The Adventures of Kid Chameleon
The city of Canterlot just isn't what it used to be. It all happened so fast. It all happened in a big blur…everything went to hell. It's almost as if...everyone's sense of morals just...disappeared. A bad economy didn’t do any favors for them, either. The jobs started drying up. Because of that, the stores had to shut down.
As more and more ponies turned to crime and violence, this city has become gripped in fear. These are some dark-as-hell times. The city needs protection.
Luckily, there is a reptile that blends into the crowd by night, clinging to the walls, and uses his super-stretch tongue of justice to devour the bugs of crime and villainy. In order to remove these vile insects from the homes of society, I have decided to become more than a mutant. This city needs a hero. Of course, I am that hero. My name is Alvin Bennett.
Armed with my trusty sidekick Hogjaw the Super Pig, alias Simon Waronker, I am…KID CHAMELEON!!
As Equis plummets into despair and tragedy, Kid Chameleon (that’s me) and Hog Jaw (that’s my sidekick) fight to preserve law and order.
Now, we’re in the park, because Hogjaw forgot to use the bathroom before we went out on nightly patrol. For a genetically altered guardian of justice, that just isn’t very intelligent.
Kid Chameleon took out his binoculars and spied a young mare, around 21, being cornered on a bench by a scruffy-looking stallion.
“I told you, Josh; I’m not ready!” the mare sobbed.
“Well…I am,” replied the stallion, getting closer.
An innocent mare, about to be raped…is THIS what our fair city has been reduced to? When the money trail ends, the raping trail begins?
Well, what can you expect? Some are helpless…without Kid Chameleon on the job. And even though Hog-Jaw is…indisposed, K.C. can still find a way to kick some ass and save the day.
Kid Chameleon leapt into action.
“Let the mare GO!!” he growled, pointing a finger at the stallion.
“Feh…it’s just some weirdo skunk in a goofy costume,” Josh shrugged as he went back to his business.
In an instant, Kid Chameleon pressed some buttons on his transmogrification device and transformed into an angry cat.
He leaped onto the bench, and began clawing at the stallion’s face like crazy.
He turned to the mare. “Get out of here and report this bastard to the cops while I handle him!! NOW!!”
She nodded, and galloped off towards the nearest police station. Feeling that his foe had learned his lesson, K.C. transformed back into his regular form and glared at Josh.
“And should you ever threaten or attempt to deflower another mare ever again, I may have to deal with your little friends: Tom, Dick, and Harry.” he growled.
Quickly, Kid Chameleon raced off into the night just as the police showed up. He climbed to the roof of the park restroom and found Hog Jaw waiting for him.
“CONSIDER THAT A LITTLE PRESENT, OFFICERS!!” K.C. yelled.
One of the officers, who’d caught a glimpse of the two superheroes on the roof, turned back quickly, only to see that they were gone.
“Who are you, Kid Chameleon?” he said to himself.
Meanwhile, as Kid Chameleon and Hog-Jaw headed home, the two heroes had a brief discussion between the two of them.
“I told you to use the toilet before we left for patrol!” KC griped.
“I didn’t have to go at that point, therefore it didn’t seem necessary.” Hogjaw replied.
“How many fucking times do I need to tell you? Even if it doesn’t seem necessary at the time, DO IT ANYWAY!!” KC screamed back at his sidekick.
“I-i’m sorry, KC.” replied Hog-Jaw.
Kid Chameleon sighed, exasperated.
“Forget about it. Look, maybe if we can make it home in time, we can catch the nightly reruns of Alvin & the Chipmunks (1983 TV series) in time, of make it home before it starts. Tonight’s rerun marathon kicks off with “The C-Team” the one where they team up with Mr. T.”
"For real?! WOW!!"
KC’s Point of View (Narrating):
That’s enough to motivate him into speeding up the pace on the Chamele-mobile so we can get home in time. But hey; if anything involving the Alvin & the Chipmunks cartoon is involved, it’s enough to motivate me, too.
In a few minutes, we’re both at home, resuming our civilian identities: average, mild-mannered Al Bennett and Si Waronker. We’re plopped on beanbag chairs in front of the TV, watching cartoons.
Suddenly, our friend who's more like a landlord, the Purple One enters our loft. Sorry if I didn’t mention that we lived in a loft.
As she moves in front of the TV, I pull my head up with a confused look. If she’s interrupting the FIRST episode of ‘Alvin and the Chipmunks’, then it’s probably some major bullcrap.
Normal POV
*“If you’re gonna block our TV, this had damn well better be important,” Si grunts.*
*“I have an announcement to make,” Twilight replied. “We’re moving to Ponyville.”*
*At this, Al spat out his soda in shock.*
*“M-moving? WHY?” he asked.*
*“The Princess wants me to move so I can make ‘friends’. I don’t NEED friends!” Twilight objects.*
*“Then what would you call that little guy who always hangs around with you?"*
*"Spike? He's my assistant."*
*"...which technically counts as a friend, right?"*
*"NO!! LOOK, WE'RE MOVING, AND THAT'S THAT!!" She then stomps out of the room in a huff.*
*Aw, shit. Not even Alvin and the Chipmunks could cheer me up now.*
*Well...maybe.*
The Adventures of Kid Chameleon
Apparently, Kid Chameleon had somehow been caught off his guard, and Dr. Purplesmart took this opportunity to capture him. Luckily, she didn’t know about his secret identity.
"You and your pig sidekick have ruined my beloved machine, and now I shall have my revenge as I attempt the impossible!" the doctor vowed.
"What, you're gonna get a boyfriend?" Kid Chameleon scoffed. This made the doctor glare at him.
"This is my new formula," the doctor took out a beaker filled with purple liquid. "…my latest experiment!"
"Hold on, Hold ON!! Don't you need a permission slip from my parent or guardian?" Kid Chameleon kept mocking her, much to her annoyance and his amusement.
"Joke while you can, Kid Chameleon Bennett, but I'm going to turn you into a mindless zombie," the doctor grinned. "By the way, I meant to ask: have you ever seen a mindless zombie?"
“She’s asking ME if I’ve ever seen a mindless zombie. Well, I have seen nerds binge-watching every TV episode & movie of Star Trek. Does that count for anything?” Kid Chameleon looked casual again as he laid his snappy remarks on her.
Needless to say, Twilight Crescent Sparkle, aka Dr. Purplesmart, wasn't going to let his smart remarks go unpunished.
"Hurry; we gotta save Kid Chameleon!" Hog Jaw gasped as he ran with Booster and Sugar Belle towards the barn’s secret cider cellar (bet you can’t say that 3 times fast).
"Finally," the doctor grinned. "My fiendish formula is finished!"
"I bet you a million bucks—er, bits you can't say that three times fast." Kid Chameleon tempted her, smirking as he knew she would try just to outsmart him.
"Never mind, you little pest; drink it, before it eats through the beaker!" she shoved the concoction in his face.
Kid Chameleon pushed it back. "If I wanted to drink something totally disgusting, I'd drink the sewer sludge!!"
The doctor began to try to force it down his throat.
"WAIT!" Kid Chameleon pushed it back again.
The doctor grunted. "What now?"
"Is this diet or regular? ‘Cause I hate diet."
The doctor ignored that and poured the strange concoction down KC’s throat.
“GAAAAAH….*BLUB~!* *GURGLE…!!*”
"You think that Tatzlwurm was a monster?" the doctor grinned as she was finishing up Kid Chameleon's mutation. "Let's see what you turn into...FOR SCIENCE!!"
Dr. Purplesmart placed a dinky-looking helmet atop C’s head and quickly pulled the lever.
The sounds emitted during the electrocution were something like this:
{BLBLBLBLBLBLBLBLB!!} {KZZZZT!!} {Poit-poit-poit-poit-NARF!!}
The gang was too late. But Kid Chameleon didn't seem to look all that different after the transformations and electricity.
"Kid Chameleon!" Booster yelled.
“Are you okay, K.C.?" asked Hog Jaw.
"Yeah, I think so, old buddy..." Kid Chameleon blinked, though felt a little pain suddenly, must have been a growth spurt. "Ow..."
"I don't get it..." the doctor said, disappointed. “The formula I fed him is foolproof... Perhaps another jolt..."
While the ‘good’ doctor was trying to discern what could have gone wrong, Kid Chameleon, Hog Jaw, Booster, and S.B. quickly left the cellar.
"You won’t escape so easily...my little lab rat..." the doctor murmured as they escaped.
Soon, they were running through Ponyville.
"Kid Chameleon, what did the doctor give you to drink?" Hog Jaw asked.
"I dunno," Kid Chameleon shrugged. "Some weird purple goop... tastes worse than broccoli-cabbage."
Booster went to look up the formula in the book, then found it.
"'Cartoon Monster-Maker Frappe; serve cold with 50,000 volt chaser and wait three minutes'," he then looked at his wristwatch to see three minutes had gone by. "Ruh-roh..."
"Here's your jacket, Kid Chameleon." Sugar Belle handed over the black jacket.
"It’s so weird to see you without it." Hog Jaw added.
"Thanks..." Kid Chameleon reached for it, but for some reason, his hand grew in size, then he started to swell up like a balloon and was even bouncing.
“I-FEEL-LIKE-A-BLIMP-IN-A-POP-CORN-MA-CHINE-GO-ING-IN-SLOW-MO-TION!!” yelped KC as he bounced around.
"What the heck?" Hog Jaw asked out of confusion.
"Is he bloating?" Sugar Belle asked.
"I don't think that's how animals bloat..." Booster muttered.
Soon, Kid Chameleon deflated down. But there was something…unusual about him.
For starters, one of his eyes was bigger than the other, and had a giant spiral in it. Other than that, he looked like a caricature of himself.
"Give me THAT!" he yelled, putting his jacket back on and his yell sent Booster tumbling backward.
"Huh?" Even Hog Jaw was questioning him.
"What're you lookin' at, Pork Rind?" Kid Chameleon glared, as he raced around his sidekick so quickly it caused him to form into a mini-tornado which sent him spinning away.
"Kid Chameleon? What happened to you, sweetie?" Sugar Belle asked him.
"Ch-Ch-Chill out, babe; and it’s ‘Psychomeleon’ now!” Psychomeleon grabbed Sugar Belle’s hand and spun her against an ice cream vendor's cart. Then, a flyer dropped into his hand. Quickly, he read it over.
“Oh, well, well; looks like Blueblood is having a little shindig. Knowing him, those snobby ponies could use a little entertainment. To Canterlot—AWAY! YIPPEE-KA-PEE-POW!!" yelled Psychomeleon, laughing like a madman as he went off to cause more mayhem.
Sugar Belle then sat up covered with vanilla ice cream. "I blame that mad doctor for this," she said before tasting the ice cream. "Mm, vanilla..."
The boys rushed over. "Sugar Belle, are you okay?" asked Hog Jaw.
"A little frozen from the ice cream," Sugar Belle said before cleaning herself from the ice cream. "But nothing I can't handle; now, someone please tell me what that was Al about."
"It wasn't Kid Chameleon," Booster explained. "Well, it was him, but not really, it's because of that cartoon monster formula the doctor gave him. He's acting as crazy as the Warner Trio from Animaniacs…maybe even crazier."
"Well, he can't go on like that, this may be a fanfiction, but it isn’t a cartoon!" Hog Jaw retorted.
"Well, right now, we've got to make sure he doesn't hurt anyone." Sugar Belle said.
"Let’s just hope he doesn’t hurt himself." Booster sighed.
'Let's just hope no one thinks he's a monster.' Sugar Belle thought.
Meanwhile, at Prince Blueblood’s party, Psychomeleon suddenly whirled in like the Tasmanian Devil and scared everyone into silence by roaring like a lion.
"Who's that?" Hoity Toity wondered.
“Time to spin and WIN!!” Kid Chameleon grinned as she rolled up into a ball and started to roll down like a bowling ball and these people were her pins.
“Now that’s what I call a STEEE-RIKE!!” Psychomeleon joked as he cackled like a madman.
"SUGAR BELLE, YOUR BOYFRIEND IS RUINING EVERYTHING!" Cloud Chaser yelled rather uncharacteristically.
Speaking of Sugar Belle, he and the chipmunks finally got to the entrance of the party.
Kid Chameleon used a chainsaw, ruining the ice sculpture of a Chameleon swan and getting ice on everyone and she laughed. "Anyone want some ice?" she then bashed it with a hammer.
"Hold it!" a guard came in front of them.
"We're Kid Chameleon’s sidekicks." Hog Jaw told him.
The guard looked at the list. "Sidekicks...sidekicks..."
"I'm sure we're on the list." Booster said.
The guard looked again. "Yeah, go in, and it looks like a Sugar Belle and Booster Reginald are allowed in also, as requested."
"I'm Sugar Belle." Sugar Belle introduced herself.
"Go ahead, then." the guard let her go with the two boys.
"Eureka!" Booster happily exclaimed as he got the book open to find something important. "The antidote! Oh, no... I have no idea how to find these ingredients..."
"What are the ingredients?" Sugar Belle asked.
"Inert marine ova, the lower limbs of an amphibian, bovine oral organs..." Booster read, it sounded like Latin terms, but he couldn't think of where to find such a thing.
"Hey, the buffet table!" Hog Jaw dashed over, grabbing a plate.
"Simon, this is hardly the time for a snack." Booster rolled his eyes.
"No, it's the ingredients; they’re all on the buffet table." Sugar Belle joined Hog Jaw.
"Look," Hog Jaw collected the things, but cringed at the last thing. "Caviar, frogs' legs, beef tongue--oh, yuck…!"
Sugar Belle smiled, and then looked to Booster. "What else would we need?"
Kid Chameleon—oops, I almost forgot—Psychameleon laughed wildly as he spun through the garden, causing destruction and making mischief. But then, he stopped when he saw a cardboard cut-out for Blueblood, much to his disgust, then he started to cover it with green paint to vandalize it for his amusement.
'Is he insane?!' Rarity thought angrily. She stormed over to the boy. "What do you think you're doing, Kid Chameleon?!"
Psychameleon glanced back at her, and then grinned.
“Oh, simply making a few changes to the art design; hope you don’t MI~IND!!” he leered, as he put the paint over her face, zipping off.
"How very uncouth..." Rarity growled; she liked Kid Chameleon, and she was Twilight's best friend, but she couldn't stand for this.
And then a stallion with a camera took her picture. Rarity rolled her eyes, trying to get the paint off.
"Now, we need one more item." Booster said as he stirred the concoction into the old punch bowl. "Escargot."
Hog Jaw and Sugar Belle thought for a moment. "Snails!" Hog Jaw sniffed at the ground, and then began to dig. “I found some LIVE ones!!”
Sugar Belle then grabbed the snail and then both she and Hog Jaw then ran back to Kid Chameleon and Booster.
"Guys, do you know what's with Kid Chameleon?" Applejack asked as she came over. "He's acting like a..."
"Monster?" Booster asked as he kept stirring.
"We know." Sugar Belle said then.
Suddenly, pieces of wood were flying as Psychameleon began hacking a wooden table to pieces with a chainsaw, then chuckled. "Okay, folks--WHO wants a toothpick?"
"*groans* You guys better get whatever you guys are making done as soon as possible." AJ said.
"Well, we're good; now we just gotta make him ingest this miserable slop." Booster said.
Hog Jaw looked disgusted. "Even I wouldn't eat that mess...and I’M a pig!!"
Booster looked at the book and noticed something. "Houston, we have a problem..."
"What now?" Sugar Belle moaned.
"Apparently this stuff won't work unless Kid Chameleon is upside down." Booster explained.
"Oh, great, how are we going to get him to eat this stuff upside down?" Sugar Belle asked.
The boys and Sugar Belle went around into the crowd of people as they cheered for the incoming celebrities.
"Do you guys see him?" Kid Chameleon asked.
Psychameleon was heard hooting and hollering not too far away and came to harass the incoming royalty.
"Unfortunately, yes." Sugar Belle said as she pointed to where Psychameleon was.
A big white carriage came up and the famed royalty known as Prince Blueblood came out, making the onlookers roar.
"WOWEE!" Kid Chameleon zipped over to him with a large book. "Can I have your autograph?" he batted his eyelashes to him.
"Very well…I suppose it will provide some light in your pathetic commoner life." Blueblood said before signing his name in the gigantic book.
"Prince Blueblood..." Psychameleon smirked, and then slammed the book on him. "YOU’RE A DORK!!" he yelled. Then he ran off, cackling.
This made Blueblood’s guards break him out of the book and go after Kid Chameleon to make him pay. Kid Chameleon kept laughing as he ran while the boys had to figure out how to get him upside down to drink the antidote; also, lucky for them, he would have no memory of what he's doing now.
'There's just gotta be a way to get him to drink this stuff while he's upside down somehow.' Sugar Belle thought.
"Try and catch me, buddy boy! WOO! WOO! WOO! WOO!!" Psychameleon laughed as he started to climb up. He got on top of the cut-out, jumping up and down wildly, but it was starting to make him and Blueblood about to fall.
"Oh, no, Blueblood!" Trixie cried, and then frowned to herself. "Oh, yeah... and Kid Chameleon."
"Yikes! Well, that'll have to do, let's just hope we can get the antidote to him." Sugar Belle said as he looked and saw where Kid Chameleon and Blueblood were.
"May we borrow this?" Hog Jaw had an idea as he grabbed a fur pelt off a woman, then ran with it. "Thanks!"
Booster did some thinking. "Two of us should wrap the bowl around this and then fling it up in the air to Kid Chameleon. It should do the trick, but we only have one shot."
"Yeah, so maybe you and Hog Jaw should do it, Booster." Sugar Belle suggested.
Booster checked the measurements. "High into northeast, guys, it's the only way to make it work." he told them, using his brain power.
Sugar Belle grabbed one end while Hog Jaw grabbed the other, they bounced it about two times and on the third bounce, they launched the bowl into the air to make Kid Chameleon drink it as it would be in the air.
It worked! Psychameleon gulped it down, looking disgusted, then slowly turned back to normal and he gasped.
"Whoa, how did I get up there!?" Kid Chameleon looked scared instantly.
"Yes; he's back!" Sugar Belle said out of victory.
Special help came to get Blueblood and Kid Chameleon down. In due time, everyone had forgotten about the incident that had occurred that night.
"Thanks, guys." Kid Chameleon smiled to Sugar Belle and the boys.
"No problem, Kid Chameleon. It's what some girlfriends do; save their boyfriends." Sugar Belle said, as KC couldn’t help but blush at this.
"How did it taste?" Hog Jaw asked him.
"Can I just say it's worse than sewer slime?" Kid Chameleon cringed, still remembering how the antidote and formula tasted. "How could the antidote taste worse than that purple junk?"
“I guess it’s true what they say...sometimes, the cure IS worse than the disease.”
"Yep, sure looks like it." Sugar Belle said.
