It's Tricky

A security guard in a formal winter coat and thick sunglasses stood in front of the ornate double doors of the luxury hotel. “Name?” he asked as Scootaloo and Diamond Tiara approached.

“Roadblock, baby, c’mon.” Scootaloo gestured to herself with an innocent smirk. “C’mon.”

“You think I don’t know who you are, Scootaloo? I’m asking about her.” Roadblock nudged his head towards Diamond Tiara.

“C’mon?” she said meekly, before clearing her throat and hunching her shoulders. “D-Diamond Tiara.”

Roadblock looked over his clipboard, sucking on his teeth as he frowned. “Sorry, Miss. You ain’t on the list. You can’t even get to the lobby unless you’ve already got a room reserved.”

“Are you serious?” Diamond Tiara griped. “Do you not know who I am?”

“Are you on the list?”

“Uh, no?”

“Then I don’t know you. That’s how things work in Roadblock’s world. Your world’s thataway, Miss.” He pointed down the winding staircase Scootaloo and Diamond Tiara took to get here. The snow was falling hard enough to have already covered their tracks.

Scootaloo noticed Diamond Tiara’s disappointed scowl. She looked around, pondering what she should do. She came to a conclusion when she noticed the multiple gem-embroidered rings on Diamond Tiara’s fingers. She thanked Celestia that the young model was so inept when it came to proper attire for an athletic environment.

Scootaloo sighed and stepped closer to Diamond Tiara. “Oh, that’s right, I never told you. I’ve been trying hard to keep it under wraps, you know how the paparazzi can be with celebrity weddings.” She took Diamond Tiara’s hand and held it tight.

Diamond Tiara felt a firework go off in her brain, fearing for a moment that smoke would fizzle out of her ears. She played along, looking at Scootaloo with the best loving gaze she could manage on short notice. “Oh, you forgetful scamp!”

Scootaloo stepped even closer to Diamond Tiara, to the point where they could easily join their hands together behind their backs. Diamond Tiara slipped one of her rings onto Scootaloo’s finger. As soon as it went on, Scootaloo flashed her ring to Roadblock. “It was fantastic. Small private party at the rec center in Ponyville, we had a smorgasbord of cupcakes instead of an actual cake. Saved us a hundred bits.”

“They were delicious, that’s what mattered.” Diamond Tiara, wanting to ensure that the lie was complete, kissed Scootaloo on the cheek and held her shoulders. “As are you, pumpkin-spice.”

Scootaloo giggled loudly. “Staaahp, you’re embarrassing me.”

“She’s not the only one,” Roadblock said. He opened the glass door and gestured inside. “Try not to make everyone inside puke, okay? And, uh, congratulations.”

“Come on, babe!” Diamond Tiara pushed Scootaloo forward. “Finally, some time alone...”

The doors to the luxury hotel went shut behind the two, but Diamond Tiara’s arms remained firmly around Scootaloo, who smiled despite the creeping awkwardness. Not that she minded having a model so close to her, but something seemed off about the model in question suddenly seeming so relaxed and… smiley.

“Lie’s over, you can let go now.”

“Oh.” Diamond Tiara pulled away from Scootaloo and brushed her hands on her winter coat. “Well, you’re lucky I have a lightning-fast wit.” She looked around the lobby, eyes brightening at the sight of the warm, colorful carpets and large windows that displayed a humbling view of Mt. Mareu and her many slopes.

“Yeah, this place is a little stiff compared to the common lounge…” Scootaloo said, dragging her fingers along the empty mahogany tables. “Honestly, I kinda prefer the company of families and recreational skiers down below.”

Diamond Tiara did not hold the same sentiment, pretending to swoon on the spot. “I think I’m in heaven. Oh, Scootaloo! Pinch me!”

Scootaloo smirked. “Where?”

Before Diamond Tiara could answer that question, Scootaloo noticed seven middle-aged suited-up businessponies gathered around the largest table in the lobby. They were quietly discussing something over large line and bar graphs, along with several typed documents, all next to a large plate of muffins. They seemed very much into it.

It was no surprise to Diamond Tiara that Scootaloo decided to skip on over to the businessponies, take a loud bite out of a muffin, and ask, "Hey, business guys, how's the business?"

Diamond Tiara facepalmed harder than anypony in Equestria had facepalmed that day, or would ever facepalm that day.

Scootaloo wasn't done yet. "So, I commerce that we merger the payraise to establishment and business the flowchart to projection and office space and first quarter analysis. Who's with me?"

Diamond Tiara grabbed Scootaloo by the wrist, almost tempted to scratch her arteries open so she could stop humilating her. "Stop making a fool out of yourself!"

"Hey, chill the business out." Scootaloo asked, shaking her off.

Four of the businessponies seemed to be resisting the urge to burst out laughing. Two of them didn't have the willpower to hold it in and were cackling madly. Only one didn't seem to be amused, but that was easily explained when Diamond Tiara and Scootaloo noticed the Germane flag pin on his suit.

As she was dragged to the stairs, Scootaloo said in a hurry to the Germane pony, "Ich entschuldige mich für meine Stunts, aber ich bin ein stuntmare. Haben Sie einen Werktag."

“You speak Germane?” Diamond Tiara asked, caught by surprise.

“Ich reise in der ganzen Wel— I mean, I travel all over the world, I have to know at least a few languages.”

Diamond Tiara let go of Scootaloo’s wrist when they got to the elevator. “No more that me, I’m sure.”

“Germane, Prench, Saddle Arabian, Maretonian—”

Diamond Tiara smashed her hand on the elevator call button. “Dammit!”

“Welcome to my world, Di,” Scootaloo said as she turned the key in the lock and opened the door. She threw her jacket on the floor, adjusted her casual black shirt and cargo pants, and swaggered in like she owned the place. “I might as well own this place!”

Diamond Tiara also stripped out of her coat, leaving her in a humble magenta turtleneck and white slacks. She slammed her hands to her lips, chortling to herself. She was in awe of the view, which was even more impressive than down below. The peak of Mt. Mareu right in the center, in line with the foot of the bed. As for the bed itself, it was large enough to hold at least four ponies and a dog. She dove right onto it, messing up Scootaloo’s special order lightning bolt covers. “I’ve had dreams about falling asleep in these kinds of beds, and you’ve made that dream come true.”

Scootaloo made a sweeping bow, then turned on her heel to face the phone on the bedside table. “Think of a few ways to thank me.” She grabbed the phone and tapped three numbers with dramatic flair. As the dial tone droned into her ear, she sat down on the bed.

“Who’re you calling?” Diamond Tiara asked as she grabbed a pillow and huggled it close to her stomach.

“Room service, what else?” Scootaloo said. She then spoke into the phone. “Hey there, Sweet Treat, you sexy bitch! Yeah, me again, same room. My sponsors just spoil me, don’t they? Anyway, why don’t you get your hot buns up here and show me the dessert tray. Oh, and I have a model friend with me, so make sure you bring enough sugar to put her out of a job.” Scootaloo nodded. “Alright. See you in five, baby doll.”

“‘Baby doll?’ ‘Sexy bitch?’” Diamond Tiara asked with an exaggerated slur. “You kiss your mom with that mouth?”

Scootaloo set the phone down. Her smile disappeared right off her face as she stared at Diamond Tiara. “No, because she’s dead.”

Every single sound that had been audible a second ago suddenly went mute. Diamond Tiara’s pointer finger was stuck pointed upward, her mouth slightly open. She feared what would happen if she broke eye contact with Scootaloo.

Scootaloo smirked and broke out laughing. “I wish I had a mirror for your pretty face.”

Diamond Tiara, still in aftershock, chuckled uncomfortably. “Y-You think I’m pretty?” As her discomfort and laughing stretched into an awkward silence, she felt a rising desire to burst into flames.

Scootaloo grabbed a magazine off the TV stand. It had an impressive photograph of a young stallion doing a nosegrab on his skateboard, while leaping over a traffic light. “I hope I’m not giving you mixed signals,” she said. She flopped onto the bed next to Diamond Tiara. “You know I just like a good reaction.”

“Why are you so untouchable?” Diamond Tiara asked, leaning on her shoulder. “I can never keep up with you.”

Scootaloo’s eyes were focused on an article for bikini wax. The model was a muscular pegasus who lay on her front as her equally fit and equally scantily dressed lady friend applied the wax. “Much like these two, you have to stand still for the camera.” She turned the page to one of Velocentaur’s photographs, this one of Scootaloo doing an airborne handstand on her board. “I have to break land speed and airtime records. It’s not rocket surgery, babe. We’re just on different levels.”

“Can I at least level with you, then?” Diamond Tiara asked, with desperation coming off of her tongue. “You’re so… disarming.”

Scootaloo threw the magazine onto the floor. She peered up at Diamond Tiara from where she lay. The young model’s face was flipped from her point of view. “Well, you’re upside down.” Scootaloo rolled over and supported herself on her hands and knees. “Now you’re not.”

“And you’re…” Di finally had herself a genuine laugh. “You’re… really special.”

Like an anime hero in an overblown, dramatic final battle, Diamond Tiara summoned all of her strength and courage into a single act. She slammed her hands to Scootaloo’s cheeks, pressed forward, and brought her lips to Scootaloo’s.