Celestia's Bad Friends

        “Never. Again.” Volt Prime shuddered as he woke and moved to exit Celestia’s bedroom. His frame was just outside the room in the hallway. All he had to do was leave the room without Celestia finding out and-.

        “That, was the best time I’ve had in centuries.” Celestia said wistfully as she left her private bathroom, her mane and tail solid and drooping with water.

        “NEVER! AGAIN!” Volt Prime yelled at Celestia. “You fucking teleported me out of my frame, and tied me to the fucking bed!”

        “Well I may be old Volt, but even I know how to have fun.” Celestia chided playfully as she moved to her massive bed and began poking the largest lump. “C’mon, wakey~!” ‘Nyx is so jiggly~!’

        “YOU ONLY UNTIED ME TO SHOVE MY FRAME’S GAUNTLETS ON ME SO I SHOCKED YOU THROUGH THE ENTIRE THING!” Volt Prime yelled. “You ma’am, ARE INSANE!”

        “FYI boss...Alicorns and Pegasi are nigh immune to electricity, it gives them a buzz really.” Nyx said as she groaned and sat up, the covers being held to her large bosom. “I don’t think I could ever go back to being male after an experience like that….”

        “Babe, you have no idea.” Valkyr said under the covers next to her, yawning as she poked her cat-eared head out of the covers blearily. “Few times I tried being a guy, I just didn’t feel as amazing, or as intimate. Sure I can go guy for a frame, but not for myself personally.”

        “Well girls, I know for fact that you all stink, and it’s time to clean up for the new day. So get your fine plots into my bath.” Celestia lilted, practically glowing with humor and joy.

        “Whoa...Tia, you’re really happy. Have you been celibate for THAT long?” Nyx asked as she took a sheet for modesty while Valkyr shamelessly crawled out in the nude to stretch like a cat. “Valkitty, please don’t tempt me. I have psychic powers now. Do NOT tempt me. Oh...also, Stalker took off while we were asleep. Wow...I at least wanted to thank him for the experience.”

        “YOU ARE ALL CRAZY!” Volt Prime screamed. “That bitch raped me! How DARE you act so calm about all this! Why I oughta-” A loud and sharp beep came from Volt Prime’s Warframe, getting him to run over to his frame and put on his helmet. “Go Jaques… Uhuh?... Wait what?! SERIOUSLY?!... I understand… I’ll tell them. Send mine down if you can.”

        “Boss, what’s happening?” Valkyr asked, becoming serious, and then sniffed herself. “Uh...can it wait for after a de-con though?”

        “What’re you saying Valkitty? You smell nice to me.” Nyx commented cheekily, only for Volt Prime to hold up a hand, stopping the nonsense before it could begin again.

        “Suit up you two.” Volt Prime commanded as he slipped on the rest of his Warframe. “We don’t have time for a de-con, and we sure as hell don’t have time for anymore nonsense, Celestia.” Volt Prime glared at the solar princess. “We need to get out there and get our Archwings in the air, stat.”

        “Oh dear. I’ll send a bulletin to my forces to keep their distance.” Celestia prepared to teleport away as Nyx and Valkyr rushed to their tossed-aside Warframes.

        “Don’t have to. Hell, as much as I’d love to ensure your kind’s safety, we need as much help with this shit as we can get.” Volt Prime stated. “It’d be just in case they get through. Now let’s get moving. We don’t have much time before the Grineer are in close orbit, and we have to stop them before they get there.”

        “Where, specifically?” Celestia asked nervously.

        “The moon.”

        “HEATHENS! INFIDELS! THEY DARE DESECRATE OUR MOON!” Artemis’ deep voice bellowed through the castle and half of Canterlot. “THEY SHALL ALL DIE!” Suddenly, it felt like the whole world was shaking for a second. “FACE THE WRATH OF THE SHAKING! THOU SHALT ALL BE CRUSHED BY OUR MOVING SATELLITE!”

        “Well, that should help.”

        “HA! THE FUN IS JUST BEGINNING!” Suddenly, tons of flaming debris smacked into the forest nearby at ridiculous speeds. “...Oops….”

        “Lu-ARTEMIS! Stop shaking the moon and knocking enemy forces into Equus’ atmosphere!” Celestia shouted indignantly with an echo that reached as far as Artemis’ bellowing.

        “But Tia!” Artemis whined from somewhere in the castle.

        “No buts! Let our Tenno Allies handle this!” Celestia then nodded to Volt Prime.

        “Thank you.” Volt Prime said. He put his hand to the side of his helmet. “Alright, Tenno! This is an invasion! We are here to prevent this sort of crap and show those Grineer bastards how it’s a bad idea to attack a Tenno protected planet!”

“Volt Prime, I was prepared for this eventuality. I am sending more Tenno to reinforce you. Your Clan will not stand alone.” A woman’s voice echoed over their audio channels. “Activating Solar Rail mass-transit.” Suddenly, lot’s of new pings came up on Tenno scanners around the Solar Rail Volt Prime’s clan had erected in orbit, friendlies.

“Thank you, Lotus.” Volt Prime said. “Alright Tenno, get to your Archwings and MOVE OUT!” Volt Prime broke open one of the ornate windows in the hall that overlooked Equestria before jumping out, Valkyr and Nyx following.

“Thank goodness I stopped having Equestria’s history recorded on stained glass after the first few times.” Celestia commented, looking into the sky with worry. “Ironic. If the Tenno weren’t up there, I could’ve just used a Solar Flare to burn the Grineer to the last in an instant. Hmph. Oh well.” Celestia shrugged, knowing once again, the situation was out of her hooves.

‘Unless, of course, that idea Nyx pitched at me for my own personal Warframe pans out eventually.’

---]=======/

        Once they broke atmosphere in their Archwings, Nyx adjusted her Odonata Prime to look around. “Wow, Artemis did a real number on them.” The outer orbit of Equus, once clean of debris, was practically now a ship graveyard. At least four Grineer Dreadnoughts, a couple of Corvettes, and a couple Mining Frigates were identified among the field of scrap that covered several hundred miles of space above Equus, not counting the Frigate that was accidentally knocked into the empty forest around the Canterhorn.

        “Yeah, this makes things much easier.” Valkyr commented as her Elytron shifted, before hundreds of bogies popped up on her radar. “Spoke too soon.”

        “Shit. Rhino Prime, ETA on reinforcements!” Volt Prime yelled over the radio.

        “Five minutes sir! The Dojo is on the opposite side of Equus!”

        “Fuck. Alright, we get any primes in the transit?” Volt Prime asked, his own Odonata Prime reflexively emitting a shield as the far-off Dargyns and Lancer Dregs opened fire, letting a hail of energy weapon blasts wash harmlessly over himself, which Nyx quickly did as well and stayed close to Valkyr.

        “About 30. Wasn’t able to see. But about 50 inbound only have standard Odonatas.”

        “Fuck, gotta be careful, standards have a longer charge time on their Energy. And we’re gonna need a LOT of homing missiles for these pricks.”

        “Inbound!” Valkyr warned as she whipped out her Archwing’s Onorix and charged into the fray at a Shield Dargyn.

        “Valkitty no! Your Elytron doesn’t have shield projectors!” Nyx screamed worriedly as she dogged her girlfriend’s tail, obsessively ensuring she tried her best to keep her within her shield’s range.

        ‘I knew those two would get together, just not like this….’ Volt Prime mused before his Odonata Prime spread it’s wings out and fired a volley of energy missiles at the oncoming Dregs.

---]=======/

        “So Clem, these are the people you were once of?” Celestia asked the tiny ex-Grineer conversationally as she hovered over the crash site of the frigate that Artemis accidentally smashed so conveniently close to the capitol.

        “Clem!” Clem shouted with a crooked nod. Oddly enough, he was equipped with what seemed like a lower-tech Grineer-like sort of Archwing, but it was apparently only capable of in-atmosphere flight according to Darvo, considering the Grineer DID have working jetpacks already, an in-atmo Archwing wasn’t out of the question, especially for the determined Tenno-idolizing Clem.

        “Hm, they are rather pitiful.” Artemis commented as he flew up next to them over the site, Trinity protectively near him with a normal Odonata Archwing.

        The Frigate was a wreck as expected, and nobody survived the crash, but the corpses were still intact when they arrived, at least until their life-support failed and their organics rapidly and violently decomposed, leaving mostly mechanical husks.

        “Yeah, these guys, they’re just mass-produced clones, of clones, so-on. They’re really just a brutal war machine out to destroy anything and everything not them, so yeah, pitiful. Good gear though.” Trinity said as she held up an Ignis flamethrower she looted from a Scorch.

        “Hm...shame I can’t visit their world. I’d burn it to glass with their own sun.” Celestia mused. It wouldn’t be the first time she’d used her sun for military purposes. “Oh well, now we’re more aware of the forces the universe has arrayed against us.”

        “Indeed, and they managed to plant one of their damned mining ships on my moon before I noticed. I’ll have to rip it out or have the Tenno convert it to be more aesthetically pleasing. I refuse my moon to become an ugly, misshapen mess.” Artemis growled, his mane flickering madly.

        “Hey, if you’re saying we can make a colony up there? I’m sure more than a few Tenno will move in.” Trinity soothed. “But Grineer Green? Ew. We’ll have to use a Forma to get it converting to our own architecture.”

        “Well, that isn’t the only reason sis-brother is concerned.” Celestia chimed in as they landed among the wreckage. “His moon is composed almost entirely of what we call Moon Gem, but you might have your own name for it. It’s naturally pink, and the outer layer is just a crust Artemis coated it with from passing asteroids.”

        “...Naturally pink. Does it have it’s own energy signature?” Trinity asked cautiously.

        “Oh yes. A single shard can power a town for-.”

        “ARGON?! Your moon is made ENTIRELY of NON-decomposing ARGON?!” Trinity demanded passionately of her coltfriend, who blinked and nodded. “MARRY ME!” Trinity suddenly demanded, opening her mouth-plate and kissing Artemis full on the mouth, making his wings flutter as he happily kissed her liquid-black lips back.

        “Gem’s, a gal’s best friend. Right Clem?” Celestia asked with a smirk.

        “Clem, Clem! Grakata!”

        “I know, it’s-I did not just get something from that….”

---]=======/

        “WHITE MAGE DOWN!”

        “NEED A RES!”

        “OUT OF ENERGY!”

        “AAAAAAAAAAAAAAH!”

        The battle-space was a horrible sight of fighting and dying Tenno nubs who jumped at the Lotus’ ‘Alert’ for an Archwing mission. Thank gosh for the Medivac system their individual Cephalon’s all had aboard, otherwise the Tenno would be down at least 30 by now.

        At least the enemy had lost about four times that number, but there were still over 200 of them. “THIS IS INSANE! The Grineer never deploy THIS many space units unless they’re DAMN sure about something!” Nyx screamed as she rushed a shielded Dargyn and rended it in two with her Centaur’s long blade.

        “Then the fucks already knew about Equus! They probably felt pressured to move in on it because we started setting up shop!” Valkyr shouted as she blasted apart a group of Dregs with her Grattler.

        “Most likely.” Responded Volt Prime. “We just have to hope that-”

        “VOLT! WHAT HAVE WE TOLD YOU ABOUT JINXING SHIT?!”

        “... You do know that I haven’t done that, right? I’ve never jinxed us. It’s been Excalibur.” Volt Prime deadpanned. “I’m just trying to say that we have to hope we can get these fucks down before the big gun gets here.”

        “What’s that supposed to mean?!”

“Tenno, you’ve got incoming…” Lotus said over her link with the Tenno. “... Tenno, be careful. They’re bringing in a Balor Fomorian. Be prepared to face heavy combat.”

        “Well shit. Good thing I carry a Disruptor on me.” Volt Prime commented.

        “Did you REALLY think I would let you get your filthy hands on this planet Tenno?!” Came an INCREDIBLY annoying voice….

        “Oh no...GODS no! WHY WON’T HE LEAVE US ALONE?!” Nyx screamed in furious frustration.

        “FUCK YOU MR. PEANUT!” Valkyr screamed as and utterly gigantic black/red ship that looked like a fat overfed peanut/whale hybrid with red energy coursing through it warped in, the disruption sending the debris planet-bound, where it mostly burned up in the atmosphere, but some larger chunks managed to remain slag as it landed in random locations across the planet.

        “I AM NOT A PRIMITIVE EARTH LEGUME!” Grineer “Councilor” Vey Hek screamed over the fleet-channels indignantly. “BALOR! FIRE UPON THE TENNO!”

        “SCATTER!” Came a scream from one of the random Tenno that were flying in the area.

        Suddenly, with a deep space-distorting rumble due to the sheer amount of energy being charged, an utterly gigantic red laser blast swept through the field in a single straight beam so large it was daunting to think ANYTHING built by mortal hands could have engineered it…

        Only for the beam to be split into countless smaller beams by a single point that was interupting it, thankfully stopping the oncoming blast from hitting Equus head-on. Once the blast ceased, it was revealed that Volt Prime had blocked the blast, a slagged item held in his outstretched hands. “Damn...waste of a good Gammacore… and a good Archwing. Good thing I got those blueprints in storage.” Volt Prime said with a smirk, immediately passing out afterwards.

        “WHAT NONSENSE IS THIS?! You Blocked the mighty Balor Fomorian with a DAMNED LASER PISTOL?! BALOR! FIRE ALL-!”

Vey Hek was thankfully silenced when a goddamned MOON suddenly slammed bodily into the side of the Balor Fomorian like a comet being used as a baby rattle by a being infinitely smaller than it. “HA! THE FUN HAS BEEN QUINTUPLED!” A masculine voice echoed impossibly through space, and not through their comms. “Tis a wondrous thing, isn’t it? Laying waste to such a mighty foe with one well-placed strike?” Artemis asked conversationally as he actually FLEW up to the utterly baffled group with his wings. In space. Logic was failing them. “What? Hast we left thee speechless?”

“...I’ve come a long way, accepting all the bullshit you ponies do to the laws of reality that makes the Void seem a sane place. But this? Nope. Nope. Just nope.” Valkyr proceeded to head down to the planet, Nyx was frozen for a moment, before squealing and hugging Artemis around the neck.

“THAT WAS SO COOL! You ponies are epic! If you can do that with other moons or meteors...VALKITTY! I’VE GOT AN IDEA!” Nyx squealed as she flew down after her girlfriend, leaving Artemis and a now stuck-in-space Volt Prime floating among the debris field as the remaining Tenno who hadn’t left yet or been Medivac-ed were cleaning up the stragglers and looting for all their worth, some cheering about having seen a Balor Fomorian being taken down so quickly.

“Oh sweet! This dead guy has a Prisma Veritux and an Imperator Vandal!” Came the voice of a random overjoyed Tenno as they came across Volt Prime’s unconscious body.

“GET THE FUCK AWAY FROM HIM!” Trinity screamed as she rocketed into the random Excalibur in a vicious body-check from out-of-nowhere, which in Space, was infinitely more effective than if it were in gravity. “He’s not dead, just unconscious you prick!” Trinity screeched, getting the noob to flee before she held out her hand and began dispensing medi-gas around her leader. The stuff was completely generated by a Tenno’s body thanks to whatever the Orokin did to them during their enslavement. Nobody knew how or really why, but it was a wondrous ability that was beyond useful. Still smelled like antiseptic though.

“Eugh...med-bay again?”

“Not yet, gotta get you to the Dojo or at least the Grineer mining facility these bastards planted on my babe’s moon. Glad I’ve got a Forma on Trireme, that thing’s unsightly on such a pristine orb.” Trinity grumbled as Artemis looked around the desolate debris-field sadly.

“So much death...these creatures truly long for nothing but the death of all others but them? So much they’ll throw themselves into the slaughter with no care for their own lives?” Artemis asked rhetorically, having already gotten the whole spiel from Darvo and was mostly musing to himself. “Nay, my Moon is a small sacrifice. Trinity, is there a sort of barrier matrix thou can create for my moon?”

“Um...yeah? But we’d need an Orokin Energy Core and-.”

“SPLENDID! Then we shall allow thee to terraform our moon into a colony, in exchange, we still get to use thou all as a glorious morning-star. Acceptable?” Trinity stared at her coltfriend, both amused, and incredibly turned-on.

“Babe. For you? Anything. Just...give us a heads-up before you slam our shields into an enemy fleet like a bowling ball.” Trinity said as she began dragging the injured Volt Prime towards the soon-to-be terraformed mining facility and moon. “Also, you are SO getting some tonight. I’ll be on the top this time.”

“What form?”

“Griffon.”

“SPLENDID!”