A Friend Not Worth Having

"Over here!"

Pinkie Pie's tail brushed against the castle floor before springing up and catapulting the ball over to her best friend. Rainbow Dash's athleticism was certainly giving her an advantage, but she considered it a fair game when she was playing with two reality-warpers.

Discord's teleportation spell worked effectively should the ball ever be sprung away from him. At least, he thought it was his spell. He didn't know if anyone ever invented the spell before he came into existence. Regardless of his lack of knowledge, Discord often gloated to Twilight that she often used a spell that he supposedly invented. From what Discord could make out from Twilight's self-mumbles, the spell was actually the third most basic spell modern unicorns master. Conjuring was decently harder, and flashy spectacles depended on how relevant they were to the unicorn's special talent. All in all, Discord had something on Twilight that the adolescent mare could not deny.

In fact, Discord had always assumed Twilight would be more cooperative with him after his rehabilitation, but surprisingly, Rarity, Applejack, and even Rainbow Dash had taken a liking to him earlier. Which was confusing, since Twilight had been pretty lenient on Sunset Shimmer, even though the element of magic gave her access to far more power than Discord ever could have during her demon phase. The only reason Sunset lost was because Twilight was able to awaken the Elements of Harmony inside the Rainbooms in a far smoother manner than the Mane Six.

Now, this sort of selectivity didn't hurt Discord, but he was planning on asking Fluttershy to have a stern talking to with Twilight and not take no for an answer. If Fluttershy could tame Discord, she can most certainly knock some sense into Twilight.

In fact, for whatever the title "Princess of Friendship" meant, Twilight didn't appear to have much favor for redemption. Nightmare Moon was a default thing, Trixie just went sucking up to Twilight before hanging out with pre-redemption Gilda, and even with Sunset Shimmer, Twilight just handed her over to the Rainbooms instead of telling her how magnanimous Princess Celestia is. Then, Gilda and Diamond Tiara hadn't been reformed with any of Twilight's involvement at all. And from what Rainbow Dash told him, Starlight Glimmer had been run out of her own town. Then again, this Starlight Glimmer sounded pure evil. Control freaks—they scared Discord. Despite Fluttershy's assertions that these thoughts were all in Discord's head, that Twilight had been on board with everything, and while Discord couldn't deny that... something just didn't seem right to him.

A few days ago, Twilight said that she "received messages from Sunset Shimmer", which was probably an excuse she had made up just to leave. To make sure she stayed true to her word, Discord had watched Twilight go through the portal, which she had seemed awfully delighted to do. Discord had found it somewhat hurtful but mostly amusing that Twilight was willing to travel to an alternate universe with Spike just to avoid him, so he had purposefully messed with her by putting temporal magic in the portal, sending Twilight and Spike on a wild adventure. Turns out that Twilight's excuse was legitimate after all. Discord never brought it up to Fluttershy.

Earlier today, Twilight had said she went outside for something to do with Princess Cadance's pregnancy. This time, it actually had been an excuse, but Discord refrained from doing anything in case of any unexpected legitimacy. Twilight was just walking around and analyzing her situation. She was just about to open the door to her castle before hesitating.

She thought about Discord. She thought about her other foes.

Sunset was one thing. She had become incredibly tearful and apologetic upon tasting the rainbow, but unlike Luna, she had enough self-confidence to fix her past mistakes instead of making herself look awkward on Nightmare Night. From what Sunset had told Twilight, the closest she had gotten to her past self was flipping her shit when Sci-Twi inadvertently put Rainbow Dash in danger. Sunset was truly willing to change her ways.

The Dazzlings, on the other hoof, were monsters by nature. If they wanted to be reformed, Twilight would have no objections. She would, however, be just as cautious around them as around Discord. They are, after all, self-proclaimed gods, basically hatred incarnate, and the driving force behind all things evil and sadistic...

There was no possible way Twilight would go up to them and ask, "Hey, wanna be friends forever?" They would probably just cause more damage if given half the chance. But if they ever want to be genuinely want to be reformed, Twilight could never deny them the chance. Not just because it's what Star Swirl the Bearded would've wanted, but because friendship is magic.

"Holy shit, that sounds cheesy." Twilight shook her head. This whole friendship motif got tiresome after two years. Hopefully, Sunset could renew it. She was, after all, nothing more than simply Twilight gone down a different path.

Twilight slapped herself. The fact that she could even dare think about imagining her friend as nothing more than a derivative of herself showed herself just how egocentric her mind had gotten. Where had this come from?

The worst part that Twilight couldn't understand: She KNEW this, and was by THAT more than anything. Maybe Moon Dancer was right about one thing. Maybe I really—

Twilight cut off that line of thought. She was just distracting herself from the earlier question.

Was it all because Twilight simply couldn't accept Discord?

No, that was ridiculous. Discord was easier to accept than Starlight Glimmer, who downright refused to see things from Twilight's perspective before trying to kill four of her former followers (and subsequently admitting she studied that spell for years). She had shut down Twilight during her friendship speech, she was forceful, and she didn't care about consent.

All because of her stupid little equality cult.

That part confused Twilight. Starlight had a perfectly good excuse for keeping her cutie mark, yet she was still evil? This whole "equality" thing was confusing, and not just because Starlight's idea of equality was not what equality truly is. Most cults Twilight had seen only had someone of higher power like Starlight solely for sex benefits. Twilight chuckled at the thought for a moment. But it was only for a moment. Her mind wandered back to the confused part, where she on the fact that Starlight acted this way over equality. Exceptionalism, she understood, but equality?

She really is pure evil, thought Twilight. But if she wants redemption, totally. No objections there... Hopefully, I can clear her mind of any misguided thoughts she had. Twilight's mind then wandered over to the thought of the unicorn who did indeed obsess over exceptionalism. Then, she frowned. Fuck Trixie, she thought. Fuck Trixie to Tartarus.

The mere thought of Trixie often brought Twilight to anger. Trixie had been that way since they were fillies, always disgusted at the fact that she shared the same father. She often accused Twilight of not wanting to share ponies close to her, something that Twilight always scoffed at. And Trixie still hadn't matured today.

Was Trixie deserving of redemption? No. If she wanted it, Twilight would definitely say no. No matter what, the stuff between her and Trixie was full of bad blood. And after all that Trixie had done, there was no way that the egomaniac could be described as anything but the filth of existence.

Of course, the sudden bang on Twilight's head by the bucket of water falling from the door made Twilight reconsider if befriending Trixie was really more of a bad idea than the scene in front of her.

Once Twilight telekinetically tossed the bucket aside and magically dried herself, she stared on in disbelief. There was her six friends... and Discord... laughing together?

The seven of them had pranked her, no surprise. But they were all enjoying it together. And no one was cringing at the sight of Discord.

What happened while she was gone? One minute, everyone was still dwelling on everything Discord had done, and the next minute, everyone was happily playing with him?

The fuck?

No... there is no fucking way...

"Um... hey, guys. I'm back."

Rainbow composed herself before walking beside Twilight. She then held her hoof to her chest, spread out her wings, closed her eyes, and lifted her muzzle. "And our princess has arrived, in her full glory."

Twilight looked at her prismatic friend. "That's not funny."

Rainbow sighed. "Fine." She then assumed the ridiculous posture once more. "And our control freak has arrived, in her full pretentiousness."

Twilight frowned. "That also wasn't funny."

Rainbow rolled her eyes. "Do I look like Discord to you?"

"No, you look like a pony whose name is a portmanteau of 'Rainbow', an aerial phenomenon consisting of a bow or arc of prismatic colors appearing in the heavens opposite the sun and caused by the refraction and reflection of the sun's rays in drops of rain, and 'Dash', a violent or rapid blow or stroke."

"...Thanks for taking the awesomeness out my name, Egghead. Really appreciate it."

"Glad I could help," replied a smugly satisfied Twilight.

Despite Twilight's momentary pride, she couldn't help but notice that Rainbow's head had lowered slightly. "Um, Discord?"

Discord looked up from his spontaneously knitting and lowered what looked like Rarity's reading glasses. "Yes?"

"I... don't feel like pranking anymore. Wake me up in a few hours." With that, Rainbow flew over to her throne. The mare curled up and closed her eyes. The unicorn with the eye for detail couldn't help but notice a single tear shed from Rainbow's left eye.

"Um, Twilight?"

"What is it, Rarity?" asked Twilight, hoping to get away from all this weirdness.

"You might want to take a look at this."

Twilight teleported over. She glanced at Rainbow's curled up form. The mare was cringing, and her eyes were visibly flooding.

Twilight gasped. "Oh... oh, my..." Twilight looked at her friends (except Discord) for any sort of explanation she could receive for why the tough girl had just broken down in an instant.

Fluttershy stepped forward. She opened her mouth but instantly closed it.

"Fluttershy?" asked Twilight as she turned from Rainbow's sobbing form over to the shy Pegasus.

Fluttershy squeaked. "Um, well, you see... It has to do with her mother."

Twilight raised an eyebrow. "Her mother?"

"Um, well..." Fluttershy took a deep breath before looking from behind her mane. "To start with... Rainbow Dash isn't this pony's birth name..." Fluttershy sighed. What had a harmless prank suddenly spiraled into?