Chapter 1: Awakening

Recollecting memories that you didn't know you had, almost makes you question what is real, what is fake, and which of those are subconsciously altered, distorted or imagined to mask the truths of events that weigh heavily upon one's self.

If it is indeed our memories and experiences that make up who we are in the now, without any means of proving or uncovering past events or even loss of complete remembrance, is it that who we are now in only a semblance of our true selves based on misguided perceptions? The only answer that can ever warrant merit to this, is that we may never know. Perhaps it is for the better...

I wonder, is it a good thing to know your desires? Especially if the thing you most desire is in and of itself an impossibility. At least retrospectively, any wants you may have after accepting the impossibility of your most sought treasure, how can anything be rewarding? To know that even if you were to achieve your next goals, it's only due to the fact that you failed to achieve your previous mark. How can anypony be happy with settling for consolation prizes?

I wonder if it is a fault or a virtue to be true to one's self. If you can't force yourself into accepting rationalizations told by your current mindset, how does one become happy? Is it absurd to be so particular? I, for one, am not a perfectionist, however I am a pony that knows what she wants. When that no longer is feasible, is the next step to lie to yourself and pursue secondary attempts at happiness? How many dreams must one give up before realizing that they have settled time and again to the point that what they may think they want now is only the mangled corpse of a dream they once had.

I am not saying that settling is a bad thing, but I find myself unable to accept past failures and faults. It must be great to change your mindset by simply wanting to. I don't see how ponies can do that, personally. How is wanting something different, actually different from wanting to want something different. Does happiness mean continually trying to find ways to coax myself into different a different mindset every time I fail to achieve a goal?

*Beep*Beep*Beep*Beep*

Sigh...

“Another sleepless night.” I say to the empty air.

A light blue glow envelopes the harbinger of noise, alarm clock. With a click it becomes silent. Following my morning rituals, I reluctantly roll off of the bed and greet the floor with a loud thump.

My name is Forlorn Fate (I must have had some pretty cheery parents, right?) But most people call me Fae, mainly because its shortens conversations by eliminating remarks about my gloomy name. I’m a fairly new resident of Ponyville. I moved here from the outskirts of Manehatten a few months ago. Well, most would see it as running away from, seeing as though I had absolutely nothing set up upon arrival. In truth, yea, I needed to get away from there for many reasons. I've never once considered what I did running away though. I also never saw it as running to. Maybe running sideways would be the best way of putting it?

I usually have a pretty easy time blending in, mainly because I always try not to stand out. I’m OK with other ponies having the spotlight so long as it means that I’m not dragged into it. I guess you could say I don’t have great social skills or it's just my personality. I take pride in laziness. I would rather things be easier than more rewarding and that everything I do is “energy efficient.” Work smart not hard right? I would much rather stress my brain than my body.

I’m not what you would call your average pony. Everypony thinks I am an earth pony and I am, kind of. I am a hornless unicorn. Or maybe I am just an earth pony that can use magic. I haven’t decided yet. My magic is pretty versatile, even to top unicorn standards, but I try not to let other ponies know I can do magic. I’ve done some research on this, but cant find anything about magic weilding earth ponies. I don't want to accidentally end up starting a religion or cult following, that would be such a hassle. My magic puts an incredible strain on me to use it though. Sometimes, I use it to try and tire myself out so I can sleep. Though most of the time I just lie there drained for a few hours fully conscious.

Not even my sleeping potions really have much effect on me anymore. I started taking them many years ago. When I drink them, I still lay there for a while, but I get a lot more sleep than if I don’t. I think that it's only because of them, that I have any sanity left. They fight off sleep deprivation just enough to the point that it's bearable. The biggest downside is that everypony looks down or feels superior to ponies who drink sleeping potions. It makes no sense at all. How does that effect anything and why they do they even draw the conclusion that it matters in the slightest?

I don’t dislike ponies, I just find that maintaining personal relationships takes too much effort. Again, I don’t see it as a bad thing, it's just a thing. Being social is just too much effort. Hell, even after I first received my cutie mark, I hid it until after I changed schools just so that I wouldn’t have to talk about it.

Truth be told, I have no idea what my special talent is. My cutie mark depicts a hammer smashing something into dust. When I discovered that I had obtained it, it was shortly after I woke up one day. I may be that it's because of my daily routine. I wake up, roll out of bed and usually end up breaking something with my face. (I was too lazy to clear area in front of my bed most of the time.) One thought I often entertain myself with is that it is my logic hammer, easily the most deadly weapon in my arsenal.

The only other answer was that I was a genius carpenter, but I thought that was a little far fetched considering the only time I ever picked up a hammer was to see if I was any good at it. I hardly ever don’t excel at pretty much anything I do IF I manage to work up the ambition to apply myself, but that’s pretty rare. This was not one of those times. After a quick trip to the emergency room, I decided that it was probably not my schtick.

I shoot for average. Average test scores means that I’m not overworking yet also doesn’t make ponies think that I have some amazing talent that needs to be molded. I intentionally get the hardest questions wrong so that I stay in the safe zone. It takes a bit of skill to simultaneously not come off as an idiot to those around me.

After pulling myself up, I zombied my way to the sink to inspect my face for damage.

“Oh hey, a bit!” I exclaimed as I removed it from my face.

I then started to brush my excessively lengthy hair, which was about one and a half times the length of my entire body. It is a royal blue with teal streaks and braided it leaving out the sides to frame my face. Magic sure does come in handy, I don’t see how earth ponies braid their hair. Due to its length, it will drag along the ground if I am not careful, so I let it hang a bit and throw it over my shoulder.

Slowly making my way to the kitchen, I tried to take inventory of my food supplies in my head so that I didn’t waste my time having to look in my refrigerator. After a few seconds of careful mental debate, I decided to settle with a granola bar. After all, that was pretty much all I brought with me when I moved here. I try to keep food that doesn't spoil quickly, as it makes trips to the market less frequent.

I looked over at my calendar only to be upset upon seeing the date. September 15. 6 months ago I moved here with about 6 months expenses worth of bits. Until now, I have been very successful at not leaving my house unless absolutely necessary.

“I guess I have to actually find a job now. What a drag,” I mumbled.

Finishing up, I geared up with my usual attire, a semi-valuable pendant that held a bit of sentimentality. It was pretty much the only thing of value that I owned. At first glance, it looks cheap, just a rock on a rope, but the gem is a jade of the highest purity. I found it when I was in a very bad way and having it is a constant reminder that things could be much worse. It does compliment my green eyes rather well.

Reluctantly I left my apartment. Now if I was a job, where would I be?

I spent most of the morning walking around town and asking if anypony was hiring, with little success. Stopping at the middle of town to sit for a minute, I started thinking that since this town was so small that was not expanding, it’d be best if I could just find a place I may not dislike, then logic-ing them into hiring me. A stagnant town means most ponies with jobs were either born into it, or have had it long enough that they won't be leaving anytime soon.

Daytime in Ponyville had not been something I had the misfortune of experiencing yet. It was busy. Not quite as busy as life in Manehatten but the dirt streets were still bustling with ponies of all varieties and hues. Pegasi, unicorn and earth ponies, all appeared to be in relatively equal balance. One could assume that no race outclassed the others in this town. Not that it mattered to me, but life in the city certainly seemed to favor pegasi and unicorns. Not that they were any better, but stereotypically in the city, the Earthies are usually what make up the riff-raff.

While assessing my situation, a rainbow colored blur darted back and forth in the sky, obliterating clouds into nothingness. Upon closer inspection I could make out an equine body in the front with a rather colorful mane. Not a lot of ponies have more than 3 colors in their hair, but I will say that it was rather attractive. Now if only I could get a closer look without having to converse.

I should probably avoid it. Last thing I want is to start a conversation or somehow end up having to do something that requires effort.

“That looks like way too much effort” I said to myself only to get an unexpected reply from behind

“She says the same thing, but ah’d be willin' to bet she actually enjoys it. That there RD is the most lazy pony with a real knack for movin' fast,” Came a somewhat deep female voice with a thick country accent.

I turned to see the source of these words. The culprit was a orange mare with blonde hair tied up at the end, covered with a cowpony hat, standing behind a cart overloaded with apples. She bore some cute freckles as well.

I replied with ”I almost have to believe that ponies who claim to like doing anything physically exerting are just lying to themselves, or rationalizing." I hadn't really thought about the consequences of my reply until after I had said it. This is why I briefly pause before talking. I am always calculating every possible outcome of all the possible things I could say, well usually. I have a bad habit of not doing this when I get blindsided.

"Like it or not, that's her job, darlin'. An if'n there's one thing that filly likes, it's boastin' herself up. She outperforms nearly every other pony in town at her job," defended the orange one.

"That’s all the more reason not to convince yourself that you enjoy it."

“Come again now?” she asked with a puzzled look.

“It's bad to have a job doing something you like doing in my opinion. The things you enjoy will start to be seen as work instead of fun, subtracting from the pleasure you get out of it. It will just become work,” I explained in a dull tone, "but I guess that doesn’t really apply if you don’t actually enjoy the task.

“That’s just not true, I buck apples every single day and look forward to it each day”

“Then you are lucky. I ask you, what do you do on your days off?” I asked before realizing that this was an argument that did not need to be won. I was still looking at the rainbow one, mesmerized by the pretty colors.

"Well I like to spend time with mah loved ones and relax" She was talking into my trap.

I peeled my eyes off of the display of color-busting clouds to focus on the conversation at hoof. I need to stop answering without thinking if I ever want this encounter to end.

"If you enjoyed your work, wouldn’t you want to do it on your days off?"

The cowboy hatted mare took a second to think this over. It seems like she was trying to think of a way to tell me I was wrong, without telling me I have a very good point. 7 seconds later I found myself face down in an exploded apple cart, back hurting with a dull pressure, almost as if there was a pony on my back… There was a pony on my back. I recognized this color scheme.

The apple mare’s face seemed more red than orange at the moment. “Oh come on, Rainbow Dash! This is the third time this week! Are ya tryin to blow up mah business?”

“I’m so so sorry, Applejack, that last one was surprisingly elastic.” This new rainbow haired mare said with a slight scratchiness in her voice.

“If you do it again, you bought 'em” She stated whilst picking up apples from the street and tossing them into a cart that had seen better days. After the crash landing, it hardly could even be considered a cart. It was more like a beat up bin.

“Puh-lease if anything I’m promoting your business. Ponies want food and explosions! It makes for great publicity!” She egotistically defended with high energy.

Something was wrong. I couldn’t breathe, or speak to get help. I felt something big and painful lodged in my throat. While I was flailing around as much as possible, the blue pegasus and apple pony bickered backs and forth, oblivious to my predicament. Unable to breathe, I decided, I would have to do something and quick. There's nothing I can do that won't go unseen right here.

“rughk….rrr…ug” I need to relax, take a second to think.

With not a moment to lose, I scoured the area for a place to hide, deciding to dive into a nearby bush that was just big enough to hide a mare choking to death. Focusing everything I could muster, a translucent spiraled cone emerged from my forehead. This is why I can't use my magic without others seeing. It manifests itself in a similar way to a unicorn's horn. My emerald eyes morphed into a sky-blue, emanating light with their glow. This part of the process feels weird, almost as if my eyes are drastically adjusting their focus.

Almost instantly, I telekinetically seized this foreign object and yanked outwards. With a very elegant “Gluhh” out comes a bright red sphere. In the crash, an apple must have worked its way in there. How did it take me so long to notice something like this? Sitting there to catch my breath, my ethereal horn subsided. I can't say I've ever used my magic to grab something inside of myself before. It was weird, yet an effective form of heimlich.

Well no use letting it go to waste. *MUNCH*

I peeked out from the bush to make sure that nopony saw any lights coming from the bush. It appeared that I was in the clear. There were approximately 20 ponies gathered in the center of the town, but luckily most were busy watching the argument by the wreckage.

Upon my return, the two characters were still going at it, in the middle of the debris of the once-nice apple cart, arranged in a helter-skelter fashion.

“Excuse me, but I must pay you for an apple I accidentally ate.” I held out my last bit to the orange one.

“How in tarnation did ya accidentally eat an apple?” she questioned.

“I had very little say in the matter” I stated with a slight hint of annoyance, looking at the wreckage. "I guess in the confusion one got lodged in my throat."

"That may be my bad." The rainbow one stated with a hint of reluctance. "I was trying to perfect a way to hit those clouds just right, so I could use the bounce to my advantage."

“Ah can’t accept payment for somethin' that was forced upon you by accident sugarcube. Don’t worry about it, Ah've got tons of apples. The name's Applejack. Ah believe y'already met Rainbow Dash” This mare was very consoling and friendly in the way she spoke. I've got to say, those freckles were really doing it for me.

“Yeah! Rainbows the name and speed is my game! Sorry about the crash landing.” Something about this apology almost sounded rehearsed. I could only assume this is not the first time that this has happened.

I pocketed my bit, I wasn’t going to waste money unnecessarily.

“Hello, my name is Fae. It’s a pleasure to make your acquaintance.” It wasn’t. I wanted out of there before I got in the conversation too deep. “And I say, that was the most delicious apple I’ve ever almost been killed by.” I forced a nervous chuckle.

CRAP! Why did I continue the conversation?! It's OK, after the response, I’ll politely excuse myself. I really don’t want to get trapped in a conversation with Freckles and Skittles.

“Well that’s a pretty unfamiliar name, are ya new in town?” Applejack must be some sort master of speech manipulation. I can’t duck out in response to a question! Touche, Freckles.

“No, not really… I just don’t get out much.” Again! I didn’t have to add that last part. “I moved here about 6 months ago.”

I give up… I’ll just finish this damn conversation. Maybe I can get something out of it though.

“I still have not secured any work yet though, do either of you two happen to know of anypony hiring?” I asked optimistically.

“If you were a pegasus like me, I would say you could totally join my weather team!” Rainbow said with a sense of pride.

“I will keep that in mind.” So many responses, and that seemed the quickest route. “What about any jobs for the flight impaired?”

“Depends on what y'all are lookin to do. I believe the post office might need a helpin hoof. They seem to be losing packages all the time” Applejack offered “Course ah figure ah could use a hoof round the apple farm. “

Package delivery? Too much walking.

Farm work? Definitely not.

“I don’t think I’m quite qualified to care for strangers mail.” I responded.

“You’d be surprised” Rainbow Dash said while goofily crossing her eyes.

Applejack gave her a pretty stern look.

"I also do not believe I have many qualities that could prove useful to your farm." I was lying. I could probably be a big asset, but using magic is way too tiring. That and I don’t know how I could get away with using it.

Do I press on, or abort the conversation that was getting me nowhere?

“Oh there is the bulletin board." Applejack suggested. "That thing's always full up on requests fer help."

Success! Mission accomplished, sound the retreat!

“Well, thank you for your help, but I must be going now. I have rent to pay.” I said while retreating.

"Don't y'all be no stranger. If you ever need any apples or just want to chat, Ah'll be here.” Applejack quickly stammered to a made backing away.

“Did she strike you as weird?” Rainbow asks Applejack.

“What? She was very polite.”

“A little too polite to somepony that almost killed her.”

I guess this is what I get for waiting until the last minute before looking for a job. This sucks! Rent is due in 2 weeks and I’ve only a bit to my name. I need to think of something fast.

I spent the next hour sitting on the bench contemplating. Many ponies were traversing the street, but luckily none of them felt it necessary to talk to me. Two ponies caught my attention. They were walking side by side so close together, it was like they were joined at the hip. One appeared to wear a mark of 3 candies on her flank, while the other had a lyre. They were discussing their finances together.

I’ve got it! I need a roommate. With somepony else to pay half the bills, I only have to work half as much. Though the idea of having to be social was dreadful. But if they front their rent, I can use that as a half payment, buying me two more weeks to make half of my rent!

“Fae, you are a genius!” I exclaimed with an almost sinister grin. Realizing that I just drew some attention, I quickly took off towards the town bulletin board.

*****BULLETIN BOARD*****

Wanted: roommate

No pets

Cheap rent

Please contact the owner of apartment 3B of Broken Strings Blvd.

***************

I spent a few minutes standing in front of the bulletin board that was mostly littered with requests to adopt pets. I was trying to think if this was a good idea or not, but the thought of only having to work half as much was just too appealing. It does look a bit bland though. Maybe I will spruce it up with a smiley face.

There, done. I don't want a roommate. I don’t even know if I have the mental fortitude to tolerate one, but this is for the greater good. This thought triggered something inside my head. I think I have actually had a roommate before. I but it wasn't for very long. I can't remember who it was or why though. When I try to focus on remembering this event, it gets very fuzzy. The solitary memory I can recall is saying "Please leave me alone" right before shutting my room door, followed by "You can't live your whole life without talking to anypony!"

I can't remember the voice, whether it was young or old, or even male or female. I remember that voice was a shout. This is just too weird, how does one simply forget something like that? It must not have registered as significant to me. The thing that bothers me is mainly that I didn’t even know I forgot it until now. What else do I not know that I don’t know?

As I stood there lost in my own head trying to find answers, I hear a shrill, overly enthusiastic “I’ll take it!”

A cold chill crept down my spine. Oh dear Celestia, what have I done?

Author's Note

Hiya, I hope you enjoyed the first chapter. There may be slight formatting mistakes here and there as I had typed this up on Word and lost all the formatting when I switched it over. Please feel free to comment or message me and let me know what you think or if you have any tips or suggestions, I'd love to hear them!
I will be trying to post a new chapter every two weeks, but I cant promise a deadline.

Amazing cover art by Darkstylerz