chapter 1
You know, out of all the ways I could have showed up in this weird-ass place, this certainly was not the best. I could have came in through a giant electrified portal, launching myself out of it and sliding right into Ponyville on my knees leaving trails of fire behind me. Alas, it was not to be. Instead I'm stuck having to tell everyone that I fell out of the sky.
Yeah, I fell out of the sky. Real impressive, right? I meant that sarcastically. The only way that would be impressive is if I wasn't immortal and thus would have had some chance of dying when I hit the ground. But nope, let's instead have forty broken bones and a side order of immense amounts of pain. Seriously, if you thought breaking a bone was painful, try having it fuse back together at the same speed. You don't know true pain until you have a Wolverine-style healing factor.
Of course, you're all probably in the dark right now as to what in the hell I'm talking about. So let me introduce myself. I'm George Trestale, god of... something. See, I haven't figured that part out yet. I have immortality and some seriously kickass magical powers, yet I don't know what I'm supposed to do. Apparently speaking, I'm some kind of deity, but without any real title. So I'm stuck here trying to find what the hell my purpose is in this world, and why I'm here in the first place.
Did I mention I also don't have any memories of anything before this place? Yeah, convenient. If I'm in some kind of story, then hey author, you're fucking lazy!
Well, anyway, if you're here then you probably want to hear my story. It all started a few months ago, right outside a town called... eugh... "Ponyville". So cliche.
chapter 2
Clouds are really cool-looking from the top. That's the number one little factoid I learned today. Unfortunately, I didn't actually have much time to consider this fact because I wasn't actually above them for very long. Yeah, the falling. It was weird, seeing the ground rush towards me nonstop like that. I legitimately thought I was going to die, and somehow in the 15 seconds before I hit the ground I managed to repent for my sins, thank some random god for the invention of donuts, and mentally write a three page long will. Although, the only reason it was three pages long was because my mental handwriting is really bad when I'm in a hurry, so all the words were really big and I could only fit like six on each page...
I'm getting distracted. The point is, I was falling. And then I hit the ground. Just like that. Face-down, on my stomach, one leg sticking up in the air like a gymnast who had just failed a stunt. And I felt every agonizing aspect of it. So, naturally, I wasn't in the best of moods for some time afterwards. In fact, my first words after hitting the ground went like this.
"Uuuuugh... fuff." I wanted to swear, but the fact that my face was shoved into the ground and that I had next to no remaining teeth kinda put a downer on that whole thing. I tried to get up, but it was at that point I was suddenly overcome by the worst pain I have ever felt.
I was pretty much stuck there screaming for about 5 seconds while my insides quickly repaired themselves of the immense amounts of damage that must have been caused. Normally I wouldn't be too fazed by this, but I had absolutely no idea what was going on, and figured the pain was just a direct result of the fall.
After this was over, my main expectation was that my consciousness would slip away until I ended up meeting with a talking skeleton. But after waiting for a bit, I began to hear voices around me.
"So is this heaven?" I thought. "Or maybe hell? God, I hope not."
In the middle of my contemplating the existence of an afterlife, I felt a slight nudge on the side of my head.
"Alright, time to greet my new neighbors, I guess," I thought. I slowly pushed myself up from the ground and looked around me.
Let's just say what I saw wasn't even close to what I expected. All around me were a collection of... horses, I guess, of various colors. So obviously, I said the best thing I could think of at the time.
"What the hell?"
That one sentence seemed to get a bit of reaction from the crowd, some giving me rather weird looks. One smaller horse asked another what "hell" meant, promptly followed by a shush from the other. It was at this point that I decided I should probably do something in hopes that these things didn't all kill me. I stood up, brushed myself off, and introduced myself.
"Greetings, horsey things! My name is George Trestale, and I come in peace! You guys know what that phrase means, right?" No response, just silence.
"Anyone? Are you telling me none of you have ever heard that phrase before?" At this point I had no idea what to say, and they were still just staring at me.
"Do any of you even understand what I'm saying?"
