Movie Night

A short, powerfully built man trudged silently across the starlit field, save for the sound of crunching snow beneath his brown leather boots.

He pushed the tip of his large, yellow, pointed wizard hat out of his face for seemingly the hundred time as another gout of wind and snow slapped across his back like vengeful Khioneigh, the Equestrian Goddess of Snow. Said hat was perhaps the only part of his eccentric attire that didn’t quite fit with the frigid, wintery conditions he found himself braving being well-layered behind a blue jacket and green/white striped trousers buckled securely behind a leather strap bearing an exaggerated red leather buckle that matched his equally bombastic, red wizard gloves with overly large white sleeves.

His friends had given him a hard time for it at the airport. But he’d be damned if he wouldn’t look the part of a mage in a world of actual magic. At the very least there’d be a lot fewer people to judge him for it. The man thought back to the day, ten years ago, when he’d left the tiny town of Atherton in the northeastern region of Australia and taken the flight to Neo-Equineox with his two wisecracking Aussie gamer buddies who lived in different parts of Australia: one down south in Sydney, New South Wales and the other in Perth on the west side of the continent. Having made a scene being as stereotypically Australian — crude and obnoxious — as possible, they embarrassed him by telling the mare at the gate he was going to Equestria to find a mate, taking great pains to explain they didn’t mean the Australian term for friend.

The man shook his head as he imagined his past-self, a good sixty pounds overweight for his height, his delicate Anglo-Celtic complexion browned to unrecognizable by the tropical heat of the Tablelands being eyed critically by not only his fellow humans waiting to teleport to the New World but the ponies that would be his new neighbors who looked on in the terminal building.

The tough-love approach of his mates had worked, the man recalled, as he’d gone on a diet and began working out just as soon as he’d settled in, networking with suppliers and Equestrian government types to start a business building personal computers. Now powerfully built with large arms and barrel chest, yet standing only five foot six inches tall, his friends lovingly described him as ‘Gimli The Untossable’ on their last visit. Much to his satisfaction, given his love of fantasy and the Lord of the Ring series, it was a name that would stick.

He looked up through the stinging pellets of ice and sleet coating the field and smiled, his stone tower home coming into view with the promise of warmth and pleasant company within. Walking past a small old-fashioned stone well, he ascended the four steps up to the threshold past two ornate lit stone torches lined with a combination of Christmas and Hearth’s Warming Eve lights and looked up at the flickering glow streaming down from the pair of windows above. The tower was almost completely lit up and no doubt taxing the ley line conduits his unicorn wife was tapping into to power their home, but it was worth it to both of them.

“I bet I know what they’re up to!” the man muttered to himself with a grin as he pushed one of the heavy wooden, surely battering ram-resistant doors open with a satisfying creak. At least it was to him, having had a fascination with medieval fantasy and just being an all-around nerd for as long as he could remember. The truth behind the tower’s reinforced doors was a bit darker than fiction, however, as the man recalled one of his wife’s mortal fear of being killed in her sleep she’d developed after the Cloven War. Having grown up in the Griffon Kingdom province of Caleponia where the Cloven had invaded and killed many of her old friends, she’d been most insistent that his other wife, who owned the tower, install the most secure barrier possible so that if it was her fate to die she could go down fighting.

“Honeys… I’m home!” The door behind him closed itself with a loud and echoing thud.

“Billy! How was yehr walk, love?” a mare’s voice called down from somewhere on one of the upper levels.

“Cold and soul-crushing. The Pegasi are in rare form. Surely the most miserable blasted storm I’ve seen all year!” The man shook the snow from his beard and removed his hat and jacket, placing them on a nearby rack while stomping the excess snow and ice from the bottoms of his thick boots.

“Ponies cannae make things too easy now, can we?” the voice replied heartily. “That’s what I’m here fer! So come on up and fetch some soup before Twinkleshine needs to reheat it!”

“Uh uh! Not doing it, bucko! This unicorn is on strike until conditions improve,” a second, more distant and much less enthusiastic mare’s voice replied.

Billy guessed her location and activity instantly based on where her voice was coming from, shaking his head disapprovingly. That girl is an addict, I swear. If she really is stuck behind the keyboard again when I get up there then we will need to have a chat about this. Having removed his boots and placed them on a towel near the door, he looked at the large pinkish rune circle near the center of the circular room connected by neon threads of light which ran up the walls and lit the entire antechamber in a soft glow. A spiral staircase ran counter-clockwise up the wall, disappearing behind a bend in the corridor. Sturdy wooden support beams above him fixed to the polished stone wall of the structure hung low enough to give taller men than he a reason to be wary, each wrapped in silver tinsel.

He decided on the rune, having already taken off his wet boots — he rather disliked the magical elevators, but he disliked angering his wives by dripping water in the kitchen more — he stepped into the circle its glow intensifying as it instantly recognized him as friendly. Closing his eyes tightly to avoid getting dizzy, he muttered the word ‘kitchen’ and instantly appeared upstairs, the air around him much warmer. The inviting smell of chicken soup greeted his nose.

“Hey, Gimli! I was just kidding, you know.” The pale white coated, Pink-maned magus greeted the man with a smile after dipping a large hunk of crusty bread in her bowl.

“Oh, right on!” Relieved, Billy gave the unicorn a kiss and then turned to face his other wife, a two-toned blue earth pony mare by the name of Shoeshine — though no one ever called her anything but ‘Linky’, kissing her as well. “Soup sounds wonderful, ladies.” Tucking his handkerchief in his lap, Billy sat next to Twinkleshine on the bench seat of the table, Linky claiming the cushioned chair at the table’s head as the lead mare in the herd and provider of the household’s meals. For the earth pony, rank had its privileges, and she was not in the least bit shy about exercising them. The three of them sipped draft beer from glass bottles.

The talk was small initially with Linky discussing the upcoming snowball warfare season and praising her fellow earth ponies for fielding so many new quality recruits for the upcoming season and vowing to utterly crush both humans and the other pony tribes on the field of battle. “And if yeh could help us maintain our slingshots with those lovely hands of yehrs, the ladies and I would really appreciate it!”

“Anything to help, dear!” Billy replied with a knowing nod, gulping down the last of his broth and mopping his beard clean with his silken handkerchief.

“Hmph!” Twinkleshine folded her forelegs and looked down at the human with a practiced look of superiority. “Another year as a traitor. For all the good it will do you!”

Quickly working their way through the usual updates from their families, the Richard and Roseluck household and miscellaneous ponynet anons, the discussion shifted to Twinkleshine’s ideas for how magic could be applied as a software development tool. She’d theorized on how an interface might be devised which could interact with human technology and was eager to discuss the matter with her computer-literate husband.

As curious with humanity’s newly introduced coding languages as she had been with the arcane sciences, she’d gotten her hooves on how-to guides for C# C++, PHP, React-JS and Java and was studying them intensely to the point Billy was letting the unicorn help him in all matters related to his job. She was a quick study and showed a great deal of promise if she decided to take her interests to the next level, able to quickly and efficiently write everything from simple user interfaces to complicated smartphone apps. “One day I’ll be able to devise a spell which can not only hack into your phone remotely but back everything up in a physical copy. Apps, search history, you name it! Even log your keystrokes!”

Twinkleshine’s face shone with excitement even as Billy felt the last remaining illusions of his online anonymity die a gruesome death. “That’s… absolutely terrifying, dear. Useful, no doubt about it, but internet shitposting will never be the same when us men have our GFs and employers hacking us left, right and center,” Billy sighed ruefully. “And I’d just gotten okay with the idea of faceless executives and the Australian government being able to look at my porn.”

“Oh, really?” Linky eyed the man suspiciously.

“Not that I’m still looking at it! I swear!” Billy raised his hands defensively, suddenly quite regretful of his half-joke.

To his shock and amazement, Twinkleshine looked just as uncomfortable with Linky’s reaction as he did. “You mean before you met us, right, sweetie? Cuz there’s nothing wrong with a little helping hoof between married folk… right?”

“Oh, right!” Billy gestured thankfully at his unicorn wife. “Was just thinking about those poor sods out there who don’t know what they’re in for.”

Gauging his reaction and finding him as genuine as the day they’d walked down the aisle, Linky placed a hoof on his hand. “On yehr word as a fellow warrior and my faithful stallion, I trust yeh.” The Caleponian’s gentle smile went lopsided as she turned her attention to her wife and herdmate. “Now you’re the wee hen that never laid away!”

Billy looked stunned briefly as he’d just heard his wife of just over a year enunciate the word ‘you’re’ properly for one of the few times since he’d known her. Huh. I guess she says it correctly when she emphasizes the word. Better file this new information in the same mental folder I keep our anniversary dates! May come in handy later. He knew better than to even guess what on earth the hen comment meant, or any of her other Caleponianisms, trusting the foreign-born mare to put things into context for their benefit. God bless the English language. I may be Scottish by birthright, but no man will ever be as Scottish as Linky!

Linky raised a schoolmarmly hoof. “So what is this high-minded gibberish about a hayl-pin hoof between married folk? Yeh been listenin’ to Rosie’s preachin’ the gospel of Saint Terra Foliata again, haven’t yeh?”

Twinkleshine reached a hoof behind the back of her head and leaned back in as casual a pose as the unyielding benches would allow. “Well… maybe a little.”

“Ha!” Linky clopped the table and snagged a hunk of bread. Leaning back against the neck rest of her chair with the bread firmly gripped in both hooves, she gnawed a savage chunk out of the center. Having ensured the bread was no longer in any condition to resist, escape, or indeed feel any pain at all, she swallowed, wiped the crumbs from her muzzle fur and returned the broken remnants to her plate. “Twinkle, m’dear. Yehr not suggesting our Billy needs any education in the fine art of foal-makin’ are yeh?”

Twinkleshine turned to face the man with hooded eyes and playful expression. “Education for our Gimli? No, no! You’re doing one hay of job, Billy!” She gave Billy’s entire body a light grasp with her telekinesis leaving him with an inviting feeling of warmth and stiffness in his trousers.

“You’re making a very persuasive case for wherever it is this discussion is going! Please, Linky. Let’s hear her out!” Billy reached an arm around his unicorn wife and drew her in close.

“Smart man!” Twinkleshine turned back to face her herdmate. “So, Roseluck was letting me take a look at that movie of hers. Nothing too serious, I swear!” she added slightly frantically upon seeing the teasingly suspicious looks of her herdmates. “Just looking at the contents of the DVD, you know? Feeling it out. And I could hardly believe it when I saw one of the episodes and it looked just perfect for Billy!”

Billy quirked an eyebrow at that. “Hmm?” Twinkleshine turned back towards the man as he gave her an inquisitive look. He had the strangest feeling he knew what she was talking about, but the answer was just on the tip of his tongue. “Perfect in what way?”

“Let’s just say it takes you back to some familiar territory. You’ll definitely appreciate the scenery in this one!” Twinkleshine waggled her eyeridges.

“Crikey! You’re going to make me guess, aren’t you?” Billy leaned his neck back against the top of the bench uncomfortably, closing his eyes and thinking. “Let’s see… Um… Urgh! She’s not going to get taken by a dingo is she?”

“Eww! No!” Twinkleshine made a face.

“A Kelpie? A roo? A Tasmanian Devil?” the human continued guessing wildly, his mind seizing upon anything vaguely Australian as Linky’s expression grew increasingly surly.

Twinkle saw Linky’s expression and waved her hooves defensively. “Whoa, whoa! It’s nothing at all like that! It’s nothing gross like animals.” Twinkleshine gave a nervous laugh. “This whole surprise angle isn’t working out like I’d hoped…”

Shit! My waifu is struggling out there! Alright, Billy. Drop the jokes and focus man! What did I used to do that might have something to do with rooting? Computers? Nah, too obvious. Maybe it’s D&D themed and she’ll get rooted by a bloke rolling a 20-sided die! Twinkleshine’s voice cut into his reverie as he imagined how awesome it would be to roll a D-12 and get a blowjob for it.

“Well, actually it may be slightly animal related…” Twinkleshine gave a nervous laugh. “It’s not like that, though.”

The realization hit Billy immediately. Oh dear. Something tells me this isn’t going to be magic missiles or putting on a robe and wizard hat. “I recall telling you that when I was younger I’d help out at the local volunteer shelter for injured bats of which the majority were Speccies — Spectacled Flying Foxes.” The man explained, giving the Aussie slang and proper terminology for the rainforest-dwelling fruit bat, respectively.

“Yep! We have those here too, strangely enough. Waaay out east in Thestralslovakia and the reclaimed eastern Everfree province and wildlife refuge of Gmina Poni.”

Linky drank deeply from her still-steaming bowl of soup. “Aye! I remember now. The pony word for them is… eh, flook hoonduh or somethin’. They’re quite the talk of the steamie ‘round there!”

“Flughunde, that’s right, Linky. Twinkleshine nodded. “Named as such by famed Germane scientist and explorer Rotpferd von Pionere who was the first to show interest in cataloging the flora and fauna of the area.”

“Yeah, you did mention the thestrals believed themselves to have been descended from both bats and ponies.” Billy said thoughtfully while scratching his beard and taking a drink of beer. “Seems to be a common theme with Equestrian taxonomy to have animals that are some combination of two separate species that are often in completely different orders — even sapient species.”

“Quite so.” Twinkleshine summoned three more bottles from the fridge and took a drink off one of the fresh ones. “Aside from domesticated animals like dogs and cats, there aren’t very many animals on earth that match Equestria's. The fact that the same bat exists in both of our universes is highly significant for a number of reasons. This is a bit conspiratorial, but…” Twinkleshine opened a drawer nearby with her magic and tore off a sheet of aluminum foil which she wrapped around her head. “... it might suggest some of Earth’s animals are interdimensional.”

Linky snorted with laughter as she attempted to take a drink of her own. “Yehr daft, Twinky. That’s why we love yeh!”

“Hear, hear!” Billy raised a toast before taking another sip. “Although it’s silly to seriously entertain this notion, I do recall a story of a lightwell garden filled with large ferns at a home in Sydney that seems to attract the bats for no discernable reason. A woman there who rescues them is constantly finding them on the ground, four times in the space of half a year, dazed after hitting their head either flying in or attempting to fly out of the tight space. No fruit trees. No nearby roosting site… no food in the garden itself since it’s all green plants! They’re always juvvies and nearly always male…” Billy removed his wife’s foil hat and placed it on his head. “I reckon that’s where they’re leaving! They’re trying to escape to Equestria to get away from the damn Ozzie heat waves!”

Twinkleshine gaped at her husband. “This might actually warrant further investigation!” She placed the hat back on her head with her magic. “Our universes do hold an amazing number of coincidences, both in terms of geography and history. I wouldn’t put it past our universes being directly linked somehow and not just by Twilight’s portal. You’ve convinced me to look for similar incidences of Flughunde being seen congregating in inexplicable locations on the ponynet. The thestrals are… kinda backwards, not to be mean or anything, but they do have some ponynet access.” Twinkleshine pantomimed an explorer looking off into the distance, blocking the sun from her large eyes. “The truth... is out there!”

“Not quite.” Linky waggled her beer bottle at her herdmate. “Yeh still haven’t told us what all this pervy business is about!”

“Pervy business…” Billy chuckled, ruffling his wife’s curly light-purple mane who grinned back at him.

“Oh right!” Twinkleshine giggled. “We sure got off the beaten path for a while there, huh?” The unicorn’s horn glowed pink summoning a book from her library, turning it to its proper page and showing it to Billy.

His eyes went wide in response.

“I take it you’ve never seen a grown bat naked?” Twinkleshine gave the man a lewd wink.

“I’m going to rot in hell, you know,” Billy stated matter of factly as he sat down in the middle of the family sofa, his two wives at his sides. “Please tell me this isn’t actually going to involve rescuing thestrals from confined spaces or stuffing mangos in their faces or, god forbid, wrapping them up like burritos. We're going to need a bigger tortilla!”

“Aww! You’re too cute!” Twinkleshine beamed as she turned on the DVD player and began navigating the menu screens. “I dunno, Gimli. I wouldn’t mind the batty toothbrush treatment if I had wings like those. Give me a good scratch under my chin and wing arms...” Twinkleshine looked into Billy’s eyes with a look of crushing adorableness. “You’d do that for me if I asked, right? And give me pacifier to suck on?”

“Gah!” Billy smacked himself upside the head in a vain effort to clear the unwanted thoughts from his mind. “We are not playing bat rescuer in the bedroom, Twinkleshine! Full stop. I have too much dignity to lose!”

“You’re right, Billy,” Twinkleshine nodded in mock seriousness. “But I’m hoping that after you’ve watched this you won't have quite as much to lose!” The unicorn began giggling into her hoof as Billy let out a groan while slowly shaking his head.

Linky rolled her eyes and stretched herself out across her human mate’s lap. “I’m with Billy on this one, Twinkie. If anypony pulls out a cage, rubber nipple, or syringe filled with glucose, yehr watching this alone!”

“Well fine!” Twinkleshine turned up her nose at the pair. “In that case, you’re in luck because that’s not the theme of the video. Though perhaps one day we may be able to meme such a video into existence!” She rubbed her hooves evilly and bowed her head as if in prayer. “Oh Kek the great and chaotic, deliver us this porn and bring unto the children of the internet your blessing of lulz. Amen.”

“Irony... Irony never changes…” Billy quipped sarcastically before giving the unicorn’s head a quick rub with his knuckles, the latter popping her head up and rubbing the burning spot furiously as she looked back chagrined.

“Alright, alright! Let’s just start this video up and see how it goes…” Twinkleshine gave the sore spot on her head one last rub before turning her attention to the remote. “Jeez, that hurts you know!”

“Ahh, you’ll get over it, love!” Billy stood up slightly to kiss the mare’s head. “Does that help, Twinkie?”

“Quite!” Twinkleshine gave her lover a peck on the cheek to let him know all was forgiven, and then summoned a vast plate of chips and queso that covered the entire living room table. Suitably prepared for the night’s entertainment, the three turned to face the screen as the lure of televised erotica drew them in.

Two familiar females walked noiselessly over the grassy earth, the chittering of bugs and bats filling the air with their song. The first was Terra, her silver crucifix reflecting the weakened sunlight from the misty sky above. The other a woman, Terra’s human mate, Ameena, ran her fingers over the earth pony’s many earrings while thumbing the mare’s erogenous ear tips.

Terra gave scant acknowledgment of the intimate contact, however, her ears pinned back against her head as her anxious face eyed the surrounding forest for signs of danger, finding nothing. The camera panned back behind the duo, revealing a wagon strapped to the pony which clattered over the lumpy terrain carrying their possessions; bags containing food, clothing, and a tent that jostled up and down as they walked.

“Terra, you are not relaxing!” the woman spoke, prompting the mare to turn and look at her finger-waggling mate properly.

Terra gave the woman and indignant look. “Hell no, I ain’t! And why the fuck do you insist on walking around in the nude in this creepy-ass forest?” Ameena was indeed nude aside from the sandals on her feet, cool forest air causing her hardened nipples to stand proudly at the tips of her very large breasts.

“Oh, you’re such a silly pony!” Ameena smiled and gave the mare’s rump a very firm squeeze which got a reaction in the form of a whinny. “Here I can live free like ponies do and feel the air against my skin.” She gestured to the surrounding wilderness. “Besides, we’re almost there.”

“I just don’t see how you can be so chill about all of this!” Terra gave the human an incredulous look of pleading. “We’re at least twenty miles inside of bat country, and my estrus has dialed itself up to eleven since we’ve crossed the border!” Terra reached an eager hoof between her hind legs and gave her burning nethers a quick rub, nickering loudly at the contact with her heated and exquisitely sensitive mare bits. “When they find us… My ass getting sore just thinking about it!”

Ameena pressed her hand against the mare's chest, prompting her to stop and then knelt down to kiss her deeply. It was only when she pulled away from her breathless marefriend that she replied. “You've got thestral ponies all wrong. They’re good and decent folk who have shown me nothing but the utmost hospitality when I’ve visited before. I know Equestria ponies have had bad experiences with them in the past but times have changed. You’re safe here, Terra. Trust me.”

Terra sighed and readjusted her harness. “No matter how many times you say it, I’m still fucked up about this. Please just rut my brains out when we get there so I don’t have to think about it too much.”

“We’ve found those women who manage to get themselves killed in all the horror movies,” Billy said dryly, helping himself to another crunchy bite of the round, corn crunchies. “At least it’s not going to be giant snakes!”

“Cannae imagine being so brave walkin’ nekkit in a forest with flying boars.” Linky contented herself to continue sipping on her beer, frowning slightly. “Not past killing yeh on sight if you stumble across them alone. I have to agree with Terra about this woman’s brazen foolishness! It’s very unbecoming of a mare to leave herself unguarded, even if there’s an illusion of safety.”

“Bad form, Ameena! Bad form! Boo!” Twinkleshine waved a downturned hoof at the screen like a Romane Empress at the Coliseum. “Seriously though, those are some amazing teats!” The unicorn held out her forelimbs as if she were going to hug an Ursa. “If I were her I’d never get any work done. I’d just be 24/7 looking in a mirror while playing with myself…” She gestured fondling a pair of giant, invisible breasts, making kneading motions with her hooves. “...Oh crap! The movie’s still on. We should watch it, huh?”

“Twinkie, language!” Linky shouted out indignantly, her eyeridges forming an edge sharp enough to cut granite.

“I’m sorry! I’m sorry!” Twinkleshine raised a defensive hoof. “I just let one slip!” Twinkleshine’s face changed to indignation in return. “And I just realized, why aren’t you getting mad about Terra’s continuous stream of ignoble incantations?”

“Because I cannae yell loud enough to get her attention from here!” Linky gave the unicorn a face and thumped the side of her head. “Obviously!”

Twinkleshine left out a deep sigh ending in a loud brapping noise from her lips. “Okay, honey. Okay… You’re right. I’m sorry.”

“Apology accepted” Linky replied with a beer bottle salute.

The two eventually found the spot they were looking for and began erecting a large white tent, Ameena proving to be both extremely reckless and yet still quite handy with placing and driving in stakes in the nude with a hammer, the repeated motion making her breasts bounce and drawing her marefriend’s eyes further. The powerful earth pony showed her hooves weren’t just for show by assisting as well, easily driving stakes into the ground with a single stomp.

The montage of scenes portraying the construction of the tent showed Terra’s expression growing more cheerful with every frame as the gals became more and more frisky as the work progressed, ending with the pair of them sprawled out on the grass making out in front of the fully assembled tent. After a playful bit of wrestling, the two laughing ladies tumbled over again, Terra pinning her human lover to the ground and nuzzling Ameena’s deep cleavage while the human giggled excitedly.

“I’m starting to feel better about being here already!” Terra looked up at the sky and noticed it was starting to get dark, or rather ‘darker’, as unnatural darkness had been present from the beginning of the movie. “We better get a fire going, though. If we’re going to camp out here, we may as well do it right with some s’mores!”

“Sounds good, Habibah!” Ameena collected a pair of jeans, a jacket and a rucksack from out of one of the bags in the wagon. “I’ll go out into the scaaary forest and go get some rocks from the creek while you get the wood. Then we eat and you can stick your nose in my tent and we’ll have us a great time!”

“You know me, I’m just the camel for the job!” Terra flashed her studded tongue at the human before waving goodbye as she disappeared into the forest, quite literally in this case given the thick forest mists.

The scene cut away to an overhead shot of the camp, a winged creature soaring past the camera with a high-pitched scree. Terra was halfway through stacking the firewood when she heard the discordant nose, dropping the log in her hoof and turned to face the lone figure who’d landed in the midst of the camp. A small mare-like form with the wings of a large bat and glowing, slit-pupil eyes like a cat — A Thestral! “W-who’s there!?”

The thestral stepped closer out of the fog, bringing her features into the low light. Her head and body were that of a pony, standing on four hooves as she was; her long, silky mane was a mingled black and gray, but her coat was very much unlike Terra’s own.

The fur on her face was of the purest silver, her neck and chest covered with a thick rust-colored ruff which clashed hard with the rest of jet black coat and wings. She beheld the well-endowed earth pony with curious interest before giving a slight curtsy. “Hello, beautiful pony! I am hearing you’ve come from far away to visit Thestralslovakia with your human friend and vanted to give you a…” The thestral held on the note as she appeared to search for the proper word in Equish, it clearly not being her first language. “... pro-per greeting!” She finished with a smile, showing the barest tips of her sharp teeth.

“Mmm blah! I am going to suck your fruit! Ah ah aaaah!” Billy joked with a laugh, pausing the video. “Well, at least it wasn’t a guy wearing a black cape. Still, it ain’t tough to see where this is going…”

“I expected a whole lot of them to show up and rut her straight into the ground, not gonna lie!” Twinkleshine added.

Linky looked over at Twinkleshine and shook her head. “Too obvious, even for this. I hope she’ll at least make herself useful and help set up camp before her brothers show up and pillage them all.”

“Well, at least the movie has thrown us something of a curveball. I wonder how far we’ll go before the rooting commences,” Billy unpaused the movie.

The camera panned in on Terra’s quivering nethers before cutting back to her face, clearing fighting back the urge to surrender to her basic urges. “If you’re with the police, I’m really sorry we didn’t come in here through the main road. I just wanted to camp out here with my friend!” Terra looked towards the forest wondering when she’d return or — heaven forbid — if she’d return. “I’m not in trouble, am I?”

“You might be, pretty pony!” The thestral smiled coyly and set her saddlebag down near the entrance to the tent. “Is mating season and all the boys are out hunting for food…” Her voice lowered to a hiss. “... and for girls!”

“Aiiiiieeeee!” Terra launched herself into a convenient open sleeping bag, trembling with fright.

Ameena burst through the treeline with her rucksack. “Terra, what’s wrong?”

“Your friend seems a bit scared of the night!” The thestral gave a dry laugh. “But do not worry any. I am come to be friendly and give you food and company. Just a girl. Not a big, scary boy!” The female thestral laughed again, heartily, revealing long, pointed fangs. My name is Fekete Szakács, but you call me Fekete.

The sleeping bag turned over seemingly coming to life, flipping over repeatedly until Terra’s head poked out of the open end, upside-down and looking at the other two females with newfound eagerness. “Did somepony say, food? Well why didn’t you say so, Fekkie?”

Ameena threw her long mane of hair haughtily. “Ha! So she has met your price, I take it?” Ameena tsked at her marefriend before smiling warmly at the new arrival. “Very well, mystery lady; you may make camp here with us.”

“Eee! Eee! Alright!” Fekete Szakács made a brief happy dance in front of the two featuring some very vigorous wing flaps and the independent wiggling of both of her tufted furry ears. “You vill love vat I bring with me. It is Thestralslovakian specialty! You never have seen ze like!” She pointed at the half-finished fire pit. Start a fire and I cook it for you. I have everything I need in my bag.”

The three set the rocks which Ameena gathered to contain the burn and arranged the logs in a pyramid to allow constant air flow into the base of glowing ash at the bottom. Having prepared the fire and properly introduced themselves by name, Ameena produced four objects from a bag from the wagon: a piece of flint, a C-shaped piece of oil-treated tool steel, a bit of linen ‘char’ cloth and a lump of oakem. She fashioned the oakem into a nest and set in near the stacked up timber. Placing some cloth over the flint she began striking the covered flint with steel until it began to smoke.

There was enough of a breeze going that she didn’t need to blow on it for long before it was ready to wrap in the oakem and place under the wood. In under a minute the woman had got the fire going while the other two watched in amazement at such primitive tools yielding success.

“Oi! I’d still be faffing about with matches after that long!” Billy exclaimed.

“That settles it. I’m definitely taking you hunting next year.” Linky replied earnestly. “Or we’re getting that woman to join our herd because that was impressive flintwork!”

“I’ll admit, she could stick her nose inside my tent any day!” Twinkleshine added, her eyes making a bead on the woman’s large mammaries, alluding to camel caravans in the desert. “Not sure I can run a computer off the grid though. The sacrifices I’d have to make!”

The thestral withdrew a rotisserie spit from her bag and a wad of dough wrapped in plastic which she removed and then wrapped around the spit’s black metal surface like twine. With the length of its surface covered, she posted the spit over the fire and applied butter to its yeasty surface as the other two turned the dough over slowly, Terra giggling at the spit’s phallic interpretations as Ameena waggled her trademark finger back at her.

“Ve do not have so much grain here. Too many trees and no earth ponies to be making life so easy.” Fekete explained as she brushed the helix-shaped surface of the dough. “We have some big farms but all owned by the rich and powerful in the major colonies so we grow our own. Anyvay, vhen ve do get bread ve dress it up because is special and serve it to our férfiak — our stallions — on the spit after cooking the animal he bring back from the hunt.” The thestral scratched her chin as she searched for a word. “As a… dessert, yes. Férfiak give us meat and the nők — the mares — give them frootz and bread and so we are both happy.”

“Just like with humans!” Ameena chimed in. “Well, long ago when many of us weren’t so soft and pasty.”

“This kind of reminds me of something you’d find at a carnival on earth. Do you ever add sugar and frosting to your bread and make like a cake out of it?”

Fekete was quiet for a moment as she translated what the two had said. “‘Cake’ is a pony treat. You bake them in ovens. Ve have some cakes like that in the cities vhere outsiders ply their trade. Vhat I am making is kürtőskalács: sweet bread. Many different recipes but mine calls for honey mixture and is topped with frootz, usually apple, grape or pear.” The thestral looked wistful for a moment. “But nothing better than mango for topping! I spend so much money on mango when is in season and is always worth it!”

Ameena took a seat on the picnic bench upon which they’d set a large serving platter and uncoiled the bread from the spit, piece by piece, and spreading fruit from jars Fekete provided for them onto the still-steaming golden-brown strips.

“Mpf! This is so good!” Terra swallowed a piece quickly before applying a liberal application of pear to the next.

“You are a wonderful cook, Miss Fekete,” Ameena spread apple on her second strip of bread, smiling at the thestral who smiled back. “The honey taste is subdued but unmistakably present. Not too sugary but delightfully indulgent.”

Billy paused the movie at that moment. “Have to say, this… is the most charming and… culturally enlightened porno I have ever laid eyes on!”

“What did you expect? It’s got ponies in it!” Twinkleshine nuzzled her man lovingly. “We’re just gifted that way.”

“T’ be honest, I don’t think much of this, Terra,” Linky opined, looking disdainful. “She is just too crude to call herself a real mare. Ameena on the other hoof is an honorable woman; she carries herself proudly. I want to know more about her and that thestral mare with the funny-looking cake.”

Twinkleshine beamed excitedly. “You’re in luck, Linky! We get a great scene with the two of them later on. You’ll definitely not want to miss it either, Billy! Fekkie is going to show us what those wings can really do!”

Billy sighed, looking uncomfortably at the screen. “I’ll be asking the fruit bats back home for forgiveness after this is all over even if it is already too late. Let’s crack on, shall we?” He said in some resignation as he clicked the play button again.

Fekete’s cheeks went pink. “I do my best with vhat I am given.”

“You must make a wonderful homemaker,” Ameena replied, Terra, nodding in agreement from next to her.

“I am single, though not for lack of effort on the part of the boys!” she replied, taking a dainty nibble off her bit of bread, the thestral mare said.

“The ‘boys’?” Terra’s face betrayed a momentary look of panic. “Hang on, are you talking about the males out searching for females? As in… right goddamn now?” He jaw tightened visibly as well as a certain other parts of her anatomy.

“Igen. Indeed they are, Terra. I come here to say hello; this is true. I also come to take time away from the chase.” She placed a wing across Terra’s back, and with her other, gave the human woman an experimental poke to her ample posterior. “If I am being truthful, I am far more interested in what the other nők have to offer me, especially such lovely and exotic nők as yourselves!”

Terra and Ameena gave each other a significant look and nodded, the latter inclining her head towards the tent. “I’m up for entertaining this super-cute stranger! Want to join us, Terra? You’ve been looking like you want to climb out of your fur all day.”

The camera panned in on the thestral licking a long, lascivious tongue across her entire face, smiling with false modesty at Terra’s stiffened posture.

For a moment it seemed as if Terra was going to accept when her ears suddenly drooped and she looked guiltily at the grassy forest floor. “Actually gals, you two can get familiar with each other. I’m going to pass…”

Ameena looked at her marefriend in a look of utter bewilderment. “Are you feeling okay, Terra? I know you were very anxious about the thestrals finding you, but she seems so sweet! This isn’t like you to pass up on a fellow mare.”

“I know, Ameena, and you are an absolute babe, Fekete. I just…” Terra twitched uncomfortably. “Somepony needs to stay out here and watch the fire and finish unpacking. You two have yourselves a great time in there. I’ll look in on you and see how much fun you’re having. I promise!”

Ameena looked at her friend skeptically but chose not to press further. “Do join us later, alright?”

“Maybe your friend just wants to be the, eh, légy a falon — the fly on the wall — this time!” Fekete gave the mare a knowing wink and stretched out her wing arms before flapping them vigorously.

“Hey, maybe I do!” Terra gave a nervous laugh. “You two just… don’t flood the tent, okay? We only got just the one and I don’t want to be swimming in it for the next couple of nights…”

“As if you should talk, Madame Super Soaker!” The woman turned on her well-turned heel and ducked down into the tent. “Suit yourself, my little pony.”

“See you!” the thestral gave an adorable little wave before being led inside the tent which had been tastefully decorated with frilly ribbons, comfortable rugs and sleeping bags which must have been placed there during a cutscene. Ameena’s handwaved past the open tent flap before flicking the much shorter thestral across the clitoris. Giggling, the outlines of the two soon found themselves on the floor of the tent, moaning and kissing loudly, the camera slowly making it way towards them and then—

A sudden knock at the door downstairs caused a brief moment of alarm in the room, Billy briefly fumbling with the remote before swiftly pausing the movie. “I’d best see who’s at the door.”

Twinkleshine’s ears flopped sadly. “Darn! It was just getting good too…”

“We can come back to it later, Twinkie. I must accompany our stallion at the gate in case we have to repel any attackers.” Linky stated without a hint of irony.

Billy smiled at that, his eyes shining at his earth pony wife. “Thanks, Linky. I suppose it’s timeout for the movie then. We’ll be back in a few, Twinkle.” The two disappeared through the kitchen rune portal.

“Ah, alright.” The two left, leaving Twinkleshine by herself. Assured she was alone, the unicorn withdrew a box out from under the couch with her magic, opening it to reveal a set of false fanged pony teeth. Grinning evilly, she looked back at the empty room. “But you’re not getting away from me so easily!”