Chapters The Netherlands. A multicultural country that's famous for its cheese, windmills, and ‘klompen’, or clumps. The Netherlands has a few different ‘states’. The states are the center of various cultural festivals and celebrations. Take Pinkpop for example. It's held in Landgraaf , and the state it's held in is: Limburg . Look at the Gay Parade. It's held in Amsterdam , and the state is Noord Holland .
Here in the state of Limburg— were for some unknown reason nothing very exiting ever happens, two best friends are having a great time. Their names you ask? Well, their names are: Tripp, and Derek. They've known each other since kindergarten and have been friends ever since. Tripp is a guy who studies hard and is attending medical school. Derek on the other hand is—well, let’s just say he isn’t a big fan of school... or studying. Or anything he has to use his brains for. Both wanting to accomplish their goals, the two friends stick to together like glue, never leaving each other’s side.
“Bro, watch out!” Tripp exclaimed as he and Derek tried to dodge all of the rotten fruits and vegetables that were being thrown at them. You see, Derek can be a huge jerk from time to time. He thought it was a good idea to tell the garbage men that their mothers must be so proud of them. Turns out those same garbage men just came back from a market that was being held near Tripp and Derek’s block. And where there is a market, there are usually lots of vegetables and fruits. And unfortunately for them, those fruits and vegetables were rotten.
“You just had to say it, didn't you?” Tripp asked, anger clearly present in his voice as he and his friend ran into a nearby park. The park was about the size of a soccer stadium, and luckily for them, there were lots of trees and bushes they could hide behind. They decided to jump into a nearby bush. They laid down on their stomachs as they watched the garbage men run past them, demanding that they showed their faces
“Dude, don't these guys have a job to do?” Derek whispered to Tripp.
“I think they found a new one,” Tripp whispered back.
It felt like hours. The tension. The constant thought of being caught by those garbage men haunted their minds. But luckily for them, the garbage men eventually left. The two friends decided to wait for a few more minutes, just to be safe.
“Alright, I think the coast is clear,” Tripp said as he got up from their hiding spot. Derek got up as well, but was met with a fist colliding with his face. “And that's for being yourself again!” Tripp said in anger as Derek rubbed his sore cheek.
“I can't help it, I have a condition!” Derek whined as he rolled around the ground, trying to make his act even more realistic.
“Yeah, you're an idiot.” Tripp replied sarcastically.
“Hey, screw you dude!” Derek retorted as he quickly got up and pointed an accusing finger at Tripp. “With your short blonde hair, decent muscular body and your nice attitude!”
“Hey, look who's talking: Mr. Long black, hair. Decent muscular body and a crazy attitude!” Tripp retorted.
They both looked at each other in anger, only for them to burst out laughing seconds later. “Oh god, that was amazing!” Derek laughed.
“I know, isn’t it awesome?” Tripp replied as he wiped the tears of joy from his eyes. “Your mom and dad must be worried sick about your ‘condition’ .” Tripp said.
Derek looked at him with a sarcastic expression.
“How can they be worried? They're on vacation!” Derek laughed in pride.
You see, this was the first time Derek was allowed to stay home alone. But he usually spend his nights at Tripp’s place, because Tripp’s house was right across Derek’s house.
“You're right,” Tripp said as he nudged his friend. “Want to head to my home and play video games?”
“I'll get the Mountain Dew,” Derek replied. Trying to intimidate Liam Neeson's voice from Taken.
The two friends eventually reached Tripp’s house. Entering it, they greeted Tripp’s parents and went to Tripp’s room. They started up The PlayStation and played video games like there was no tomorrow... well, not really tomorrow. Because Derek gets bored pretty easily.
“This is boring dude,” Derek said as he put the controller on top of Tripp’s Playstation. “Let’s head over to my place and hang out in my backyard."
Pain. That was all he could feel at the moment. All he could remember was the party they held in Ponyville. The search for answers he and his wife had prepared for his sister and her friends. The surprise they had in store for them. That he was all he could remember.
Shining Armor slowly opened his eyes, but closed them when rays of sunshine blinded his vision. He blinked a couple of times, his eyes adjusting to the sunlight. Slowly and painfully, the Prince of the Crystal Empire pushed himself up. Standing in a field of grass, the Prince looked at his surroundings.
“Cadance?” He asked out loud, hoping for a quick reply. He did not get any. Not even an ‘I’m here, Shiny’. He was starting to get worried, sweat dripping down his forehead as he looked around, desperately searching for his wife. His heart skipped a beat when he finally located his wife and laid eyes upon his wife. She was lying in the grass field as well, her eyes closed and her breath shallow.
‘Please,' Shining Armor thought as he made his way over to his wife, almost tripping over his ow hooves. ‘Let her be okay’
He finally reached his wife. Bending over, he put his hoof under her head. “Cadance?” He asked, shaking her slightly.
This seemed to have worked, because Cadance slowly opened her eyes. “S-Shiny?” She asked, blinking several times.
“It’s me. I’m here,” Shining Armor replied, planting a kiss on his wife’s head. “It’s alright.”
“W-What happened?” Cadance asked as she slowly pushed herself, leaning against her husband for support. “I remember a storm, after that everything gets vague.”
“Same here,” Shining replied, looking around the grass field. It was then that his eyes saw something he had apparently missed before. It looked like a house. And boy was it big! Whoever lived there must be very rich. “Come on,” Shining Armor said as he and his wife slowly began walking towards the house. “There must be somepony inside. They’ll help us. I’m sure of it”
Cadance nodded in agreement as they walked towards the house. The house itself looked weird. The architecture, the colors, everything just seemed off. Finally reaching the house, Shining knocked on the backdoor.
“Hello? Anypony home?” No reply.
Shining Armor looked at his wife. “Now what do we do?”
Cadance sighed, her horn lit up and seconds later the door was opened. “We’ll explain later. We have to get inside, because I don’t feel really good.”
Shining Armor looked at his wife, his eyes filled with concern. “What’s wrong?”
“I just... feel a little bit odd.” Cadance replied as she and Shining Armor entered the house.
The house looked even weirder on the inside. Furniture that was too big for a pony, chairs, couches, and a giant black box. As the couple walked further into the house, they noticed more strange objects. There were a lot of black cables running through the house, the ground appeared to be made of carpets, or perhaps the same fabric used to make carpets. Strange pictures placed against the walls. And even some portraits portraying ships and forests.
“Iron Weasel?” Shining Armor read out loud, inspecting one of the portraits. “What’s that? And what are those things in the middle, holding those instruments?” He looked at his wife. “Any idea?”
Cadance shook her head. “No idea. But maybe the owners could explain,” she replied. Taking a deep breath, Cadance continued. “Anypony home?” she shouted, her voice almost being on par with the Royal Canterlot voice.
Shining Armor put a hoof to his ear. “I don’t think anypony’s home,” he said, rubbing his ear. Sighing to himself, he and his wife walked towards a nearby couch, sitting down on the king sized couch, Shining put a hoof around his wife and pulled her closer to him. “Get some rest,” he said, nuzzling her cheek. “I’ll explain the situation to the owners of this house once they come back. I’m sure they’ll understand.”
Cadance nodded and let out a small yawn. “But aren’t you tired, Shiny?” she asked, a hint of concern in her voice.
“I’m the Captain of the Royal Guard. I don’t get tired.” He grinned.
Cadance rolled her eyes humorously. “Wake me when the owners come back. It’s not every day somepony gets to meet a Prince and Princess.” And with that said, Cadance closed her eyes and slowly drifted off to sleep.
‘Okay.’ Shining Armor thought, keeping his gaze on his wife. ‘Let’s hope the owners come back soon. Because in our condition, I don’t think we’ll be able to walk any further.’
For what felt like hours (but were probably mere minutes) Shining stayed awake. Sweet Celestia did he feel tired. His head ached and he felt exhausted. But he had to stay awake. If the owners came back, he needed to explain the situation. Technically they broke into this house, but they had to. They couldn’t just stay outside—even though it was warm outside and the sun wasn’t all that bad. But still, the temptation of closing his eyes and drifting off to sleep didn’t seem like such a bad idea.
“Dude, I’m telling you. I am the best singer ever. I swear on my burrito’s grave.”
“You buried your burrito? Why?”
“I dropped it, and felt like giving it a proper burial.”
“That’s probably the nicest thing you could have done.”
Shining Armor listened to the voices outside of the house. The voices became louder and louder, indicating that the ponies who owned this house were getting close, too.
“Cadance, wake up,” Shining said, shaking his wife.
Cadance mumbled something in her sleep, but didn’t wake up.
Shining Armor shook his wife again, a little harder this time. “Cadance, wake up honey.”
This time Cadance did opened her eyes. Looking up at her husband, she licked her lips. “What?” she asked sleepily.
“The owners are coming,” Shining Armor replied as he got off the couch. His wife soon followed and they walked towards (what they assumed was) the front door. Standing in front of the door, Shining cleared his throat and Cadance made sure her mane wasn’t out of place. The door opened and Shining Armor was the first to speak up.
“Hello. This must be pretty—what in Celestia’s name?!” Shining Armor exclaimed as he jumped backwards, his expression one of shock as he looked at what stood in the doorframe.
“What’s wrong, Shiny?” Cadance asked her husband, making her way over to him. “What’s wrong?”
As a reply, Shining Armor pointed a shaky hoof at the doorframe. Cadance turned her head as well. “Dear Celestia!” She exclaimed, jumping into her husband, who caught her mid-air. The couple stared at the creatures that stood in front of them. It was silent for a few seconds, until one of them spoke.
“I didn’t know you had pets.”
“Neither did I Tripp, neither did I”
At hearing this, the couple fainted.
Author's Note
Hello everyone and welcome to my new fic. Sorry if this chapter seems a little bit rushed. I promise the next ones won't be.
I hope you all enjoyed the first chapter, because I've been looking forward to finally publishing this story.
Constructive critism is much appreciated.
Tripp and Derek walked out of Tripp’s room. Both holding a can of Mountain Dew in their hand, the two friends walked downstairs. They reached the front door and were about to exit, until Derek spoke up.
“Hold on, dude,” Derek said, opening a second door that stood to their right. walking through the opening, Derek reached the living room, were Tripp’s parents were enjoying their meal at their dinner table.
“Ms. S, Mr. D, you made lunch,” Derek said as he walked towards the dinner table. Standing behind Tripp’s father, he reached over his head and grabbed hold of one of the sandwiches that were on his plate.
“Oh, thanks for asking, Derek,” Tripp’s father said through gritted teeth, accidentally crushing the other sandwich he was holding in his hands. “Great,” he sighed. Grabbing a napkin he had placed beside his plate, Tripp’s father wiped the mayonnaise of his hand.
“This tastes great,” Derek sighed in delight. “You did an amazing job, Mr. D. Here,” he said, placing the half empty can of Mountain Dew on Mr. D’s plate. “You can have my drink. It’s only fair we share.”
“Thank you Derek, that means a lot.” Tripp’s father said, sarcasm dripping from his voice.
“Derek, honey, are you enjoying yourself? It must be pretty scary being all alone for two weeks.” Tripp’s mother said in a concerned tone, taking a bite from her sandwich.
“Is that turkey?” Derek asked, pointing at her sandwich.
“Just take it.” Tripp’s mother rolled her eyes, handing him the sandwich.
“Thank you, darling.” Derek smiled at Tripp’s mother, grabbing hold of her hand and giving it a peck. “You always know how to make my day.”
“Derek,” Tripp’s father said, turning his head.
“Yes Mr. D?” Derek asked, taking a bite from the turkey sandwich.
“Don’t do that again.”
“You got it, Mr. D,” Derek replied. Turing around, he walked back to Tripp. “Let’s go bro, we’ll chill in my backyard. We can even jam in my garage.”
Tripp nodded in agreement. “We’ll have to ask Tim and Dave to come over, see if they want to jam as well.”
He and Derek made their way over to the front door. Saying their goodbyes to Tripp’s parents, the duo opened the front door and left the house.
“Rock hard or go home,” Derek sang, looking at Tripp. “Probably my favorite song from Iron Weasel.”
“Yeah,” Tripp sighed, looking down at the ground. “Too bad the show got canceled.”
The duo crossed the car filled street. Reaching his house, Derek pulled out his keys from his pocket.
“Dude, I’m telling you. I am the best singer ever. I swear on my burrito’s grave.” Derek said as he reached for the door handle.
“You buried your burrito? Why?” Tripp asked, confusion written over his face.
“I dropped it, and felt like giving it a proper burial.” Derek shrugged, pulling down the door handle.
“That’s probably the nicest thing you could have done.” Tripp chuckled.
Derek opened the door and was about to step inside, until a unfamiliar voice stopped him in his tracks.
“Hello. This must be pretty—what in Celestia’s name?!”
Both looking down, Tripp and Derek were confused to see two dog-sized horses standing in front of them. One of them had a blue mane and a white coat, while the other had a mane which consisted of a mixture of different colors. Her mane had a long vertical purple line running from the front of its head, to the back. There were two other vertical lines running from the front of its head, to the back. These were colored: blond and pink. The horse with the blue mane pointed its hoof at them.
The pink horse actually started talking, in perfect English for crying out loud. After a hearing a few words coming out of the horses’ mouth, the pink horse turned its head to Tripp and Derek.
“I didn’t know you had pets,” Tripp said, looking at Derek with a confused expression.
“Neither did I Tripp, neither did I,” Derek replied, equally as confused as Tripp. “Oh, look,” he said, pointing his finger at the horses. “They’re dead.”
“Are you not curious as to how these horses ended up in your house?” Tripp asked. Bending over, Tripp placed his hand on the white horses’ belly. “Sorry to spoil the fun, but they’re not dead.”
“That’s what my aunt Margaret said to me; when I stepped in an ant nest,” Derek said. “The bites weren’t all that bad, it’s when they got into my underwear things started to get itchy.”
“We need to get these two to a vet, or at least make sure they’re all right,” Tripp said. Reaching for the white horse, he put his hands underneath it and carefully lifted it off the floor. “Be a champ and grab the other one, will you.”
“No dude, you know animals and Derek don’t mix very well.” Derek replied, remembering a said event from his past.
--/--/--/--> <--/--/--/--
“Now, I want you to clean all of these cages. Make sure none of the dogs escape. And be careful, some of them have an attitude,” said the vet to Derek, who nodded as a reply.
“Don’t worry dude, I got this.” Derek said as he watched the vet leave the room. Grabbing a mob and a bucket of water, Derek started mopping the floor. “Mopping, mopping, mopping away. Hey, what’s up little man?” Derek said, putting his mop aside, bending over and waving at a cage that held a very big dog . “You look so sad, here,” he said, opening the cage. “Go have some fun outside, but make sure to be back before it gets dark, okay?”
As a reply, the dog leaped at Derek and landed on top of him.
“Aaaahwhooo! So that’s what he meant with an attitude—hey you aren’t a little man, you’re a little girl. Aaaaah, stop biting! This isn’t what my brain had in mind at all!
--/--/--/--> <--/--/--/--
“Fun fact, dogs don’t like it when you haven’t showered for four days,” Derek said. Looking down, he lifted the pink horse off the floor. Walking inside his living room, he was shocked and—without knowing he was still carrying her, dropped the pink horse.
“Dude, don’t put it on my couch!” Derek exclaimed, seeing Tripp place the white horse on his couch.
“It isn’t your couch, so you have nothing to worry about.” Tripp retorted, placing a pillow underneath the horses’ head.
“Oh, you’re right” Derek replied, completely forgetting what his parents told him before they left.
--/--/--/--> <--/--/--/--
“Now Derek, we are trusting the house to you. Don’t mess this up.” Derek’s father said to his son.
“Hey dad,” Derek said, picking his nose. “Is it possible to touch my brain if I dig deep enough?”
“There’s nothing in there to be touched, son.” Derek’s father replied, patting his son’s shoulder. “Make sure the couch is not touched. It’s your great grandmother’s couch, so be careful” his father warned.
“Thanks dad; and I will,” Derek replied, patting his dad’s shoulder with the hand that had the finger he just picked his nose with. “Take care of mom. I know she doesn’t like flying,” he said, looking at his mom. “And don’t worry mom, there’s an eighty percent chance that nothing will happen to your flight.”
His mother let out a sigh of relief.
“But there is the twenty percent; in which you’ll both die a horrible death,” he said innocently, running to his mom and hugging her tightly. “Make sure to bring a Kangaroo back for me, I want to see how much I can stuff in its bag.”
“There are no Kangaroo’s in France.” His father said, walking out of the living room, soon followed by Derek’s mother.
“Aw man, so there are no crabs in my underwear either?” Derek sighed.
--/--/--/--> <--/--/--/--
“How could I forget that?” Derek questioned himself, picking up the pink horse and placing her on the couch. Stretching his back, Derek yawned and sat down on the couch. “Her fur is so soft,” he said, stroking the pink horses’ coat. “It’s like a bed of flowers, being thrown at you at incredible speed. It doesn’t hurt, only of you open your eyes and mouth.”
“Isn’t that what you did at Jamie-Lee’s party a few months ago?” Tripp asked. Grabbing a wooden chair from Derek’s dining table. Sitting himself down in front of Derek, he continued. “Call me a weirdo, but I don’t recall horses having horns and wings.”
“Actually they’re ponies,” Derek interrupted, pointing his finger at the pink pony. “Horses wouldn’t have fit on the couch. Which reminds me, never try to fit a horse on a couch. It usually ends with a lot of doo doo in your house.”
“How would you know?” Tripp asked, balling his hands to fists and placing them underneath his chin.
“I don’t remember,” Derek replied, stroking his chin. “But it has something to do with me, you, and a banana.”
Tripp shook his head. “We should take them to a vet, or something. I mean; we can’t keep them in your house.”
“Sure we can,” Derek retorted, standing up. “We can teach them how to swim, balance a ball on their nose, and make them carry us on their backs. Just like those dudes at that one show.”
“Derek,” Tripp sighed, rubbing his temples. “Those were seals.”
“They were?” Derek sighed, lowering his head in disappointment. “I always mess them up. They just look alike.”
Tripp shook his head again. Sometimes he wondered if Derek acted this stupid on purpose. But ever since he’d known him, Derek had always been a complete idiot. In kindergarten he always ate the Playdoh burgers they made. In elementary school he would always jump of trees, stating that if he’d believe, he could fly like Peter Pan. Too bad he didn’t remember he needed pixie dust for that, too. And in high school, well let’s just say that teachers were surprised if he’d make it through the first week.
Turning his attention back to the two ponies, Tripp spoke up again. “But what are we supposed to do?” he asked Derek, who shrugged. “We don’t know what to do with them when they wake up.”
“That reminds me,” Derek said, sitting down on the couch. “Did you hear the pink horse talking to us when we entered the house?”
“No,” Tripp replied, blowing away a lock of hair that blocked his view. “Have you been making those weird food combinations again? Because you know what happened the last time you did that.”
“Peanut butter and Jalapeno peppers aren’t a weird combination.” Derek retorted, crossing his arms.
“Right,” Tripp rolled his eyes. “And Chocolate pasta and mustard aren’t either.”
“Exactly,” Derek replied, patting Tripp’s shoulder. “You’re getting it.”
“Derek!”
“What?”
“Shut up.”
“‘Kay”
Tripp was tripping out. What were they going to do? What were they supposed to do? How did these ponies even ended up in Derek’s house? All these questions, so little answers.
“Did you know carrots are good for your eyesight?” Derek asked, getting the attention of Tripp.
“Yes?” Tripp replied, a bit unsure as to where this question came from.
“Really?” Derek asked, putting his hand to his head. “So mom and dad were telling the truth!”
Tripp couldn’t help but chuckle at Derek’s innocent, yet stupid attitude. Sure he was dumb, yes. But this is what made him such an awesome friend. Even in the saddest moments of life, he would always be there to cheer Tripp up… even if it was unintentional. Thinking about a solution for their problem, Tripp didn’t notice the pink horse waking up. Fortunately for him, Derek did.
“Hey little bro, how are you?” Derek said in a voice one would ask a dog a question, meaning it was high-pitched and childish.
As a reply, the pink horse began to scream.
“Oh, she’s a little girl ,” Derek corrected himself. He turned his head to Tripp. “Can I keep her?”
“…”
Author's Note
I hope you all enjoyed this chapter. I'm currently looking for an editor and a proofreader. If you're interested, please send me a PM.
Author's Note
Here's another chapter for you all. I'm still looking for a proofreader and editor. So if you're interested, just PM me.
Chapter III
When Tripp had noticed the pony waking up, he hadn’t expected it to scream at him. And (in all honesty, lads) the screaming was hurting his ears. It didn’t help that Derek had begun screaming, too
“Why are you screaming?” Tripp shouted, trying to get his voice higher than that of a screaming pony and a screaming Derek.
“I’m trying to communicate with her,” Derek screamed back, grabbing hold of Tripp’s head and pulling him to his mouth. “I think it’s working!” he screamed in Tripp’s ear.
Tripp pulled his head away from Derek’s mouth. Putting his index fingers in his ears, he gritted his teeth. A screaming Derek was bad enough, but a screaming pony was making it worse. And did ponies even scream?
Not wasting any more seconds, Tripp finally snapped.
“Derek!”
“What?”
“Shut up!”
“’Kay.”
“And you too!” Tripp screamed at the pony. This seemed to have worked, because both human and pony were quiet. Tripp pulled his fingers out of his ears and let out a sigh of relief. “Thank you.” he sighed, sitting back down on his chair.
“P-please don’t hurt me,” the pony whispered, fear filled her eyes and voice as she turned her head to the creature that sat beside her.
“We won’t hurt you,” Derek said, reaching out for the pony. The pony, as a response, bit Derek’s finger. “Ouch!” Derek exclaimed, grabbing hold of his bitten finger, inspecting it. “You bit my finger!” Derek said, pointing his other index finger at the pony, only for that one to get bitten as well. “Ouch! She bit my finger, again!” he said, pointing his other index finger at her again, only for him to stop before it got close enough to the ponies’ muzzle. “Oh, I’m smarter now,” Derek said as he stood up, his back facing the pony. “Now you can’t bite my—ouch!” He exclaimed, turning to Tripp. “She bit my butt.” Derek whined.
“Will you stand beside me and keep your butt away from the pony, please?” Tripp asked, rubbing his temples.
“Jokes on her,” Derek said as he walked over to Tripp. “I’ve been wearing these pants for two weeks now, and my underwear for three days.”
As a reply, Tripp quickly got off his chair and made his way over to the pony. Standing just far enough so that she couldn’t bite his butt, Tripp turned around and bended over, getting on eye level with the pony.
“This might sound strange, Derek, but I think this pony is wearing a crown.” Tripp said, turning his head to his friend.
“Awesome,” Derek said, pushing Tripp aside and looking at the pony. He saw that the pony was indeed wearing a crown. Not wasting any time for one of his many dreams to come true, he grabbed the crown and put it on his head. “From this day forward I am no longer Derek. I am: Queen Derek.”
“Don’t you mean: King Derek?” Tripp asked.
“Aw man, I messed up again,” Derek sighed.
“That crown belongs to the Princess of the Crystal Empire. Be wise and return it to me at once.”
Both teens turned their gaze to the pony. Did it just talk? And if it did, why did it talk. Ponies don’t talk.
“Did you j-just talked?” Tripp asked the pony, who turned her head towards him.
“Yes, and I want my crown back.” The pony demanded, turning her head and glaring at Derek. “Give. It. Back. Now!” she shrieked.
“Wow,” Derek said as he quickly put the crown back on her head. “You had a quick change of attitude there. Reminds me of my uncle Bill, actually.”
--/--/--/--> <--/--/--/--
“Derek, could you hand me the remote?” Asked Uncle Bill, pointing at the remote that was only six feet away from him.
“Sure thing Uncle Bill,” Derek replied, getting off his chair and grabbing the remote. “Here you go Uncle Bill.” He said, handing him the remote.
Snatching the remote from Derek’s hand, Uncle Bill glared at him. “I said hand me the remote!” he shouted, throwing the remote at his nephew. Derek ducked out of the way. Looking up at Uncle Bill with a shocked expression.
“Could you please hand me the remote?” Uncle Bill asked politely, smiling at him.
“But I just gave it to you,” Derek sighed, walking towards the remote and picking it up. Walking back to his uncle, he handed him the remote again. “Here you go.”
“Get off my property!” Uncle Bill shouted, throwing the remote at Derek again.
“But this is my home.” Derek whined.
“Could you hand me the remote?”
“Why do I keep handing it over?” Derek whined, handing his uncle the remote again.
--/--/--/--> <--/--/--/--
“Fun fact. He’s still my favorite uncle,” Derek said, turning to Tripp. “Sometimes he gets distracted and forgets what he asked but—wait, what where we talking about?”
“Derek! Let’s keep our focus on the talking pony that is sitting on your grandmother’s couch.” Tripp said, rubbing his forehead. “Alright, let’s just calm down and talk this out like civilized people.”
“Is it true ponies eat twice their own weight?” Derek asked the pony, who raised her eyebrow at his question.
“Where’d you get that idea?” She asked.
“National Planet.” Derek replied.
“You mean Animal Planet? Right?” Tripp asked.
“Dang it! I knew I was combining the wrong words.” Derek said. Slapping his forehead, he sighed and lowered his head. “So a Kangermoos isn’t a thing either?” he asked.
Tripp shook his head.
“Dang it Uncle Bill!”
“Derek, be quiet and focus on the situation at hand. We have a talking pony in your house for crying out loud.”
“Actually,” the pony interrupted, looking a Tripp. “I’m an Alicorn. And Shiny is a —oh no, Shiny!” The pony quickly made her over to the other pony on the couch. Shaking him furiously, she tried waking him up. “Shiny, wake up!” she shook even harder. “Wake up!”
“You’re doing it wrong. Here, let me try,” Derek said. Getting off the couch, he walked over towards the sleeping pony and grabbed hold of one of his ears. Pulling it up slightly, Derek took a deep breath. “Wake up! Wake up! Your grandmother needs a clean diaper!”
This seemed to have worked, because the ponies’ eyes shot open and he jumped off the cough, and landed on his ‘rear end’.
“Nice job, bro,” Tripp complemented his friend.
“Thanks,” Derek replied, sitting down on the couch again. “My mom always yelled that at me when I wouldn’t wake up, or if I was in the shower. I think she even did it when my grandmother actually needed a clean diaper.” He replied. Turning his attention to the white pony which had landed on the floor (and who was currently rubbing his sore rear). “First things first,” he said, pointing a finger at the pony. “Are you a little man, or a little girl?”
The pony stared at him in confusion. “What?”
“Little man,” Derek said, snapping his fingers. “Got it.”
“What’s going on?” The white pony asked, turning his head to the pink pony. “Cadence?”
“I don’t know, Shiny,” The pink pony replied. “I just woke up to find these,” she motioned to Derek, who just waved at her, a big goofy smile planted on his face. “Things staring at us, and he,” she pointed her hoof accusingly at Derek. “Took my crown without my permission.”
“I did not!” Derek retorted, crossing his arms and pouting.
“Yes, you did.” Tripp retorted.
“It was just a coincidence!” Derek retorted, glaring at Tripp. With his arms still crossed and still pouting, he looked down at his feet.
“Right. Like when you fart and it smells. All a big coincidence.” Tripp said, sarcasm dripping from his voice.
“No,” Derek replied, turning his gaze back to Tripp. “Farting is an often audible discharge of intestinal gas. It’s perfectly normal for it to smell.”
“You know what farts are. But figuring out how many watermelons you have left; when you have ten, and take four. Is a problem?” Tripp said, crossing his arms and giving Derek an ‘am I right, or not?’ expression.
“I know that, it’s six,” Derek replied, turning his back to Tripp and counting his fingers. He turned to face Tripp again. “Yeah, it’s six.”
“Alright, will you please tell us who or what you are, and where we are?” The white pony asked, clearly getting annoyed.
“Chillax, bro,” Derek said, putting his arm around the pink pony that sat beside him. “We won’t hurt—ouch! She bit my finger, again!” Derek whined, looking at his finger
“Again?” the white pony asked, looking at the pink pony. “What did you do?”
“Oh for crying out loud, Shiny. It was self-defense!” The pink pony exclaimed, taking a quick glance at Derek. “He tried to touch me with those filthy things.” She said, motioning to Derek’s hands.
“Will everybody just shut up and listen to me!?” Tripp shouted, frustration and anger clearly present in not only his voice, but also his facial features. “Everybody just sit down and shut up. When a lot of people talk all at once, it usually means: shouting, screaming, fighting--”
“Karaoke means empty orchestra in Japanese.” Derek interrupted.
“Derek!”
“What?”
“Be quiet and listen!”
“’Kay.”
“Okay, let’s try this again,” Tripp said, looking at the two ponies. “My name is Tripp Klaus,” Tripp said, pointing at himself. “And that’s my best friend in the whole wide world: Derek Jefferson.” He said, motioning to Derek.
“What’s up little man and little girl?” Derek asked, smiling at them.
“My name is Princess Mi Amore Cadenza, friends call me Cadance.” Cadence said.
“Can I call you Cadance?” Derek asked.
“I don’t even know who you are. I just know your name, that’s it.” Cadance replied, staring at him with confusion.
“You’re right,” Derek said. “Then I’ll just call you: Pudding.”
“Why pudding?” Tripp asked.
Derek shrugged. “I figured I’d say the second thing that comes into my mind.”
“What was the first thing?” Tripp asked, raising an eyebrow.
“Trust me, you don’t want to know.” Derek replied, his facial expression turning into a serious one.
Tripp shook his head. Turning his attention back to the two ponies, he spoke up. “So Cadance and…” he trailed off.
“Shining Armor. Prince Shining Armor and the Captain of the Royal Guard.” the white pony replied.
“Shining Armor and Cadance, got it,” Tripp said, clapping his hands together. “Next question! What are you two doing in Derek’s house?” he asked, glaring suspiciously at the two of them.
“Wait,” Cadance said, turning her head to Derek. “This is your house?”
“Well actually it’s my grandfather’s house. But after some redecorating and his sudden death by a raccoon, it became my parent’s house,” he said, smiling at her. “Fun fact, raccoons like it when you haven’t showered for four day.”
Cadance raised an eyebrow at him. “I’m sorry, but I don’t follow.”
“Welcome to my life,” Tripp said, rolling his eyes. “But you still haven’t answered my question. What are you two doing in Derek’s house?”
Before Cadance could open her mouth, Shining Armor spoke up. “We woke up in your garden, we called out for help but we didn’t get it. So when we saw your house,” he turned to Derek. “We decided to enter. We were exhausted and I couldn’t just let my wife stay outside. We were going to explain the situation to the two of you. So when we heard voices coming from outside the house, we decided to greet you. But we were still very exhausted, and when we saw you—well, you know what happened next.”
“You fainted.”
“Karaoke means empty orchestra.”
“And the next thing we know, we wake up and see the two of you towering over us,” Cadance turned to Derek. “Sorry I bit you. You can call me Cadance, by the way.”
“Thanks, but I prefer Pudding.” Derek replied.
“And I prefer Cadance.” Cadance smiled.
“Pudding is fine with me.”
“Please, call me Cadance. I insist.”
“Pudding.”
“Cadance.”
“Pudding!”
“Cadance!”
Tripp gritted his teeth. “Just call her Cadance, dude!” he shouted, throwing his hands up in the air to make his exclamation even more intimidating. “Okay, so you entered his house without permission. That’s a crime. So what is preventing me from kicking you out of the house, right here, right now?”
“You wouldn’t dare to ‘kick out’ the Prince and Princess of the Crystal Empire, would you?” Cadance asked, a smug grin planted on her face. “We can make you two very happy—well, whatever you two are supposed to be. I don’t know what you are.”
“You know,” Tripp said, getting off his chair. “Here in the Netherlands we have a saying: Wie de bal kaatst, kan hem terug verwachten. Meaning that if you want to stay here, you shouldn’t make unnecessary threats.” Tripp said, giving Cadance an ever bigger smug grin than she did to him.
“The Netherlands? I’ve never heard of that nation before.” Cadance said, looking at her husband in confusion.
“Well up to this point; I had no idea talking ponies existed. But I’ve been proven wrong yet again.” Tripp retorted, holding his hand out to Derek, who gave him a high five.
“What are you two talking about? In what part of Equestria are we, and what are you?” Cadance asked, confusion and a hint of angst written over her face.
This time it was Tripp’s turn to be (more) confused. “Uh, well we’re people. Humans, Homo sapiens. And what is Equestria? Sounds like the name for a band.” Tripp replied. Noticing the mixture of confusion and shock planted on both of their faces, Tripp quickly spoke up. “Listen, wherever you claim to be, it’s not here,” he said, scratching his nose. “You’re in the Netherlands, not Equestria.”
“I don’t understand,” Cadance said, turning to Shining Armor. “What are they talking about?”
“Cadance,” Shining began, walking over to her and sitting down beside her. “We’re not in Manehatten anymore.”
This time it was Derek who gave the two ponies a confused look. “Are you saying you guys are aliens?”
“We’re ponies, not aliens,” Shining Armor corrected, glaring at him. “We’re not calling you aliens, now are we?”
“No, you called us ‘things’.” Derek replied, but not in an angered way. More in an ‘I’m so oblivious I didn’t even notice I insulted myself’ way. “We’re not things, we’re humans.”
Cadance’s ears perked up. “Humans?” she asked, scooting Shining Armor aside. “So that’s what you look like. Twilight did describe you, but seeing it for yourself is so much better.”
“These are the things Twilight encountered when she stepped through the portal?” Shining asked his wife, taking a quick glance at Tripp. “Pretty weird.”
“Says the guy with long hair, a white coat, and is wearing make-up.” Tripp retorted.
“I’m not wearing make-up!” Shining retorted, his glare intensifying.
“So these things are called ‘hands’?” Cadance asked, looking down at Derek’s hands.
“They sure are,” Derek replied, wiggling his fingers. “And these are called: Fingers. I use them to do all kinds of stuff. Pick my nose, make dinner, pick my nose again, eat dinner—oh, and pick my nose again. They are very useful.” He said, nodding his head up and down.
“This is weird,” Tripp said, motioning at the entire living room. “Two minutes ago you were all screaming and shouting, and now we’re having a civilized conversation.” Looking at Derek, he shook his head. “This must be a regular day for you.”
“Not really,” Derek replied, wiggling his fingers at Tripp. “These haven’t been into to my nose yet.”
“Let’s keep it that way,” Tripp said. The thought of Derek picking his nose again sent a shiver down his spine. Derek could do so pretty nasty things. He once ate a rotten banana, because his teacher that that if he did, he’d get sick. He probably took this as an opportunity to skip school, and he did skip school. Oh, did he skip.
“Shiny, I’m not feeling too good,” Cadance said as she dropped her head onto the soft pillow of the couch.
Shining Armor held his wife close to him, stroking her mane. “Just close your eyes, I’ll make sure you’re safe.” He whispered.
“And don’t worry,” Derek said, giving her a ‘thumbs up’. “We won’t do anything stupid. I promise.”
Cadance couldn’t help but smile a bit. Perhaps she misjudged them. Sure they looked a bit scary and weird. But they still let them sit on their couch, let her and her husband stay in their home, and (in some way) took care of her and her husband. But there was a bit of a problem. Her eyes felt heavy, really heavy. Placing her hoof on Derek’s lap and patting it, she smiled at him and closed her eyes.
“Bro,” Derek said, tugging at Shining Armor. “I don’t know if you’ve noticed, but it looks like your make-up isn’t doing a very good job.” He said in a serious tone.
Shining gritted his teeth, stating that he wasn’t wearing make-up, while Tripp and Derek retorted and said he was. And Cadance? Well, she just had a big smile panted on her face. She could wait a few more minutes before drifting off to sleep. Because hearing his husband get so aggravated over such a small thing was worth all the gold in Equestria… well, maybe not all of it.
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