Manics: Thunderball

-Chapter 4-

Nothing could prepare Jordan for the hailstorm of questions he was about to be bombarded with. He knew it was coming, but it never occurred to him to prepare any answers. Sure, Scootaloo, most of the Elements of Harmony, and Princess Celestia didn’t see him as a threat, but Applejack and Rainbow Dash’s reactions were something he expected he expected from the other ponies inside. As he anxiously waited at the entrance of the Town Hall, only one sentence kept repeating itself in his mind…

I’m on trial. I’m on trial. I’m on trial. I’m screwed. Where did Scootaloo go?

…make that three sentences.

---M~A~N~I~C~S---

Inside, the citizens of Ponyville were in heated conversations. All of them concerned a recent rumor: That something had come into town and spied on them. Daisy, Lily, and Rose were melodramatic about this to the point everypony else thought one of them was going to faint.

        Lyra wasn’t doing so well either; she had been on the verge of a freak-out ever since someone had added the word “human” to the rumor. She had gotten over the human thing (besides the fact she still sat upright), but now she was thrown back into it. Bon Bon stood by her, hoping she wouldn’t do something absolutely embarrassing.

Meanwhile, Ditzy was calling out the rumor of some weird visitor and replacing it with a new rumor: a giant flying monkey was in town. Sparkler and Carrot Top appeared to have practiced facehoofing together when they did so... and it was synchronized.

Vinyl and Octavia were going back and forth between backing-up the rumor (since they HAD seen the visitor), and debating what kind of music said visitor preferred. Vinyl said they liked Dubtrot and Stable, since they had witnessed the use of some advanced technology. Octavia, like always, supported the idea that they preferred something more Classical, claiming it was a sign of intelligence that would result in advanced technology.

Berry Punch just wondered what booze they drank, which a question that Colgate was counting on her bringing up. In short, Doctor Whooves lost a lot of bits that day because of what Berry said.

Applejack and Big Macintosh were discussing the fact that the ship had crashed in the middle of the orchard. However, it seemed to be that Applejack was the only one who cared.

“But, Big Mac, it DESTROYED a good part o’ the fields!”

“Ah know that,” Big Mac replied. ”And ah’m not sayin’ ah’m not unhappy ‘bout it. Ah’m jus’ sayin’ you shouldn’t go blamin’ ‘im fer it.”

“How could ya say that?”

“From what ah’m hearin’, they weren’t aimin’ fer the field. So… eeyup, ah can fergive,” Big Mac leaned closer to his sister. “But ah sure don’t think ah can account fer how you, the Element o' Honesty, made this mole hill inta a mountain.”

Applejack lowered her head and sighed, not saying a word before starting slowly. “Well… ya got a point, there.”

“Eeyup,” Big Mac replied in the usual manner.

Rainbow Dash was different from Applejack at that point. She remained suspicious to the point where the accusations in her head were completely and utterly ridiculous to a rational pony. Obviously, she had no plans for thinking realistically in the near future. Not even Fluttershy could change this, amazingly.

The tumult died down when a series of rapid knocks came from above. The ponies looked to the balcony, where the Mayor stood at a podium alongside Princess Celestia. The ponies below bowed down in her presence until they were bidden to rise.

“There is no doubt,” the Mayor began. “That you have heard rumors of a creature that has arrived in Ponyville without any clear sign to its nature; that it’s not clear whether or not it is an enemy.” She paused, letting the message sink in. “I am telling you firsthand that these rumors… are true.”

The clamor began again, and like before was met by the Mayor’s stomp.

“I understand that you are all concerned by this, but I assure you that everything is safe.” She paused again. “The Elements of Harmony, as well as the Princess herself, have confronted him and have reason to believe that he is safe.”

Well, I don’t… Rainbow Dash thought.

“At this moment, he is outside that door-“ the Mayor emphasized by pointing a hoof to the main doors. “-and will be coming in shortly to answer your questions.” Murmurs came from the audience, but the noise never became as loud as the previous racket.

“I expect you all to act like civilized ponies. No extreme accusations…“

“They’re true, though,” Rainbow whispered. Nopony heard her, though.

“…no throwing things, no insults. Remember, the Princess is here.” She turned and bowed slightly to Equestria’s ruler.

After a long pause, she continued. “Is everypony ready?” Isolated shouts of agreement sounded from the audience. She turned to a yellow pegasus with a blue mane near the balcony. “Bring him in.”

---M~A~N~I~C~S---

Ok, just calm down and everything will be… Ugh… that doesn’t change the fact that I’m still on TRIAL. What do I do? What do I say? What if they ask about my past? Or worse?! What am I-

“Hello?”

Jordan was jolted out of his thoughts by a voice, which turned out to be a nervous looking pegasus. “Yeah?”

The pegasus backed up a little. “Uh… they’re ready for you in there.” With that, she turned and flew back inside. Behind where she was, an open door awaited. The muffled sound of concerned whispers started to quiet from inside as the ponies entered a state of suspense. I’d hate to be them.

He stood up from his spot on the floor, but didn’t move yet. Come on, you don’t have time for this! You got a mission, and this has just become part of it!

        His little friend had a point, but he still hesitated, only putting his bag down. The pipe made a light clang against the outer wall of the building. These ponies seem nice enough. Well, besides Rainbow Dash and Applejack, but never mind them. You might find a way to get the PRE-C Data! Another solid point, and that pushed him to step into the building.

---M~A~N~I~C~S---

Obviously, the first reactions from any of them when he stepped into view were gasps and whispers. One of them, a mint green unicorn, seemed to hiss “Yes” to herself, as if it were a victory. After the initial reaction had died down, he took a few steps forward and looked up. The Mayor (he assumed, it was the same shocked pony that was with the Princess at the library from earlier) and the Princess were watching from a balcony. He stopped and nodded respectfully at the two of them, and the Mayor gestured to a podium of the stage below them. Looking around once, he climbed up on stage and positioned himself behind the podium.

The podium was a bit short for him, so he had to hunch over to speak into the microphone even after he adjusted it.

“Um… Hello,” he said.

Silence. Tough crowd…

“My name is Jordan and I’m new here.”

“Clearly,” a voice came from the audience. He found the source to be an orange-maned Earth pony mare.

“Great! Glad we’re on the same page.” This actually elicited some chuckles, which quickly ceased.

“Anyway,” Jordan continued. “I was told you have questions for me, so if you kindly raise your haaaaa- hooves, I’ll point you out and you can ask it. Okay?”

The hooves started going up, only two at first. Jordan pointed out the nearest one: a gray pegasus with wall eyes (This must be Ditzy). “Yes? Oh, but before you ask, what is your name?”

“My name’s Ditzy! I was going to ask what kind of muffins you li-“

A number of groans cut her off, but Jordan decided to answer her… interesting question.

“Uh… blueberry! Blueberry’s always good! Next question? Something other than what I like?”

This time he pointed out a gray Earth Pony wearing a bow tie. “Your name?”

“Octavia,” she answered.

“Wait, let me guess what you do,” he put his index fingers on his temples and shut his eyes tight. “Something with music?”

“I play the cello, so you are correct!”

He leaned over the podium, knocking over the microphone in the process (this made him realize that he could have avoided hunching over the whole time). After picking up the device, he spoke. “I’m sorry, what is it you play again?”

“The cello… but what about my question?”

Jordan stopped himself from going overboard. First they tie knots, then they play string instruments. Actually, they play instruments PERIOD. What else? “Alright. Ask away.”

“Well, it’s a simple question: What are you?”

Before he could say anything, an irritated voice rose from somewhere in the crowd. “What? Isn’t it obvious?! He’s a HUMAN, Octavia!”

Wait, someone knows humans exist? Jordan saw that the outburst came from that mint green unicorn from earlier, who was now being restrained by a cream Earth pony with a pink and blue mane. Try as she might, she couldn’t stop the ticked-off unicorn from shouting off the facts that made him human.

        “He stands on two legs, has fingers, is awkwardly bald on most of his body that he covers with clothing most of the time! He’s undoubtedly human!” Something about the way she was acting bothered him. Maybe she was yet another pony that reminded him of one of his crew.

“Actually,” he cut in. “Your only half right.”

        The unicorn stopped struggling against her friend and wore a blank stare for a moment, which was all the time she needed to wrench away from her friend and actually jump onto the stage. She reared up, stabilizing herself on the other side of the podium, and started boring holes into his head with her eyes. What did I unleash now?!

“HALF right?!” She leaned in closer. “How am I only HALF right?!”

He flashed an apologetic look at the balcony, causing the Princess to wonder what he was going to do next. This was answered when he raised his hand and flicked the unicorn's horn. She fell backwards in a slight daze, cuing her cream friend from earlier to shout her name. “Lyra!”

Jordan raised his hands, keeping the microphone leaned towards his mouth. “I’m awfully sorry about that. Sometimes I act before I think, and this is one of those times.” He looked back up at the balcony, only to see that the Princess’s demeanor had not changed, if not a little bit. The Mayor also kept her composure, but it was clear she wasn’t pleased.

He started talking again as he turned back towards the audience, but focused on the pony sitting in front of him with a hoof on her head. “Anyway, you’re only half right because I’m only half human. I call myself a Manic, even though I technically am a Human-Manic hybrid. Oh, and yes, humans exist.”

That got her out of her daze. She was calmer now, and again Jordan could sense something familiar about her. “Well, then I’m still right with the whole ‘humans exist’ thing?”

“Wait, that was a THING?” he looked to her friend and pointed her out. “This has been going on for a while?”

The pony shrugged. “She stopped for a while. Then you showed up, and…”

Jordan just stood in place for a moment. “O…kay, then,” he said. “Well, thanks for the question, Octavia…“ he nodded the musician“…thanks for your input, Lyra…” he nodded to the unicorn who was trotting back to her spot in a victorious manner. “…and thanks for… what’s your name?” He pointed at the cream pony.

“Bon Bon.”

“Thanks for trying to hold her down, Bon Bon.” Wait, that sounded wrong. “I mean back! Thanks for holding her back!”

Of course, if he had left it alone in the first place it would have gone unnoticed. The number of facehoofing ponies, as well as the somewhat flustered Bon Bon and Lyra, revealed that fact to him. The facehoofing prompted him to facepalm.

“Jordan, you’ve done it again,” he whispered into the mic. A chuckle or two came from the crowd. So all is not lost! YES!

“Um… that actually brings me to my question,” Bon Bon said.

He removed his hand from his face and put it in his pocket. “Go on…”

“Uh… we were wonderi-“ Lyra cut her off, whispering something into Bon Bon’s ear. “But, Lyra, we-“ More whispering, with a hint of irritation about what was being said. Wait, are these two…?

“Well… anytime you wanna say something is fine by me,” he muttered, feigning disinterest.

“FINE, Bon Bon, tell EVERYPONY about it,” Lyra suddenly shouted.

Bon Bon retaliated. “Do you think it’s easy to suddenly come out of the closet with my special somepony in front of an alien, Princess Celestia herself, and the entire town?” Both mares’ eyes suddenly widened as they realized the last sentence was practically yelled. “Um… I…”

I totally called that, Jordan thought, hiding his grin.

“I knew you two could do it!” a purplish unicorn standing next to Ditzy cheered. In fact, Ditzy was also cheering, as well as many of the other ponies. Pinkie Pie was especially excited by the news, judging by the bouncing around and rapid-fire talk about planning a party. Lyra and Bon Bon looked around at the cheering ponies, surprised by how their recent revelation was viewed by their neighbors. Soon, they were smiling and wrapped in each others forelegs. Internalized happy tears are flowing. I think I used that word right...

“So,” Jordan’s voice silenced the cheering. “Your question was going to be about how Manics react to this sort of thing?”

“Well, yes,” Bon Bon answered.

“Here’s my reaction,” he paused. “I was thinking ‘Wait, are they a couple? They are! I called it! And might I add that these two are adorable together!” Again, something familiar was going on… he still couldn’t remember who it was he was thinking of. Probably Gunny, since she DOES roll that way.

“So… monics are ok with this?” Lyra asked.

“It’s MAN-ics, and yes, we’re fine with it. At least some of us a-“

“COME ON, that’s crap! Are you ponies crazy? This is just wrong in so many ways!” A unicorn stallion with a yellow mane challenged the couple’s decisions. Ah, the first critic! Love how there's ALWAYS one of these. This is gonna be good. I could use a snack for th- why do I smell… He looked back to the podium in time to see a muffin on it and Ditzy hurrying off the stage. He nodded his thanks, though secretly wondered where she found the time to get muffins.

I should ask her where she keeps them. Wait, do I want to know? Ah, whatever, it’s free food. Muffin in hand (and mouth), he stood idly on stage and watched the show unfold in the audience. He wondered why the Mayor, or the Princess, for that matter, weren’t stopping this. Maybe they want to see how I handle this? He looked up at the two of them. The Princess was whispering something to the Mayor, who was nodding in understanding and whispering back. Huh, I guess so. He looked back to the action on the ground floor. It was Bon Bon’s turn to give this guy a piece of her mind.

“We don’t even KNOW you! Who are you to tell us how we should love?”

“I love in the way we’re naturally meant to!”

“Naturally, huh?” Lyra questioned. She pointed a hoof towards the balcony the Princess occupied. “Princess Celestia and Princess Luna made Equestria what it is today! Tell them what’s natural!”

“Just like a lesbian whore! Using the Princesses’ names like that!” At the mention of the words “lesbian whore”, everyone who cheered backed up in shock and disgust of what the yet-to-be named stallion had used to describe Lyra and Bon Bon. Jordan found what he said disturbing as well. He knew where to draw the line between joking around and blunt disrespect. He cut into the clamor at this point.

“Hey, just calm down and shut up. Don’t we have something to be doi-“

The stallion turned to him. “YOU are no better then THOSE, since you’re so fond of them.” Those? Rude little prick.

        “These fillyfoolers-“ Now that’s a cute word...

        “Should be given a lesson on how things REALLY should be!”

Jordan was frozen in position biting the muffin. He finished the bite and swallowed before putting it down, taking a deep breath before pointing something about the stallion out.

“You smiled when you said that, you know?” His tone was darker than before. After a pause, he continued. “That was a threat; you just threatened to rape them.”

Jordan’s sudden change of attitude had caused uneasiness, but his analysis had turned that into shock and elicited gasps of disgust, especially from the couple in question and another pair- a blue unicorn (who's mane reminded him of toothpaste, oddly) and a slightly intoxicated-looking Earth pony.

“I digress, though,” he said. “We all tend to exaggerate how we feel about something we hate. Ever say you’re gonna kill someone... and never do it?” Several ponies nodded in understanding, still retaining the revolted looks.

He continued. “Ponyville’s a small town, right?”

“Heh, what’s your point?” The stallion said, still smirking despite everypony’s reactions.

“I’m implying,” Jordan began, taking a few steps forward, but remaining on stage. “That you’re frustrated by the fact that, in such a small town, your chance of finding someb- wait, somepony to spend a night with has dwindled by two.”

“Why, you…”

“Careful!” Jordan backed up, picking the muffin up again and taking a bite. “You haven’t SEEN anything like me, so I don’t think it would smart of you to pull anything.”

The stallion still challenged his words. “And what can YOU do?!”

Jordan turned around and shook his head. Jeez, what a rude little prick. He looked at the balcony, who’s occupants were still whispering, then towards the open air in the building, which was where many pegasi- save Ditzy and Fluttershy- were hovering. He noticed Rainbow Dash glaring at him, waiting for him to make a move. Well, she gets her wish.

“This.” He picked up his foot and slammed it down. A clang came from outside the door. He stomped again, raising his hand behind him, and caught the pipe he had left outside. He spun around and pointed it at the stallion, stepping of stage and approaching him as he did so. The opposite end just inches from his face, which betrayed his fear.

“Let me tell you something,” he spoke in a low tone. “One of my crewmates, who is also a close friend of mine, is one of ‘them’, as you say. I respect that. If anyone messed with her, or any other member of the crew, then the rest of us would be on them. So far, I’m the only one out here, and you just crossed that line. Unintentionally, but you still did.” He stepped forward, the tip literally touching the opposition’s muzzle, who’s eyes shut tight, then slowly opened when he realized nothing was happening to him.

        “On top of that, I get a little crazy when I hear some bastard like you think he can fix something with his prick. Not sure why, but it does, and saying ‘a little’ doesn’t begin to describe how much it pisses me off.” He pushed the rod forward, nudging the stallion with it. He stumbled back onto his haunches, sliding himself away from Jordan.

“So…” Jordan seemed to return to his original state. “Yeah… you… better watch yourself.” He turned back to the stage, looking towards the floor as he stepped onto it. He noticed a shadow on the stage, and raised his head to see exactly who he expected to be there.

“Now that you’ve shown everypony how you REALLY act,” Rainbow Dash said. “It’s time you start giving us ANSWERS!”

Jordan ignored her for a second and turned back around. The bigot was gone. “Did he leave?” He pointed at Lyra, who nodded. “What’s his name?”

“Fiery Ray, he’s-“

“NOT IMPORTANT!” the shout literally blew on the hair on the back of his head. He turned around and faced his interrogator.

“I’m sorry,” he said. “You were saying?”

“When is the invasion?!”

Apprehensive whispers began behind him. All he could do to react was to utter a single word while maintaining a blank expression.

“What.”

---M~A~N~I~C~S---

“RUUUUN!” The four of them panicked and fled from the terror.

The spotted one shouted, his accent somehow adding emphasis, “What IS that?!”

Nopony answered. The only sound was the noise the monstrosity made.

“Grglegrggr… ssssss…”