Say It Ain't So

Chapter Five: Say It Ain’t So

Something is bubbling behind my back.

The bottle is ready to blow…

I can’t breathe.

My blood feels like it’s been replaced with ice water. I can feel my heart racing wildly in my chest and I’m positive it’s going to explode. I can’t hear anything except that word ringing in my ears.

Married

Big Mac is getting married.

He’s getting married to her.

All I can do is sit there and stare at his puppy dog face. Some part of my alcohol-clouded brain reminds me that I still haven’t responded to him, but my mouth’s too dry. I open and close it a few times, trying desperately to say something, anything.

Finally I manage to get out a single word “M-Married…?” It’s barely above a whisper.

Mac still manages to hear it, and nods enthusiastically “Eyup! Ah’m going to ask her tomorrow at our dinner. Isn’t that great?” He looks at me with so much pride and happiness, and all I can do is feel my heart start to shatter.

“Why?” I blurt out before I can stop myself.

Mac tilts his head in confusion, his own intoxicated mind seemingly needing a second to process what I said, before offering me a small smile “Why what?”

“Why are you marrying her?” My mind finally realizes what I just said, and I desperately try to recover “I-I just mean...isn’t, um….isn’t it...a little s-sudden? I-I-I mean, haven’t you two only being going out for like a year?”

Mac takes a moment to process the question before responding “Well, it’s been more like a year and a half, maybe even a year and three quarters, but the Apple family have always married fairly quickly. It’s sort of tradition.” He pauses, looking at me slightly confused “Mel, is something wrong?”

“Nothing!” I blurt out much too quickly “N-Nothing’s wrong! I just, I just….” I take a breath, trying to keep myself from coming completely apart “I just...are you really sure about this? About her?”

Mac blinks in confusion, before offering me a warm smile “Shucks, Mel. Ah appreciate ya looking out for me like that.” He says, taking my hoof and gently removing the bracelet from it. His hoof feels like burning lava against my arctic fur. “But ah didn’t just decide to do this all willy-nilly. Ah’ve been thinking about this for a while, and ah’m honestly ready to settle down.” He pauses, and then looks off to the side, seemingly lost in his own alcohol-induced world “Y’know Mel, when ah was a colt, ah didn’t think ah was ever going to get married. You know how shy ah’ve always been, talking t’new ponies has always been hard for me to do, so between that and my work on the farm, finding a marefriend just seemed like it was out of the question.”

All I can do is stare numbly at the bar top while he continues on. “But then ah met Cheerilee, and everything seemed to change, y’know? Ah mean, the first time ah met her, back when ah was registering Applebloom fer school, ah could barely look her in the eye! But she’s always been so patient and understanding with me, comes from being a school teacher ah bet. And after that incident with ‘Bloom and her friends, ah got to actually talking with her, and ah couldn’t believe how amazing she was!” He rests his head on his hoof, and the goofy, lovestruck smile I used to adore makes its way to his face “Ah know it might be hard to imagine ‘cause you don’t talk to her as much as ah do, but Mel, she’s honestly one of the kindest and nicest ponies ah’ve ever met. She’s so sweet, always bringing me these little snacks and treats while ah’m working on the farm. She loves talking about the things she loves and the things ah’m interested in, and whenever we talk, she always listens closely to what ah have t’say, even if it’s not a lot or very important. She’s so good with foals, ah love listen to her stories about working at the school. Every time ah’m with her, ah just feel, ah don’t know….like ah can be more honest and open about myself. She’s the only other pony in the world besides you that ah feel like ah can really talk to all the time. And ah really, honest and truly, want to spend the rest of ma days with her…”

He continues on, but I’ve become too numb to hear him anymore. I just stare at the polished oak of the bar, feeling like the dumbest pony in the universe. Every word he says about her just feels like a dagger through my heart. I...I knew he liked her, but I didn’t think it was serious. I didn’t WANT it to be serious. I just thought…I don’t even know what I thought. That eventually he’d be done with her and they’d just go their separate ways? And then what, I’d swoop in to snatch him up? I should’ve known from the way he talked about her that this was serious, but I was too wrapped up in my own fantasies to notice. No, no, I had to have noticed. I knew this was coming in some way, but I didn’t want to face facts, so I just pretended everything was fine. How could I have been so stupid!?

“Hey Mel?” Mac says suddenly, jarring me out of my numb state. I stare at his face, at the warm smile he’s giving me, and I just feel my stomach drop.

“Listen,” He says, taking my hoof in his own. “There was one other thing ah wanted to share with ya tonight.”

Oh Celestia no, I can’t take anymore.

“...even though ah don’t have a date planned fer the wedding yet…”

No no no.

“...ah want you….”

Don’t do it, Mac.

“...to be…”

Please stop.

“...my Best Stallion.”

Everything comes to a grinding halt. A single image comes to mind: Sweet Apple Acres on a warm summer afternoon, with rows of chairs filled with ponies leading up to a beautifully decorated arch. Beneath it stands Cheerilee, dressed in a long, flowing white dress, and Big Mac, dressed in the most stunning and beautiful tuxedo I’ve ever seen. They stand there, smiling warmly at each other like high school sweethearts, gazing deep into each other’s eyes, thinking about how happy they are together, how excited they are to begin their life together and spend the rest of their days in holy matrimony, before kissing passionately, cementing their bond and their love for each other, while all the ponies cheer, some even bursting into tears.

And all the while, I’m standing there, off to the side, watching my best friend and the stallion I love getting married to somepony else. And then Big Mac looks at me, and then I have to go in front of all those ponies, in front of Cheerilee, and in front of Mac, and make a speech to all of them about how happy I am for the two of them.

How happy I am that he’s getting married to her.

How happy I am that they get to spend the rest of their lives with each other.

Without me.

It’s too much.

“I-I have to go.” I say suddenly, jerking my hoof free from his grasp.

Mac jerks back in surprise, looking confused and a little hurt, which sends another dagger through my heart. “What? Why?”

I jump off the stool onto my hooves, and almost fall straight to the floor with how unbalanced I am. Fuck, I forgot how drunk I was. “I-I’m just not feeling feel. S’the alcohol or something.” I throw out any excuse I can, just wanting to get out of there.

Mac gets off of his stool, and he actually does fall to the floor before getting up on shaky hooves “Mel, if you’re not feeling well, why don’t you just have a rest here and…”

“No I can’t stay here, I need to go.” I say quickly, and head to the stairs. I stumble and fall into the gramophone, which lets out a horrid scratching noise as the needle gets bumped. “I need to go home, I’m sorry. Congrats, Mac. I’m really happy for you.” I feel my voice crack on my last sentence and know it’s time to get out of there. I book it down the stairs, miraculously managing not to fall. I hear Mac call out for me, but I don’t stop. I throw the barn door open, not even bothering to shut it behind me, and book it into the night.

And then I just run.

I run down the path towards Ponyville, my lungs burning and aching for air, my muscles screaming, but I still don’t slow down.

Don’t cry, don’t think about it, just get home.

My hooves pound into the dirt, my mane and tail whipping behind me.

Don’t cry, don’t think about it, just get home.

I hear several leaves tumble from the trees behind me onto the ground, but I pay them no mind.

Don’t cry, don’t think about it, just get home.

Coming around the corner, I finally, mercifully, see Ponyville. The streetlights are on, and I can’t see any ponies milling about outside. Good.

Don’t cry, don’t think about it, just get…

My hoof catches on a root, and I go sprawling across the path, my coat and mane getting covered in dirt. I come to a stop in the underbrush, getting up on shaky hooves.

Don’t cry, don’t think about it, just…

Something catches my eye as I’m standing up, and I make the mistake of looking.

It’s a playground.

No. Please no. The universe can’t be that cruel…

Against my will, my head turns to the left, and my fears are confirmed.

I’m standing in front of the schoolhouse.

All the lights are off, and the doors are clearly shut and locked, but I still glance over the entire place, not wanting to see her.

And then, while I’m standing there, staring at the dark schoolhouse, it happens.

I let my mental guard down for just a second, and reality hits me like a sledgehammer to the chest.

He doesn’t love you. He’ll never love you. He loves her. He loves her, and he wants to start a family with her. You never had a chance. It doesn’t matter when or where or how you told him, it still would’ve turned out like this. This was how it was always going to go. You knew from the beginning this was how it was going to turn out. He’s always been straight, you’ve never been compatible. He loves her the way you love him. They’re going to get married, and settle down, and probably have foals, and grow old together, and have this big, perfect, lovey-dovey, fantastic, wonderful life.

Together

Without you.

And you’ll always want what she has.

And you’ll never have it.

Ever.

I need to get home.

I fling the door to my apartment open. It slams against the wall, knocking a poster down. Steam Whistle snaps his head towards me in surprise, the bong he’s holding falling to the floor, the noise from the movie he’s watching forgotten.

“Oh jeez, Mel, you startled me! I didn’t expect you…” He trails off, taking in my appearance “...Mel? What happened to you?”

“Nothing I’m fine don’t worry about it.” I blurt out, quickly brushing past him into the hallway, ignoring his confused protests. I run into the bathroom, slamming the door behind me. I catch a glimpse of myself in the mirror. My mane is disheveled and messy; bits of twigs and grass cling to it from my tumble into the underbrush. My coat doesn’t fare much better, it’s all ruffled and wild, and there’s streaks of dirt running through it. But what really gets me is my eyes. They’re red-rimmed and bloodshot from the alcohol, but there’s something else.

They’re empty.

I stare at them for a moment, seeing how broken I really am, before turning away. I slide down, sitting on the floor between the sink and the tub. I close my eyes and hold my head in my hooves. I let it all wash over me, feeling my carousel of thoughts spinning wildly, showing me rapid-fire images.

Mac and Cheerilee together.

Mac and Cheerilee kissing.

Mac and Cheerilee on their wedding day.

Mac and Cheerilee on their honeymoon.

Mac and Cheerilee buying a house together.

Mac and Cheerilee happily having breakfast together.

Mac and Cheerilee having a foal together.

Mac and Cheerilee sending their foal to school.

Mac and Cheerilee growing old together.

Mac and Cheerilee at their grandfoal’s birthday.

Mac and Cheerilee as elders, sitting on their front porch together.

Then the images change.

Caramel alone.

Caramel at Mac and Cheerilee’s wedding.

Caramel giving his Best Stallion’s speech.

Caramel watching Mac and Cheerilee leave on their honeymoon.

Caramel living by himself.

Caramel watching Mac and Cheerilee send their foal to school.

Caramel watching Mac and Cheerilee grow old together.

Caramel as an elder, sitting alone in an empty house with nobody.

Caramel dying alone.

When I feel a hoof rest on my on shoulder, I look up, half-expecting Mac to be standing there. Instead, it’s Steam, looking at me with concern.

“Mel, what happened tonight?” He asks softly.

I try to speak, but my mouth is too dry, so I just stare at him blankly, causing his concern to grow.

“C’mon Mel, talk to me. What’s going on?”

I look into his eyes, seeing the overwhelming concern in them, and force myself to speak, When I do, it’s barely audible. “He’s getting married…” I say, looking away from him.

“He’s what? Say again bud, I didn’t hear you.”

Swallowing the lump in my throat, I take a shaky breath before looking him in the eye and speaking clearly.

“Big Mac is going to propose to Cheerilee. They’re getting married.”

It takes Steam a moment to process what I said, but then the realization hits him, and his face floods with painful sympathy.

“Oh, Caramel…”

I finally break.

Steam opens his forelegs, and I fall into his embrace, bursting into tears as I do. He rubs gentle circles on my back as I sob into his shoulder like the stupid idiot I am.

I don’t know how long we stay like that, and I don’t care.

I just cry until there’s nothing left inside.