Chapter 3: Revelation

Fate is a funny word. To most, it has a fixed meaning: Predetermined outcome. I’ve always had difficulty believing that there was any power that has ultimate control of my own “free will.” Instead, I choose to view the word in a different light. I see it as a current or past result viewed from the standpoint of the past. The only time I acknowledge that something is “fated” to happen is after it has already happened.

Prophecies and destinies are little more than educated guesses that seem to attract more followers the more they are disproven. In what world does this make sense? I refuse to accept anything without definitive proof, yet others truly believe things based on the fact that they want to believe.

Still, I can say that I believe that I am not destined to be happy. I have spent a long time on this planet after having accepted this. I am more than OK with this. I don’t wish to be happy, all I want is to not be unhappy. I don’t believe that is too much to ask of one’s self.For the most part, I’m not unhappy, nor am I happy. I am content.

I have also realized the possibility of never having moments of happiness while having brief moments of unhappiness. But nothing is ever perfect. Ambition can lead to two outcomes; satisfaction or disappointment. I choose to not take either of those. With no expectations, there is no disappointment.

Why is it that others see this as such a bad thing, when it makes perfect logical sense? Other ponies can be happy believing in prophetic illusions of grandeur or shaken to their very core with regrets and misplaced blame, while I remain content relying on logic and myself.

That was a much needed sleep…

I had woken up roughly 15 minutes ago, but my eyes remained shut. I was fully coherent and able to remember the events that transpired. I still felt weak, very weak. At this point, I was pretending to still be asleep to gather as much intel as I could, while trying to formulate a plan.

I thought of many lame excuses and reasonings I could tell that may increase the duration of my time in Ponyville. However, none sounded good enough to guarantee anything.

I could feign amnesia, but that wouldn’t stop them from trying to figure out my magic.

I could say my pendant was a magic receptacle, and was a last resort gift from a relative. Any but that wouldn’t explain my knowledge of the arcane. Also, Twilight seems more intelligent than most. I do not think I could get away with it. It does sound cheesy though, I do like cheesy.

I could insist that they had blacked out from the explosion and the rest was the minds way of making sense of things, but that wouldn’t work because they obviously moved me to my current location.

I hate lying. Yea sure, lying is morally wrong, but I hate it because they require a lot of effort. You have to make up the lie, maintain the lie and more often than not, lie yet again in defense of the initial one.

I was in a moderately sized room, with a good amount of shuffling and talking beyond a door. It was safe to say that I wasn’t in my house, or in the library. I tried to make out what ponies were talking about, but there was too much commotion to single out any one voice. Considering that I overexerted my magic and blacked out, it was a fair assumption that I had been taken to the hospital. That would also explain the paper feeling of my pillow and blanket.

From what I could tell, the only thing different feeling about myself was that my head was wrapped with what feels like a bandage. My pendant was still around my neck.

I smelled… lavender.

“How long have I been asleep?” I asked with a very direct tone, eyes still shut.

“Fae!” Cried a very innocent and worried voice “I was so worried!” The voice sounded as though it was still damp with tears.

I felt the forced embrace of a rather petite young mare as the smell grew stronger.

“How long?” I repeated.

“Four… Four days.”

“Feels about right.” I opened my eyes, only to see that the only thing visible were strands of golden hair. She was holding me with all four limbs in a very tight grasp that kind of hurt a bit.

Releasing me from the hold, Clare withdrew mere inches to look me right in the face.

Celestia, she looked like hell. Massive bags hung from her eyes, probably from a combination of sleep deprivation and crying. She even had some dried blood on her face, though I saw no wound. That would explain the bandage on my head and also made me aware that she hasn’t showered and from the looks of her, probably hasn’t eaten.

“Clare… I have to leave” I was cut off by a familiar purple unicorn entering the room, carrying a fruit basket.

“I am very glad to see that you are awake” Twilight said with a sympathetic smile.

I wasn’t hiding anything with my expression.

Silence filled the room for what seemed like the longest time.

I decided to break the silence “I’m sorry. It was my negligence that…”

I was interrupted again

“Stop that. I won’t let you do that. We wouldn’t be alive if it weren’t for you.” Twilight was stern, yet compassionate “You have left me a lot to think about though.”

Damnit, it's already starting again.

“Look, for reasons that I can't go into details on, I have to leave town. Please”

Interrupted again. I could see that Clare was starting to tear up. She was still inches from my face after all.

“Why? When that explosion happened, my barrier was able to protect us, but only because you received most of the blast in our place” Twilight sounded rehearsed.

“What…” Yet again I couldn’t finish my sentence.

“At least that’s what the police report and hospital charts say. I'm afraid me and Clarie were too scared to remember anything.” She showed absolutely no intention of letting me speak.

“But…” I’m about to give up trying to get a word in.

“I put two and two together. You obviously have your reasons for not wanting anypony to know about “stuff” and I respect that. Nopony outside this room knows what happened, and that having been said, I want you to know that your secret is safe. Clarie has been so devoted to your bedside, I hardly think that she would be willing to break your trust. And me, well, I won’t force you, but I would like you to know that you can talk you can talk to me about things.” Twilight, was she… telling the truth?

A tear formed in the corner of my eye while my face remain unchanged. Was this hope I was feeling? I didn’t want to leave Ponyville. I had nothing left. I couldn’t repeat my departure from Manehatten because not only did I have practically no possessions left to sell, my ability to put up with the hassle just wasn’t there anymore.

It would probably be less work in the long run to stick it out here and find a way to make things work. Besides, if I manage to move again and get back on my feet, things could just go this way again. How many days before something happens and somepony sees my magic? I would be in this boat again, or a worse one. If that happens, there is no way of knowing if I will even be able to sit down and think long and hard about resetting my life again, or making it work. The enemy you know is always better than the enemy you don’t know.

“Is this true?” I looked at Clare.

“I promise.” Clare wasn’t lying. Eyes tell truths, and her eyes were that of somepony who had just sworn their life. "I don’t think it's really that big of a deal, but if you don’t want ponies to know, I'll make sure they don’t. I will do what it takes, please don’t leave, Fae."

I looked back at Twilight. “Thank you” I felt very uncomfortable with this entire situation. I wanted out fast.

Twilight resumed “I will say I am very impressed. Not only was that the strongest barrier I have ever seen, you doublecast 2 buffs on it. Very few ponies can cast spells from more than 1 school of magic. That second spell, I believe it was a take on 'Empower spell', a high level spell by itself. The amount of strain knocked you out four days.”

*High pitched quick scream*

“That only leaves me with two days to make rent!” This was one of the most devastating realizations yet!

Twilight pulled out a sack that was very fat and very jingly.

“Here is your pay for being my assistant.”

That cant be right, in the end all I did was give her a idea of what to do and hand her things. Oh and unsuccessfully assist in setting up the test. Oh Luna save me from what I’m about to do…

“I cannot accept that. I only helped for 1 day.” Damn my integrity!

“You did what I hired you for and more. Please accept the pay. You were more than satisfactory and I even threw in a little bonus,” Twilight persisted.

"I do like bits, but it feels like I didn’t earn them.” Just shut up and take them! Stupid conscience…

“I won’t take no for an answer.” She wasn’t budging.

“Well, how about I at least have you write that article? You can take all the credit, or split it 50/50 between you and an anonymous assistant?”

“That seems like a fair deal, though I want no credit. I never cared about that, I just want ponies to know of this research. This is a very big deal in the world of science and magic. It allows mana batteries to be recycled in all corners of Equestria, reducing waste and biohazardous scrap.”

"Are you going to be running the test again?" I asked.

"Not right away, I have sent a request to Princess Celestia requesting a proper place to run the experiment, as well as a few personnel to oversee safety. If she approves, I will be testing this again with every possible caution checked."

"I see, well I hope it goes well for you." At least there was nothing more needed from me.

“I am terribly sorry, but I really must get back to the library.” She sat the bag down on a bedside table. “Please feel free to come see me whenever you would like. I am very curious to know more about you, but only if you want to. Besides, I feel like I am interrupting you two,” she said with a blush, on her way out the door.

What did she? Clare! She was still straddling me and her face was close enough to feel her breath. My eyes shot back to her. Even in this defeated state, she was just… So pretty.

My face turned beet red as I slid back on the bed to buy more room between the two of us while averting my gaze to the fruit basket.

“SO, ugh… how about some fruit? Heh…heh.” Why did I feel so nervous? Stupid question, I knew the answer, but these types of situations make my head go dumb. GAH! I hate awkward situations!

“Let me get those for you!” Clare backed off with a blush.

After some much needed feasting, Clare asked me about my magic. I guess there was no harm in telling her, she already knew.

“I discovered I could use magic around the time I got my cutie mark. I don’t like attention and there was no way I wouldn’t get it if ponies knew. Once they found out, it was totally different than what I thought would happen. Instead of trying to figure it out, or encourage me to pursue new heights, they both hated and feared me.” This was a very sensitive topic for me “I’ve never cared if ponies liked me, but I found that I couldn’t handle them fearing me. It was almost as if they were ready to burn me at the stake. That led to much vandalism and acts of violence towards my family and I.”

“What does your cutie mark symbolize?” I could tell she was trying to avoid sore subjects.

“I have no idea. Probably that I hold a record for causing the most destruction with my face every morning” I said with a genuine chuckle. This was indeed something I have thought a lot about, but ultimately gave up. Even if I did unravel the mysteries of my mark, it wouldn’t have any effect on my daily life or plans.

“That’s really impressive” Clare's response came encompassed by a 'heehee' sounding chuckle.

“You wanna know something?” Clare face seemed to lose what little shine it still held.

“Sure?”

“We have a lot in common.” Her face was more stale than I’d ever seen. “I moved here hoping to one day find friends, that's all I've ever wanted. During my early years, I was so awkward around other foals. Nopony ever paid attention to me, but when I did something silly, I got a brief moment of acceptance. All I wanted was a friend, I started acting more and more over the top joyful. Then I realized that not only did no pony want to be my friend when I wasn’t being silly, none of them could take me seriously anymore. The very few times I reached out, ponies just wrote me off.”

“Jerks…” I said as I lowered my eyes. I feel that this is one of those times where there is no appropriate response. It is not socially acceptable to not respond though. This is not a type of conversation I have much experience in dealing with.

“It wasn’t their fault. The more depressed I got, the more I tried to get attention. Any attention, good or bad. I ended up going too far, and a bunch of ponies got hurt because of me. I wasn’t trying to hurt them I swear, I was only trying to be what I thought they wanted. I ended up changing my name and moving away.”

Her whole body was starting to show signs of apathy.

I didn’t want to see her like this.

“What is your real name?” We really do have a lot in common.

“Ever Hope” she revealed.

"That is a very suitable name for you, I like it." I don’t know which name is more befitting of this mare. One reveal deserves another.

“My full name is Forlorn Fate. It's not really a secret though. I just do not tell ponies.”

“Really? That sounds so sad, but very pretty” she looked at me with both empathy and guilt.

“Depends on how you look at it.” I deflected "But the only reason I don’t tell ponies my full name is because it's kind of a negative conversation starter."

“I wanted a fresh start, but the mare I pretended to be then, seems to be who I am now. I'm still doing the same things as before. Back then, I always saw my behavior as an act, never being allowed to be the real me. Now, I'm not so sure.”

Clare fled too. Am I really so pathetic that somepony two years younger than me with similar circumstances, not only mimicked my actions and still had such energy and hope? Her real name was spot on.

“Whatever the case, I like Clare. If you were then as you are now, then it sounds like they didn’t deserve to be your friends.” Was I trying to make another pony feel better? I was kind of just winging this whole conversation. I never have had these talks, let alone the want to make anypony else feel better.

I think this conversation has gone on long enough. No need to dump everything out all at once. I think I need to do some introspection.

I hopped off of the bed we were laying on and grabbed a banana from the basket. Knelt down and raised the banana over my head.

“Clare, I would like to be your friend. No! Best friend! Please accept this sacrificial fruit as tribute.”

“You think such a simple offering would appease me?! Teehee” Clare questioned with boldness.

I looked up and with the most confused look I said “I'm sorry” I grabbed the bag of bits. "Then please, accept this bag of bits. Wait! No, those have value!"

I swapped the bag of bits for the fruit basket and dumped it out on the bed. I held it out towards Clare, upside down.

"Please accept my hat" I smirked

She was trying not to start laughing and not to start crying at the same time. She locked eyes with me and said “Deal!”

Preparing to depart the hospital, I grabbed the sack of money and started counting.

“Holy Tartarus! There’s 1500 bits here! SCORE!” I couldn’t believe this. That’s 6 months of expenses! No friggin way!

I was doing a newfound victory jig when the nurse walked in.

“I'm glad to see you're feeling better!” The nurse had caught me in the most heinous of acts. “But I do hope you will take better care of yourself in the future,” she added with a smile.

She handed me a piece of paper and walked out.

“Ooh~ What’s that Fae?” Clare bounced.

Upon inspection, my pupils shrank and eyelids fled. Dropping the paper to the floor, all I could muster was “It can’t be." Following the example of the parchment, I dropped to the floor in defeat, eyes wide and jaw agape.

Clare darted over to the paper and looked at it.

“It’s a bill for 1, 300 bits.” Clare pointed out.

Goodbye my bits. Our time together was much too short…

In high voice, I screamed “NOO!!!”

On our way back to the apartment, I stopped by the landlords building to pay the rest of my rent before my bits vanished. Now I was left with two weeks to make another 200 because this is technically for last months rent.

I pulled out my last bit to examine it..”Well, at least I still have you, lil' buddy”

We made our way to the apartment. Despite being knocked out for 4 whole days, I was still beat. 96 hours of sleep is exhausting. Clare looked like she needed the sleep too. It was probably somewhere around 4pm but I couldn’t be sure. For some reason my only clock stopped working.

“How much work did you miss because of me?” I asked trying to own up to my actions.

“Oh it's fine, Pinkie didn’t have any parties to plan anyway. So she is working at sugarcube corner in the meantime. When I asked her to let me know when we had more work, she responded with “You will know when the time comes.” Then back flipped out the window. Teehee, she is so random!” Clarie really looked up to Pinkie. I was afraid of ever being in the same room as both of them. And I just hopped that it was never in my house, I’m running out of belongings.

We prepared dinner (just a humble few sandwiches) and afterwards, I went to shower. I smelled just awful and my hair was such a mess, it wasn’t even a braid anymore. Maybe it was time to pamper myself just a bit…

I turned on the water and let the tub fill up. Reaching in my cabinet. I grabbed several different bath oils and started mixing them in the bath water. Maybe a few bubbles too. Ok, lots of bubbles. BUBBLEGHEDDON! So many bubbles! Bubbletopia! Bubbles bubbles and more bubbles. I really like bubbles.

The sensation of steamy water was a feeling my body had been wishing for. I took my time to carefully sift through sections of my hair to make sure all were free of dirt and grime. A good two thirds of my time in the tub involved me catering to my mane's needs. I don’t just wake up with my hair looking this good. It takes a lot of work and it is worth it.

I stretched back and surrendered to the tub, finally relaxing. I still couldn’t set still though. So I took my washcloth with a cute minimalistic smiley face on it and started buffing every inch of myself in case I missed a spot. Keeping myself clean is not a task I shirk my duties in.

I submerged the cloth in the water and continued scrubbing.

Clare seemed like such a good pony. I started thinking about the fact that I have just made the first friend in my life. Not only did this fill me with a sense of unfamiliar warmth, but it was scary at the same time. Now I had to go through the trouble of being “socially acceptable.” What a hassle.

Still though, I think I kind of like it. It seems to be a change of pace that I may not ENTIRELY hate. A rolling stone gathers no moss and whatnot. Wouldn’t logic dictate that it picks up more scuffs and dirt though? I guess no system is perfect. Leave it to me to poke holes in a perfectly good proverb.

She was just so sweet, innocent and so pretty. Really she was appealing to all major senses. I started wondering about why she chose to be my roommate. There were many other ponies looking for roommates, with even bigger houses. I couldn’t put my hoof on it, but the theory I found myself hoping for was that maybe she just thought I was cute.

“What am I thinking??? That’s not it!” I said to myself.

After a few minutes I snapped out of it and realized I had been scrubbing part of my body a little more than needed. Feeling embarrassed even though I was the only pony in here, I quickly jumped up and out of the water.

After draining the tub and using my magic to dry as much of my body as possible with my towel, I wrapped my hair up in it and proceeded to the mirror. I got lost in the mirror trying to make facial expressions. One thing I almost always wear is either a fake smile or no expression at all. I often try to rebel against my limitations and pursue curiosity to see if I had the capacity for other expressions.

It did not appear that I did. That’s disappointing.

With a yawn I exited the bathroom.

Clare was sitting on her bed waiting patiently for me to vacate the water closet. She appeared to be reading a magazine that caters to fillies, gossiping about celebrities.

“It's all yours Clare. Sorry I took so long, I started to doze off.” I lied. To her, yes, but mostly myself.

“That’s okay.” She said with a cheery smile. “I don’t mind”

She really looked worn down. Normally she would have laid a trap to string me up by haunches and maim me or something. Hopefully a bath will revitalize her.

Or maybe I could do something to cheer her up. Maybe I’ll wait for her to come out and ambush her. Good idea Fae, I’ll wait along the wall while wielding my pillow and give her a good whack. She does that kind of stuff all the time, so she must enjoy it.

I should’ve waited until I heard the water cut off, as I have been waiting in attack position for 15 minutes. My arms are starting to get tired. I was brandishing my pillow high above my head while standing on two legs against the wall.

The water stopped.

Damn, now I have to remain vigilant. I hope she is quicker at her post shower rituals than I am.

The door opened... Almost there...

What I saw made me freeze in place. I’d never seen her with a wet mane before. Her hair was straight and coordinated. Almost as if each strand finally agreed to aim for the same target, the floor. Plus, she was wearing a black T-shirt. Ponies rarely wear clothes, but seeing her in this state, it was pretty damn hot.

She didn’t notice me as she stumbled over to her bed. With a loud 'PLOP' she collapsed onto the sleep zone facedown. She was out.

I had to take some time to regather all the pieces of my blown mind. Did I just lose? I put so much effort into this attack! I stubbornly trotted over the give her a gentle thump of the pillow. I may have imagined it, but I swear I saw a smirk on the corner of her buried face. Victoriously, I resigned to my bed as well.

I can only assume it's around midnight now and I still can’t sleep. It's not an uncommon scenario. My brain won’t shut up despite how tired I am. Sometimes I'm analyzing situations, counting the bumps on the ceiling, or just calculating how many undead cyborg zombies I could take out before eventually succumbing to the relentless assault of an army...They can't all be winners.

As I lay there trying to slow my breathing, attempting to trick my body into thinking it was asleep, I heard some movement coming from my left. I looked over to see the culprit was Clare. She was getting up. I silently waited and watched as she shuffled to the bathroom.

Minutes later she emerged eyes still shut. Is she sleepwalking or squinting? She blindly creeped across the room but she wasn’t heading to her bed. She was getting closer! Does she know I’m awake? Oh crap, time to play dead.

My heart rate increased as I continued to act like I was asleep. Next I felt movement on my bed. Was she crawling into my bed!? Oh crap, oh crap, what do I do?

“Clare, are you asleep? This isn’t your bed.” I whispered while poking at her shoulder that was still inching closer to me. Wait, was that thing about waking sleepwalkers a myth or truth?

No response. Oh man, what in Luna's name am I supposed to do???

“Clare!” I sharply silently screamed.

I felt a pair of hooves glide past my shoulder and around my neck. Simultaneously another pair of limbs became intertwined with one of my legs. As they reached their destination, they seized up and became a mechanical death grip device.

I was starting to sweat bullets. “Clare wake up! Clare, Clare” the more I spoke, the tighter the hold became. Oh man, what do I do??? Her face was right up to mine. I could feel her breath in my ear and it was making my whole body melt. If I fight this any longer, the situation could very well become a life or death struggle.

Maybe I should just let this run its course. I’m afraid if I keep trying to wake her up, she will asphyxiate me.

How am I supposed to sleep now? It is impossible for me to get to my stash and my heart is about to beat its way out of my chest. I guess I will not be getting any sleep tonight. I will have to figure out a new potion delivery system.

The death grip started to relax a little now that I am not resisting. I was very comfortable though. And she is very warm. Clares scent, it's so strong. As I focused on it, the world became fuzzy and my eyelids became heavy.

How will I explain this in the morning?

Author's Note

This chapter was a little shorter than I was shooting for, but the next one should be much much longer