I jumped up like a cat, my back arching and my eyes wide and alert. My body was far more streamlined and I felt like I had a smaller muzzle. I was a female, my name was 'Scarlet Fire' in this realm. All I could remember from the last realm was how deeply rooted I was in Rainbow's train of thought. A runaway train to say the least.

"Blowing through a planet is pretty badass I suppose. Is that how I see her? Or was I projecting through her? Why am I a chica?"

Confusion? Longing? Perversion?

"Didn't I tell you to fuck off?" I growled lowly under my breath, the higher-pitched voice sounding sweet on my lips. I was outside in Ponyville, about a street away from Elusive's place, at least that was his male version's name.

What caused me to delve deeper into my own madness and switch realms? Did I make an unconscious decision when I was bored of something? I'd started off pretty tame but the longer I'd been trapped inside of myself the more extreme I'd gotten. Where would I have gone had I not stopped when I did? Was there anywhere else to go after genocide and totalitarian states?

I wiggled.

There was no point in justifying the past now. I'd established that. I felt some form of clarity from my previous deep dive's into my soul. I was messed up, but I knew it. I had to stay the course now. Reach the end.

Once again I had to kill myself to live.

Out with the old, in with the new.

To bloom I had to wilt.

I rubbed my hooves together. "Well fantasy about being a mare or not, I need a good party cannon or some spiky metal gates and a roof. Where's Bubble when you need em'?"

I half expected them to pop out, as they usually did. However I knew that Pinkie's secret at least was that she was on so much coke, she was running around aimlessly and always able to be where she was mentioned. Bubble might be clean, or at least an alcoholic at the most. Alcoholics couldn't help me out of this situation. Not before they'd helped themselves at least...

I started looking around town for a way out. Everything was decorated to be a cute cake-inspired town. The roofs to the gates to the carts were all pretty un-suicidable. I guess this was a paradise for the quiet kid. There was no way out in Ponyville. At least, not that I could see.

I found an empty house on the side of a street and broke in. Pretty easy with a deft kick from my back hooves. It was wishful thinking that the Ponyville Police Department would come and shoot me in the back 69 times. They were probably staking out some glitter robbery downtown. If you could say Ponyville had a downtown, it was more like a central street with a railroad connection.

Probably where Pinkie gets the coke from.

"Seriously, you're meant to be indulging me less. You're certainly helping less. I feel like I'm the only one trying to kill ourselves. Myself? At this point."

Suddenly another voice piped up. "Uh, exquease me, I have a letter here for a Scarlet Fire?" a wacky but kind-sounding voice asked, stepping over the splintered door frame.

"Well, that is me I suppose, oh derpy one." I smiled, looking at the yellow cross-eyed grey mare in a postal uniform. I could see why she was a fan favorite. It was cute. Endearing I dare say. She passed me the letter and held it in her mouth. Unhygienic maybe, but I'd let it pass. I didn't plan to be here long. I would entertain her and then get back to finding something to kill myself in the kitchen. Maybe I'd get lucky and give myself a big ass paper-cut.

Reaching for the letter I sniffed and deftly opened it with a mute expression. It had my name on it but besides that, there was only Calvini font 30 bold in the center of the page that read 'Surprise Bitch!'

I reeled in shock but caught Derpy's hoof as I was knocked back, the mare, Derpy pulling off a very well-made rubber mask complete with functioning eyes to reveal none other... than HARRY!?

"Harold?" I questioned, so confused as he stalked towards me, his afro abuzz and his face upturning in a grin. "Stefano," he snickered, bemused that he'd gotten the drop on me. "You outran me in the last world. Impressive. I was too busy fucking your Mother to reach you in time to stop your sad little attempts to escape this reality. Just accept your fate and sit down."

I shook my head. "My Mother's dead," I replied stoically, Harry chuckling "I know... I killed her."

"NOOOOOOOOO!!!!!"

I threw a hoof /) but he dodged to the side. I forgot he was pretty cunning, so I tried a few manoeuvers of my own. I backhoofed (\ him after spinning to the side making sure to punctuate my attempts to hit him with a deft "Hwah."

"Face it fucko. You're bucked, lay down now, and stop this madness. We can still have fun together. We're not so different you and me? This is what you wanted. An escape from the real. And hey, you make a pretty cute mare. I bet our foals would be hella sweet."

"Fuck you Harry. Not today, not ever. This shit is over, can't you get it through your fucking thick skull? You're not real, you're just some messed up part of my mind trying to trap me in this schizoid dream of Equestria. You're not a soldier who liked MLP like me and came here because they killed themselves whilst feeling guilty over killing me. You're just a rube. A sad sap whose not real. A figment. You're nothin'. You got no talent. You got no skills. You got no friends. You got no family. Fuck you motherbucker!"

"What are you on about?" Harry asked perplexed, his rube mind not able to process my words. Admittedly, I might have rambled on a little, but at the end of the day, it needed to be said for both of us. Now, however, I was wasting time and started looking for a way out.

I began to think, standing off from Harry. This house must have cleaning products. I mean, it was still a conventional house with a cooker, but somehow I don't think Harry would let me stick my head in the over for 20 minutes. So cleaning products seemed pretty good, I just needed enough time to unscrew a cap...

"So Harry... what're your plans for me? You going to store me in cryostasis or lock me in a dungeon?" I winked at him. I don't know why, it just seemed like the right thing to do.

Harry cackled, launching into a long tirade about me. "First I'm going to beat you down here, like a dog. And when you've been knocked down but get up again, I'll beat you down again just so you know whose boss. Then, I'm getting you into a straight jacket. Hard for you to reach for the sharps wherever we go. I'll probably overthrow the Princesses, since it takes 4 weeks for them to contact Twilight I'll have a firm grasp on the Canterlot security forces. I'll build you a padded cell, just in case you think of breaking your neck or bashing your brains against the wall. Then after maybe 80 years in solitary, we can work on 'reconditioning' you. After all, I'm not the bad guy here. I just want what's best for us. What's best for us, is what I think is best. You're going to realize that I was right, and you were wrong. BUT, first of all, let's get that beatdown sorted."

His eyes de-glazed and he came out of his monologue as my mouth started to foam. I'd drank about 5 bottles of assorted cleaning products during that long tirade of utter bullshit. I'd finished off the lemon-flavored bleach. Not as good as the cherry flavored oven cleaner but it was doing the trick of dissolving the lining of my neck.

"For fuck sake," Harry cringed, coming over to me. "Can't you just not!?" he demanded, watching my eyes, bloodshot hyper-realistic blood eyes bleed. I couldn't help but smile. He looked worried. I only had two to go. I was nearly home, for whatever good that would be.

Waking I clawed at my throat, still feeling the ghost remnants of death claw at me. It wasn't a pretty death by any means, but at least it didn't take 2 weeks.

I was standing in Ponyville. I was my blue and aqua self. I was in the original world. The most accurate as depicted in the show. I had just come from my hanging and had met many of the mane 6. Truthfully it was a blur who exactly I'd met, but then again I wasn't really one for continuity when it came to these figments of my imagination. I could say that whilst this was an escape, it was a wholesome enough one. There was no violence in this world. No death or destruction. No anything but the peace of Ponyville and the shenanigans of its denizens.

I half expected Harry to fall out of a cloud or something. Probably call me a dweeb or a narc, but he didn't appear as of yet. I trotted into the library and instantly located a letter opener. Quick compared to some of these methods of suicide I had to say.

I heard Twilight humming up above. She peeked down and chuckled "Careful with that, it's sharp."

I briefly wondered where the scaly rat was before shaking my head. I took the knife and added it to my inventory, deciding it best not to get blood all over the books, even though I was pretty sure these 'worlds' if you could call them that, would simply cease to be upon my departure. Hell, they probably were only as fleshed out as they needed to be. There were no ponies living for example 100 miles away. If I traveled 100 miles I'm sure my mind would fill in the blanks, but speaking plainly they didn't exist. Nothing was real and although it was a charming rendition of a peaceful world, it wasn't the real world. I needed to take the red pill.

I had no idea where I'd gotten the notion of pills from, but my guess was it was from the real. I got the impression there was a lot from reality that I had inserted into the Equestrian world. It was pretty lazy if anything. The notion of taking one intellectual property or quote and smashing it into the land of ponies. I wasn't very original. I was nothing but a phony, a big fat phony pony.

I took a stroll through the town and down the path towards the Everfree forest. I looked around at where I had woken up. Where Fluttershy or maybe Applejack had found me. I couldn't quite recall which. Maybe back then that should have been the hint that something wasn't right. That this was all a dream, a fantasy, an illusion.

I leaned against the stone of the bridge, running my hooves over the coarse grit. It felt so real. The air I breathed, the feeling of the texture. I'd bet everything would feel like some form of life here. I must have had a brilliant imagination. Terrible, but brilliant.

I had come to some peace within myself. I already admitted my mistakes. My shortcomings. I wouldn't know the full picture until I was out. I knew that when I returned to the human world, I wasn't even out yet, at least I didn't think I would be. This whole mess was just layer after layer of escape. First into the notion of a military bond and a love of ponies, and then into the actual world of ponies itself, and finally into the deplorable degeneracy of my darkest desires and fantasies.

I toyed with the blunt knife as I watched the stream roll lazily on. I had a lot of thinking to do. In a way, I wished Harry would come from under the bridge like some kind of troll and make the decision easy. Maybe he knew that this was the best way to convince me to stay, cause admittedly... I was thinking about it.

How could I not? After all what was really out there for me. What waited for me beyond my mind. I felt like it would be naught but pain and suffering. A life without control. Without ponies for one, though at this point that was a blessing considering the harm I'd done to them.

Maybe this was the world I belonged in? The original world and my human flirt were a dream. A bad dream. I felt more natural here. I felt calmer than I had in what felt like decades and after all, I felt as if I'd lived decades in some of the other realms.

Don't try and turn yourself against reality. You know that this isn't the real world. I know you do. I know because I am you. You are me. Your mind might be damaged but you've been thinking clearer than ever before. You won't hear from me again, and indeed you may never achieve this level of lucid dreaming if you can call it that. But surely, it's a small price to pay, to wake up. To live your life and take back control. Take life by the reins!

I knew that I was right. That didn't make it any easier though. Suddenly there was a light gasp from behind, and turning I saw The Rainbow Dash. She was standing stock still, watching me with the knife, asking "H-hey, what are you doing there slugger? That from Twilight's?"

She began approaching cautiously and I raised the knife to my throat. "Stay back" I warned. I had felt such an obsession with her, and it was hard even now not to think of her as a total badass.

"Come on dude, you don't need to do that. We're all friends here. We don't know where you're from or what you're meant to do here, but I'm sure it'll be awesome. Please, I'm no good at this stuff but put the knife down and we'll go see Twilight. She'll know what to do."

She seemed genuinely concerned and my hoof wavered, the knife lowering slightly. "Besides, you'd miss my totally radical Rainboom performance later. It's going to be wicked sickness!"

I breathed small sigh of relief and frustration. "Yeah... you're not real. Dash would never say something like that."

I drew the blade very harshly across my throat, before puncturing my throat with a harsh push, stabbing my jugular as blood quickly began to burst forth from the gorey hole I tore with the knife.

"B-buck," I gurgled, grimacing as I sank to my haunches, watching as the stream rolled on, collapsing to my side as Rainbow trotted up to me, sighing "Fuck..." taking off a rubber mask, a common trope at this point, revealing themselves as Harry.

"See you in the final chapter dweeb. Looking forward to hanging out with ya."

Author's Note

It's all coming to a close now. For all of us. I wonder if people realize.