Roseluck awoke to the sweet, earthy aroma of her husband’s musk, pleased by the aroma wafting up her nose from their previous night of bedroom fun times. Her forelegs wrapped around his torso and hind legs tangled with his, and the sleepy mare was content to simply lay there awake while hugging her prized mate until he woke up with the breaking of dawn… for about fifteen minutes, that is. Richard or shower? Shower… or Richard? Roseluck whinnied softly, her eyes bolting open. What am I thinking? This place is a wreck! If I don’t get up now, we’re doomed!” “Richard! Psst! Richard! I need to get up and clean the house!”

Richard groaned with disappointment as he came to, his eyes remaining shut as he held his wife snugly around her middle. “Do you have to honey? Storm won’t be back until well after dawn.”

Roseluck nuzzled her husband gently, pitying him. She was always getting up well before her husband out of habit, thanks to years of working at Daisy’s flower shop and felt guilty for having to cut Richard’s cuddle time short. “I want to stay here too, but I need to straighten the house up, especially the couch. Don’t want our colt asking too many questions. Besides, I could really use a shower after what you did to me back there!”

“Mmm!” Richard grinned wickedly, silently thanking the Almighty for his mare’s open-minded approach to lovemaking. “You’re right, Rose. You need help?”

“Nah. You’ve worked hard all week, big guy…”

“For you!” Richard interjected, waggling his eyebrows.

“A lot of loyalty for a hired Gentleman!” Roseluck replied, coyly, the pair sharing a moment of laughter at one of their favorite Earth movies. “But really. You’ve worked hard all week. You go back to sleep.” Grabbing the blankets with her teeth, she threw them back over the sleeping human’s shoulders and tucked him back in.

Making her way downstairs and into the living room, the sting of phosphorescent light from their numerous appliances made her eyes water. She rubbed her eyes, the happy memories of the previous night returning to her, overriding her daily, instinct-driven trek to make coffee. Thanks, Terra, wherever you are. Turning on the lights to allow herself to acclimate, she removed the disc from the tray, her tiny equine toes between her soft outer hoof latching themselves on to the top of the disc like a suction cup. If Roseluck hadn’t known better, she’d have sworn the design was specifically made for ponies, being able to manipulate the discs even better than her human husband so long as she didn’t press down too hard and shatter the tray when removing it. Flimsy human technology!

Reorganizing the living room to make it less obvious they had been rutting like tomorrow would never come, she turned on the early morning news. Having the day off from work, she’d get the chores out of the way quickly so she could look presentable for guests.

Richard awoke as soon as the sun began to shine through the cracks in the blinds, emerging from the bedroom stretching and yawning loudly, having put on a pair of boxers and a sleeveless undershirt, before pouring himself some coffee. “Thanks for letting me sleep in.”

“Don’t mention it! I figured I owed you that much after keeping you up most of the night! By the way, Golden Harvest sent a text message and I quote: ‘Storm was very well behaved and almost certainly did not rut her daughter at any point during his time there… except maybe after they went to bed. Okay, maybe they did do it, IDK’”

Richard rubbed the sleep out of his eyes and groaned. “I’ve put it off too long. I need to have a talk with that boy.”

Roseluck nodded in agreement. “I do think we should at least explain how everything works so he doesn’t find out the wrong way,” She chuckled, thinking of her friend, Daisy. “When I was a little filly, we were taught that babies came from a magical spell that only Celestia was said to be able to cast. I think Daisy was the last pony to find out that wasn’t true.”

“Aww! That’s cute.” Richard grabbed a pan from the cupboard and set it on the electric stove. “Did Daisy not talk to very many ponies?”

Roseluck shook her head, pouring herself some coffee from the modern electrically-heated pot on the kitchen counter before adding an excessive amount of cream and sugar. “All that was on her mind was being able to use her earth pony growth magic for the first time. She used to carry around a cup of seeds with her back in our elementary school days. She’d poke and prod at it, willing them to grow into a flower, but she was never able to do it… until the Rainboom.”

Richard gave his wife a quizzical look before cracking a few eggs on side of the pan and depositing the contents onto the now sizzling surface. “I’ve read some of the stories about ponies all across the country who discovered their marks that day, but I don’t recall reading anything about an earth pony mare living out in Ponyville being connected to the first Rainboom.”

“That’s because nopony could verify her story. From what everyone on the scene could tell, it was purely coincidental.” Roseluck sat human-style on a wooden kitchen chair, taking a sip of her nearly-white cup of coffee and gave a sigh of relief. “Now I’m awake!”

Richard grinned and shook his head as he regarded his wife’s overly-sweetened beverage. “Rose, I’ll never understand why you even bother adding coffee to your cream and sugar.”

“Because coffee is an awful, bitter substance whose only redeeming quality is waking ponies up.” Roseluck took another drag from her steaming mug.

“Spoken like a true woman!” Richard jibed, piling the eggs — cooked sunny-side up — onto a plate and placing them in front of Roseluck.

“Still fantasizing about easier access to my teats, eh, Richie?” the red-headed mare shook her head. “Hmm... Me as a woman… It would be kind of nice to wield a frying pan when you get uppity though,” Roseluck said casually before cutting into her eggs.

“Oh, don’t even try that with me, Rose!” Richard waved a disapproving spatula in her general direction. “You start hitting me with things and I’ll completely cut you off!”

“You don’t mean it!” Roseluck replied in mock horror bringing a hoof to the side of her head with the practice only a Ponyville florist could achieve.

“That’s right! You try introducing iron into my diet like that, and you’ll be looking for someone else to keep you satisfied. You might even have to ask —”

“Don’t say it, Richard! You made your point…” Roseluck’s ears flattened against the side of her head as the image of Lily came to mind, on the verge of fainting upon learning of Rose’s predicament. “In all seriousness though, do you think I’d look good with hands and feet?”

“Hell yeah!” Richard exclaimed, flipping the eggs through the air with a quick snap of his wrist, catching it cleanly and placing it back down on the sizzling pan. “You’d look fantastic riding a motorcycle. I can see you now, hanging onto my back, your mane streaming behind you as we ride through the desert to our next adventure.”

Roseluck closed her eyes, smiling, imagining the look of envy on the human mares’ faces; her face falling when she brushed her forelock with a wave of her hoof. “Nopony will be able to see my mane through the helmet though.”

“Helmet? You’re no fun!”

“And one for you too, mister! Equestria can't afford to lose you. You may be a citizen of two dimensions, but you’ll always belong to this one! Um… you will right?” Roseluck focused all of the force of cuteness she could muster into a single pout.

“And let Rainbow Dash down? Absolutely not!” Richard replied with a waggle of his eyebrows and a toothy grin.

Roseluck swallowed hard, nearly sending her eggs down the wrong pipe. She gave Richard a look she hoped would convey playfulness instead of anxiety. “You jest, Richard, but those pegasi mares are just waiting to steal you away from me!”

Richard shook his head sympathetically, piling his own plate with his cooked eggs. “Rose, you don’t have to keep fighting those old battles day after day. The dead are long since buried; it’s time to leave the war behind.”

“Heh… Am I really that obvious? You’re right Richard, it’s just always been a pegasus for me… a pegasus nemesis —” Roseluck chuckled at her words “— Hey, that rhymed! I’ll have to tell Zecora. Still… a part of me wonders how you didn’t end up with one yourself.”

“Me too, sometimes. But if I had, I’d’ve never met you.” Leaving his plate on the table, Richard planted a kiss on her yellow-furred muzzle, eliciting a pleasured moan from her before taking his seat. “My handler at Gentleman For Mares, and good friend, Petrichor — you met her at the wedding — had been the one to restrict me from seeing any more pegasi clients until I could learn to behave myself.” Roseluck nodded across the table from him, having heard the story before. It was a story they’d keep between them forever as it led to their first and highly memorable encounter as Gentleman and client.

“You could say that if I’d never had my accident, I would have ended up marrying one of my pegasus clients, in all fairness...” Richard rubbed the stubble on his face, taking a moment to gather his thoughts. “... But I don’t believe that crap for a second. Me settle down back then? Hell no! I was having way too much fun doing what I loved to do most.”

Roseluck smiled almost in spite of herself. Was she not doing the very same with each and every stallion she met? She was a beautiful mare and he was a beautiful stallion. Where they not to enjoy each other’s bodies as Celestia intended? Having remembered and cherished each stallion she’d shared herself with, even for one night, she couldn’t begrudge her dear husband for feeling the same way about his own lovers in the past.

Rose kept silent, but still paying attention, Richard continued. “When I got out of the hospital, I realized something that I never will forget: I’m not going to live forever and the more chances I take, the greater the odds of dying become. I don’t think I realized it fully until I met you. It’s like everything made sense… this was my wake-up call, a chance to settle down and accept gravity as a permanent and necessary part of my life.”

“So in other words… you settled?” Roseluck stuck her tongue out and giggled.

“I don’t regret it for a minute,” Richard replied earnestly.

“Neither do I, Richard. Thanks… I was just being silly."

“Apology accepted. Let’s just hope our son doesn’t have to learn things the same way I did.”

*****

Storm’s return was greeted with relief by both of his parents. The two tiptoed around the subject of sex while Golden Harvest and Lily Valley were present, but resolved to tackle the issue one at a time. “I never had both my parents sit me down at the same time,” Richard admitted to his wife earlier. “My old man was the one to do it. He told me, ‘son, just make sure your future wife’s hair is a natural color and that she doesn’t hold up a protest sign in her spare time. And if you decide to stick your dick in anything, for God’s sake wear a condom and never forget the first rule.’"Richard pounded his open palm with a closed fist for emphasis as he finished the last sentence before scratching her chin thoughtfully. "I don’t think the same speech will work here.”

“Unless things with Calluna don’t work out and he marries a woman!” Roseluck had suggested, pointing out the very real possibility.

Later on, after the two mares had gone home and everyone settled back in, Richard made his move. Stormblåst lounged quietly on the couch, watching TV — some crazy game show involving teams of foals competing in messy stunts for prizes and bits mostly involving food, grossly oversized Equestrian appliances and equine anatomical features. As planned, Roseluck was away to leave the two undisturbed, but he still felt compelled to make as little noise as possible making his approach to the couch. No need to worry, Stuntman, just a simple recon mission… Sounding braver than he felt, Richard, announced himself. “Hey there, kiddo. Can you make some room for the old man?”

The young colt turned around and looked up at Richard; his pubescent growth spurt, having started two years prior, allowed him to see over the back of the couch. “Hey, Dad! Hoo are ye?” Storm cleared his throat. “I mean… how are you?” The colt adjusted to sitting on his haunches, leaving space for his father to sit.

“Doing fine, Storm,” Richard replied to being asked how he was doing, accustomed to his adopted son’s lapses into Caleponian pronunciation. School had ironed out most of his Equestrian so that he could be understood by most folks, and at least he wasn’t nearly as out of control as his godmother Linky. Studying his adopted son, Richard allowed himself a moment of fatherly pride before setting to the task at hand. His colt was a picture of masculinity in a pastel-colored world. Evergreen eyes and coat with a black mane and tail. “I was hoping you could take a break from…” — Richard cringed slightly as he saw a colt emerge from out disturbingly accurate recreation of a pony’s maw. All the TV shows we could have imported to Equestria from our world, and we imported that! — “Ultimate Gross-out Challenge… and have a little chat.”

The colt’s eyes went shifty for a moment, wondering which awkward, uncomfortable thing Dad was going to confront him on today. Or was it the big uncomfortable thing? Better him than Mum finding out, he reasoned, but the thought still made him wince. He lowered his voice, conspiratorially “How bad is it?”

“That’s what I’m here to find out, son!” Richard grinned, lowering his voice, in turn, putting an arm around his son’s back. “Don’t worry; it’s nothing too bad. I just wanted to ask you about your sleepover at Aunt Goldie’s.”

So relieved that he hadn’t asked about that other thing, Stormblåst actually laughed, waving a dismissive hoof as a blue and white filly on screen cringed, her hoof digging around inside a giant model of a pony nose — complete with green goop — for a flag. “Oh, it was nothing! Just me and Callie hanging out with my aunts and uncle.” Richard’s son made a thoughtful expression, “Though now that yeh mention it, Aunt Lily was acting a bit… Lily-er than usual. Yeh know?”

“Yeah, about that…” Richard put on his serious dad face. At least, that was the face his dad made. “I know you and Calluna have always been pretty close...”

“Well, sure. We were always close! I’ve known her years. Ever since…” Storm looked down at the floor, his ears drooping.

Richard smiled sadly, running his fingers through Storm’s mane. “Surviving a war zone would bring anyone closer together. I can’t say it enough that you are the bravest pony I’ve ever known.”

Storm gave a frustrated snort continuing to look away. Speaking once more his Caleponian accent returned in full force. “I don’t feel so brave, Dad! I dinnae then, either!”

“And as we discussed before, it isn’t about how you scared you feel, but how you deal with the fear that determines if you're brave!” Richard patted his son’s back, supportively. “You could have easily flown away and nopony or gryphon would have thought less of you. You weren’t armed and you were facing an enemy the Caleponians had never even seen before.”

“Yeah… I guess so,” the colt replied dejectedly. “It’s just that you don’t hear too many stories about successful defeats, do yeh?”

“Quite the contrary,” Richard replied thoughtfully. “Some of humanity’s greatest victories in war came after a setback. The greatest accomplishment one can achieve when hopelessly outnumbered is to save the lives of their comrades and live another day. Even Firefly spent the first few months of the Pony/Gryphon War in full retreat. And you wouldn’t call her a coward!”

The pegasus looked back up at his golden-haired father, shaking his head vigorously. “No way! I know how she must have felt though.”

Richard nodded. “You’ve experienced more than a boy your age has any right to face. And I daresay Firefly is looking down on you right now with pride. You did good, son!” The two brought their heads together with a gentle bump, the colt whinnying gently.

“Thanks, Dad!” The pegasus looked around uncertainly. “Was… that was you were here to talk about?”

“Oh! Right…” Richard cleared his throat, tugging at the neck of his sleeveless shirt. “Well, actually I was here about… another type of experience. The kind of experience a young man… or colt, will eventually find himself in when he cares about someone very, very much.”

Storm arched an eyeridge at his father, leaving the latter wondering how the late, great Leonard Nimoy’s famous expression became universal among all ponies everywhere. “Uh… oh! Ohh…” Pointing the newly designed smart-crystal interface remote control at the screen, the television shut itself off — a recent marriage of human/pony technology allowing ponies to input information for a specific purpose using their innate magic. He looked up anxiously, eyes darting towards the door leading to the kitchen. “Mum’s not listenin’ is she?” he whispered conspiratorially, his accent again thickening from nerves.

Richard’s brow furrowed. “Son, I’m going to be completely honest with you. Just as I’d expect you to be with your old man. Mom isn’t listening right now, but she’s been meaning to speak with you about this too.”

The colt cringed, looking as if he had half a mind to fly away. Or fill the couch with brown dynamite. Or both. “Mum’s been thinking about it, too? Oh, me privy shame!” He shoved his head under a nearby cushion in perfect ostrich fashion, while covering the cushion with both forehooves for extra protection against reality.

Oh shit. Oh, Fuck! Dude, you’re thirteen! Goddamn it, Equestria! Why does every guy around here have to be surrounded by girls? Can’t a guy around here do something stupid with other guys around? Like drink beer? Drive your car across a frozen lake? Blow shit up with tannerite? Just anything that doesn’t involve sex? Come on, ponies. What the hell?Richard took a deep breath at the conclusion of his internal rant, unclenching his fists he’d only realized were clenched. I gotta have faith in him. He has said he’s done anything wrong… yet. “What are you ashamed about, Storm?” He asked his son, evenly.

Ears fully bowed, and huge ponies eyes filled with sadness — God, that’s cute! His father thought to himself — “To tell you the truth, Dad, Ah haven’t actually… been with any fillies yet… like that.”

“You… haven’t?” Richard’s relief shone over him like sunrise after forty days and nights of rain, unnoticed by his son who was hanging his head in shame.

The teen had no reaction to his father’s words, but continued his confession, speaking louder with each passing sentence. “Don’t tell anyone I said this, Dad. But I really do fancy Calluna. I always have. But I’m not sure how to say it to her. I’m so happy she’s alive after what happened to us that I cannae really ask for more than that. I can’t even bring myself to think about more than that!” Emotionally tired out, the youngster sighed and looked up at Richard for any sign of disapproval, finding none.

“Stormblåst. Son. You truly are one remarkable young man. Give me a big ol’ pony hug! Don’t overdo it though. You’ll break my neck!” His son nickered happily as he hugged his father around the neck, Richard hugging his son around the middle with his right arm, avoiding the nearby flight muscles for obvious but embarrassing reasons. “You had me scared there! I thought you were going to tell me you’d actually… done the thing… But I’m glad to hear you aren’t rushing things.”

Storm separated himself from his father with a flap from his wings, now hovering up near the ceiling, his wings flapping a bit too close to the moving ceiling fan blades for Richard’s comfort. “Yeh are?”

“Yes, but get down from there before you hurt yourself!” Storm apologized to his father with a nervous laugh and landed gently on the blue carpeted floor. “That’s better! As I was saying, I’m happy that you’re taking things slow. Now I know ponies like to… well…”

“Tuck with their guests after they’re havin’ their tea?” Storm offered helpfully, bringing an exasperated look from Richard.

“Yes, that! Storm, you truly are your mother’s son when it comes to talking about… sex. There, I said it!” The Gentleman proclaimed to the universe in general. “Sex, fornication, nighttime bedroom festivities, rutting…”

“Well done, Richie!” Roseluck cheered from behind the door.

Richard pointed an accusing finger at the closed door, waggling it in mock sternness as his son looked on. “Hey, you’re supposed to be in hiding! This is a man’s discussion! Right, Storm?”

“Hey, yeah! This is supposed to be private!”

“Sorry boys! I just couldn’t help but check in on Daddy. You had me worried for a second there…” The sound of distant hooffalls up the stairs announced Roseluck’s departure.

“Just wait, Storm. Just wait. Someday… you too will have to live a life without secrets.” He smiled good-naturedly at his son, and ruffled his mane. “That’s how it is with relationships, though. Remember that. And maybe I’m not the best person to be saying this, given my past occupation, but it’s okay to wait, especially if you’re not emotionally ready for it. I’m guessing some colts or tiercels have given you a hard time about fillies?”

“Both.” Storm nodded solemnly. “They’d always talk about it like it was the first step to becoming a stallion or something.”

Roseluck’s attitude now made complete sense to Richard. “Well let me tell you; there’s plenty of ways to have fun that don’t involve sex.”

“Like what?” Storm asked, genuinely curious about what his human stepfather thought of as being fun.

Richard’s eyes seemed to twinkle as he addressed his son with a smile. “Son, you ever hear of tannerite?”

Author's Note

It's back from the dead!

Edit: High-energy turnout for this chapter. 10 new likes in one day! Can I take you all home with me?

Thanks to Firesight, as always for the editing. And thanks to Silentwoodfire, Cogwheelbrain, and Denim_Blue for the preread.

Next chapter will see us return to the theme of nighttime movies and two-tiered Human/Pony clop. Mm Mmm! My favorite!

5/23/2018: Grammarly edit pass complete.