Night Among Royalty

Most fools think that life is meant for those who are the strongest or highest in the social food chain, They think that by being some badass able to take on armies or being a rich dictator, they think that they’re worthy enough to walk the planet spreading their bullshit ideals on those they think are ‘worthy’ in their eyes but they blind themselves with such petty delusions so when reality decides to break every single bone in their body, they’ll say almost anything to go back to their delusions like a security blanket. The key to survive this predestined social vice grip isn’t with how much money you have, whether or not the idiotic beliefs you preach to the masses will convince them that your way of life is the only way they should live or having muscles the size of bull balls in their desperate attempts to attract a gorgeous mate. The creation of the social ladder has made everyone I’ve come across believe that life is meant to be spent on one simplistic thought process; eat, sleep, get a job, get married, fuck only to have children and forget the fact that evolution is kinder to whoever can adapt to their current situation when shit hits the fan, but I guess I have no say in the matter since I’ve been forced to let my crossbow gather dust now that I am an official citizen of Equestria ‘protected’ under Celestia’s law.

For three months I’ve been able to stop looking over my shoulders for the one who might finally put a bullet in my head and since retirement was far from my mind I never expected to be used as a suit model for a mare who is also the world’s front line of defense.

“Hold still Frostbite” Rarity pouts nearly sticking me with a sewing needle.

I growl and tighten my legs to the point where I can feel the bones starting to snap.

“It took you guys a week to get me out of the Everfree forest when you threatened to cut my mane, but when we compromised it took even longer to pick the color of the ribbon to tie it with so now you have to make a new vest for me to wear at an event I never agreed to go to… an event we have to arrive for in the next TWO HOURS”

Rarity sighs “Well if I had known that you had also received an invitation, we wouldn’t have had to go through so much embarrassment now would we? Besides I was a bit preoccupied with-”

“By preoccupied you mean making dresses to show (what was his name? Puff Ball? Cheese Fan?) that you were the best seamstress in Equestria? Either way he was a cunt! Even though your friends were able to turn the situation around… it was their fault it was to begin wi- OW!!!” A pin finds its way between my ribs.

“You did that on purpose” I growl.

“Now THAT would be woefully unladylike” Rarity giggles.

After Rarity gives me enough acupuncture to cure polio, I go back to my apartment and put on my attire which consists of a dark blue vest with a silver tie and a dark orange ribbon tied in a bow on the upper half of my mane, a parcel from an old friend came in earlier today giving me a smaller pair of sunglasses and a note saying they would help me see in lower lighting, I look in the mirror through the rectangular frames and the black void surrounding my eyes turn white. When the sun sets, I look out the window… the glasses don’t turn everything green or grey and instead makes the surrounding streetlamps brighter. I throw the parcel away and put hang the glasses on the neck of my suit when someone knocks at the door; I open the door to find Spike impatiently tapping his foot on the hardwood.

“Are you ready?” He asks.

“I hate social gatherings, especially ones that involve inbred royalty.” I answer brushing past him.

“If it makes you feel any better I’m not too happy about it either” Spike injects as I hear him run next to me.

“But are you the one with a life sentence of house arrest with a drinking problem?” I snort opening the exit of the complex and following Spike to a carriage with Twilight, Rarity Pinkie, Rainbow and Applejack already inside.

“No” Spike answers hesitantly as he takes a seat

“I hope you have something to keep you occupied because we won’t be leaving until the Gala is over” Rarity speaks as I keep my gaze to the Everfree forest.

“Avoiding every royal in sight is my plan” I growl.

“So you’re not going to meet the Princess?” Twilight asks.

“No” I answer not looking at her only to hear her laugh.

“That’s funny… because a few seconds ago I received a letter from the princess.

I snap my head towards Twilight as she conjures up a scroll and clears her throat

“My faithful student-” She begins “Please be sure that Frostbite sees me before I attend the Gala so he can report on his integration with society.”

I lunge forward and rip the scroll out of the magic aura, and sure enough the short sentence is written in Celestia’s hoof writing (Although if she writes these letters with her magic…).

“THAT BITCH!” I growl slumping back into my seat.

“Sooner or later we’re going to have to work on your swearing” Rarity says while adjusting my tie.

“Didn’t you know swearing heightens your pain threshold?” I chuckle “Twilight probably keeps the book hidden from the general public so they don’t end up liberating themse-OOOWWW!!”

Pinkie slams a glass jar under my chin then holds it up between my eyes.

“Bit in the jar” Pinkie orders.

“You’re shitting me!” I growl receiving another smack from the jar.

“Two Bits” Pinkie growls pressing the glass against my side.

“I don’t have fucking any money” I growl shoving Pinkie’s hoof away.

“Didn’t you help Applejack with a pest problem two weeks ago?” Rarity asks.

“I spent it all” I answer

“On what?” Applejack laughs giving me a sack of bits.

“Booze” I answer dropping four bits into the jar.

“Then it seems that wasting your money on alcohol damaged your ability to count” Twilight says as Pinkie shoves the jar into her mane.

“No, in fact booze could have spared me the memories of experiencing what may be the worst fucking night of my life” I sigh looking back out the carriage.

“Worst night of your life so far” Pinkie chirps.