Bones and Magic

"Uhhh...groan."

Fone Bone looked around and saw he was in some kind of hospital, and in two beds next to him, were his cousins. Strange thing was, right next to him was a lead pipe. Fone picked up the pipe and a note fell to the floor.

Might need this for later.

Bartleby.

Fone sighed and set the lead pipe next to his bag. Then, he heard footsteps. Bartleby walked in, followed by a horse, only horses weren't his size, they didn't have a horn and wings, and they certainly weren't lavender. Fone blinked his eyes several times at the horse, and then, it spoke.

"You're Fone Bone, right?"

Fone blinked again, and slapped his hand to his head.

"This HAS to be one of three things. One, I'm dreaming. Two, I'm hallucinating. Three, I just ended up in the land of colored horses."

"I'm a pony, actually." Twilight said. Fone's eyebrows shot up, and he promptly banged his head against the wall repeatedly. Then, with one final bang, he fell back into his bed.

"Yeah, I'm not dreaming." he said. "How do you know my name?"

"Oh, your friend Bartleby woke up before you, told us who you were. And apparently you're not from around here, so I guess...welcome?" she said. "We've never had visitors from an alternate dimension before."

"Wait, WHAT?" Fone said. "Alternate dimension? Where in the name of all creation are we?"

"Equestria." Twilight said.

Fone banged his head against the wall again. He promptly gave a sigh and collapsed again.

"Well, I guess we should get introduced." He said. "Fone Bone, but I guess you already know that."

"Princess Twilight Sparkle." Twilight replied. "So, where are you from?"

"Boneville. We were heading home when some white orb sucked us up and dumped us here." Fone said. "Heard of it?"

"Can't say I have." Twilight said. "Well…"

Suddenly, crashes and screams came from down the hall. Fone and Twilight looked out to see Bartleby bucking around playfully like a rodeo bull, and Pinkie Pie (wearing a ten-gallon hat), riding him. Then, Bartleby wound up, and took off like a rocket down the hall, past an astounded Twilight and a very confused Fone.

"What the hell was that?" Fone asked.

"Seems Pinkie made a friend in your friend." she said. "I don't know where she got the hat from, but it's, as we say, just Pinkie being Pinkie."

"Fair point." Fone said. "I just hope I don't have to bang my head against the wall again."

"Hopefully you won't." Twilight said. "So, tell me about your friends over there."

"Well, we're cousins, actually, and we kinda got thrown out of Boneville...well, Phoney got thrown out, but we went with him, after a catastrophic series of uncontrollable events. Involving a balloon of him, bad prunes, and general chaos."

"What happened?" Twilight asked.

"Just know that whole series of events got us thrown out of town on a rail." Fone said. "Eventually, we ended up in The Valley east of Boneville. Ended up staying there for a while. Met some nice people, had lots of crazy adventures, battled demons, met two really stupid rat creatures, and ended up helping save the valley from destruction." Fone said. "It's kind of a long story. Geez, I wish I had help."

Then, a leaf floated into the window. Then, it sprung up into the form of a bug.

"Heyo, Fone Bone!"

"Ted the Bug?" Fone asked. "What are you doing here?"

"Oh, sorry, I'm not Ted. I'm Eugene. Ted's my cousin. I just so happened to be stopping by. We generic and tiny green bugs with colossal older brother bugs all are able to dimension-travel, for some unknown reason!"

"How are you able to do that?" Fone asked.

"Oh, how else are we able to get to everywhere we're needed in a lickety-split?" Mort said. "By the way, Princess, I just so happen to have this for you!"

Eugene opened a crack in reality and brought out a very large book, titled…

THE CHRONICLES OF BONE.

"Well, I gotta head out. I've got an errand to run. Something about two dimension-hopping idiots named Rick and Morty. See ya!"

Eugene jumped into the crack, waving a tiny leather suitcase. Twilight looked over at Fone, who shrugged.

"Let's pretend that never happened." Twilight said.

"Anything can happen in a cartoon." Fone said.

"What was that?" Twilight asked.

"Nothing. Well, yeah. I think I can explain better when my cousins are up. Just know that when they do, Phoney will most likely want to beat Smiley over the head repeatedly, and I might need to use this lead pipe." Fone said. Twilight nodded, and soon, Phoney's groans were heard.

"Aw, geez. Where the hell…" he broke off upon seeing Twilight. "What the hell are you?"

"Twilight Sparkle." She said. "You're Phoney Bone, right?"

"Yeah, that's me." Phoney replied. "What did my cousin tell you?"

"Um...just who you were, and how you got here." Twilight replied. "Why?"

"Not important." Phoney said, his eyes darting back and forth.

"Hate to break it to you…but...I need to say this." Fone said. "Twilight, most of the time Phoney gets into trouble, it's due to his idiotic schemes to get rich as soon as he can. Most of the time, it's him who gets into trouble."

"Like the time he got tied to a stake and hit with eggs!" Smiley said, standing up with a devious smile.

"When was this?" Twilight asked.

"A while ago." Fone said. "He tried to fix a Cow Race. Didn't work out, and resulted in what Smiley said."

Phoney huffed angrily.

"Well, I guess we should start telling you about the Valley." Phone said.

"OH! Storytime!" Pinkie said, riding in on Bartleby, and followed by the rest of the Elements, all very exhausted.

"What happened to you?" Twilight asked. Rarity, Applejack, Fluttershy, and Rainbow simply pointed at Pinkie.

"Oh…" she said. "Well, I don't think a hospital is the best place. One sec."

Twilight teleported everyone to her castle, and upon reappearing, Fone looked over at Twilight.

"What was that?" he asked.

"Teleportation." Twilight replied. "Disappear in one place, reappear in another."

"Geez, what now?" Phoney said. "First the whole pony thing, now this?"

"Phoney, shut up please." Fone said. "Let's begin."

"Let's." Twilight said, opening a notebook.