How I, a Military Brony Became a Pony in Equestria

After meeting Rarity, I realised I didn’t have a home to go to and was aware that the moon would rise soon and the Summer Solstice would commence in the morning. My first idea was to see Princess Celestia, but that pony always annoyed me as a character of the show.

She knew certain events would happen to the world and instead of saving the day before anything bad happened, she let her student do it all and pretend it was all a lesson in friendship? That doesn’t sound like a decent leader to me, more like a lazy one who didn’t care about her student or nation.

Actually, she wouldn’t even be around yet. I can’t remember why though, I don’t believe it was fully explained in the show, something open for interpretation. Twilight will come to save her in the end anyway.

This meant that I had to speak with the next in line of authority, which would be Mayor Mare. I imagined it would be rude to appear before her unscheduled, but I had to find somewhere to live, since I was guessing that I wouldn’t be going anywhere for a while.

Once i found the town hall, I knocked against the door. Putting my ear to the wall, my Fedora tipping slightly. I detected the tip tap of hooves on the marble floors and waited patiently, she came out wearing nothing but her glorious lime green fedora.

“Ah, hello there!” she yawned tiredly. “So, what brings you here at this time?” “I’m so sorry” I tipped. “I am a newpony around here and I have no home to live in, I was wondering if the government in Ponyville might be able to assist me in some way?”

Mayor Mare’s eyes widened and she exclaimed “Oh my, this is serious! Why, come in, come in and tell me all about it” with that she ushered me inside her office and abode. “I’m so sorry about this, I didn’t realise we had a new arrival today. Where have you come from?”

It was a question that I had not been prepared to answer. Although looking back on it, I probably should have gotten my story straight before appearing before any kind of authority. I mean I was obviously not going to tell her about where I’d actually come from. “Well, I… I come from Griffinstone?”

“Darn” I cursed in my head. “Could I have guessed a less convincing location? How am I going to get out of this one?”

“Griffinstone? But you’re a pony, how can that be?” “I was raised by Griffin’s, you see” I lied through my teeth, trying to put in a convincing smile, my Fedora tipping over my eye. “I’ve lived there all this time, but I want to live with my own kind” I finished, adjusting my Fedora. “I see, what is your name?” she asked politely, to which I replied in post haste, “Siege Fire”.

“Let me see if I can find you an available property on the market.” She began to browse through tens of millions of folders. “Well, this home is vacant. I wish I could give it to you immediately, but there’s a lot of paperwork that must be done beforehoof. I don’t suppose you know anypony who could put you up for the night per chance?”

I remembered that I had only met Pinkie Pie, Applejack, Fluttershy and Rainbow Dash for a short period of time and felt that those would be my best options. Who to talk to, though? It was simplistic enough, Pinkie Pie would be the only one I’d imagine being awake right now and I didn’t want to intrude and wake somepony else at this time of night.

“I think I may have somepony in mind” I said as I stroked my muzzle and made sure my Fedora was on straight. With that, Mayor Mare asked me a few more questions and before long we shook hooves and departed, myself heading toward Pinkie Pie’s home at Sugarcube Corner.

Discovering the lights inside of the house to be on, I knocked against the door. It only took her a moment to open the door with a great big grin upon her face. “Hey there, new pony!” “Haha! You remember me?!” I chuckled. “I’m just some nopony from this morning who was in the Everfree Forest by chance.”

“Don’t be silly! Pinkie never forgets a face. So, what did you knock for?” she smiled innocently. I was so swept up by her enthusiasm I had forgot why I had came for the slightest moment. “I just wanted to visit. May I come in?” “May you?! I’ve been waiting for someone to come over all day!” she cheered, literally pulling me inside as fast as a Wonderbolt Captain.

It was clear she was currently in the progress of a party by herself, judging by the various streamers laid across the floor and obnoxiously loud dance music. I felt so bad for her, was this what she did with her spare time? I was particularly glad I visited now.

“So tell me!” she bounced around me in circles. “Do you like parties? I love parties. I want to see you party!” She begun to dance vibrantly and I felt embarrassed, I had never even attempted to dance back as a human. Well, there was one exception I suppose…

*Flashback*

I was at a popular nightclub at the time. I was still in secondary school, but I had a convincing fake ID and managed to sneak inside. I didn’t blend in that well with the ordinary folk, having my favourite Rainbow Dash and Derpy plushie with me along with a Luna shirt on my back. I was with another friend, a more social one and he tried to break me out of my shell.

He thought it would be a fantastic idea to shove me into the middle of the crowd, where hundreds of eyes were looking straight at me, it sent me as timid as Fluttershy. I was so terrified, my body begun to dance. I hoped it would get them to forget about me, about what I was carrying but instead they laughed. Cold and hard laughter that cut through my soul and sent me crying out of the club.

I cried for days after that, but with someone as nice as Pinkie Pie I knew I wouldn’t have the same response.

*End flashback*

I stared at Pinkie and after some reluctance that gradually disappeared, I began to awkwardly move my hooves as she bounced across the room, really showing me all she had. I myself being not so used to the pony physique was not as agile as her, but I thought that I gave it my best.

“Gee you’re not bad at all, imagine if there was CAKEKEEEEEE!!!!!! AND BAAAAALLLLLLLLOOOOOOONNNNNNNNSSSSS AND MORE CAAAKAEKKKEEEEEE!!!” Pinkie exclaimed quite madly as I chuckled awkwardly, seeing that she was clearly more energetic than the show depicted her as being.

“So uh… Pinkie I just wanted to ask you if it would be possible, you know since you’re a real good sport of a pony if maybe you could… uh is there something wrong with your wall?” I pointed to the sideboard by Pinkie’s dresser, which appeared to be a little loose.

Pinkie’s manner instantly switched from that of a crazy party pony to that of a pony who was very guarded and I honestly had only seen her like this a few times in the show.

“Why’d you wanna know what’s in my wall!? You like some kinda spy or sumthin!?” she said, pulling out a magnifying glass and tipping her pink and glittery Fedora to the side, angling it in a way that could only be described as being quite suspicious.

“Pinkie, I really only came to ask if I could stay the night, until Mayor Mare sorts out some paperwork for a property lease for tomorrow but uh… you seem to be acting a little strange and I’m sorry if this question might be overstepping my boundaries as a guest here, but there is obviously something hidden in that wall that you don’t want me to see.”

Pinkie blinked rapidly as if she was trying to understand what I had just said and I went on to explain with some frustration “Pinkie I really think that whatever you have in there is not anything to do with cake or partying, so maybe you should spill the beans.

Pinkie’s eyes flitted from side to side and suddenly she checked her stopwatch that seemed to materialise out of nowhere and exclaimed “OH! Look at the time, guess you should be off now. Can’t have anypony over tonight got a lot of uh… cakes and stuff to uh… eat… I mean uh… bake!”

Something was terribly wrong, this was truly out of character. I leapt toward the sideboard and she dived after me. She knocked me to the ground, but it was too late. A bag of white powder slipped out and dropped to the floor, at which my jaw dropped. “Pinkie, I…”

“Please please please please please pleeeaaase don’t tell anypony” she begged me. “Is this cocaine? How?” “I just have it once in a while when I’m all alone! Please, no-one must know.” “Who supplied you?” “I can’t tell.” “Pinkie, I need to know.” Her face went red with built-up panic.

My face scrunched up in a mixture of shock and rage. How could Pinkie Pie, the happy, party pony extraordinaire be a coke head!? I mean, Equestria had never shown any sign of having drugs in it but… I was at a loss, I had no idea what to think.

“Okay okay!” she cried out. “It’s Mayor Mare, she supplies it to me. Please, you can’t tell anyone; she’ll lose her job and I’ll lose my supply and I ca-can…” she began to hyperventilate so I held a hoof up and said “H-Hey, don’t worry” I comforted her with a devilish idea that only the darkest of low wit minds could concoct. “I won’t let anything bad happen, if you do me a favour. I need you to come with me to Mayor Mare.”

She was reluctant at first, shaking her head and begging me again not to tell, but I convinced her it would be in her favour and she agreed. We trotted over and knocked at the door of the town hall, Mayor Mare answered the door with a smile on her face at first, but her smile dropped a little when she noticed Pinkie Pie accompanied me. “Why hello, is there something I can do? I’m sorting out the paperwork right now it should be ready tomorrow… do you happen to know Pinkie Pie?”

“Ah, I don’t think that will be necessary” I smirked, letting myself inside without asking. “You see, I know of this little… drug scandal going on between you and Pinkie and I must say, I am shocked.” “What? I have no idea what you’re talking about” she frowned with sweat dripping from her face. “I saw the stash of cocaine, I have proof! You can’t deny, I will shut your operation down!”

“Pinkie Pie, how could you tell!?” she scolded the almost snivelling pink pony behind me. “I will be cutting your supply for this, you’ll never snort another line!” “Haha, no no no” I pointed out, tsking at her as I put a hoof over her shoulder. “You’re doubling her supply. You see, I have an ultimatum. Either you meet our demands, or we tell everypony about you supplying this illegal drug to Pinkie, an innocent pony whose mind you warped using cocaine and meth.”

Mayor Mare’s eyes looked at me quizzically and she replied “But I don’t sell meth, I only supply Coke to a few ponies around town.” I chuckled and prodded her chest and replied “I don’t think the Princess will care when she arrives tomorrow night, don’t you think?”

Mayor Mare’s face contorted in anger and her eyes burned with a dark shade of red. “You wouldn’t dare! Pinkie Pie would be in big trouble too, she’d lose her job and her tenement at Sugarcube Corner.”

“Is it worth it though? Come on, you don’t want to be found out, so our demands are that you double her supply and you give me the house you were looking at with no paperwork and no questions, free of charge. Otherwise, your life as Mayor is over, Mare.” She gulped audibly and cursed under the moonlight.

“Well, I suppose that this can be… arranged” she spat and shimmied away from me, trotting to the centre of town hall where some chairs had already been set up for tomorrow. “Fine, but don’t expect me to make things easy for you here”.

She gave me directions to the home and passed Pinkie an extra bag and a most fierce look. After that, we went our separate ways and I went to my new home, Pinkie accompanying me and looking both cheerful and confused.

“You are totally AMAZING!!!” she cried when we were far enough away from the Town Hall. “I mean I thought you were going to bust our little dealings wide open, but you were like totally cool and everything and I get a free bag of coke per week? How can I ever repay you!?!?!” she grinned happily as we arrived at my new home, a quaint little place, like many of the other houses in town with bay windows and well painted doors and window frames.

I opened the door and it swung open quietly, revealing my fully furnished new abode. “Well… maybe we can figure out a few things, Pinkie… maybe you can bring your bag of happy dust and yourself inside and we’ll… talk about it” I smiled as even more devilish ideas came to mind.

Pinkie stared at me innocently but smiled and nodded happily, bouncing into my new home as I closed the door behind me and turned on the light.

“Make yourself comfortable Pinkie and we’ll talk about how you can… repay me.”