My Grim Pony: Friendship is Mandatory

"Once upon a time, in the magical land of Equestria, which you might have heard of because you bloody live in it, two regal sisters ruled together and created Harmony for all the land. The pair controlled the sun and the moon, threatening those who didn't kneel before them with an eternal, searing day or an eternal, freezing night. Under their rule, the ponies of the land prospered and mated frivolously, which lead to a tremendous increase in their numbers because of the lack of child mortality and birth control.

"As the population grew in size, more and more ponies couldn't find jobs, get proper education or have healthy relationships. Loneliness and apathy led many to lives of misery and crime. The most dangerous and depressed ponies even embraced dark magic and caused much anarchy. Thus, the Friendship Inquisition was created to uphold Harmony and spread the magic of friendship throughout the land. With their help, the two sisters maintained balance for their kingdom and their subjects, all the different types of ponies. Not zebras though, they're disgusting.

"But as time went on, the younger sister became resentful. The ponies worshipped the elder sister as the Holy Mother of All Ponydom, but shunned the younger one and saw her as a wangsty loser. One fateful day, the younger princess refused to lower the moon, threatening to end all life in the world. The elder sister tried to reason with her, but the bitterness in the young one's heart had been exploited by the dark forces, and they turned her into a wicked mare of darkness: Nightmare Moon! Now imagine a dramatic lightning crack.

"She vowed that she would topple the statues of her sister and end Her worship. Without any hesitation, the elder sister harnessed the most powerful and dangerous magic known to Ponydom: the Elements of Harmony. Using the ludicrously powerful magic of the Elements, She wrecked Her younger sister and banished her cruel soul into the moon, but not before she managed to strike a devastating blow at Her.

"The elder sister's body soon perished, but Her soul was too great to be vanquished! Her holy body has remained seated on Her throne ever since, Her immortal spirit watching over us all and guiding the benevolent Overmares of Equestria in their sacred duty. Harmony has been maintained in Equestria for generations..."

"That must be the dumbest clump of lies I've ever seen," echoed a juvenile voice in the study. "The Princess' soul is as lively as your grandmother, the 'Laments of Matrimony' are fictitious and the only thing the Friendship Inquisition upholds is misery."

The large, purple eyes of the unicorn sitting on a chair (No, not like that, she's not Lyra) and reading the tome widened in surprise when she heard the voice. She turned to look at the speaker who stood next to her, scowled and said "Spike, how many times have I told you not to sneak up on me like that?"

"Twilite, how many times have I told you that my true dragon name is Qash'gaar?" he said, imitating her frustrated tone.

"Whatever, Spike," Twilite said and turned back to look at the book.

"Why are you reading inside?" Qash'gaar asked. "It's a beautiful and sunny day outdoors."

"It's also an annoyingly bright and blistering hot summer day outdoors. I'd much rather stay inside, where the lighting and temperature are suitable."

Qash'gaar sighed. "Ah, what was I thinking, you stay inside all the time. But aren't we going to go to Moon Dancer's party soon?"

"Spike, I am a firm believer that a world without parties is a world without cancer."

"But she'll be devastated if you don't come to her party!"

"I highly doubt that. Do you think she's putting her entire sense of self-worth on the line? Don't be ridiculous, it's just a party."

"You're her best friend, Twilite."

"She's not my 'best friend', we just study together," Twilite said and glanced at Qash'gaar. He had a red package in his scaly hands. "And what's that in your grasp?"

Qash'gaar looked at the box. "Oh, this? It's a present for Moon Dancer."

"What is it? A book?"

"No, it's a teddy bear."

Twilite raised an eyebrow. "She's 24, Spike, I doubt she wants a teddy bear for a gift."

Qash'gaar shrugged. "I know, but it's not like you pay me anything, so instead of going to a store I dug the dumbsters and found this teddy bear. It doesn't smell too bad."

Twilite turned a page in the book. "Can you leave me alone? I would like to use my scarce free-time efficiently. Maybe you can go to that party if you want."

Qash'gaar gasped. "I can't walk alone on the streets of Canterlot, Twilite! Someone will capture me, skin me and sell my valuable scales!"

"Don't be ridiculous. And even if someone tried to do that, you could breathe dragon fire and burn them."

"Twilite, I have the body of a baby dragon, so my flame isn't very strong. If you told me why I've been a baby for almost two decades, maybe I could find a way to grow up so I'd be able to stand up for myself."

Twilite chuckled. "Do you think I'm stupid? You're my slav- erm, assistant, so I have to make sure you stay obedient. If you become a powerful adult dragon you could easily kill me if you wanted."

Qash'gaar frowned. "That's unnecessary, you've already put an obedience chip into my brain. Is this why you burned all the books about dragons in your library? So I couldn't find out why I still haven't grown up? I thought it was just to spite me."

"That too, Spike. Now leave me alone and go do some chores or something."

"Fine," Qash'gaar said, walked to the door and grumbled "Stupid purple horse..."

"I'm pale light grayish mulberry, not purple, Spike!" she shouted moments before the door of her study closed. She continued reading with a faint smile.

A moment later Twilite's smile vanished.

Her left eye twitched and her hooves began to tremble.

"Oh no, not now!" she yelped in desperation.

She got off the chair and collapsed on the floor, and soon began to shake violently. She was unable to control herself, and her consciousness began to fade...