Celestia's Bad Friends

        “So you’re really going to give us such an amazing deal? I’m completely new to this, but even I feel like I’m cheating you.” Celestia commented as she looked over an object Darvo introduced her to called a ‘tablet’ that showed her information at the slightest impression of force on the screen, which was amazingly easy to use with her magic, but she couldn’t see anypony using one with their hooves.

        “Trust me, as long as my competitors don’t get your business, I’m fine.” Darvo’s hologram said. “And again, I’m sorry for not showing up in person. I have many people hunting me, and I’d rather stay here on the relays where it’s safe.”

        “Last I heard, your dad was a bit too busy to be hunting you.” Ex-Nyx commented as she lounged in a nearby chair of the luxury ‘tea’ room that Celestia had decided to move her sudden meeting with Darvo to, even if Darvo himself couldn’t enjoy the room, he was drinking some tea himself to amuse himself on his end.

        “Trust me, I have more enemies than Frohd Bek.” Darvo commented. “Among them being your friend, Stalker. Speaking of him, I was thinking about putting up a new deal for his weapon models again. See what he’ll do this time for shits and giggles.”

        “I wouldn’t suggest that. Took a TON of Tenno to get him to leave you alone last time.” Ex-Nyx said. “And although he and I are on good terms, I haven’t gotten to speak with him-.”

        “Lately?” Everyone jumped, especially Darvo who spat out his tea at the shadowy Warframe that suddenly seemed to appear in the chair opposite Celestia and next to Darvo’s proxy. “I’ve been busy. Good tea by the way.” The inherently terrifying being raised his teacup in praise.

        “WHEN DID YOU GET THERE?!” Darvo screamed as Celestia calmly took another sip and munched some tea biscuits. She dealt with Discord and the two spawns of Tartarus on a regular basis, a new ‘threat’ popping up was just another day in the life of the solar princess.

        “Nice appearance Stalker.” Came another voice as Volt Prime, too, appeared out of thin air, a small floating creature levitating near his head.

        “Ah, if it isn’t the Deserter. Good to see you again. You and yours have been good allies.” Stalker commented as he took another sip of his tea through his helm’s special ‘intake’ that wasn’t visible to the naked eye. “Also, Excalibur. I see you got tired of being mono-gendered.”

        “Didn’t have a choice, Stalker. Unlike most Tenno I lost control over my form thanks to a potion the locals call a ‘gender-bending’ potion.” Ex-Nyx idly informed, only to squeak as suddenly Stalker grabbed her by the hand and yanked her to her feet to drag her out of the room. “W-what are you doing?”

        “If they have potions that can do something as astounding as that, they must have other more interesting potions, take me to a local alchemist.” Stalker demanded as he took Ex-Nyx out the door.

        “Damn Orokin, always so damned curious-.” The door closed, leaving Darvo and Celestia alone, until Clem suddenly dropped down from the ceiling.

        “Clem, Clem!”

        “Ah, Clem, good. Then Volt Prime, mind explaining a bit more along with Darvo? He’s been showing me his prices and all, but what is it that you’ve specifically arranged?” Celestia asked, idly noting the floating biomechanical creature floating next to VP’s head.

        “Eh, not much really. If I’m right, he wants to set up a shop here.” Volt Prime said as he took Stalker’s abandoned seat, pouring himself a fresh cup of hot tea.

        “Yes, while to you, shipments of tea and fruit might seem a common thing, out here in the Origin Systems, actual produce and other similar things are extremely difficult to come by. All the plantlife on Earth has adapted to it’s corrupted soils, and sadly, the fruits and vegetables it produces are poisonous to all but those that have lived there for so long they are immune to it, like the Grineer. So, while I might seem to be taking a loss, I’m actually making a huge profit. Luxury items like those I’m requesting for trade are worth much more out here than there.” Darvo informed honestly.

        “Well I’m glad to help you then Darvo, beings you’ll be helping me bring my world up on the technological scale. But what about the Perrin Sequence I keep hearing about?” Celestia asked, and Clem started rapidly twitching excitedly, and ran out of the room for no explained reason.

        “Those guys? They’re more pragmatic than Darvo. Darvo here’s a thrifty guy, he takes the same risks as the Corpus, but he’s actually nice and cares about something called life. The Perrin Sequence? Those guys believe in peaceful bartering, and that civility is the path to peace. They won’t hesitate to defend themselves though. Nothing is more dangerous than a Pacifist with nothing to lose.” Volt Prime informed. “That said, they’ll be unlikely to offer weapons considering your world’s relative peaceful state, not wanting to incite anything.”

        “Bah, idiots. You’ve gotta get guns, fast, before the Corpus or Grineer catch on. Especially the Grineer. They’ll just outright want to wipe you all out on principal of you existing. The Corpus might be able to be bargained with though. They may be violent, but they’re reasonable so long as a peaceful solution is more profitable.” Darvo stated, before turning his proxy to examine Volt Prime. “Ah, I see you brought Shade with you. How is the little fella doing?”

        “Shade is fine.” Volt Prime said, just as Shade made a noise akin to purring.

        “My gosh, it is both grotesque, and adorable at the same time. Curious.” Celestia commented, finally giving the odd creature her attention.

        “It’s called a sentinel. This one is Shade.” Volt Prime explained as Shade hovered over to his helmet and rested on top of it. “He’s a very nice little guy. Also makes a nice hat.” Volt Prime scratched Shade, causing him to make another mechanical purring noise.

        “...Why is it so adorable?!” Celestia questioned.

        “Nobody really knows. Their original designs are all Orokin, and most new models are simply reproductions or variants of the original blueprints. The Corpus adore them for their combat utilities, even though they don’t let their crewmen use them in battle, but it is common for higher-ups in the Corpus ladder to own sentinels as pets, even though the Grineer use them more often. Some models originate from the Grineer like Diriga and Dethcube, but the Carrier, Wyrm, and Djinn are all Orokin in origin, Helios is a Corpus special, mostly used by the scientifically inclined for data collection and analysis.” Darvo informed, showing pictures as he explained. “Volt’s shade is special. His has been treated with extremely rare prisma crystals.”

        “Wyrm and Djinn seem rather disturbing honestly.” Celestia said as she looked at the rather detailed images.

        “In all honesty, I agree.” Volt Prime said. “That’s why I got this little guy right here. Ain’t he adorable? He allows me to cloak if an enemy is nearby, and attacks any enemy that attacks me. Though, he’s not the strongest of them all. Hell, he’s pretty weak… Well, the original one is. Mine is pretty okay.”

        “Which is why I gave Clem a carrier. Let the little guy out Clem.” Darvo said patiently, and Clem jittered before he summoned a pear shaped floating biomech with a circular grate on the bottom that silently sucked in the air around it. “Carriers are pretty tough, and are considered the standard of sentinels. Also they pull in things that they feel are important to their master, and since Clem is really absent-minded, I felt it would be a nice thing for him to have so he wouldn’t forget to loot the battlefield for ammo or resources.”

        Carrier proceeded to purr, and Clem cheered his name as he snuggled the soft-looking thing to his tilted head. “Clem, Clem!”

        “Yeah, that’s actually my original Carrier. So instead of just randomly selling it, I gave it to Darvo, who in turn, gave it to Clem. Pretty glad where it ended up.” Volt Prime stated.

        Suddenly, Valkyr poked her head into the room. “Hey, has anyone seen Ex-Nyx?”

        Celestia managed to snap out of her desire to own a sentinel long enough to process the question, and looked to Valkyr. “She left with someone I believe is named Stalker.”

        “WHAT?! THAT PLAYBOY?! I’M COMING NYXIE! I’LL SAVE YOUR VIRGINITY!” Valkyr screamed hysterically as she bolted back out of the room, leaving everyone with that image in their heads, shuddering.

        “For some reason, her being with a male just feels wrong.” Celestia mused. ‘Not to mention she’s amazing with her tongue….’ Celestia blushed at that thought popping up. ‘Oh dear….’

        “... Eh. C’est la vie.”

        “I’ve seen stranger relationships.”

        “Clem! Grakata!”

        “... So, I’m the only one who feels that way?” Celestia asked, feeling unusually affronted.

        “Well, kinda. I mean, She USED to be a guy, but with how she’s changed I can’t see Excalibur as a guy now.”

        “Constant overpopulation has led to homosexuality and pansexuality to be pretty common in the Origin System, we just don’t think about those things.”

        “Clem! Clem!”

        “GET OFF OF HER YOU MAN-WHORE!” Came Valkyr’s yell, followed by a VERY angry scream… Then several banging noises that sounded like Valkyr destroying Celestia’s room in rage….

AGAIN.

        “VALKITTY PLEASE! I-IT’S NOT WHAT IT LOOKS LIKE!” Ex-Nyx screamed hysterically.

        “YOU SLUT! YOUR FINE ASS IS MINE!” Valkyr screamed, and soon another loud crash and rumble of a collapsing wall was heard. “SPREAD EM!”

        “... Well, it sounds like THEY’RE having fun.” Volt Prime said casually. “Think I might go join them.”

        At hearing Ex-Nyx wail in rapture suddenly, Celestia flushed bright red, and promptly galloped towards the source. “Sounds good to me!”

        “... I was being sarcastic.” Volt Prime deadpanned. He was IMMEDIATELY then levitated out of his seat as Celestia appeared back in the doorway, then put him on her back before rushing towards her room. “DO NOT WANT!”

        “ALL THE WANT!” Celestia shouted in counter, giggling and chortling. ‘To think, a year ago, I’d be disgusted at these sort of antics. Now though, it’s just something silly.’

        Meanwhile, Darvo and Clem stayed in the tea room. “So Clem, how’s the horse planet?”

        “CLEM!” Clem shouted excitedly.

        “Oh, that’s nice. How’s the weather?”

        “Clem, Clem, Grakata.”

        “Hm...sounds like a good vacation spot, go on.”