confidently walked in towards her desk. She quietly made sure the studio was ready to go live. On cue, Twilight used her magic to pull out her chair and plop her rump down on the seat, only for a loud fart sound to emanate from her seat. The unicorn sat there wide eyed, stunned and embarrassed at what just happened.

At a blackboard, Pinkie Pie crossed out a chalk drawing of a whoopee cushion as she tried to hold back her laughter.

At another studio, famed Equestrian pianist, Frederic Horseshoepin sat at his piano and finished up with performing a concerto he wrote himself. He turned his attention to the camera.

"Ah, hello, welcome to another exciting edition of 'High Culture', I'm your host once again, Frederic Horseshoepin and tonight, we'll be discussing famous deaths in Pony history." he said with a smile. "Tonight, we'll see a re-enactment of the death of Khan, the famous Yakistanian conqueror, take it away Mr. Khan."

Khan, a large male yak, proudly surveyed is land from outside his yurt. He happily paced around outside as he complicated how prosperous his life has become, the conquering, the females, the riches, all for him.

"Hey Khan!" yelled a new voice. Khan looked to see a yellow coated stallion with a cannon, he raised an eyebrow with confusion. "HAPPY BIRTHDAY!" the stallion happily exclaimed as he fired his cannon, a loud explosion filled with confetti and streamers enveloped the yak, but it was all too much for the great Khan, whose heart froze with fright and suddenly collapsed on the ground.

Cheese Sandwich looked over the yak's body in stunned silence. "....Khan?" he was dead.

Witnessing the entire action from afar, three judges, present their scores at what they just saw.

Vinyl Scratch gave a smirk and a 4.6, Octavia gave a 4.7 and Rarity gave the whole scene a 4.9. A grand total of 14.2 out of 15 points.

"Ouch, just short Mr. Khan." commented Frederic. "Nice to have you on though, now let's turn to Silver Shill to see the latest scores."

At the score board, Silver Shill explained each of the scores. Firstly, St Lawrence is in the lead with 15 points from his roasting and good nature about it, then we have Edward II with the hot poker up the butt, then at third place Isodora Duncan, lovely lady, wouldn't mind having a piece of her hehe." he chuckled. "Anyways, then we have Tycho Brahe and then James Garfield after being killed by his doctors, he would've made a great president, such a shame, then finishing up the board is Khan at 14.2 and in very last place is Adolf Frederick for eating himself to death and 1.6 points. Back to you Frederic."

Frederic at the piano nodded at the results. "Thank you very much Silver, tight competition we are having this season, now let's move on to your requested death, for Rainbow Dash of cloud mansion overlooking Ponyville, the death of Lightning Dust."

Outside, Lightning Dust happily trotted in the park as she took in the nice day, but suddenly, a piano came down a promptly crushed her. "Sorry!" sheepishly apologized Derpy from above.

Frederic looked at the studio clock to see that it was time to end the show. "Anyways, it is time for the end of the show, I hope you enjoyed the program, and we'll see you again next week, at the same channel and time, and now before we go, a re-enactment of the death of Kurt Christoph Graf von Schwerin, Prussian field marshal, good night." the stallion waved everyone goodnight.

At the top of a cliff, a pony dressed in Prussian military uniform leaped off as he shouted out "Let all brave Prussians follow me!" he soon landed on the ground below with a loud fart noise.

At the nearby school building, Cheerilee crosses out a chalk drawing of a whoopee cushion and the writes on the board "Neighponese Evening Class". The mare happily turned to face her class. "Welcome to the second Neighponese class, yesterday we learned the names of all meal utensils in Neighponese, so can anyone tell me what the word 'Spoon' is in Neighponese?"

The entire class, all ponies from Neighpon threw up their hooves, they fought for her attention. "Easy there everyone, one at a time, uh, Gorou." she pointed to one of the students.

"スプーン" answered Gorou.

"Excellent Gorou, or as the Neighponese would say, よくやった!"

"ありがとうございますチェイリー先生、ご親切に感謝!" Gorou happily bowed before he sat back down.

"Anyways," Cheerilee happily continued her lesson. "Today we'll be talking about how to introduce yourself in Neighponese, specially, stating where you come from." she wrote on the board. "For example, if I wanted to say that 'I am an Equestrian from Ponyville' I would say '私はエクエスツリア人、ポニービルから来ました'." she explained. "Okay everyone, let's speak it together."

The whole class including Cheerilee spoke the line. "私はエクエスツリア人、ポニービルから来ました."

"That's great class." the teacher complimented. "Now let's try it with someone else." she looked through her class roster and randomly picked a name. "How about, Mr. Masaki." A Neighponese pony stood up. "Okay Mr. Masaki, tell me where you are from."

"鹿児島、先生." answered Masaki.

"Ah, so you are Neighponese I assume." commented the mare.

"はい" he confirmed with a bow.

"Okay, in this case you would say. "私は寧本人、鹿児島から来ました."

"ああ、そうです、ありがとうございます" Masaki bowed with gratitude before he sat back down.

Another student quickly stood up. "あの、すみません先生!" he tried to catch Cheerilee's attention.

"Yes Fumio?"

"私は鹿児島から来ない! 私は大阪から来ました." Fumio explained with confusion. The teacher raised an eyebrow with confusion.

"Come again Fumio? You are speaking too fast."

Gorou stood up again and began to speak in the best Equestrian he could muster. "My friend say that-" a hoof shot up, interrupting Gorou.

"나에게 선생님 실례!" another pony who wore sunglasses and a hoodie stood up. "나는이 한국 클래스라고 생각했다?" he explained.

"Oh, Rain, didn't see you from back there." Cheerilee apologized. "The Korean language class is immediately after this, so you can wait outside until then." she explained.

"고맙습니다." Rain nodded and quietly walked out of the classroom.

Gorou continued on where he left off. "My friend say that he from Osaka and not from Kagoshima."

"Oh, I see..." the teacher finally understood what was going on. "Then Fumio should instead say '私は寧本人, 大阪から来ました."

Fumio just stood up with excitement. "大阪は世界で最高の町です!" he yelled with ecstasy about his foalhood home.

"Now he say that Osaka is better than Kagoshima." continued Gorou as he translated.

"But we have not yet learned comparatives Fumio." explained Cheerilee in an attempt to calm Fumio down. But suddenly, the whole class erupted in arguing as everyone passionately debated on which Neighponese city was better. The teacher unsuccessfully tried to bring order in her classroom but it was of no use. Cheerilee just gave up and decided to sit at her desk and take a swig of alcohol from her personal stash but as she sat back down at her desk, a loud fart sound startled her; she sat on a whoopee cushion.

At a supermarket, Granny Smith walked in to buy her groceries for tonight's dinner. Her attention was, however, caught by a stand that sold a new brand of butter 'Film-Flam Butter' operated by the con-artist twins, Film and Flam.

"Hey old lady!" they pointed to Granny. "Why don't you try our new Film & Flam Butter, nine out of ten housewives can't tell the difference between this butter and a dead skunk." they offered her a free tub of their butter.

Granny just gave the twins an annoyed look. "Listen here ya two, if ah ever catch ya sellin' yer fake wears around here again, ah'll slit both ya'lls faces." she suddenly pointed a switchblade at the two. "Understand?!"

The twins just nervously sweated in fear for their lives.

"And now, another edition of 'Magnet of the Arts', with your host, Trenderhoof."

The curtain rose to reveal Trenderhoof on a chair across from that night's guest. "Good evening everyone, tonight's guest is one of the most prolific artists of all time, her work stretches from fashion photography and performance arts, she has recently gone into film, producing and directing her first ever movie 'Cup of life' a 45 minute movie showing nothing but close up shots of vaginas, please welcome my guest for tonight, Miss Photo Finish."

The audience applauded as Photo Finish waved to everyone. "Nice to be here."

"Now Photo...mind if I call you Photo?" he asked, slightly nervous.

"Not at all Mr. Trenderhoof."

"Okay, that's good." he sighed with relief. "It's just some ponies take that very seriously for some reason." he chuckled. "So I ask just in case."

"I completely understand." assured the mare.

"Okay, good, so Photo is good?"

"Photo is fine by me."

"Good, because it makes my job so much easier and makes the interviewee more open to answering questions if they are comfortable and such." he nervously continued. "Okay, so Finish...mind if I call you Finish?"

"I don't mind, some ponies call me Finish."

"Well of course, I feel like it is much more casual."

"Photo, Finish, either is fine by me." she assured.

"Ah that's great!" he exclaimed with relief. "Okay, first question Photo-baby, what was your inspiration for your latest fil-"

"I refuse to be called 'Photo-baby' though!" she sternly interrupted.

"What?" he asked confused.

"You called me 'Photo-baby' and I don't like that." she explained.

"Did I really call you that?" he asked, still confused. He turned to the production crew. "Did I really call her 'Photo-baby' Jim?"

"I wasn't paying attention, so I wouldn't know." said Floor Director Jim through the studio speakers.

"So I don't think I called you Photo-baby, schmoopie-poo."

"Don't call me schmoopie-poo!" she yelled at Trenderhoof.

"Can I call you Rich Bitch?"

"NO!"

"Fraulein?"

"NO!"

"Cum dumpster?"

"What's wrong with you?!" she was at this point agitated and disgusted.

"Can I call you Larson?"

"Why Larson?" Photo Finish was at this point confused.

"I think that name suits you well." he sheepishly explained.

"Buck this, I am leaving." she got up and trotted out of the studio.

"I JUST WANTED TO KNOW MORE ABOUT YOUR FILM!" Trenderhoof exclaimed with desperation, he was on his knees ready to grovel.

"You wanted to talk about my film?" Photo Finish reluctantly came back.

"Please...it would be nice to hear about why you decided to make such a film." he explained.

"You're not going to call me Cum dumpster right?"

"I promise I won't, now please...just come back and talk to me about your film." he pleaded.

Photo Finish smiled and happily sat down in her seat. "Well...I have always wanted to make a film like this since I started feeling the affects of estrus, back when I was just a twelve year old, at the time I was never a thing about sex, but luckily, my uncle was there to give me a really hooves on lesson in sex ed-"

"I don't want to live on this planet anymore." Trenderhoof got up without warning and walked out of the studio in disgust.

"That was 'Magnet of the Arts with Trenderhoof' tune in later tonight where Sapphire Shores will make Equestrian history by performing a complete concert while riding a scooter. But coming up next, a special episode of 'Biography' profiling-" the narrator was suddenly interrupted by a loud fart noise. "Damn it Pinkie."

"One of Equestria's biggest and influential ponies is Mr. Fancy Pants, here tonight to talk about his new book 'Unbridled Success', please welcome my guest tonight, Mr. Fancy Pants." announced Time Turner to the audience. Filthy Rich happily walked in and took his seat.

"Good to be here."

"Now, before I talk about the book, there's a question that everyone wants to know, why do some ponies call you 'Two Bits' sometimes?"

"My nickname among my close friends?"

"Yes, Two Bits, how did you get such a name?" Turner asked with confusion.

"Most ponies I know call me Mr. P, it is only my very close friends, family and wh...I mean, escorts, that call me Two Bits." he explained.

"And do you indeed have two bits?"

"Actually, the word 'bit' comes from the word 'bit on the side' which among us rich means a mistress, or as you low brow ponies say, 'fuck buddies'."

"So, do you have two mistresses?"

"No, I just have one, but a few years ago I held a sexual contest to decide which mare should be my second mistress, but couldn't find any mare as good as my current mistress, but since that day my friends all call me 'two bits'." he explained.

"Despite the fact that you still only have one?" Time Turner asked for clarification. "So, are you planning on getting another mistress?"

"Why? I'm happy with the one mistress I have." Fancy Pants was confused.

"To make your nickname more accurate."

"Not right now I am not." he firmly answered.

"Anyways, about the book." the brown stallion decided to move on. "Did you write this book while having sex with your mistress?"

"No!"

"Have you come up with any creative works while shagging your mistress rotten?"

"She's just a mistress!" Fancy Pants complained.

Suddenly, a photo of Fancy Pants' mistress, Fleur de Lis was project on the wall behind them. It was an explicit centerfold from Playcolt magazine. But Fancy was too into the conversation to notice.

"Are you thinking of getting another mistress to shag with?"

"Stop with the damn mistresses for buck's sake!" exclaimed the rich unicorn. "All ponies ask me about these days is about my mistresses, I am getting sick and tired of this whole thing okay? I have one mistress, thought about getting two at one point, and that is it! I just want ponies to talk to me about me, my life, my success and my writings!" he ranted at the end of his rope.

"So I assume you are going to let her go someday?"

"Someday."

"But then you'll be 'no bits'."

"FORGET ABOUT THE MISTRESSES!" he yelled.

"Okay...okay...we'll talk about your book then." Time Turner assured.

"Yes, my book." relieved.

"So, you say this book is semi-autobiographical am I right?"

Before Fancy could answer the question, he suddenly noticed the photo that was projected behind them. "Is that a Playcolt centerfold of my mistress?!"

"Who?" Turner nervously tried to play ignorant.

"My mistress, Fleur, take it down!" he demanded with boiling rage. Turner nervously gave the stage crew the signal to take down the photo. Once the photo was put down, Fancy started to calm down. "Much better."

"So...uh...Mr. Fancy Pants, I heard that you have an impressive model train collection." just as Turner asked the question, a series of photos of Fleur de Lis having sex with an unknown mare started to play.

"Come again?" asked Fancy for clarification.

"That you have an impressive model train collection, am I correct?"

"What does that have to do with my book?"

Trenderhoof suddenly marched into the room with a serious look. "Is Mr. Two Bits here giving you a hard time Turner?" he asked.

"Kind of, he wouldn't allow me to talk about his mistress." answered Turner with disgust for the interviewee.

"In that case Two Bits, leave before we call security on you!" threaten Trenderhoof at Fancy Pants.

"What is going on here?" the rich pony was confused. He was quickly grabbed by security officer Bulk Biceps and dragged out of the studio. "HEY!'

"Get your own arts program you satyriasis man-slut!" yelled Trend before their guest was taken away.

"And that was Fancy 'Two Bits' Pants everyone." announced the narrator. "And now, the latest report on Sapphire Shore's concert on a scooter, here reporting the story, is HRH Princess Twilight Sparkle."

Twilight sat on a desk as she began her report. "Sapphire Shores, the great singer in Equestrian pop music history, with 53 platinum certifications under her belt from the RIAE and 27 number one hits, tonight, she'll be performing an entire full-length concert while riding a scooter across Equestria. Now let's turn it over Pinkie Pie where she'll explain the route that Miss Sapphire Shores will be taking for her tour, Pinkie."

Twilight turns it over to Pinkie who stood by a detailed street map of Ponyville and the surrounding towns. "Well, according to my sources, Shores will start here." places a pin on the map. "At Haychester, then she'll scoot down the E15 to Fletwell then take the E136 so she can access the E2 north of Hindend. From there, Shores has a straight run down the E2 until he reaches the South Roundabout. This run is also historic since no pop musician has ever sang down the E136 and survived past the heavy bison traffic near Bison's Green Reservation, Dash."

Pinkie turns it over to Dash who sat by a scooter. "Shores will ride a blue sapphire studded three speed 971 Raleigh Super, a nice scooter if this where the 970s, back to you Twi."

Twilight was at her desk. "Now let's get the latest report on this mobile concert with Rarity who is down at the Fletwell overpass, Rarity."

Rarity sat by an empty stretch of road in the middle of nowhere. "No sign of Miss Shores yet Twilight, but I do have with me, part time scooter rider, Captain Spitfire of the Wonderbolts." she gives the mike to Spitfire.

"Shores should be fine as long as she avoids the whistle register as much as possible, so no songs along the lines 'Emotions' or anything like that since it can several affect her stamina, she should watch for the head wind that is common along the E136, but other than that, she should be fine." the captain explained.

"Well, there you have it darling, so, with no sign yet from Sapphire Shores, it's back to you Twi." Rarity signed off.

"Anyways, I just received word that Miss Shores is about to turn to the E2 at Hindend, so let's take it over Lyra Heartstrings who is there right now." explained Twilight.

Lyra stood at the fork of a road just outside the village of Hindend. "Twilight, I see can see something happening right now, she coming down this way and from the sounds of it, it seems that she's singing a song from what I believe is her latest album, I can hear some whistle tones there and some bass and-" Granny walked up to Lyra and nudged her, it interrupted the unicorn. "Huh?"

"That's not Sapphire Shores, that's Pon Replay, the other pop star that nipping at Sapphire Shore's behind." explained Granny.

Lyra looks at the mare on the scooter. "Oh Celestia, you are right! That is indeed Miss Replay performing her song 'Umbrella'!" she got extremely excited. "And I think I see more coming...yes...oh my goodness...there is indeed more!" she grew more excited with each passing minute. "There also goes Madonna followed close by with Sir John who is playing a portable keyboard while on a scooter, then closing the gap is Swift Wind, the country star, and then Prince, Hammer Carpenter with her brother, Def from the Leopard Congo, Gaga! Gaga! Miss Twain, all these greats including our very own Celine Dion!" she exclaimed without one breath as all the scooter riders sped pass her.

"Celine Dion is Prench!" clarified Granny who was still next to Lyra.

"Yet still no sign of Sapphire Shores, so until then, back to you Twilight." Lyra reported, still on the look out as Gaga roller bladed past her.

"Well, I think I know what just happened Lyra, since I just received a report that Sapphire Shores fell off her scooter after crashing on a whoopee cushion while taking an unplanned short cut, no one was hurt and I think she's currently servicing a fan that helped her back up." explained Twilight who relayed to the audience of what she just heard. "Anyways, on that disappointing note, it is time to say good night here on 'Magnet of the Arts', good night everyone." a large fart sound suddenly emanated from Twilight much to her shock. "And that was defiantly not a whoopee cushion...bye." she blushed beat red as the screen faded to black.

Documentary Tonight!

In a small messy room, Written Script labored away at his desk as he wrote his attempt at joke writing. He absent mindlessly continued to write as he long ago lost all control of his life.

This is Written Script, writer of novels and screenplays, at this point in his career the only writing gigs he has received are terrible fanfiction commissions and pornographic films, but tonight, he would unknowingly write the funniest joke in the entire world...and as consequence...die laughing.

The stallion looked back at what he wrote to see if there was anything good among the crap, but he soon came across something that he did not expect. He began to chuckle in reaction to what he just wrote. The chuckle quickly turned into deranged laughter as he collapsed on the ground as he clutched his chest. He continued to laugh despite his growing difficulty to breathe, the laughter grew louder and louder until silence fell across the room. He was dead.

It became clear, that no one can read the joke...and live.

Carrot Top ran into the room to see her lover on the floor with a frozen smile on his face. "WRITTEN! NO!" cried the yellow mare. "I knew things were bad, but not to this extant!" she began to cry. "Who's going to serve as my male sub now?!" she exclaimed to the ceiling. But she quickly noticed a piece of paper next to him. "A suicide note?" she assumed. She picked up the paper and began to read it. But it was not long before she began to laugh uncontrollably, she suddenly felt her heart explode and she collapsed, dead, right on top of her lover, coincidentally in a sixty-nine position.

Hours later, outside the carrot farmhouse, Bon Bon was on the scene to report of the latest deaths. "Shortly after eleven o'clock here on Golden Harvest Farms, comedy struck as both Carrot Top and her lover Written Script, were found dead to asphyxiation from laughter, the Royal Guards have quarantined the area and with me now is Royal Guard captain, Flash Sentry." she gave the mike over to Flash, in full armor.

"As leader of this battalion, I will enter the house and attempt to remove the joke." explained Flash.

Behind them, they heard crazed laughter from inside before they saw Doctor Stable jump out the second floor window in hysterical laughter. He died instantly on impact. Flash continued on with the interview as if nothing happened.

"I shall be aided by the sounds of 'Cinderella' by Steven Curtis Chapman and 'Gloomy Sunday' playing on repeat on a record along with my battalion chanting funeral laments...the depressing atmosphere should protect me in case I should ever end up reading the joke." continued Flash.

He gave the signal to his battalion and the laments and songs began to play. Flash sternly put on his helmet and with a brave face, marched into the farmhouse.

"There goes a brave guard." explained Bon Bon in awe. "If he comes out alive, he'll be a hero and will get my P.O. box address, if not, he'll be awarded posthumously for his efforts." she reported.

Suddenly, Flash ran back out of the farmhouse laughing hysterically, he used his wings to carry the paper with the joke written on it. But before he could reach his battalion, he collapsed on the ground, dead. His battalion removed their helmets in respect.

It was not long before the Royal Guards and Celestia became interested in the defensive potential of this killer joke. Under tight security, it was presented at a meeting in Her Highness' Defense Ministry.

A royal guard with a saddle bag carrying the joke inside ran into Defense Ministry headquarters in Canterlot to present the joke. After the door closed, laughter quickly emanated from the building as all the occupants inside could be heard dying off until it was once again complete silence.

Top brass was impressed. Tests confirmed that the joke had an effective range of 19 lengths

A group of guards looked out from their bunker to see a lone guard out in the field, 19 lengths away from the lone guard, two more guards stood next to an easel that was covered up. A flag was quickly waved and the two guards at the easel immediately uncovered it and dived for cover. The lone guard squinted his eyes to get a better look at what was written on the easel, after about a minute of trying to comprehend the joke, he predictably started to laugh and suddenly collapse on the ground, dead.

The guards in the bunker looked at each other with impressed looks.

The scene cuts to Celestia who walked along the guards while speaking directly to the camera. "All through the winter of 943, I ordered translators to work in joke proof conditions to make a Griffin version of the joke. They each worked on a single word per day for maximum safety. One of them saw two words and promptly ended up in a coma for a month, but apart from that, the joke was immediately ready by the first month of 944." she explained nonchalantly.

So by the summer 944, the joke was ready to be told to the enemy at the Dásos forest in the Griffin Empire

Some royal guards huddled in a trench in the forest, hoping to not get detected by the enemy. Their commanding officer quickly got an idea. "Let's tell the joke." he whispered. Everyone grabbed their copy of the joke written in the Griffin language and got ready for the signal. "TELL THE JOKE!" their commander ordered.

"Αν είναι o νυνστρυξκ γιτ και σλοτερμεψερ? Ναι! βειηερηυνδ o ή o φλιππερωαλτ γερσπυτ!" read the pony guards.

At first, there was silence with a few hushed conversations coming from the Griffin trenches. Suddenly, all the enemy popped out from the trenches in extremely laughter before promptly dying.

A fantastic success, and one that the Griffin king cannot match

A film is shown of the Griffin king making a joke. "ο σκύλος μου δεν πήρε καμία μύτη!". A young Griffin guard responded with "πώς μυρίζει?", as the king responded with "απαίσιος!"

In action, the joke continued to wreak havoc in the war

The Equestrian guards charged at the Griffin army, they loudly read the joke to them. Many of the enemy promptly laugh and die, with several falling from the sky.

And the amount of Griffin casualties was astounding

At the Griffin field hospital, many of their injured continued to laugh manically as many wore straight jackets. It looked more like an insane asylum than a hospital at this point.

At a prison camp, a female Griffin officer named Gilda savagely beats a stallion pony guard named Caramel. "What is the joke!?" demanded Gilda as she slapped the pony guard in the face.

"I will only divulge my name, rank and why did the Griffin cross that road!" smirked Caramel as he spat blood on Gilda's face.

"Grrr...I want to know the joke!" she punched him in the stomach.

"Okay, okay, I'll tell you!" gasped the stallion. "How do you make a Griffin cross?" he asked.

Gilda played along, curious. "How do you make a Griffin cross?"

"Tread on their tails!" he exclaimed before he stomped hard on Gilda's tail. She let out an eagle like screech of pain.

She quickly grabbed Caramel and pinned him against the wall. "You will tell me the joke or else I'll be forced to switch from making you feel pain to pleasure!" she explained.

"I've fucked griffins before, I know what to expect!" stated Caramel, defiant to the end.

"Oh really?" Gilda smirked. She showed Caramel one of her talons. "Since you have fucked one of us before, I bet you are not stranger to this act." Gilda with a smile slowly brought her talon down to his privates.

"No, wait!" panicking. "Not up there, that's where I pee from! No!" he tried to fight her off. "I'LL TELL YOU THE JOKE!"

Gilda dropped Caramel to the floor. "Right answer dipshit." she laughed. She quickly went over to the type writer to write down what her prisoner is going to confess. "This should be good."

Caramel reluctantly began to say the joke to Gilda. "Αν είναι o νυνστρυξκ γιτ και σλοτερμεψερ? Ναι! βειηερηυνδ o ή o φλιππερωαλτ γερσπυτ!"

Gilda stopped typing. "That was the joke?! That was lame!" she groaned with annoyance. She looked at the joke a second time but a snicker came out. She quickly covered her mouth. "Oh crud! Not cool!" she ran out the door but quickly collapsed out on the hallway floor in laughter. "Damn you!" she yelled between her laughs before she predictably died.

Caramel ran off to escape but was cornered by another griffin with a sword. "Αν είναι o νυνστρυξκ γιτ και σλοτερμεψερ? Ναι! βειηερηυνδ o ή o φλιππερωαλτ γερσπυτ!" he said with lightning speed before the guard had a chance to strike. The guard just keels over and dies after a brief chuckle. Caramel quickly escaped.

But at Potámi in the autumn of 944, the Griffins worked on a joke of their own.

A griffin scientist nervously told his proposed joke to his boss behind the desk. The boss looked unimpressed as the scientist read the joke. "Το ένα είναι κιννερηυνδερ και δύο μαξκελ και προσεύχονται πω είναι το σπρεξηενσιε ξλυβηουσε. 'Όχι' συζήτηση των κυρίων Είναι 'αυφερν βοργερ με ζϝειτινγεν'." the scientist nervously laughed.

"Εμείς θα σας ενημερώσουμε" was all the boss said before he signaled one of the guards in the room. The guard proceeded to skewer the scientist through the heart with his sword to kill him.

But by the final month of the year, the Griffins were ready with their own version and their King gave orders for it to be broadcast in Equestrian across radio stations in Equestria.

Fluttershy was in her cottage as she anxiously listened to the radio broadcast.

The voice on the radio spoke in a thick Griffin accent. "There are two peanuts, walking down the street, and one was....assaulted! Peanut!" laughed the voice before the broadcast cut off and the Griffin national anthem played.

Fluttershy just looked on with confusion. "That wasn't funny...I don't think..."

The scene then switched to an Equestrian countryside, where the narrator, Spike, walked around. "In 945, peace was achieved after the King bribed Celestia with twice her body weight in baklava to stop the fighting immediately. Five years later, joke warfare was banned in a special meeting of all the kingdoms, much to Celestia's reluctance too. In 950, the last remaining copy of the joke was padlocked into a lead lined box and buried 12 feet deep in this grave here." Spike pointed to a small graver marker that read:

'To the unknown Joke'

"The joke would never be told again." explained Spike. "This has been 'Documentary Tonight!' with me, Spike the dragon, good night, and good luck." he then walked off towards a random direction.

At the beach, the Cutie Mark Crusaders used sticks to poke at the old stallion's body. To their shock, the old stallion quickly got up and ran into the water, he started to swim away from shore. The three fillies looked on with confusion.

Whither Vanhoover? features appearances by:
in order of appearance...
HRH Princess Twilight Sparkle
Pinkie Pie
Frederic Horseshoepin
Khan the yak
Cheese Sandwich
Vinyl Scratch
Octavia
Rarity
Silver Shill
Lightning Dust
Derpy
Cheerilee
Granny Smith
Flim-Flam Brothers
Trenderhoof
Photo Finish
Time Turner
Fancy "Two Bits" Pants
Rainbow Dash
Spitfire
Lyra Heartstrings
Written Script
Carrot Top
Sweetie "BonBon" Drops
Flash Sentry
HRH Princess Celestia
Gilda the Griffin
Caramel
Fluttershy
& Spike the Dragon

Pinkie suddenly popped up into the screen. "Oh, and whoopee cushions win 9-4 against the Equestrian quadrupeds, and will go on to meet Victoria Justice in the final." she announced before she just as quickly disappeared.